Private Tales Raindrops on Roses

[Llewen Merrick]

Llewen stopped and gawked for a moment, having been completely unprepared for the situation that had just unfolded before him, before turning red-faced and rushing out of the room, slamming the door behind him. He'd caught a glimpse of her--no denying that--and he was kicking himself for having been so foolish as to enter without knocking. Then again, he didn't really know these kinds of manners since he was raised as a lord, and knew more about how to conduct himself publicly rather than privately.

Even so, Llewen had definitely made a mistake. Of course, it was doubly embarrassing with the realization that she was gaunt from malnutrition, making the encounter far less suggestive than one might expect for an 18 year-old to see another 18 year-old half-naked. Truthfully it was a matter of principle more than anything else; he'd violated her privacy in one of the worst ways imaginable. Llewen wasn't really thinking about whether or not he found her attractive, his mind still set on getting help for Rosemary as well as ensuring that Tabitha fully recovered.

In a moment, when she called out to him about Rosemary, he gingerly opened the door and carefully entered, checking twice before stepping in this time.

"I... yes, Tabitha." Nope, the embarrassment was too much to handle. "Rosemary.. she's gotten sick. Landis and I think it's because we made her gallop in such heavy conditions. She's been sick for a few days now, and we had hoped that as a potential stablemaster you might know what to do."

 

[Tabitha Pamona]

Tabitha was too stunned to speak as he had dashed from the room. Her face was flushed, not only because of the embarrassment of him seeing her unclothed, but because of how terrible she looked. Sickly and gaunt, it was double the embarrassment.

When she had finally called out him about Rosemary, he tentatively entered the room again. She couldn't look at him, her eyes glued to the floor. It was too much to look him in the eye right now.

Tabitha frowned as he talked about Rosemary, she felt a special attachment to the horse from their small journey. It was enough to put aside her embarrassment as she looked at Llewen for the first time, face still flushed.

"Do you know if she has been standing or laying down? Can you take me to her so I can look?" She was worried, she didn't want anything to happen to Rosemary. She wrung her hands and moved to step past him into to hallway before he could even answer. She was determined to go see the mare.

Llewen Merrick

 

[Llewen Merrick]

"Milady, wait," he said, gently stopping her. He walked over to where the clothes were and fished out a coat for her to wear. "If you keep running into the cold without thinking about it, we're going to run out of stew." He offered a soft smile, but it was only half a joke; she really should be exposing herself to the cold again. He hadn't even asked her how she was doing yet. He wanted to tell her that she was worth more than the horse they were rescuing, but while he believed that on an ethical level she was more valuable, in terms of pure financial value there was a sad argument to be made that the horse might sell for more in a pinch. He hated himself for having these thoughts, and ached for the ability to have enough money to not have them.

"I don't know her condition. Landis says she's refusing to eat or drink, but didn't give me other details," he said. He started walking with Tabitha towards the stable in the castle courtyard, fraught with anxiety at what she might reveal about Rosemary.

 

[Tabitha Pamona]

Tabitha paused as Llewen called to her, she turned impatiently as she waited. He brought her a coat, and she shrugged it on easily. She knew he was right, she needed to think more. It was that heart of hers, making her move before she thought.

"You are correct Milord, my apologies. I wasn't thinking." Still, She wrung her hands as she waited for him to take her to Rosemary. Llewen began to lead her to the stables, her lips a thin line as he told her what Landis had said.

She saw the stables ahead, and broke out into a jig. Likely it would upset Llewen again, but she didn't care. Entered the stables and brushed past Landis in her hurry, not even stopping to conversate. She located Rosemary's stall, and slid in locking the gate behind her. She began to look the horse over with gentle touches, petting her softly and cooing nothings at her.

Llewen Merrick

 

[Llewen Merrick]

"You should start think--hey, wait up!"

Llewen found himself rushing after her; she had surprising speed for someone who merely a few days ago was on the brink of death. They rushed through the castle halls and eventually into the castle courtyard, where they quickly reached the stables. Llewen followed Tabitha with some trepidation, still afraid of what she might see. He was at once touched and impressed that she was so comfortable with their horses. Rosemary had a gentle temperament anyway, but seeing the palfrey practically melt into Tabitha's arms was enough to warm anyone's heart.

After a moment of seeing Tabitha comfort her, Llewen finally asked the dangling question: "So... do you know what's wrong with her? Is there anything we can do?"

Tabitha Pamona

 

[Tabitha Pamona]

Tabitha continued to coo over Rosemary, the mare was laying down, so Tabitha put her head in her lap and stroked her cheeks and hummed to the sick horse. She looked up as Llewn as he spoke, and nodded.

She continued to stroke the mare, and gave her a kiss. "She is definitely ill, and I'd contribute it to the weather. The first thing I suggest is getting her chamomile to ease her. It will keep her calm for now. I think a mixture of dandelion, meadowsweet and devil's claw will help her immensely."

Tabitha never stopped comforting Rosemary, but she did look up at Llewen as she spoke. "If there is no chamomile, valerian will work too. Is there any chance you have any of this readily available?" She bit her lip, she loved horses. She used to spend all her time in the stables, learning tips and tricks despite the anger it drew from her father.

 

[Llewen Merrick]

It made sense that Rosemary had gotten sick from her harsh gallop through the snow. That kind of ride would have been exhausting under normal circumstances, especially with 2 riders, but the cold, snowy conditions must have made things much worse for the palfrey.

She's gentle, Llewen thought. He blushed slightly, although he wasn't certain why.

Landis chimed in before Llewen could say anything about the medicine. "I'm afraid we don't have any of these herbs on hand," he said. "Medicine is not something we can afford, nor do we have the foragers to procure such things."

Llewen felt a pang of shame again. His poverty was rearing its ugly head again. He got the impression that these were common herbs they should probably have on hand, but as Landis rightly pointed out, who here would have gathered them in the first place? He thought about it for a moment, and it seemed like there was only solution, as losing Rosemary would be far too costly.

"Are you fit to ride, milady? We can seek the herbs you need to make the remedy. Losing Rosemary would be far too great a loss for House Merrick to bear at this time."

 

[Tabitha Pamona]

Tabitha continued to soothe the mare with her hands and soft coos. She bent to kiss her again, feeling guilty for the poor creature. She continued stroking the mare as Landis spoke, and she looked up at him, a frown on her face. " I would have at least liked to give her something to keep her calm."

She gingerly slid herself from under Rosemary's head, settling it carefully in the straw. She stood slowly and pursed her lips. "Still we are going to need everything. We don't have time to try and forage it all ourselves."

She exited the stall quietly, and stood before Llewen as he spoke. "I can ride, I'm fine. Can we leave immediately? Please, Milord. I worry for her." Her grey eyes met his, every feature of hers etched with worry. She didn't notice his blush, she was too focused on their task.

Llewen Merrick

 

[Llewen Merrick]

It was as he feared; the situation was desperate indeed. He hated pushing Tabitha so soon, but they didn't have a choice. This wasn't a question of whether or not Tabitha was more important than the horse, or vice-versa, but instead the reality that losing even a single horse would set them back months of progress. He found himself wishing, perhaps as he did every day, that someday they would have choices. For now, they had no choice.

"Right," Llewen said, nodding. "Let's go. I'll take the reins--just stop me if you see any of the herbs we need, Tabitha."

He went into the pen with Landis' horse, Spirit, and began saddling the horse. He waited for Tabitha, eventually saying as she got closer: "Are you sure you're fine, milady?" His voice was fraught with concern.

 

[Tabitha Pamona]

Tabitha was worried about Rosemary, she wanted to get underway as soon as possible. She was glad when Llewen agreed, now wasn't the time to argue. She followed him to the other stall, and watched as he began to prepare the other horse.

Tabitha had a fondness for animals, and seeing one so sick hurt her delicate heart. She wanted to do everything in her power to help the poor mare. She bit her lip wishing Llewen would move more quickly. He seemed to be moving at a snail pace, even though she knew that wasn't true.

As he finished, he spoke again and she looked at him quietly for a moment. She simply hoisted herself up into the saddle gracefully and looked down at him. "I am sure I am fine Milord. Rosemary needs us, I don't want to let her down..or you." She slid back to allow him to follow suit. "With the snow, I doubt we'll find anything. We may have to make for the apothecary."

Llewen Merrick

 

[Llewen Merrick]

Llewen was impressed at this point; Tabitha's vigor was simply inspiring. She'd almost died from exposure but a few days ago, and she was already ready to ride and look for herbs to save the life of the horse that had saved hers. This was exactly the kind of stamina that Llewen needed from his subjects if they were to save themselves.

"Alright, we ride," Llewen said. "But at the merest sign milady is too weak, we shall return and you shall rest." His voice was authoritative; he was young, but in his station he was at times confident and commanding, taking after his father. He knew Landis would look after the estate in the meantime, but it dawned on Llewen much as it had on Tabitha that finding herbs would be difficult in the snow. They would need a miracle to succeed. And that might be one miracle too many.

He climbed onto Spirit, in front of Tabitha, taking the horse by the reins and setting off. Before long, they were out of the castle courtyard and heading into the snowy forest. The pines had caught much of the snow, but the ground still had a layer of the icy powder. Ill tidings indeed.

"Milady, if you suspect we might be near some herbs, tell me," he said. He'd keep going until such time, or he saw something of interest himself.

 

[Tabitha Pamona]

Tabitha knew that by the end of the night, she'd be exhausted. It didn't matter, she would give everything she had, if it meant helping Rosemary. She was probably going to suffer the ire of Llewen later on, but for now he was letting her do as she pleased. She was grateful for it, she didn't want to be treated like she was breakable at any sign of stress.

Ar Llewen's tone, she ducked her head respectfully and nodded. "As Milord commands, I will abide by what you say." She was impressed with his tone, but she knew that she would hold out as long as physically possible. She would not falter, not if she could help it.

He climbed up and settled in front of her. She didn't need to, but she put her hands around his waist, just to be on the safe side. "Let's do this as quickly as possible, Milord." Her voice was restrained as she fought the urge to cry over the sickly mare.

As they rode, she scanned the surrounding woods, looking for anything that might help Rosemary. "I'm worried we won't find anything this way, not to mention some of these herbs wouldn't survive in the snow. I don't know what we are going to do Milord, but we have to figure something out. Please." She knew begging him for an answer would not get her a solution, but she couldn't stand to think of Rosemary suffering, and scared. "I don't want her to die."

Llewen Merrick

 

[Llewen Merrick]

It was good that she was holding onto him, Llewen thought, as it would help her conserve her strength. He was athletic and his body in peak condition after years of farming and practicing combat, and her extra weight was of little concern to him, even over a long period. Her concern was plain to see, and it strengthened Llewen's resolve to complete the task at hand.

I'm worried we won't find anything this way, not to mention some of these herbs wouldn't survive in the snow.

It was something he hadn't considered, and Llewen began to feel that he'd sent them on a fool's errand. That said, the day was clear and the sun was beginning to shine on them, some natural warmth heating their very bones in the frigid morning air. Such a sensation was familiar to Llewen; it was the natural ebb and flow of temperature in the North, and this balance of cold to warm pervaded his very way of life. It dawned on him that perhaps his own House might be like the very climate around them, and once the sun shone on him and his deeds, he too would recover from his estate freezing over, so to speak.

I don't want her to die.

Again, her concern was touching. He knew now, of course, or at least suspected she was a noble due to the fever dream he had witnessed. It made sense to him that she was so much more delicate than most of the people around him. She seemed like a woman from another world entirely. But he cherished that about her.

"The cold north takes many such lives," he said, downcast. "Every mistake and misstep is punished more here in the frontier than anywhere else. It is a great burden to those of us that survive. We will do what we can for our dear Rosemary, milady. I give you my word as a knight of Mardania."

As a knight, his word was his bond. At least, that's what his mother had taught him. As he said this, they broke through a treeline and stumbled upon a river. The water was flowing strongly, though it wasn't too deep; the snow had begun to melt near it, and had made the little river swell over its natural boundary ever so slightly. The surrounding ground had melted, and some green could be seen splashed by the rolling water. Perhaps they might receive some mercy this day, after all. Llewen approached the river, getting close to the river's edge, looking at the green below.

"Tabitha, do you see anything?" he asked. This was her task; he was merely her bodyguard.

 

[Tabitha Pamona]

If Tabitha hadn't been so concerned on helping Rosemary, she might have noticed the man in front of her more, as her arms reached around him to secure herself. She might have noticed that she was comfortable pressed against him as they rode. Her mind was on other things, and so it went unhindered in that regard.

Her lips were set to a frown as she studied the ground carefully, looking for any signs of the needed herbs. If anything, she would give Llewen a hidden brooch of her mother's to sell. It was tucked away careful, and she treasured it, but it was just a thing. It wasn't her mother, it wasn't a warm hug and a soft smile, the smell of lavender. No, it was a piece of jewelry, and nothing more.

The sun came out, warming her back as they continued. If they had a little longer, if there was a melt then maybe they would have a chance. She held Llewen tighter in her state of upset, her teeth clenched. She felt responsible, and she didn't want to fail.

"I won't hear it! We are going to help her. I will not let her die! It's my fault, if it weren't for me, she'd be fine." She sobbed quietly, voicing her guilt finally. Tears fell freely onto her cheeks, and she angrily wiped them away. She finally punctuated the end of her outburst, as an afterthought. "Milord."

The broke through a line of trees, and she perked up at the sound of running water. That might bode well. "Hmm." She slid out of the saddle gracefully, and began striding down the bank, her eyes scanning the ground. "Let me look for a while, Milord. I'm hoping to find something at least. If not, I may have a secondary idea."

Llewen Merrick

 

[Llewen Merrick]

"I won't hear it! We are going to help her. I will not let her die! It's my fault, if it weren't for me, she'd be fine."

It seemed she was eager to prove she was no docile lamb, or at the very least, wanted to repay the debt she owed. He was once again taken aback by her sudden spirit; it seemed when they'd met a few days earlier, she wasn't nearly as passionate or full of energy. He couldn't help but admire that about her, for his own situation was arguably not as bad as hers, yet she was brave even in the face of impending ruin. It was inspiring to Llewen.

"You're right, Rosemary carried us through beast and blizzard. We can't give up. Rosemary did what she could for us; now we must do what we can for her. I have faith you will return her service, Tabitha. And I will do what I can to make it so. Let us not fear until the moment of fear is upon us, milady."

Before she could respond, Tabitha had already slid off the horse and was looking for herbs in the recently melted wet grass.

"I know nothing of herbs, milady. I am a warrior; at least, I'm supposed to be. If it won't distract from your search, may I ask how a maid knows of herbs and treating horses? Don't maids normally take care of the household?"

It was a fair question, but it wasn't one asked in good faith. Llewen suspected he knew the real answer to this question, but he was asking to establish what Tabitha would say to try to understand how she thought. He wasn't sure how he felt about her deception, but then again, now he was deceiving her in kind. The codes of chivalry his mother had taught him hadn't really covered situations like this, and the situation of the Merrick estate further precluded him from more decisive action. In time, maybe he could replace her; for now, he needed to keep her in his service.

Still, he was growing fond of Tabitha. She was delicate and brave, both qualities any young knight might find appealing in a lady. She was even technically of noble stock, too. But Llewen's mind was too weary with worry about his estate to truly pursue any thoughts of attraction or infatuation. A fleeting thought it would remain.

 

[Tabitha Pamona]

Tabitha was already pacing, looking for any of the herbs she needed. With every step her frustration grew. Llewen had agreed with her, tried to console her in a way. It was sweet, but she did not dwell on it. Focused on her task, she neglected to respond.

She paused, and got on her knees to sift through snow at the edge of the bank. It was wet, and heavy as she scooped it aside. Her hands would be cold, but still she continued to sift. It was quiet for only a moment before Llewen spoke again.

Tabitha paused for a moment, hand partially raised as she turned to look at him. There was no way he knew, was there? No, it's an innocent question, of course he didn't know. She stood, and moved to another spot. "I may have been a maid, but I made friends with those in the stable in my free time. I love animals, and being close to horses brought me great joy. I spent enough time there to pick up how to care for horses."

"Aaaah!" Frustration mounted, she grabbed a decently large rock and hurled it into the river with all her might. Hot tears stung her eyes as the anger took over. Her hands were on her head as she paced. "Take me back. We have to do something different. I have an idea." She jogged back to Llewen and Spirit, hauling herself back into the saddle. "Quickly. While the weather is good...please Milord. I'll explain as we go."

Llewen Merrick

 

[Llewen Merrick]

Llewen felt a twinge of guilt as she started shoveling through the half-melted snow with her bare hands. She could have at least borrowed his mitts if she was going to do that. He'd have to have one of his subjects make her a truly good set of winter clothes. Wasn't that her problem, though? No; it wouldn't do for Llewen to rest idly while his subjects suffered. He was determined that he wouldn't be one of those types of lords. That said, it was an easier sentiment considering he had so little to give...

Her explanation would have made a lot of sense to him, had he not known the truth.

"Forgive me; I didn't know that maids had time for optional pursuits like that. Most lords would look down on such a thing, I should think. Horses are precious, so it must have been a sign of respect that they let you so close to them so often."

It would be so easy to slip up and reveal that he knew the truth. He was concentrating as hard as he could to not give himself away. He winced as Tabitha let out her frustration, somewhat perplexed as she threw a stone into the water. Well, perplexed, yet he had done so many times himself while mourning his parents.

He paused again, then offered to help her up.

"Milady, we have no other choice. We have no more money after purchasing those tools. We must find the herbs here. If we stay, the snow will melt more and we may yet find the medicine. But if you insist, we will ride back."

He was listening, raising an eyebrow, and wouldn't start to ride until she explained herself.

 

[Tabitha Pamona]

Tabitha was getting frustrated with his train of thought, needling where he needn't. It was making her prickly and she didn't like it. He was hitting to close, and she had no clue why he was thinking to question her in such a manner. "I had time to myself, and that is what I chose to do. Milord. The Lord and Lady of the house were kind and approved of such things."

Truth be told, her father hated it when she did such things. Her mother thought it was a great joke because it caused her father such ire. She always upset father, but she was bored, and womanly duties always lacked the activity she desired.

She was annoyed, and so she ignored his offer for aid as she mounted up behind him. Annoyed about not being able to help Rosemary, and annoyed at his questioning. She held on to him again, yet he did not move.

"I understand the lack of funds, I have a brooch from my old Lady of the house, a gift. I will give it to you to sell. With the quality of it, it should more than cover the cost of herbs. Then you or Landis can run to the city while I tend to Rosemary. If it pleases you, Milord."

Llewen Merrick

 

[Llewen Merrick]

It was hard for him to form a genuine reaction since his question was loaded with false pretenses anyway, but Llewen couldn't help but feel a twinge of anger as she gave her indignant response. After all, he'd clothed her, fed her, and taken care of her, yet she couldn't entertain his questions about her falsified past? Still, if he gave himself away he might miss something important. It seemed unlikely that she was a spy--after all, who would spy on him--but the situation seemed undeniably nefarious at this point. So he let it slide, this time, even as she refused his aid to get back onto the horse.

He listened to her offer. It was interesting, but he felt at once conflicted about it, knowing it was potentially her only item of value in this world and a memory of her past, to boot. Unlike him, she did not have a castle to remember her family by.

"Milady... are you sure? Would such an item not be of greater value should something happen to my estate, and you be left landless? Surely your life is not worth that of Rosemary's. If... you insist, I will go, but I cannot force this upon you."

He reluctantly urged Spirit on towards Castle Merrick again, bracing himself for her answer. Like most situations in House Merrick, it was impossible.

 

[Tabitha Pamona]

Tabitha was beyond annoyed at this point with Llewen's stalling. Inevitably his questioning was going to lead down a road she was quite ready to travel yet. While she hadn't enjoyed being homeless, it brought her a sense of freedom from her duties, duties that only prepared her to be married off to make babies for lords three times her age. Even if she did reveal the truth, it's not likely Llewen would keep her around. Despite the few hiccups, she rather enjoyed his company.

It's not like he would marry her anyways, she had nothing, and he would gain nothing from it. Not with the current state of his estate. No, he would aim higher, besides she wouldn't get to run around and do things that weren't normally allowed of her station, that in itself was appealing. She sighed softly, letting a bit of her anger go. "I apologize if I came off harshly Milord, it is only because of my concerns and worry."

He questioned her on whether or not she was sure. She realized it was for a horse of all things, and that was likely where his doubt was. "I'm sure, she is more valuable to you and the estate than tucked away in a dresser. It's just a thing Milord. Rosemary is a living creature. That alone is more valuable to my heart. I still have faith you will bring your house from ruin, and you can't do that with one less horse."

What she spoke were true, and the sun on her back, warmed her spirits, giving her faith she was making the right decision. She just hoped that Llewen wouldn't forget that she would go to the ends of the earth to aid him. She had taken this as her mission to, it gave her something to cling to.

Llewen Merrick

 

[Llewen Merrick]

Llewen nodded at Tabitha's apology. He was no stranger to grief and the anger it sometimes brought; he had seen too much and been given too much responsibility for someone his age, and it afforded him a certain unexpected wisdom. At least, when he wasn't busy being an 18 year-old young man. As they continued to ride back to Castle Merrick, he took a moment to gather his thoughts before explaining to Tabitha what may have come off as more harsh than he meant.

"Milady, it is at once an impossible situation. Rosemary is of vital importance to our estate; she is more than just a horse, she is my status as a Knight, and my only way of traveling to the capitol to pursue my training as one of Her Highness Lady Helia's Paladins. Yet in spite of this I feel sympathy for your position and can't bring myself to take away the only thing of value left of your past life only to fuel my own needs as a knight. What is a lord who cannot provide for himself, and must take things of personal value from his subjects? It is an impossible choice, Tabitha; I must either be a knight of virtue or a knight with a horse. Alas that there is no in-between, it would seem."

He furrowed his brow, though she couldn't see it.

"Still, your compassion is, as always, touching milady. That so many others in this realm could possess a shred of that kindness, and people such as ourselves would likely not exist in the first place, for who with such compassion could inflict such terrible acts on others? You are the flower that blooms in the muck and gloom of the aftermath of a battlefield, that defies the surrounding death and rises in spite of it. Would that I were only so confident in my convictions, that I might take my every subject the way you care for Rosemary. And having only been here for a few days also!"

The snow continued to melt around them, slowly but surely, as the sun warmed them more and more. Still, Llewen hoped she would keep the blanket on, and conserve her strength... for even the most defiant of flowers are subject to bootheels and horseshoes, and he couldn't bear the thought of Tabitha's own flame being snuffed out.

 

[Tabitha Pamona]

Tabitha held to him a bit tighter as the rode, she could feel a bond of sorts being formed. She was considering him more and more a friend than a lord above her. Whether he felt the same or not, well she assumed she would find that out soon enough. He didn't seem to mince words, and that she could appreciate. Even if it was something she she didn't want to hear.

He spoke to her of the horse, of being a knight, and all the things that come with it. She gave a soft hum of thought as he finished. "I see a bright future ahead for Castle Merrick, and it's people. With you at the head, I find it unlikely that it will falter. If it bothers you to take such a thing from me, even as I offer it freely...then perhaps consider it the beginning of tax payments from your subjects. I'm sure there is a family on your estate that could use the break from worry."

She paused to catch her breath and covered the next bit of his commentary with her own."If you have no horse to better your status, then how can Castle Merrick pull itself from the mud? As I see it, we get your mare well, and then you increase your status and the likelihood of others to take notice. There is no greater value Milord. This is my home now, I shall not see it fail when I can help turn the tide."


Llewen's next words had caught her off guard, and she found herself blushing as her cheek rested against his back. "I always try to do what is correct and kind Milord. I can not abide by sitting idle waiting for things to happen, I will always rise to the occasion if I am able. I'd do it for anyone. Your words..they." She dropped pretense for a moment, biting her lip before finishing. "You're very sweet Llewen, thank you."

Llewen Merrick

 

[Llewen Merrick]

In his waxing poetic he hadn't considered that he was alone with this young woman, calling her a "blooming flower" in the middle of a pine forest, far a decent distance from any other people. Llewen's face grew red with embarrassment at the realization, knowing he had perhaps spoken out of turn. Of course, this was Mardania; men of his station were expected to make passes at women and women in kind were often expected to receive these advances without complaint. It was, of course, still very illegal for a lord to force himself upon one of his subjects, but the unfortunate reality of it all was that lords were treated with far more respect and mercy in such things, since the word of a wealthy Knight was much more "believable" by the courts and the nobility than those of a peasant girl.

And so Llewen was forced to at last confront an unfortunate feeling he'd been repressing when it came to Tabitha, being that he knew he was the last of his line and needed to rebuild his House by having children. If both their Houses were still intact, Tabitha he thought must have seemed a perfect bride, being he assumed a direct link to some noble's line, which would secure an alliance for his house and be an opportunity to produce significant children, who bore everything one would expect of a noble lineage.

Yet, Tabitha was in his service now as a stablemaster, and maid. Regardless of her previous life, it would seem perhaps improper for him to pursue such a woman. That said, the lord of a given castle often had many lovers not of noble birth, which was good for the lord's esteem and, of course, a potential source of heirs. The peculiarity of their situation furthered upon some mental inspection; if he sired children with her while she was still a maid, would they be legitimate children, and not bastards? Or had her titles been stripped when she lost her land, and therefore this line of thinking was moot? He would need to read up on succession when next he visited the city...

All of which was far too much to think about for a young man who had simply made an accidental compliment towards a young woman, and said woman was now leaning against him as they made their way back to his castle...

"I-I suppose you would to that for anyone. That sounds like you, milady... You are far too kind to a young lordling such as myself. You must allow me at least the attempt to provide for you, my subject, before being so selfless; it looks poor for House Merrick indeed if I cannot even afford to maintain a single palfrey... But then, you would not be offering if the situation weren't already so dire, would you?"

Perhaps focusing on the task at hand would help keep his mind out of those muddier topics, but he may have already revealed too much about his sudden attraction through his words and actions. Tabitha too may have only thought of him as a young, well-intentioned man, but whose inexperience was more endearing than anything else about him. He hoped someday he would seem more the knight and less the young man. Perhaps people like Tabitha would make that so.

 

[Tabitha Pamona]

Tabitha still had her cheek pressed against Llewen's back as they rode. It was comfortable, and his warmth was welcome. She was still thin, though the ache of hunger was no longer present. She would hopefully start filling out a bit in the next couple of months. She took the ride back to ponder Lord Llewen, even calling him that brought a small smile to her lips. He was young, but he had drive. It was something she admired about him.


Tabitha was aware there was a tension between the two. To her it was a disconnect between her nobility and her false past. She didn't know how to talk to him sometimes. She wanted to open herself up to Llewen, but a maid would not pursue friendship with her Lord. Still, she found his company soothing in a way. He cared about about her, he cared about his people. A rarity amongst lords.

"I won't say anything, if you don't. I don't think lesser of you, and no one else can think lesser of you if we say nothing. You will make good on your words, but for now you need help. That is not something that I feel makes you look less of a man, at least in my eyes. Everyone needs help sometimes, Milord."

The finally reached the gates, the road starting to get muddied from the melt. Once he got closer to the steps of the castle. She slid off the saddle once more, her boots squelching in the mud as she landed. "Please wait, I'll be right back." She went to move past him, but paused. She looked up at him, a soft and sad smile on her lips. She reached for his gloved hand and gave it a soft squeeze. "Thank you for letting me do this."

She released her grasp and hurried inside. She jogged to her room and dug through her chest of clothes, pulling out a wrapped parcel. It fit easily in the palm of her hand. Inside she knew a jade, jewel encrusted brooch lay. She clutched it briefly to her chest. "Sorry mother, but it's time for me to move on." She turned from the room, almost breaking into a sprint as she reached the yard again.

Llewen Merrick

 

[Llewen Merrick]

"Everyone needs help sometimes, Milord."

Maybe that's true, Tabitha, but I cannot afford the price of that aid, only the help my estate needs.

He was enjoying the ride with Tabitha; her arms around him were growing more familiar and comfortable, and they were experiencing the majesty of the Great North together. He couldn't suppress a growing feeling he had that maybe, just maybe, he didn't have to feel so alone. Regardless of what happened between him and Tabitha, he resolved to try to find this feeling wherever it was, cultivate it, and keep it safe from all threats.

He almost jolted when her hand touched his; it wasn't something he expected, and while he wasn't as proper as many of those in his station were, he was still quite surprised that a lady, even one such as Tabitha, would take his hand like this. For a moment he didn't really know how to respond. In the end, he never really did figure it out, but he was about to return her squeeze when her hand finally slipped away.

"Thank you, Tabitha," he said, softly. They'd arrived, and he got down from Spirit for a moment to relax again.

Gods, what am I feeling?

It was a flurry of all sorts of emotion. The pressure of his station, and hers, and this growing feeling of attachment he couldn't put his finger on--what was he supposed to do? He was left with that feeling when Tabitha finally returned, clearly clutching something to her chest.

"Tabitha," he called out. "Is that the brooch of which you spake?"