Fable - Ask The Canal

[Alistair Krixus]

Alistair did not have a good answer for her. He had not expected to need to have all the answers and be a counselor right now. The defeated look on Kristen's face made him want to try and help her, but...What could he do?

Her magic was impressive enough that she could still probably get by just fine with just her magic. There were some weapons that could be taught with just one hand, but they were unique and hard to master. Especially if it was her dominant hand.

"You...they certainly won't hold back when we return. There will be a punishment, probably not as much for you. The part that matters most to you, Kristen, is simple. They will eventually give you another chance, some sort of mission...When that chance comes, do not let it slip through your fingers. You have to win and prove that you are still worth it."

As he explained all of this, the scary thought that kept tumbling through his own mind was whether he would get one of those second chances.

"No more mistakes. We have to work hard for everything we get."

That may have always been the case for him, but Kristen would also certainly be on a shorter leash now. Any more mess ups and even the Academy would not turn a blind eye.

Kristen Pirian

 

[Kristen Pirian]

For a time Kristen was still. Still, save for the light quivering of her lip and the soft sway of her hair to the wind and the motion of the ship. Then she let out another sigh. One not encumbered with emotion, but rather one whose clear intent was to calm and steady. The quivering ceased. Her eyes focused.

"You are right, of course. It is human to err and to fear, but it is an affront to the human spirit to willfully remain fallen and wretched. I will place my faith in Aionus and set my heart to righting my course. I pray that you too, Alistair, will be seen through the coming ordeals, and that you too will bear your hardships worthily."

Work hard for everything we get. A sentiment for Kristen that was awakened with extraordinary vigor upon the shock of enrolling into the Academy. One whose necessity to embrace would be ever so acute now.

She glanced just a bit over her shoulder. Looked back to Alistair.

Then said with a quiet resolution. "I intend on speaking with him."

They both knew who.

Alistair Krixus

 

[Alistair Krixus]

That was a habit that Alistair had picked up on a while back. When Kristen got serious or nervous, she started to use more flowery vocabulary. Judging from her grand statement there, he hoped she was serious.

Alistair did not show any signs of fear or worry. In fact, there was a calmness to Alistair that was mixed thoroughly with a sense of defeat. It was like the aftermath of some intense sports contest. The match was over, and Alistair had lost. There was nothing else to do to change that fact.

"I intend on speaking with him."

Of course, he knew who, but a frown still crept onto his face. At this point, he wouldn't be mad if the guards actually did throw the Dreadlord into the sea and let him drown...It made him even angrier thinking that the fellow initiate's punishment would not be that bad. One of his well-connected friends would likely get him out of it.

"Good luck...They won't let me within several feet of him for some time...with good reason."

 

[Kristen Pirian]

Calm. Steady. Composed. That was Alistair, even when faced with such daunting adversity as he was now. Gods, if she had but half of his strength.

Kristen nodded, made a small motion to turn and go, then stopped.

"Is there anything you would like for me to say on your behalf?"

Alistair Krixus

 

[Alistair Krixus]

Alistair was silent for several seconds, but finally took in a deep breath and started speaking.

"Tell him the truth. Tell him that because of him, Raf is dead, you lost a hand, and I might not gain use back in mine...Also, tell him I share some of the blame. I will live with that for the rest of my life. He should too...I won't forgive him, but I don't think he will care."

Kristen Pirian

 

[Kristen Pirian]

"Very well. I will deliver to him these words, and the requisite force behind them."

Kristen felt like there was far more that could have been said between them, her and Alistair. All things in their time. That need to speak with someone was strong, but first it had to overcome the shock of what happened. She knew it all too well, didn't she? That barrier of shock. In the aftermath of her rescue from the isle of the Blades her trauma was so great that she encapsulated herself in it, and it was only after a terribly long while that her cousin Val had broken through.

She started across the deck of the Banick-owned vessel. A cargo vessel, bigger than the troop transports they had first taken to Elyr'Adith. Kalix was being "held" below decks.

And Kristen descended the stairs down to them.

* * * * *​

Outside the crew's quarters, Kristen stood. Beside the door, back to the wall. She clenched her sole hand. Clenched and unclenched and clenched again. She steeled herself as much as she could, for the fear she felt was harsh and cold and like claws slowly raking down the surface of her beating heart.

Kalix had always intimidated her. Not just because he was strong—there were a few other Initiates who were quite powerful like him as well. But there was something about Kalix that these others, to their benefit, lacked. To Kristen it felt as though Kalix was some deadly force of nature, something which could not be bargained nor reasoned with.

And here she was, about to go in there and intentionally step in front of the tidal wave, the lava flow, the avalanche. Daring fate to do its worst, perhaps. That Kalix was injured offered the only solace.

She let out a breath. Hopefully, expelling any look or scent of fear along with it.

Then she pushed open the door and entered the quarters. Racks and racks of cramped bunks for the sailors. Kalix, there, at the far end.

She approached. Her heels came to twin resounding thumps on the wooden floor as she stopped near to him. For just a fleeting second she regarded him, her brow cross.

Then she spoke. A single, pointed word.

"Why?"

Kalix

 

[Kalix]

When Kalix had woken up he was missing a arm. Or rather, his arm wasn’t attached to him. It was frozen, a cyrokinesis rune was being used, and Kalix was informed to replenish it with his magic. Kalix soon learned why they wanted him to do so: firstly, yes, it did keep his detached arm frozen and he would need it when the academy had him give Marcella a visit, secondly, doing so drained his magic, immensely.

He felt lethargic and seasick when he was awake, unable to sleep whether it was night or day. Frankly, Kalix felt like shit, and he looked it, too. The crew spoke very little to him despite him being in their quarters. He ate little during this time, having little appetite and only moved out of the quarters to get water. Only having one arm was interesting, to say the least. He constantly felt unstable and he found that he would move his shoulder as if to use that arm.

Then, of course, there were the phantom pains. Intense, searing pain where there was nothing. Kalix remembered when he was thirteen and had gone through growing pains, his calves and thighs seizing up in the middle of the night so intensely that he had to bite his own hand to keep him from screaming. He couldn’t show weakness then, and he couldn’t do so now.

But these were so much worse. They would last for so long, causing him to once again bite his hand and muffle his scream. He would writhe like a pathetic worm on a hot summer day, covered in sweat and breathing hard like a madman. When there was relief, the only thing Kalix could think about when he would experience such a thing again.

He didn’t ask for any sort of pain killer, not because he was afraid of showing weakness, but for something else entirely.

Kalix was sitting on a lower bunk when Kristen walked in. He knew it was her by the sounds of her steps. Yet he kept his back to her, shoulders slumped and head hanging down low. Everytime the door opened, he hoped it would be someone announcing that they would be on land, that they were finally back home. Kalix wondered if they would have told Lysander about the news and if he would be there, waiting for him. That thought vanished as Kristen spoke.

She was coming in hot, wasn’t she?

“‘Why’ what?” Slowly, Kalix turned his head to look at Kristen, the dimly lit quarters obscuring most of his face in shadows, only the high points of his cheek and forehead catching the light. Of course, his eyes glowed like two blazing suns, gleaming like a feral cat. His lips were pressed into a hard, thin line, something he had learned from Liliana. And he didn’t speak anything more than those two words. Kristen had came to him, so it would be for Kristen to dig her own grave when she opened up her mouth.

Kristen Pirian

 

[Kristen Pirian]

Those two words did more to banish Kristen's inner fears and nervousness than any of her own preparation. The anger which rose like an eruption boiled her blood beneath her skin. It was matched only by the time Edric had made a certain confession to her. She had found Edric abhorrent then, and she found Kalix abhorrent now.

"Dispense with your feigned ignorance! You know exactly of what I am speaking. Answer me."

Kalix

 

[Kalix]

Kalix didn’t grin although his eyes still challenged Kristen.

“Because I think his revolution-loving ass needed to be put in it’s place. He has no respect for Vel Anir and no respect for the guard. You saw how he was kissing Banick’s ass,” Kalix said with a harsh bark of a laugh, “and he wants to act better than me? Makes me fuckin’ sick.” The initiate snarled, drooping his head down low, his long black hair sliding forward to cast a curtain to hide the expression he had on his face. A twisted look of rage, but in his eyes there was shame.

He finally said it out loud. He hated the revolution. The cause his brother vehemently believed in: he hated it. And Alistair, the entire time he—

“Why am I to blame when he’s been poking at me the entire time? Treating me like I’m stupid? Treating me like I don’t know what I’m talking about? Treating me like I’m lesser than him, huh? He thought he could scare me so I showed him why I feel no fear.”

Kristen Pirian

 

[Kristen Pirian]

She kept his gaze. With the anger it was easier than it had ever been before; without it, the tacit knowledge that she would have crumbled, imploded into a stuttering, nervous wreck before him. She couldn't allow for it, even if her nerves would pay the toll later when the fire was gone.

His hair curtained in front of his face, and still she kept that gaze.

"You think this is about Alistair? You think this about some petty quibble?"

A flare of her nostrils.

"You killed him."

She dipped her head forward, glowering from underneath her brow.

"Say his name."

Kalix

 

[Kalix]

Kalix raised his head in shocked with those three words. He killed Raf? Is that what they believed? In truth, the memory wasn’t necessarily clear, but there was one thing Kalix knew. He wanted Alistair to struggle under the weight of gravity, not Raf. But then Raf had touched him, had tried fighting for control of gravity. And Kalix didn’t let up this time.

“I didn’t kill Raf. He did it to himself.” Kalix said calmly, stating the truth. “He shouldn’t have tried to stop my magic.” Kalix sighed, shoulders slumping. “What I can do has a big toll on the body. If you break concentration for a split second you’re a goner. If he never touched me he would still be alive. Alistair, too.”

Kristen Pirian

 

[Kristen Pirian]

"Liar."

Pure condemnation in her voice.

"Be a man. Take ownership of what you have done."

Kalix

 

[Kalix]

“If I wanted Raf dead,” Kalix said through gritted teeth, “I would have done it while looking into his eyes.” Kalix stood up then, walking towards Kristen in the way he had before, back at Banner’s Estate. “For the record, Pirian, I liked Raf. Thought he’d make a shitty dreadlord but he brought some fun to our group. If you think,” he said, jabbing a finger at Kristen’s chest, his voicing raising louder and louder with each word, “that I am happy he’s dead, that he turned to a pile of mush, you’re dumber than you look!”

Kristen Pirian

 

[Kristen Pirian]

"And yet he is dead."

There had been a tangible spike of fear deep inside of her chest mirroring Kalix's jabbing finger, but she couldn't back down. Not without making her point.

"Raf is dead and you haven't even the fortitude to admit that it was by your own doing."

Kalix

 

[Kalix]

“BECAUSE I DIDN’T KILL HIM! WHY DO YOU THINK IT’S MY FAULT?!”

Kristen Pirian

 

[Kristen Pirian]

Kristen could hear herself breathing. Sharp inhales through her nose, shuddering exhales through the same.

A small moment she took to herself. Forbade herself to respond in those few seconds. She would have yelled if she replied too quickly, and this she did not want to do. Stern composure was needed—she knew it on an instinctual level.

"He was trying to stop you. We were trying to stop you. Your lack of forbearance led to Raf's doom, and that is the truth."

Kalix

 

[Kalix]

Kalix’s eyes shifted, continuing to bore down into Kristen’s. He felt that rage bubbling up in his stomach, felt his hand turning into a fist, could feel that phantom pain start and…

“Why would you try to?” He whispered, fearing if he raised his voice any louder than that soft whisper, his emotions would show themselves. “You think I’m that much of a monster? That I’m just a heartless killer?”

Kristen Pirian

 

[Kristen Pirian]

"Where is your remorse, then, that might be evidence of your supposed heart?"

 

[Kalix]

“Don’t.” Kalix said firmly. “Stop acting like you know how I feel.” Finally he broke their stare down and looked away. “You want me to apologize but is that going to bring Raf back? Or is it so you just feel better and justified in blaming me?”

Kristen Pirian

 

[Kristen Pirian]

Kristen felt something like a predator circling around on wounded prey. It was distasteful to the sensibilities of her noble upbringing, hurtful to her own spirit, yet it had to be done. She believed strongly that Kalix must take responsibility for his part. Without it, the various wounds caused by this incident upon all who survived would weep blood forever.

"No, nothing will bring Raf back. All we may do is take responsibility for our parts and our failures."

The cutting edge of tone softened just a touch.

"I was too weak and too scared to stop you from doing something foolish. If almost anyone else was in my place, perhaps Raf would still be alive." She had to pause for a second, lest her voice betray the contents of her heart. "That is my part, and that is my failure."

Kalix

 

[Kalix]

Kalix looked back at Kristen, rather confused. What good was taking responsibility or admitting their failures? How did that help anything?

“Did Raf choose to stop me? Did he want to stop me?” He asked lamely. But he had to know this before he could say anything else.

Kristen Pirian

 

[Kristen Pirian]

And here, despite Alistair's words to the contrary, was the greatest sting of it all.

"I asked him to help me should you two quarrel again. Of his own accord did he agree, and of his own accord did he step in to keep the peace."

Kalix

 

[Kalix]

“Then explain why he went after me. Before I even used magic, he grabbed me. Not Alistair, me. Did you tell him to just stop me and Alistair or did you tell him to just stop me?”

Kristen Pirian

 

[Kristen Pirian]

That pointed tone re-emerged. Necessary, for they were approaching again the source of the quarrel—that which Kalix would see if she could but lead him to the clarity of self-reflection.

"Because Alistair was walking away, and you are not in command of your anger."

Kalix

 

[Kalix]

“You’re right. I’m not.” Kalix said after a long pause. “I’m sorry.” Two words a dreadlord should never say. He turned away from Kristen, went back to his bunk and sat down.

Kristen Pirian