Private Tales Raindrops on Roses

A private roleplay only for those invited by the first writer
Tabitha made her way quietly through the hall, even mice would be louder than her. She was tired, but felt more alive than she had in a long time. She was clean, her belly had been filled. All that was left was to tall to Llewen and bury herself in a bed. She couldn't wait.

It was colder out in the hall, but the warmth of the dress kept her from most of it. She was grateful that they had given her something practical to wear. As she got closer to the main hall, she paused. Sound catching her attention.

Tabitha continued onward, the noise was had become much clearer. It was someone crying. She wrung her hands briefly as she approached the door, her kind heart winning out against her reluctance. She leaned into the doorway, looking to see who the source of the sobbing was.

She hesitated, seeing Llewen on the ground wracked in sobs. She wanted to approach him, buy she was afraid of what he would do if she did. Her heart won out again, her own eyes prickling at the sight of him.

She approached him softly, gently. The smell of the lavender soap she had used fresh on her skin. She dropped to her knees before him and pulled him to her in a hug. Her fingertips brushed through his hair in a comforting manner. "Sssh, it's okay." They were all the words she could muster, her heart aching for him in this moment.
 
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Like many nights he'd done this before, Llewen's fit of tears was beyond his control; so much so that when Tabitha entered the room, he didn't notice, his face still in his hands as his tears dripped to the ground. Tabitha's touch only provoked his sorrow more.

"Mother, I'm sorry!" he cried out, accepting Tabitha's embrace but not looking up to see who was holding him. "I'm sorry, Mother, please forgive me!"

His sobbing intensified, clutching at the entity that had offered the embrace, but his mind only swirled with thoughts of failure and dishonoring his family. After all, if he couldn't work, how could he make the world right? He may as well have died from his wound, he thought, since now he could only do very little to protect his subjects. He had let down Landis, too, who now had even more to worry about with Llewen.

Moments passed and the warmth and softness of the embrace awoke him from his hysteria, slowly but surely. In time, he would lift his head up to see the figure who had come to him during this time, and not expecting what he found. He pulled away from her almost instantly, his face turning a bright red.

"T-Tabitha," he stammered. He suddenly felt very exposed, and rushed to his bed to pull a blanket over himself so she could only see his face as he sat down. An awkward moment passed as he took a look at her now-clean form, and she was simply radiant. The curls of her hair, the gentleness of her eyes, and the easy curves of her form in her dress were all made known to Llewen in this moment, adding to his embarrassment.

"I trust your bath went well," he said, trying to clear the air. "You look a new woman in that dress."
 
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Tabitha held him as he cried, her heart full of sorrow. It was a feeling she was familiar with, though she had never had anyone to hold her while she wept. She hadn't thought of repercussions when she went to him, but if there were consequences she would deal with them willingly.

Llewen cried out to his mother and clung to her as sobs wracked his body. She held him tight against her, her fingers still working through his hair softly. Her only thought to comfort, nothing more. She said nothing, only held him, her own cheeks glistening with tears.

As suddenly as the moment started, it came to an end. Llewen had come back to his senses, immediately pulling away from her. She looked down and away as he sat on the bed, her red face matching his as she continued to kneel on the floor.

He finally spoke, but it did little to ease her. The bath was refreshing, thank you Milord. " She separated herself from him with formality, she didn't know what else to do. "I shouldn't have come in here like this. I'm sorry. I should go." She was terrified, yet at the same time it was if she already missed the heat of him. She stood quickly, and gave a quick bow. "I'm sorry Milord." She turned to go, her face reddened with embarrassment.
 
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After the most awkward part of the moment passed, Llewen saw that Tabitha was about to leave, and tried to stop her.

"Tabitha, wait," he said. His face was still flushed--who wouldn't be with such a pretty young woman in their chambers--but he tried to speak more plainly to her, his cognizance returning. "In my grief I mistook you for my mother. She died 5 years ago along with my father, as I told you earlier today, if you remember."

He swallowed, visibly nervous about his next admission.

"With my wounds, I cannot continue to do the necessary work to keep Castle Merrick progressing towards reclamation. I cannot lift firewood; I cannot bear an axe for logging. With the additional snowstorms this season, it seems the entire damnable country is plotting my failure. My father Gawain was a strong man; strong enough to claim his own territory and lead a garrison against marauding orcs and other enemies. He was a hero of his time. Many knew Gawain's name and respected it, and were glad to speak of it in their halls. I am but a pale shadow of my father, and I sorely miss my dear mother, who taught me how to speak, read, write, and act in all the courtly manners." He paused for a moment. "She used to read stories of brave knights to me, and would have me recite the knightly vows. I thought if I protected you from that starving wolf, that I would be a good knight. Alas, I think that House Merrick needs a smarter knight, not a braver one."

He laughed, very briefly.

"I am sorry. I speak too much. I find 'tis an easy thing to do with milady. I know now that you must stay with me as my subject, for I fear otherwise I might have no one with whom I might speak so freely."

He dropped his blanket a little, momentarily, before realizing it and pulling it back up again to cover his chest again.
 
Tabitha had turned to go, her face flushed and her eyes cast down to the floor. What was she thinking? If a commoner had done that to her, there would have been major repercussions. She was not yet sure that she wouldn't suffer for it.

Llewen said her name, and she paused. Her heart was pounding, wondering what he would have to say to her. She turned to face him, noticing his face was as flushed as hers. She didn't have to wait long, he poured his heart out to her, and it surprised her.

Tabitha gathered her thoughts after he had finished speaking, he had spoken a lot of fears to her. She would not take it lightly, she felt for him. Her eyes wandered away from him, and she saw the book on the floor. She went to retrieve it, setting it down on the bed next to him before taking a fee steps back again.

"I think your father would be very proud of you. You are starting with nothing, and that is no easy feat. To have name only, and not the wealth behind it? That's incredibly difficult to come back from. Yet, you persevere. You are doing your best for your people and your home. Most in your situation would have given up long ago. There is something to say for that. As for your mother, I know she would be happy to see the man you've become. Kind, and caring. Helping those in need when even you have nothing to give, it speaks volumes. You will figure out how to manage as your wound heals. You will find a way to still accomplish your goals. I have faith in you, Milord."

Tabitha wanted to bare her soul to him too, but it wasn't the time. Right now, he needed assurance. He didn't need to pity her more than he already did. She gave him a soft smile, that quickly turned into a deep blush as he dropped the blanket a bit accidentally. She looked away, her grey eyes looking anywhere in the room but him until he had readjusted.

"You don't have to worry, I will stay. As long as you want me here, I'll stay."
 
I have faith in you, Milord.
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Llewen had been told this indirectly by Landis on some occasions, but he remarked that this was the first time anyone was ever quite so transparently supportive of him. Her words were sweet like honey to his ears, and he wanted to believe her, that maybe things weren't so dire as they seemed. Maybe he could still honor his family, somehow. Weak as he was. He didn't know how, but her encouragement had him feeling like he could get up again, try again, and maybe even succeed.

Not tonight, though. It was very late, and the winds howled outside in the snowstorm that had whipped up.

"Would that I had a legion of subjects as devoted as you, milady, in all things, that the 4 corners of Arethil could come in arms and we could shatter them. The darkness that looms over House Merrick has yet to rise, but together, I think, we shall lift the pall."

He smiled.

"Don't forget your place, though, milady. Tarry too long and Landis will certainly think he is right about thinking I was traipsing about with a common girl, even if she is of uncommon quality. Give me a moment to dress, and I shall show you to your room."

Assuming she did so, he would throw on a light tunic and rejoin her in the halls. He didn't know what was going through her mind, necessarily, or even if she was just being polite, but he was thankful beyond words for her kindness. He would make sure Landis gave her an extra blanket that night.
 
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After Tabitha had spoken, it seemed he had perked up just a little. That was good, that was the goal. She couldn't stand to see someone so down about themselves, it broke her heart.

She was exhausted, yet she would stay until he bid her to leave. She couldn't leave him like this after everything they had said. "You give me a great compliment Milord. I only say the truth of what I believe. I think you will do great things, despite your struggle."

Llewen's next comment had her blushing with embarrassment and annoyance. She bit her tongue, lest she give away things she would rather keep buried right now. Instead, she turned on her heel and headed for the door, a curt "yes, Milord" as she did so. She knew he wasn't trying to be mean, but still..it stung.

Llewen Merrick
 
In short order Llewen was out the door of his bedroom and was leading Tabitha to another room that wasn't too awfully far from his own. His father had had it designed as a room for the head maid of the castle, but seeing as they didn't have any maids at the moment, it made the most sense for Tabitha to sleep here. She would have easy access to the kitchen from here in the event she needed to cook something, and fresh clothes and aprons were in a chest, ready to be accessed.

Llewen had completely missed that his comment might have been a biting one for Tabitha, though. He was still a Lord, one of the privileged members of society, even despite his poverty, and he often acted as such without thinking much of it. After all, the only one he owed respect to was his liege, Princess Helia Glacies Kyxo, and lords of a higher station. Around them, he was far more proper than he had been with Tabitha. But such was the language of courtly politics.

"Well, this is it," Llewen said. "I'll get an earful I'm sure, but I'll fetch Landis to bring you another blanket. When you feel well again, perhaps in a few days, we can discuss your tasks and what it is you'll be doing daily. I'll check on you in the morning."
 
Llewen followed her out rather quickly though she felt it was almost too quick. The sting of his last comments still fresh. Still, She had to maintain her image as a commoner. As much as she wanted to make him take it back, she knew this was better right now.

He took her to a room that was not incredibly far from his own. It was in easy distance from most of the places that would require her attention.

At his words she nodded, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear as she avoided his gaze. She didn't want her feelings from being verbally slapped to be written on her face after all.

"Thank you Milord, this is very gracious of you. Until the morning then. Goodnight, Lord Merrick." She gave him a proper curtsey before heading into her room. The curtsey was probably too much, she was acting a bit spiteful and she knew it. She changed into a nightgown and quickly slid under the covers.

Llewen Merrick
 
Llewen sensed something might have been amiss as he bid Tabitha goodnight, but was tired enough that it quickly passed out of his mind. He remarked that she may have had the best curtsy he'd ever seen--for a commoner, Tabitha was full of strange quirks and surprises, but then he suspected that those must have been from her time as a royal maid. He shrugged to himself as he sauntered off to his own bedroom, occasionally rubbing his wrist from the pain. He didn't seek out Landis; the hour was far too late for discussion, and Llewen figured that the following morning would change little about the details of that discussion.

Thoughts floated around Llewen's head. Tabitha was pretty enough--actually, very pretty--and it got Llewen thinking about one of the duties of his station: producing heirs. That description seemed quite mechanical to him, but an anxiety crept into his mind about how he would find a wife to marry and have children with. He supposed that would have to come with money, too.

He reached his bedchamber again, removing his shirt once more and dousing the candle in his room before crawling into bed, himself resigning to an eventual slumber.
 
Tabitha felt the fingers of sleep claim her, her small frame practically sinking into the bed. Her breathing became deeper as she fell into a deep slumber. Had Landis even brought the blanket, he would not have roused her.

In her minds eye, she was back in the forest with Llewn. They were riding together, much like before. The sky was dark, the wind was howling. Before them again was the wolf. It was huge, its teeth bared in a snarl. It towered over them, bigger even than the bull. It descended upon them, ripping them both from the horse. There was blood, and screaming. Tabitha did not even know she was the one screaming as she writhed in her bed. In her minds eye, she watched as Llewen was torn to shreds, and she could not stop the screams from her own lips.

Morning had come, the dream had left. Tabitha lay, sweating and disoriented as a fever racked her body. She couldn't move, she was so hot, but also freezing. She could do nothing but lay there in misery.

Llewen Merrick
 
Llewen tossed and turned as the pain in his arm wouldn't seem to go away. He slipped in and out consciousness, not quite sleeping, but wasn't quite awake either. That is, until he heard the sound of shrieking coming from the hall.

Tabitha, he thought, his mind immediately fraught with worry.

He leapt out of bed, quickly pulling on clothes and donning his armor as quickly as he could--at least, some padding and a chain shirt, anyway--then grabbed his sword and rushed down the hall. The screaming grew louder as he neared Tabitha's room, confirming his suspicion that something was happening to her. All sorts of thoughts rushed through his head--assailants in the castle, one of his men assaulting her--and without thinking he barged through the door, sword drawn and ready for a fight.

"Unhand her, you--!" he started, almost tripping over himself as he entered the room and saw Tabitha's small form safely, snugly in her bed, only having a bad dream. Some part of him hoped she wouldn't wake up, but fearing the worst he prepared himself for what might be the most embarrassing moment of his adult life thus far.
 
Tabitha still writhed in her bed the fever taking hold of her senses. She was aware of commotion, but her brain could not comprehend it. Visions of her home were in her head, her family.

A whimper escaped her lips, her mind clouded as she addressed the noise in her room. "Eric, why are you in my room? Mother said we were too old to share a bed. Go back to sleep." They were murmered words, Tabitha speaking to her dead twin.

As she finished speaking, she quieted and lay still again. Her breath was shallow, her skin slick with sweat. "Eric, I don't want to be alone. One more night, I won't tell mother." More murmered words as her body fought to keep her alive.

Llewen Merrick
 
While he was inexperienced, Llewen was also relatively quick on his feet when it came to certain situations. He could tell she was having a nightmare, and judging by her flushed appearance in the dim light, he saw a fever in her as well. It would have been easy enough to wake her up, but Llewen's curiosity got the better of him as she began to call out for someone--he assumed her brother--and he sheathed his sword, slowly approaching Tabitha.

"It's alright Tabitha," he cooed. "I won't leave you alone tonight."

He wondered briefly if Landis had heard, but then again, if he had he likely would've already been here. More likely, Landis was outside the main castle itself, tending to some duty this early in the morning. It was just the two of them for the moment. More than ever, Tabitha seemed so small to him, especially buried under multiple blankets and having this nightmare of hers. He sat next to her in a chair, taking care not to make too much noise lest he wake her up. He knew this was forbidden knowledge, but his curiosity was far too powerful to consider that as he patiently waited to see what she might say next.
 
Tabitha was in a haze of memories. She grabbed at each one like she was drowning, clung to them. She knew someone was with her, but in her addled state, she assumed it was her twin, her dear brother. She had spent her life causing trouble with her brother, and she remembered it well.

As Llewen comforted her, she visibly relaxed. A small smile was on her lips, though her eyes remained closed. "I think father will be more cross if he finds you in here than mother. Don't worry, I'll just say you killed a rat and I was scared."

She fell silent for a minute, the only sound she made was each shallow breath. "Eric? Remember when father caught me sparring with you in your lesson. Oh he was mad, ladies shouldn't fight he'd always say. He only wanted to marry me off anyways. Eric?"

Tabitha curled into herself, she was getting distraught again. The fever holding her within its clutches. Illness took her mother, her dearest brother. Maybe it would claim her yet.

Llewen Merrick
 
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He thought of waking her, but was conflicted due to her clearly needing some rest. He knew what he was doing was wrong; he should leave, or at least prepare her something to help with her fever. But Llewen hadn't been privy to one's thoughts and memories like this before. He'd almost wished he hadn't.

"It's... not right, what father's doing..." he cooed again. "I'm here, Tabitha..."

Even he could put two and two together. Sure, peasant girls would get married off for petty alliances in farming communities and hamlets. But they most certainly did not have brothers who trained in the way of the sword. No, it was clear: Tabitha must be a noble of some kind. All kinds of questions swirled in his head now; why was she pretending to be a commoner? Surely she had to have been forced into it, judging by her poverty and the sad state he'd found her in. It seemed unlikely that she was a spy, as House Merrick had nothing worth spying on. Regardless, Llewen also thought of the potential ramifications of keeping another house's noblewoman within his keep without warning; he would have to have her pampered and proper, in case someone came looking for her. More worryingly, if she wasn't in good condition, then her family might see that as a cause to attack, and they would perhaps be justified in doing so. That made Tabitha exceptionally dangerous, even though Llewen was a Paladin of the realm, and attacking him would look poorly for anyone foolish enough to deign it.

He'd make sure she was taken care of, but now he was also accepting that he might have to be rid of her, too. It was an unpleasant combination of thoughts that he was having a difficult time accepting.
 
Tabitha whimpered again softly, her body ached and she shivered uncontrollably. Her teeth chattered, and she pulled her legs up into a fetal position as tears stained her cheeks.

Not only was her illness wreaking havoc, so too were her memories. At Llewen's voice, she began to weep. Her tiny, frank body shaking with the effort. "You're not here. You're dead, you're all dead. First mother, then you, and father..father left me on purpose. Left me to die on my own."

After the last outburst, Tabitha grew exceptionally quiet. No more murmurs of times long gone. Just shallow breaths as sleep quieted her addled mind. Only a whimper here and there to cut the silence with a dull blade.

Llewen Merrick
 
Llewen was wracked with the guilt he felt from seeing her in such a state; she was a pitiful sight to behold, and he'd fed into the night terror she was clearly having. Still, he'd learned something very important about her, so the venture was worthwhile for his own purposes. He'd learned when seeing the Lady Helia that much of the world was cruel and uncaring, and that serving his own interests needed to come first. Still, he couldn't help but pity her in such a state.

He went to the kitchen to draw up some cold water for her, wetting a rag and getting some in a cup for her to drink. He returned to the room, gently shaking her awake.

"Tabitha, I came when I heard screaming... I know not what ails you, but you seem feverish and I thought this might help," he said, motioning to the cool rag he'd made for her. "I uh, got you some water as well! I think Landis is off doing an errand at this early hour, so I went to the trouble for you. Please, let me know if there's aught else I can do--I am your humble servant."
 
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Tabitha was swimming in a black void. Sleep was the only thing she knew right now. Her body ached, and she felt as if she couldn't move. She felt a gentle pressure, a persistent one. She groaned softly as she was pulled from sleep.

She opened her eyes, blinking a few times to clear them. She was confused, cold, and in pain. She didn't know immediately that ot was Llewen that had woken her. As her eyes adjusted, they finally focused on him, and the rag he placed on her forehead was welcoming.

"I..thank you Milord. I am sorry to have woken you." She attempted to pull herself up to drink the water that was offered. She was puzzled by his words. Her servant? Her brain couldn't wrap that idea around it. "I...appreciate you doing this, but you don't have to." There was trepidation in her voice, but she had no strength to argue with him. "I just need sleep." She was too sick to keep the formality of her typical speech. So she spoke plainly as she lay back down.

Llewen Merrick
 
She seemed to have grown increasingly weak. Never minding what he had just observed in Tabitha's sleep talking, he now had a different concern: her actual health. He began to worry and think that she may have been better off in the city, for the fever which ailed her seemed to have worsened substantially. Doubtless this had to be from their ride in the snow and the wolf attack that left her in the snow and icy winds for far too long for someone her size.

He couldn't just sit there and do nothing. In the room's hearth he quickly gathered some firewood and tinder, and struck for the start of a small fire that lit the room warmly and started to heat it up. He got her more water, and then another fresh rag after about an hour had passed. He knew she needed sleep, but he was determined to keep her alive like one might try to keep a fire going during a winter storm.

When she would toss and turn, he would hum softly some of the songs his mother used to sing to him as a child. Eventually, the morning sun would come up, but Llewen was still sitting by Tabitha's side, desperately hoping she would survive this.
 
Tabitha was weak, she was tired. It didn't take long for her to fall back into a fitful sleep. She would toss and turn, whimpers often leaving her lips as her body fought to keep her alive.

She would wake occasionally, to Llewen stoking the fire, or putting the cloth to her head. His humming was soothing, though she could not articulate it. She was comforted by his presence, even if she had no clue what questions he would have for her when she was better.

As dawn approached, the sun breaking over the horizon, her fever broke along with it. She opened her eyes to see Llewen still beside her. She smiled softly at him, at the same time she felt guilty for him having to care for her. "Thank you, for staying with me."

Llewen Merrick
 
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Llewen felt a small triumph as the morning came and Tabitha felt strong enough to look at him, smile, and thank her. He was immensely tired by this point, owing to lack of sleep and his injury, but he was glad he was able to make it through the night with her.

"It was no trouble," Llewen said, trying not to sound too humble. "Every life is precious in these frigid lands. We have no nurses or maids who can do this, so those of us who remain must take their place, as the need for the work does not go away simply because there is no one specifically chosen to do it. I know Landis would have done the same, were he here. I don't know where is still, though, and as such I think I will make milady a stew to warm the heart and fill the stomach, if she thinks she can eat."

He paused for a moment, dragging his foot along the floor for a moment. "I hope milady takes heart and can survive this colder weather once she has shaken her fever, and is well fed once again." He got up to start making the stew, chopping some vegetables and preparing some water in a pot.
 
Tabitha studied Llewen from her spot on the bed. It had been kind of him to stay and watch over her. She was acutely aware of how close to death she had been, and how easy she could fall back into illness with her body so thin and malnourished.

"I am grateful, nonetheless. It is beneath your station to attend to me in such a way, and it's not lost on me, Milord. I will do my best to get better so I can repay you tenfold. Surely I owe you my life several times over at this point."

She had no recollection of her fever dream, or the conversation she had with her twin. She had no clue that he knew, that he saw her as a threat. "I will eat as best I can, I want to regain my strength as quickly as possible."

She lay back as she watched him, to her he was inherently good. She would do her best to make sure she threw herself into any task she could when she was better.

Llewen Merrick
 
Llewen paused for a moment, pondering Tabitha's statement about owing him her life. Such oaths and promises were common among Knights; he himself had made an oath to Lady Helia about his taxes. But it nonetheless had him feeling conflicted.

"You have already offered your service to me. I cannot ask more of you," Llewen said. There was a strange relationship between lord and subject. Tabitha was not quite his property at the moment, but neither was she his equal, at least not in her current state. Even with a task as important as handling their horses, she would still be beneath him. But he also knew now that she used to be a noble. He had to be merciful; anything else might prove dangerous, if someone from her past came calling.

"I only hope your body can keep up with your spirit, milady," he said, cracking a smile. "But please be patient with yourself. You're only good to me healthy, and strong. You have one of the most important jobs a knight needs done, and it won't do for you to push yourself and make things worse. So please rest; Landis and I will watch over you in the interim."

Not that he didn't mind the enthusiasm, of course.

~~~

A few days passed since then, and Llewen found himself training in the courtyard one morning. His wound was healing far too slowly for his taste, but he was nonetheless practicing his sword swings on a wooden dummy. He was interrupted by Landis, who approached him in a calm fashion.

"Lord Llewen," he said, giving a quick bow. "I was checking on Spirit this morning and passed by Rosemary's stall. It would seem she has taken ill, and is refusing food or water. I suspect this may be the case for you as well, but I know little of healing sick horses. Is Tabitha feeling well? Now would certainly be a good time to speak to her about this," he said. "Sick or not, she could at least possibly tell us what kind of medicine a palfrey might need."

Llewen agreed with him, putting away his sword and immediately turning to head into the castle. He was right; Better or not, they needed Tabitha's help. Losing Rosemary would be a crippling loss, as one of their only 2 horses. Llewen headed to the head maid's room they had established as Tabitha's room, and entered to check on her, prepared to ask his question.

"Good morning, Tabitha," he said, not looking before speaking. "I need to ask you about Rosemary."
 
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Tabitha was content to lay there as Llewen prepared her a meal. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to eat it, but she would try nonetheless. He made her curious, he wasn't like other men their age. He had more responsibility.

"I will rest, so that I can better serve you Milord. I'm no good to you dead. I will heed your words, and recover as best I can. I appreciate you going through such lengths to help in my recovery. "

---

Morning had come creeping through the window, waking Tabitha as the sun hit her eyelashes. Her eyelids fluttered open and she she sat up slowly and stretched. A yawn escaped her mouth, and she smiled. She was feeling much better, and ready to get out of bed.

She lifted the layers of blankets, and slid out of them neatly. Her bare feet the the wood, and she suppressed a shiver. She stood, her legs momentarily unsteady. She just stood for a minute, just enjoying the feel of it.

She walked over to the chest of clothes that had been left for her and opened it delicately. She pulled a few garments from it. She slid her nightgown off, studying her thin frame. She would fill out a bit in due time, now that she had recovered.

Tabitha went to start clothing herself, a pair of warm trousers already slid up to her waist, still shirtless as her door swung open. She was struck dumb for a moment as Llewen stepped in. She regained her composure and covered her herself with her hands. "Don't look!"

She finished dressing quickly, her face beet red. She hoped he hadn't caught a glimpse, she had never had a man see her in such a manner. She took a moment to sigh and collect herself. "You said something about Rosemary, Milord?" She was still flushed, but felt she had recovered from the incident well enough.

Llewen Merrick
 
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