Fable - Ask The Canal

[Kristen Pirian]

There were a number of things which could have followed that long pause. What did, in truth, felt as sudden as it was unexpected. Kristen tried to keep her shock hidden beneath the stern mask her expression had become, but she could feel some of it leaking out despite her efforts.

Surprisingly, it was more disarming than a combative retort or a resort to base violence. He turned and stepped back toward his bunk and sat down and Kristen stood where she had been standing and didn't quite know what to do.

Slowly, the surprise faded and her wits coalesced into a clear intention once more.

She took a few steps toward Kalix's bunk. Close, within the reach of Kalix's singular arm.

And she asked him a genuine question. "Do you wish to be?"

Kalix

 

[Kalix]

“Wish to be sorry? No, not really.” Kalix laughed, shaking is head, it all felt so ironic and unreal. “I feel that when we get back to Vel Anir you’ll use this conversation against me so you and Alistair will be in the clear. You guys have the noble blood and the money and the sway. RAF’s family has plenty of coin. I do… get angry often. I’m the perfect wolf’s head.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his only hand, looked over at Kristen’s missing hand.

“If I could go back and fix it, I would,” Kalix’s voice cracked and he took a moment to clear his throat. “Because the only one who would be able to stop me is me.” Another pause. “I don’t blame anyone for the decisions they made if they did what they really wanted to do, yanno? I… always thought that… well, as long as you did what your heart truly wanted, then you’re doing the right thing for yourself. I regret getting so angry because I really, really didn’t want any of this.”

He sighed.

“I know it should’ve been me to be squashed, not Raf, when it was getting out of control. I know that’s what everyone would have wanted. No one likes it when the bad guy survives.”

Kristen Pirian

 

[Kristen Pirian]

Never would Kristen have thought to hear, however subtle it might have been, that small crack of Kalix's voice. Perhaps other Dreadlord Initiates would have, in their ruthless inhumanity, mocked him for it. To Kristen it was an admirable indication of his sincerity.

She let the air settle after all Kalix had to say.

"Before I came down here, I spoke with Alistair. He accepts blame for his part in what happened, and he said that he will live with it for the rest of his life."

The part about forgiveness she left unsaid. At this juncture, such a thing was not appropriate to state. Perhaps it was understood, and needn't be said at all.

"You cannot better yourself if you do not first recognize that which can be made better."

She tried to be as gentle as she could in the circumstances.

"You have at least done that, Kalix."

Kalix

 

[Kalix]

Kalix looked at his only hand. Looked at Kristen’s only hand.

“I think a year ago I would’ve been rewarded.” He said slowly. “I think a year ago plenty of houses would’ve been itching to recruit me. It’s hard to know what’s good or bad nowadays. So you’re saying I can be better, but when I feel this way I don’t see how.” The heat was gone from him, and amidst this reflection, the academy was coming into play.

“It feels like I’m being weak.” He closed his eyes, focusing in on the phantom pain. He wanted to feel every part of it. The days spent on this ship were far from comfortable for him. But it made the inside pain, that strange hollowness in his chest mixed with the heaviness in his gut, dissipate for a few hours. It always returned, poking it’s nasty head back into Kalix’s body at the worst hours. “I want to be left alone.” Were his final words.

Kristen Pirian

 

[Kristen Pirian]

I think a year ago I would've been rewarded.

A horrifying truth, one Kristen would have reckoned to be inconceivable if not for the accumulated testimonies of everyone she had asked. The magical might of the Dreadlords protected the young girls of Vel Anir, herself included, for centuries. Yet the cost was ghastly, and served as proof for the utter necessity of the Revolution.

Kalix had survived the old way. Here he was now. Despite what he had done, and what he had tried to do, perhaps there was hope yet for him. Where Henk and Edric had in their trauma and despair abandoned the land of their birth and the people thereof, perhaps it was not so for Kalix, even if he may at present feel lost.

"Everyone knows what is truly right in their heart, no matter their environment."

Kristen turned to go.

And with quiet punctuation she said in parting, "I believe that."

Alone he was left, fading footfalls on the deck signaling Kristen's departure.

Kalix