Completed For You

[Zael Castomir]

Close to the apex of the moons' height, the midnight hour was in full swing, and a preternatural quiet pervaded through the trees. He felt it during Graduation, and he felt it during his duel with Caeso.

The Blackwood. Zael was starting to get sick of this place. Hell, he was already sick of it, but this was the only safe place and tonight the only safe time. Because things had changed. Times had changed. And this was one of the many things he wanted to discuss.

The risk of simply being here, so close to the Academy and the beating heart of Anirian power, was great indeed. But it was the one risk he was willing to take. Because she was worth it, and she was the one and only person who was.

He had to set things right. As right as he could make them, anyhow.

So he waited, heart laden with all he meant to say, for her arrival. Or, if his worst fears were true, for the sun to eventually give hint to its rise in the east.

Everleigh Ebersol

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

She had thought over the thousands of possibilities on how this meeting would go. Some were decent, fewer were good, and a majority tended to end poorly. She had double checked that she wasn’t being followed, setting little traps along the way just in case.

Everleigh had realized as she waited for time to pass that she truly believed she had a love worth fighting for, one that was even worth dying for.

But was it a love worth killing for?

At one point, she would have said yes. Now? Now, Everleigh didn’t even know what she would do if she saw Zael. A part of her still felt angry that he left and broken his promise (would rather stroll the Academy grounds with Nurse Jenna than say good-bye to her?) There was, of course, a bit of jealousy mixed in with that thought— Jenna was so bland, and yet she was certain that Zael had worked his charm the same way he seemed to have done with all of his younger classmates. Another part felt grief at his actions, at the report Fennec had given.

There was no sugar coating things. Zael Castomir, the man had been the main driving force in teaching Everleigh what it was like to be human, was now an enemy of Vel Anir.

And she had to know why he did it. But first—

Everleigh’s violet eyes caught sight of him, if only due to the darkvision rune she had scrawled neatly to the side of her eyebrow. She paused, her heart beating so quickly but somehow she felt unable to breathe.

“Zael.” She whispered to him, taking a step towards him, one that made sure she would be noticed.

It was so dark in this forest, the cursed Blackwood. But here he was, like a guiding light. Without realizing it she ran to him, eyes wide with joy. When she was close enough, she would open her arms to embrace him but paused.

“Prove to me.” She said. “Prove to me you’re Zael.”

Zael Castomir

 

[Zael Castomir]

Even in the darkness, the armor Zael wore, the fur-collared cloak, were of a different make than anything in the past. His hair had grown out long in these intervening months.

When she ran to him and stopped short, Kress did he want that distance to disappear and for that embrace to reach him. Yet he knew her reluctance was warranted.

There were a lot of things he could have said to her, things said only between the two of them, that she would know and that would prove it was him. A lot of things. But what came to mind here was the last time they had seen in each other, there in the Academy's infirmary. Two things they had said to one another. Each spoken with daring openness. Each a rebellion against all the brutality and inhumanity promulgated at the Academy.

"There was somethin you said to me: 'I'd sacrifice whatever to keep you alive.'"

It was painful to recall that, all of that, in the wake of his new resolution. I don't want you to die, she said, I don't want to lose you. Yet now he was committed to a path of greater danger than if he had simply bowed his head and stepped into line in the military.

"And I said: 'I'd burn the world to keep you.'"

Everleigh Ebersol

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

Despite his long-hair, despite his attire (since when did he prefer blue over red?) and despite the time that had passed since they had least seen one another, Everleigh knew just by his Tarrow-born drawl that it was Zael.

Of course, he had also reminded her of their heartfelt confessions.

Forgetting about her previous hesitance, Everleigh ran to Zael, her boots making plenty of noise beneath her but she hardly cared.

Her arms opened up and she embraced Zael fully, pulling him as close as possible to her. Her arms had wound their way around him, her hands gripping onto his new armor to keep him place. Her fingers pressed into the curve between his neck and shoulder as if to make sure he was real. She didn’t want to let him go, she couldn’t let him go. She was faintly aware of his long blonde hair pressing against her cheek as she stood on the tips of her toes so she could easily press her cheek against his.

Whereas her cheek had felt cool moments ago, now it felt warm. But around Zael, she had always felt warmth and comfort and security. Even now. Even after what had happened. Even after all of it.

“I was overjoyed when I heard your name,” Everleigh whispered, still refusing to let Zael out of her grip, certain he’d disappear once again. “And then so incredibly heartbroken when I heard about Ganfarred Keep.” She paused, letting that sink in. She wasn’t going to sugar coat it. Zael had never sugarcoated anything with her.

But she was certain there was a reason. There had to be. Everleigh squeezed him, finally letting him go out of the tight hug but hardly allowing him much space. Her hands rested on his biceps, barely any room between their chests, and she looked into his lonesome blue eye.

“You left without saying goodbye. Some nights I thought you were dead.”

Zael Castomir

 

[Zael Castomir]

The return of Everleigh's embrace was a bit slow and frigid at first, marked by an undeniable hesitancy, but it took little time once he felt the small touch of her fingers to his neck and the greater touch of her cheek to his, those wonderful delights of human contact, for him to return it. If only he could have been shed of his armor in this moment, have that barrier of cold steel gone and to feel her warm embrace in its entirety, the press of her body against his.

That initial hesitancy of Zael's was this: would this embrace still be same, or could it even be had at all, after he said all he had come to say? Of all the letters he had sent, the one to Ever had been the most difficult even if it had been the shortest, and his mind had run wild with all the possibilities for how this would turn out in the end.

His own hands came to rest on her shoulders, curled upon them from behind.

"Kimble got me," he said. "I was out here in the Blackwood, havin a duel with Caeso. Jenna Siris, that fourth-level from the infirmary, tipped Kimble off, and he froze Caeso and took me."

Everleigh Ebersol

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

“What?” Everleigh had thought up thousands of reasons for why Zael left. Kimble being a big one, however, in her mind, Zael had left to go after Kimble. Not because he was captured. Jenna was also another reason, although that was for a much more ridiculous reason such as them running off to get married in secret.

But there was one reason that never even crossed her mind: Caeso Diemut.

“Caeso never reported that to the Academy.” At least, not that she knew of, but if he had, wouldn’t the news of Ganfarred Keep have gone a bit differently? Everleigh couldn’t keep her face neutral, all of her emotions, all of her thoughts were clearly written on her face as she went through each one in record time.

She’d worry about that stupid imbecile of a initiate later.

“Kimble… took you.” She repeated. All the bewilderment and rage and shock melted into sympathy and worry. And perhaps, even a bit of hope. Of course, maybe Zael had attacked Ganfarred Keep because he absolutely had to. Kimble could have forced him, maybe he threatened or brought him there and Zael escaped and unfortunately the Keep was collateral damage, or something. Zael wouldn’t have done so willingly, would he? He wasn’t that man.

“Oh, Zael,” Everleigh whispered, her left hand reaching up, caressing his cheek ever so softly like butterfly wings that happened to brush upon skin. Her thumb spread across the width of his cheek as her index finger slowly traced down to his jaw. She felt her lower lip tremble. Why did she feel so guilty? She hadn’t been there, wasn’t like she could stop it. A part of her wanted to hurt Caeso, if she found out that he had been purposefully silent then she would— and Jenna too, that nurse, that liar!

“How…? How did you escape?”

Zael Castomir

 

[Zael Castomir]

"This is the part...where you might have some trouble believin me."

And Zael recounted the whole of his story in Kimble's captivity: the months spent chain naked in a frigid cellar; being driven to the state of incognizant madness by the relentless torture; the first time Jenna actually spoke with him, this about Lumen's letter; Kimble's appearance; the offer Kimble himself gave him to a duel, if he so wished, and Zael knowing that it would amount to suicide; Kimble's dismantling of the idea of him joining the military, and other things, knowing that Zael wished for a truly worthy fight; and finally, the pinnacle of it all, the wager struck between the two of them, the fight of Zael's life, whether he would win it or not.

"And he just let me go." He gave the black armor with its sparse blue decor a tap. "Gave me this armor. Set me on my way. Didn't even enchant this armor with some kind of trackin spell—first thing I did was check." A pause, full of understanding. "He knew what he was doin."

Zael shook his head in begrudging fashion.

"If he was right about one thing, it was that I just couldn't bring myself to join the military. I thought I could, Ever. I really thought I could be a good Anirian. Fall in line just like everyone else."

His lips pursed and his eye closed.

"But I couldn't."

And he—they—knew what that meant.

Everleigh Ebersol

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

Everleigh was silent for a long time, listening to Zael completely. Her throat tightened when he mentioned the torture, to the state they had put him in. Her only thought was that it should have been her, not Zael. Hearing his story, her heart ached and so she didn’t let go of him.

Even if it meant Zael had put them on opposing sides, Everleigh couldn’t let go. She was quiet for another moment as she sifted through her feelings, finding a few truths. If she betrayed Zael, she’d be betraying herself. But if she didn’t betray Zael then she would be betraying her home, her community, all of Vel Anir. It wasn’t just the Academy, but Tinker, Liliana, and the initiates.

Everleigh took a deep breath. There was one truth she didn’t have. He wasn’t apologizing for his actions, he wasn’t even saying how he wished things had been different.

“Zael, why are you here?” Inn each other’s arms, embraced like lovers, a gruesome thought came to mind. She could put Zael to sleep with a kiss, with a single breath. Her violet gaze flickered from Zael’s face, over his shoulder and even further left. She knew it was because of her eidetic memory, but she could suddenly smell burning flesh, sickly sweet and strangely savory; the scent of Sieglilly.

Zael Castomir

 

[Zael Castomir]

"Because I had to tell you in person."

It was hard as hell, holding her and being held, and saying that. Unavoidably his words came with the weight of a certain kind of finality, like an awful farewell that he wished to Kress he didn't have to say. He felt like he was closing the door on the best thing to ever happen to him in his life and he couldn't stop it.

He looked at her—she looking past him in that moment.

The smile he tried for wouldn't show; mirth, his usual way of finding the good, the hope, the light in anything, just couldn't assuage the gravity of the moment. "I said often enough I would make like Talus after graduation. I just didn't know how much." The Revolution had brought change the same way he intended. Maybe the only way it could ever truly happen in Vel Anir.

"I want to see the Dreadlords freed, Ever."

All else he had managed to say paled in comparison before this, the hardest thing to speak, to make manifest in Arethil. His breath was ragged, the look in his sole eye tormented.

"But I'm afraid of what it might cost me."

Fate. Destiny. They'd talked about this before. Which was it when your irrevocable purpose in life was the very thing which could well be your damnation?

Everleigh Ebersol

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

“You want to know something funny?” Violet eyes returned to Zael. She saw the expression, understood it well enough and wondered if her own face mirrored his. He wasn’t here asking her to go with him, a truth that made her stomach fall into a pit of despair. She could feel her eyes watering, her throat tightening from the sob lodged in her chest.

“I always thought you were like the sun.” For the first time since their embrace, Everleigh relinquished her grip on Zael. Both hands went down to one of his, tracing over the gauntlets. She glanced up at him, almost asking for permission, but then began to remove the gauntlet regardless if he would shake his head or not.

“I don’t know if Dreadlords can ever be free.” She said honestly, and dropped his glove of leather and metal to the ground unceremoniously. She caressed his hand with both of hers, thinking to how she had held it when he was in the infirmary. “Some magic isn’t dangerous, but for those who are like Edric, or Charon or even me; we will always be seen as dangerous and untrustworthy.” Everleigh’s lips were pulled into a frown, but she lifted his hand up to her face, placing his palm against her cheek.

The thought of Sieglilly resurfaced but she pushed it away. Nuzzling into his palm, she smiled even if her lips quivered. Her hands shook as they held Zael’s hand up.

“I don’t know if I believe in the Dreadlords being free, but I believe in you. I’ll always believe in you.” She couldn’t hold back the tears, and three teardrops fell, one from her left, two from her right, sliding down her cheeks. “Because you’re like the sun. You don’t burn, you shine.” Everleigh angled her face further into Zael’s hand and kissed his hand, the part where the thumb met his palm. No magic, no poison, just a kiss like any woman would give to the man she loved.

Zael Castomir

 

[Zael Castomir]

He let her remove the gauntlet, despite the more detached and purely practical side of him advising that wasn't such a good idea; she'd already had her hands touching his flesh, but that practical side argued he ought not just let it do some more, that this meeting was dangerous enough. She could unleash any manner of poison on him through that contact (just like he, he couldn't help but to note given the grim location they were in, could unleash a torrent of fire all the same). Opposing that practical side was another, a more somber side, regretful, suggesting that it would alright if she did poison him right then and there. Let it end. Let it end before everything got worse. Let it end before they through woeful circumstance found one another again, this time on the opposite side of a battlefield. Let it end here with some love.

Zael closed his eye briefly, dispelling all these thoughts through crushing force of will.

He opened it again when Ever said she didn't know if the Dreadlords would ever be free. She explained. Brought his hand up to her cheek—and he was struck again by the worry, the fear, that this would be the last time for it, to feel the smoothness of her skin. He watched as the tears burst through her attempt to hold them back and they fell and wet her face in two glistening streams.

Because you're like the sun. You don't burn, you shine.

She kissed his hand, but he knew instantly that it wouldn't be enough, and he knew that, despite everything, he wouldn't be able to stop himself.

"There's one other thing I wanted to give you."

He slid that hand she held to her cheek and leaned in and kissed her deeply.

And there came the thing he feared losing most: the manifest love, the one and only of its kind given to him throughout the whole of his life. In the softness of Everleigh's lips he could feel it, and he gave it back as much as he could; he held the small of her back and cradled the back of her neck beneath that beautiful hair of hers and he gave all he had to offer.

No matter what, no matter how everything might turn out, Zael wanted her to know that here in this moment she was truly loved.

Everleigh Ebersol

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

Unlike the kiss in the infirmary, this time, Everleigh refused to be shy. Now in the Black Woods, with this being their last chance to offer their declarations, Everleigh was selfish. She wanted any and every part she could get of Zael, her kiss voracious despite being full of desire.

He had leaned towards her, and she met him halfway, her hands going to hold his face. Caressing his cheek down to his neck, wanting to feel his skin. A hand found itself in his hair, gripping at the blonde tresses to reveal her burning passion that had no intention of dying out. The rhythm of this kiss was hardly gentle, her lips pressing against his, parting only to steal more of him: his breath, his tongue, his lips— she wanted it all and it somehow still wasn’t enough.

Everleigh whimpered, a testament to her displeasure that Zael was in full armor. Pressing herself against him was painful, the prominent curve of his breastplate pressed into her breasts more than his chest could— but beggars couldn’t be choosers, could they? Somehow, even against that cold, hard steel, she felt a heat grow within her that caused her cheeks to flush from the deep-rooted yearning that had been planted due to Zael’s touch.

It was embarrassing feeling that warmth in her core, to shiver from his touch and ache for him in a way she shouldn’t know of.

Everleigh found herself able to pull away from Zael when she had caught his lower lip between her teeth, delivering a gentle tug before letting him go. Half-lidded eyes looked into his lonesome blue.

“Zael Castomir, you cruel, cruel man,” she whispered, breathless as her lips moved along his jaw. “Kissing me like that while you’re still in your armor.” She murmured, kissing his jaw. Her hand was still woven in his hair, her other hand collaring one side of his neck. “Kissing me like that without asking me to go with you.” Everleigh smiled, but her eyes showed her hurt. She knew her offer to be pointless.

An explanation. A goodbye. Then a kiss, a final kiss to have them go their separate ways. It suddenly became clear to Everleigh why time-magic could only be for Gods, because right now, she wanted to go back in time, to prevent herself from ever falling in love with this incendiary asshole with his disarming grin.

Zael Castomir, that blonde known for running around half-naked, begging Vance to spar with him, and making his stupid jokes without any regard if proctors were about. Zael Castomir, the fellow initiate who used to make fun of her for that one time she killed students with a stupid fart, the teammate on the Blue Team who acted like he was in charge, the one who shared his brothel stories (and love for threesomes) on the Pasiphae with his head on her lap. Zael Castomir, who had warmed her when she was cold in Arnim despite his arcane fatigue, the one who had brought others into her silly punishment game and gave her a chance to be seen differently by her peers. Zael Castomir, the man who lost their bet because he couldn’t say her name right, who still owed her a week of hot baths, who didn’t underestimate her at Karakorum despite arguably being the weakest. Zael Castomir, the only person she could trust would keep her around whether she was useful or not, because when they watched that sunrise together, when they had celebrated his birthday in the little way that they could, when she had gone to his side at Graduation and at the infirmary….

Everleigh realized she didn’t mourn the past, but she mourned the future they would never have. All the what ifs and what could have been. As silly as it sounded, when Zael was gone, she had thought about keeping true to her joke back in Arnim: three kids, even more if he wanted it (although it was easy to think so without experiencing childbirth yet.)

Now more than ever she wanted a son with his stubborn heart or cocksure attitude. She’d want her daughter to have that same temperament of his and that sparkle in his eyes for a potential thrill, green or blue, it didn’t matter as long as the glimmer was there. Selfishly, she wanted to bear his child not because they would remind her of Zael or give her a piece of him, but because when both her and him were gone, the world would find within their children all the reasons Everleigh loved Zael.

Because now no one would ever know that Everleigh Ebersol loved Zael Castomir more than she had ever loved herself. The pang in her heart, the hollowness in her abdomen when she thought about what would happen when she would have to let Zael go… this was real loss, wasn’t it?

How she hated herself in this moment. She hated losing. She was stupid for ever believing she could have it all. Even if she was so close, even if she could taste it!

“I love you, Zael Castomir.” She kissed him briefly for she had more to say, no longer wanting to be in her awful thoughts. “I’ll always love you. You could tell me the worst, most terrible things you’ve done and you’d have to let me love you anyways.” Everleigh untangled her fingers from his hair. A part of her wanted to kiss him more, to hold him close. She bent her head so her forehead could rest against his shoulder. “I lose,” she whispered. She loved Zael, would always love Zael, and so if the time ever came, she would lose.

Like she had told him, just as he remembered, she’d do anything to keep him alive.

Zael Castomir

 

[Zael Castomir]

If anything could have made him stay, it was this.

But he was on his path now. Committed. Even before he stepped one foot into Ganfarred Keep he was committed. Because once he knew it, once he had figured it out, once he discovered for an immutable certainty within his heart that if he were to join the military and they ordered him to do something he found reprehensible that he was as good as gone anyway, he was committed. He needed the ability to say no. And that's precisely what he was going to get for himself, for Ever, for everyone.

But Kress if it wasn't hard. Staring at Ever, that smile, those eyes and that hair she hated but he thought was beautiful in a way unmatched by any other Academy girl, it was hard. There was no one else like her for him.

So here again, prompted by what she had said, came the thought which tormented him all the way to Ganfarred. If he asked her to go with him, would it be selfish? His knee-jerk answer was still the same: yes, because he wanted her, and asking her to go with him was something that was based solely on that and that alone. It didn't take into account what she might want. Taking a step back from the knee-jerk response, he still came to the conclusion that there was something wrong about foisting all of that weight onto her, thrusting the decision so overtly onto her shoulders and forcing her to give an answer. If he walked away without asking, it was all on him, and yeah, he'd prefer it that way.

If she wanted to come, she would. If she wanted to stay, she would. But it was he who had brought this split upon them, not her. His actions, not her words. His fault, not hers.

And now came the time. Now, with Ever's head resting the fur-collar of his armor, with her having said it aloud herself, it was time. And he already knew this was going to be the best and the worst moment of his life.

"I love you, Ever," he said, with his bare hand holding the back of her head, feeling for a final time the softness of her hair. "Ain't nothin will change that. Not a damn thing."

Keeping the tears from his eye, staying strong in his moment, was harder than any hell he had endured up to this moonlight night on somber ground.

Everleigh Ebersol

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

“Idiot,” Everleigh whispered, prodding her face into the fur, “you’re not supposed to say it back.” However there was a smile that formed, and she would be lying to say if she didn’t felt elated that she could hear those words from Zael with his Tarrow-drawl.

If only she could have told him her feelings every day for as long as she lived— no, even that wouldn’t be enough. Even if she said it every hour of every day, it still wouldn’t have been enough to convey what she felt in her heart for him.

She pulled away from Zael finally, although she rested her hands on his breastplate as she remained close to him. They had been talking for so long, how much time had passed? Did it even matter if it was minutes or hours? No matter the time given to her it wouldn’t be enough. Besides, the longer Zael stayed here then the more he was risking in getting caught.

She would do anything to keep him alive, right? Time to prove it, even if it hurt.

“I….” Everleigh began but trailed off and shook her head. “Just promise me one thing before you go.” She took a deep breath, steeling herself. “You won’t give up until every last dreadlord and initiate is free.” Saying these words, Everleigh felt like she was back at their “Graduation” watching Zael going into the ring, watching him attack Malaneaux. Hadn’t he been the one to get everyone rebel in their own way? Even Henk, the softie, had rebelled— so had Edric and Noel and Ralene, initiates who never would have in the first place. But only after Zael made the first move.

“Only you inspire others like I’ve never seen before. Even if you can’t run then you’ll walk, if you can’t walk, you’ll crawl. You’ll drag yourself forward with your teeth if you have to. So only you can fight for this and have others want to fight alongside you.” Perhaps she was the trusted advisor, after all, Zael had the personality, the looks, the tenacity; people would always flock to him. She was wrong in Arnim, Zael was a leader. Look at all the underclassmen who spoke so highly of him: Mieri, Lumen, even Ysobel had a picture of him on her wall that all the gilded class talked about but, wait…. Why was it all girls?

“Actually, one more thing. You call another woman ‘darlin’ and I will kill you.” Everleigh pulled out his drawl specifically for the word ‘darlin’ and smiled, as if that made the threat a joke. She pushed herself off of him, turning her head away from him.

She could only be so strong for so long. She could only hold in her mounting scream for so long. The tightness in her chest, her constricting throat and watery eyes were just warning her of what monster would soon come from her. Selfishly, Everleigh wanted Zael’s last memory of her to be of her being strong, even making a joke at the end. Selfishly, Everleigh wanted him to remember her as her best, even if she didn’t know what that was anymore.

Zael Castomir

 

[Zael Castomir]

In a mirror of Everleigh—something which Zael could suspect but not quite know—he too wished for the parting memory he would leave to be one of strength. He knew to his core that they would see each other again—he'd burn the world to make it so if he had to—but in the interim time? A visage of determination for what he had to do, not one soaked in sorrow.

Perhaps the hardest part about this was swallowing the knot in his throat. The knot which threatened to give him away even with her back now turned.

"Yeah," he said quietly, agreeing at once and in one word to the proposed promise and to the final stipulation. Brevity, he felt, was good for him here. Good for them both, actually. There was a point in which love became pain, and he feared that might have crossed that point already some moments ago.

Zael turned to go.

"I'll see you soon..."

He paused. Glanced back such that his sole eye could shimmer over his shoulder.

"...darlin."

And he could stay no more. It wasn't long until the night swallowed him up, ferrying him toward this new and perilous purpose like a mythical boatman taking him to the underworld.

Everleigh Ebersol

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

The tears fell at Zael’s final words. She was certain, the next time they would see each other they would either make love or kill each other. The odds were immensely in the latter.

Everleigh didn’t look back until she heard him begin to leave. She thought about chasing after him. She could change her mind right now and beg Zael to let her follow him. She wanted to tell him that there was no person she believed in more than him, but also that there was nothing she believed in more than them— together. Didn’t he also believe that no one else could do better than them when they were together?
If he had, wouldn’t he have asked her to go with him?

Everleigh screamed, raw and primal. Tinker was missing, Liliana had duties as a noble, and Zael was leaving her behind. Edric had gone with Gilram, Delaney and Gaage following after him, then both Henk and Meredith had run off. Alistair was fulfilling the duties he had spoken about for his house, Sable was insane, Noel was still hyper focused on her own ambitions. Ralene had carried Davi and Elias away with her to who knew where. Kalix was in prison, Drastus had never returned home, Chasmine was missing or dead; at least Trix could be happy with whatever she was doing that was so hush-hush it seemed none of the proctors knew.

Another animalistic cry that shook her very bones echoed in the Black Wood. Everleigh pivoted on her heel, swinging a tight fist into a tree. She hardly noticed the pain in her knuckles. She punched the tree again.

Everyone had left the Academy. Everyone had something that was propelling them forward. Liliana had her house, Zael had his purpose— and what did Everleigh have? Stuck at the Academy, the one place she hadn’t most and still Marianne’s plaything. What did she have?

Rage. Only rage. She roared, a part of her wanting to hurt, to destroy. Her fist flew at the hard bark, not even blinking as the dark bark cracked and splintered off close to her eyes. The worst of it was, once again, she would be waiting to hear of news about Zael. The endless nights of wondering how he was, dreaming of him and then waking up to nothing.

Her love for Zael was the death of her peace of mind.

The anger washed over this, turning any other feeling into the only one she could bear to feel. When the anger ebbed away, Everleigh’s knuckles bloodied and without skin, she felt herself fall to her knees. Time had passed, how much, she couldn’t say. A minute? Ten? Twenty? Thirty? An hour?

Her violet bangs were slick against her forehead, feeling her armpits, chest and back damp with sweat. Suddenly, unable to hold it in, Everleigh lurched forward and emptied her bitter grief on the ground before. She retched, her entire body convulsing. It was a sweet relief from the mess in her head.

Like a Dreadlord should, she got up. She rubbed the bile off her mouth with the back of her hand, used her clammy fingers to push her damp bangs off of her forehead, and took a deep breath.

Numb, Everleigh walked back to the Academy.

---

When Everleigh got to the one spot along the Academy walls that all initiates used to sneak out, Marianne Goetsch was already waiting for her. It was too late for Everleigh to turn back.

“Welcome back, Evie. Did you have fun?” Everleigh looked down at the ground, still and silent as a statue. “Did you get Zael out of your system?”

“Just kill me if that’s what you’re going to do.” She watched as Marianne looked at her in pity.

“You’re so pathetic, how could I just kill you?” Something that was supposed to be a laugh came out of Everleigh’s throat. “I mean it. Not in the sense that you’re worthless, ‘pathetic’ in its purest sense. I can’t help but want to help you when you’re like this.” Marianne came forward towards Everleigh, arms wide before embracing her. “You don’t know how lucky you are that Harkenov isn’t here, you stupid, stupid girl.” She hissed.

“I don’t have any information.”

“Yes. I know.” Everleigh waited for Marianne to let her go, but she didn’t. “I don’t care about Zael. I care about you.” Everleigh flinched when Marianne began stroking her violet hair, fighting off the urge to slap her arm away. Only Zael could touch her hair— “I made you. I’ll do whatever the fuck I want to you.”

“Yeah? Good for you.” Should she attack? If she moved fast enough, it wouldn’t even matter if Marianne could read her mind. But Everleigh remained still. Something was keeping her in place. Was it fear? Everleigh didn’t feel afraid although she knew she should have. Marianne took a step back, keeping a grip on Everleigh with both hands on her shoulders.

“Not fear.” The proctor clarified. There was a strange look on Marianne’s face as she peered at Everleigh with that all-knowing look. A smile on her face that didn’t match her eyes. “You don’t fear death. That’s why you’re so willing to die for him.” Marianne turned her head and spat at the ground. “Some man who fooled you, I’m surprised you came back here without fucking him.”

Everleigh stayed quiet, but her face was red. She could feel the heat, the strain of her skin. Her jaw was clenched tight, and Everleigh thought about hurting Marianne again. She didn’t move. Marianne could insult Everleigh as much as she wanted, as long as she didn’t talk about—

“Zael, really, out of all the boys here? I don’t get it. You used to be so much smarter than this. But I’ll take the blame where it’s due. It’s my fault, keeping you starved for human touch. I should’ve given you more love, given you more compliments. Maybe my games were a bit cruel. Maybe my punishments too hard for you to endure. Maybe then you wouldn’t have fallen for some boy who was always the touchy-sort. You know that he doesn’t love you, right? He’s lying. He doesn’t know what love is, he only knows lust. His idea of love is whatever he got in the brothels. And if you think that it’s fine if he doesn’t love you, because at least he cares, you’re more foolish than I thought. ‘I’ll burn the world for you,’” a poor imitation of Zael’s voice and draw before Marianne returned to the erratic and eccentric voice that was growing louder and louder; shaking Everleigh by her shoulders. “Maybe he will burn the world. But it wouldn’t be for you. Because if Zael burns down the world, he’ll burn you along with it because I hate to break the bad news to you but, Evie? You’re. Flammable.” Everleigh watched in silent shock.

She had never seen Marianne quite this way before. The way she raised her voice, her facial gestures, the jerk and pull as if someone else were in Marianne’s body. Marianne took a deep breath, calming herself and suddenly, it was like what had just happened was erased from Marianne’s mind and she was back to normal.

“Stress isn’t good for babies. And if they’re like you,” Marianne’s hands went to her stomach. She would be giving birth soon, Everleigh guessed around another month or two. “They’ll remember this conversation, won’t they? You can’t let the little ones know your weaknesses, Evie.” She soothed her swollen stomach with both hands. “She’s upset.” Marianne sighed. “See what you made me do? What if I go into labor early because of this?”

“Sorry.” Everleigh said, choking back a sob. She didn’t know why she felt like crying, why her body seemed so intent on torturing her, but she could feel a wave of sadness begin to rise up and wash over her.

“Oh, Evie, shh,” Marianne’s arms were around her once again, a hand rubbing Everleigh’s back. “I know you’re grieving. I know you feel betrayed. He said he was like Talus, didn’t he? But didn’t Talus have Zana? Don’t you always hear the name Talus and Zana together in the same sentence? Could’ve been together if you were stronger.” Everleigh released a shaky breath, fighting the tears in her eyes that threatened to fall.

“Unfortunately, you do not have the gifts that Zana, a previous Archon, had. Maybe if you did, Zael would have brought you along. You could’ve been useful. But you’re not anymore. Liliana seems to have forgotten about you, but that’s only to be expected, she only ever saw you as a useful tool. You know how nobles are. And Tinker, well, I don’t think there’s much to say with that, is there? But, Evie? I need you. I need you so much right now, you don’t even know. Now, let’s go.”

She took Everleigh’s hand, holding it with such tenderness as if she hadn’t ripped the poison eater apart. She caressed the back of Everleigh’s hand with her thumb.

“We need to cover up your tracks. Can’t have you getting tossed behind bars like your friend Kalix did. When you’re older, you’ll understand. Your frontal lobe is still developing, you can’t see long term the way I can.” Everleigh nodded her head, that numbness coming back again. Without much thought, she followed after Marianne. After all, what else could she do?