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CORTOSI BORDER
WAR CAMP AT FORT ETRICH


The timing was tight, but possible. And here close to the eve of war marked the most urgent of occasions. Indeed, as the fortunes of war could be the cruelest of all, keen in this instance was the old saying "now or never".

Kristen Pirian had upon her graduation from the Academy abruptly gone abroad, traveling far from Vel Anir and to the distant heights of Mount Dincia, sacred site of Celestialism. In this errand she believed she had been so called not by the two priests who found her, but by the very god she worshipped, Aionus the Holy Sentinel himself. By what means had those priests come across her path, if not for the intervention of providence? Yet this reason and all others paled before the exquisite sense of truth she had felt in her heart, compelling her to go, urging with that quiet and gentle certainty by which the divine oft spoke.

Yet her pilgrimage to Mount Dincia had not come without sacrifice. Very much so, the pain of committing to so sudden a departure, leaving behind all whom she loved and cared for, inflicted at that time a great wound, and even now its ache knew no remedy.

No remedy, save what she hoped might happen before the 44th began their march into Cortos, igniting the war in all its fury.

Frustrated were all Kristen's initial efforts at reuniting with Alistair. Upon arriving back in Anirian lands, in Vel Numera specifically, it had been quite easy to meet with family—her uncle Tobias, her father Neil. She would be granted Ladyship over Vel Numera, much as she had wished, yet this cast to pieces her former notion prior to graduation of having all the time in the world to see Alistair, to do as she pleased. Responsibility consumed sunlight. And it was not her Ladyship alone—verily if it had been, then at any convenience could Alistair (who had his own responsibilities as Lord which demanded attending) have come to see her, or vice versa! Kristen was a Lady, but also a Dreadlord, and in this capacity she had her sword to lend to commitments elsewhere, commitments whose dire circumstances could not wait: Salesia, and her personal matter there; Sharyrdaes, and the dreadful plight assailing her friend Erën there. And now, as it happened, being called into active service to invade Cortos.

She needed to see him, lest she allow this tide of unending occupation to forever keep her away. And so prior to departing for service she had sent a letter to Alistair, informing him of the war camp of Fort Etrich, and wishing him the swiftest wings to fly if such opportunity existed for him to come in time.

Presently, Kristen stood just inside the eastern gate of the camp. Waiting and watching. This she had endeavored to do whenever it was said that new arrivals were coming. Supply lines were the most common, yet these caravans did not carry what she truly desired.

Mayhap it would be today, as yet more arrivals came, and as dusk began to settle on the land, that she would at last catch sight, so longed for, of Alistair Krixus once again.

Alistair Krixus
 
Why was he here?

This thought had been running through Alistair's mind for most of the day. When he had arrived on the western border of Vel Anir, he had thought all he would be doing was running the supply lines through his trading connections until he was given assignments for his more...bloody work.

And that was how things had gone, it was quiet on the western front for now, but that peace was abruptly upturned with the arrival of a single letter from someone who held such a complicated place in his heart, Kristen Pirian.

For a heart that held very little love, Kristen had held much of it for some time, but when she left for her church it had stung him more than anything. For the months after, Alistair had pushed away any thoughts and memories of Kristen to the dark corners of his mind and then drowned himself in work.

He may have been content to live like that forever, but life was rarely that easy.

So now, against his smarter half, Alistaiirr sat on his horse as it marched its way through a crowded caravan, not bothering to avoid the common folk. They would move if they did not want a large war horse plowing over them.

For much of the travel, Alistair had been riding blind, as very few members of the caravan had any magical energy for Alistair to spot. This is what made it so easy to notice their arrival at Fort Etrich as the fort was filled with Dreadlords and others with magical talent. However, none of those mattered to Alistair.

He spotted her in the crowd with ease, she stuck out to his sight like a candle in a pond of mud. He knew that aura even better than his own as he had spent much of his early days with his eyes studying her during their time together.

Urging his horse forward, Alistair pushed a smile to his face but could not shake the hints of sadness from it.

"Hello, Kristen."

Kristen Pirian
 
And there came the reward of her patience.

Kristen's eyes searched the incoming supply train, from the wagons and their drivers to the men on foot to the horses and their riders. For a good minute she despaired of seeing him, thinking that, if indeed he was coming, then this yet again was not the time of his arrival. Then, when nearly he was upon her, her searching eyes at last found him.

All at once the totality of the world around her, save for Alistair, seemed to melt away. She saw him and beheld his face and his form and she felt that she could be shed of her titles, her armor, the sharpness into which she by the Academy's regimen had been forged into a Dreadlord, all these things which Kristen could prize in their own right but which did not contribute in the slightest to her satisfaction as a woman. Indeed in Alistair's presence she felt she could embrace a certain softness which in all other areas of her life she could not.

"Alistair," she said, smiling as Alistair smiled, though hers was bereft of any present sorrow and she did not yet notice it in him. "I am so happy you have come."

Around them all the commotion continued unabated. Hooves tramped, wheels creaked, men called out direction and orders, and altogether it was a smothering busyness.

To offer remedy of this, Kristen said, "We will have much want of privacy in camp." She looked briefly to the north and then back to Alistair, and lifted up her hand so as to take his and sit behind him on his horse. "There is a place not too far which will be better."

It was the very hill that Arn and Lieutenant Reeve had surveyed the whole of Fort Etrich from prior to Kristen's arrival. She'd come to discover it on her own, and now it would suit nicely.

Alistair Krixus
 
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It was hard not to melt when Kristen smiled. That had been true two years ago and it was quickly apparent that nothing had changed for Alistair, as his heart rate quickened. Everything about her was like another punch to whatever defenses Alistair had put up to protect himself.

Still, even with such nervousness and the beautiful woman before him, the part of Alistair that remembered being hurt still reminded him to be wary. At one time, she had been the sun to him but he had learned that meant that it was very very dark when she was gone.

Even with such inner thoughts, he could not bring himself to deny her in any way so when she reached up expectantly, without hesitation he reached down to lift her onto the back of his horse.

Urging the horse towards the hill, Alistair looked around at the camp. All of those soldiers are on the front lines, putting their lives on the line. It made Alistair jealous. In the Academy, he had long dreamed of being one of those soldiers. However, given his new injuries and his particular skill set, Alistair was much more valuable to Vel Anir's war goals either behind a map or hidden in shadows.

"It's a pleasure to see you as well Kristen...How goes the war? Are we ready?"

Alistair struggled to bring up any topic that he truly wanted to speak on so instead he brought up the easiest and most obvious topic at hand which was the war itself.

Kristen Pirian
 
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Up she swept onto the horse, and Kristen came to sit behind Alistair and hold her arms about his waist as they rode. A moment of whimsy passed over her, coming with a lightness of heart and a momentary dissolution of her sense of duty. If but their horse could simply keep going, and they could ride and ride and ride to someplace fair and far, and leave behind all the worries and troubles of Vel Anir and House Krixus and House Pirian and everything else. Alas! It could not be so, even should not be so, and Kristen's fancy stayed but a moment's dream.

For all Kristen's feelings of delight, of joy, of longing at last satiated, there existed still the low hum of nervousness amongst the chorus like a slight disharmony. And she knew why.

So was Alistair's opening question well-received by them both.

"It will begin in earnest soon. I feel there is a great tension among the Guardsmen, the same sort that a leashed hound, spoiling for sport, might have. The waiting is perhaps more intolerable than the prospect of battle. And so I do not fear for Vel Anir's readiness."

She went on:

"I have become acquainted with the unit to which I am to be attached." Behind Alistair came a sheepish smile from her. "The Lieutenant in command is not very fond of me."

Alistair Krixus
 
It was hard not to feel Kristen's weight against his back, her arms wrapped around his waist, all as they once had been. He tried to focus on the task at hand rather than getting lost down a rabbit hole of sweet memories.

Alistair turned his mind to the war and he saw that Kristen was likely right. The Vel Anirian guard was one of the most well-trained fighting forces in the world, but because of mandatory service requirements of the Republic, the army was often bolstered with young recruits. This would be a good opportunity to truly bloody these recruits in actual war, not petty skirmishes.

"Yes, well common soldiers never like to see us Dreadlords. They've been here for years, and they hate being reminded of their inadequacies by those younger than them."

And to Alistair that was what they were, inadequacies. Even an average Dreadlord had been given much more training and resources than the common officer. Even if they could pull on experience, they could not hope to match them in pure firepower, especially not in Kristen's case.

"Pay them no mind."

Kristen Pirian
 
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"I shan't. At least so much as I am able."

Inevitably prompted by his words, there was a little something which she, despite her rational side telling her that truly it was nothing, she did pay some mind. She didn't want to, but she did. It bothered her, this farfetched idea. Kristen teetered back and forth for a moment on the decision to tell Alistair, for he was the only one who could understand her worry, but at the same time she didn't want to perhaps spoil their reunion by mentioning the name of Garron Banick.

She settled on asking something related to the matter.

"Alistair, you have been in the Reserves for longer than I. Have you yet been called to active service?"

Alistair Krixus
 
Alistair took a long moment to think trying to figure out what she was getting at.

"Yes, but nothing on the front lines. I've only been called in to perform scouting, assassinations, and a few other counter-surveillance objects."

The truth of the matter, that higher ranking officials had told Alistair several times, was that he was defective. His unique abilities gave him distinct advantages in his sight, but to last in a battle with multiple non-magical combatants he had to constantly spend his own magical energy to see, which he would admit his reserves were not great.

Instead, he was placed in positions where the use of his sight was needed only in singular bursts at just the right moments. It was a sore subject, but it was also why Alistair was largely limited to logistics in this upcoming war.

It was ironic but also soul-crushing to the young Dreadlord. He had been trained his entire life to be a soldier and now they wouldn't let him fight.

"Why?"

Kristen Pirian
 
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In the end, Kristen decided not to mention the Lord Banick. Even aside from the spoiling of the moment of which she so worried, did she need to be as fretful as a woman pursued? Garron held a great enmity toward House Pirian, and even toward Kristen personally, this was true, but he was not some omnipotent shadow haunting her every step. Simply because she happened to catch a glimpse of him at Fort Etrich did not therefore necessitate that some foul plot was afoot.

"Merely wondering," she said. "I suppose we both shall discover in time how common or uncommon is the practice."

And so they rode on, and the massive war camp began to sink beneath them as the land beneath their horse's hooves rose in a gentle incline. Above the low rolling blanket of clouds covered all the dusk sky save for an open rim to the southwest, and there that edge shone golden as if in defiance of the grey and settling night.

"Here," said Kristen as they reached a flat shelf of land, commanding an impressive view of the camp below. "This will do."

Anxious was she to do more than simply wrap her arms about Alistair's waist.

Alistair Krixus
 
That...wasn't an answer. How uncommon what practice was? Did she mean calling in the reserves, then that was tied to how large the war effort in question was. Alistair was called in more often than a regular member of the reserve due to the nature of the work and his usual willingness to go.

As much as he did not want to drop the topic, he was in no place to push the subject if Kristen did not want to so he held his tongue.

Upon their arrival at the top of the hill, Alistair assisted Kristen off the horse before he dismounted himself. What did she mean when she said 'this would do'? What were they here for?

Alistair took a moment to take in the image of the fortress below them. It was all perfectly organized in increasingly larger squares upon squares.

"It will certainly be a grand campaign."

Kristen Pirian
 
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"I should hope so."

Kristen stood beside him, looking as he looked down upon the encampment. In short order it would all be emptied, and its might would issue forth across the Anirian-Cortosi border. An impressive sight, yes, and a clear picture of the Anirian military's peerless quality.

Yet she had not written to Alistair so that they could together admire the machinations of troops and generals.

But now that they were here, with privacy gained, with no din of the camp's busyness to intrude upon their matters, suddenly apprehension mixed wantonly with eagerness, and it proved a torturous brew. All while she waited by the camp gates and even as they rode up to this very hill did she envisage and yearn for Alistair's embrace, for the press of his lips to hers, the feel of him, and now that they were here and nothing stood between them it seemed...unlike her that she should be frozen so.

But in time she knew the cause of her stillness and reckoned with it. That slight disharmony, felt amidst her earlier joy, wished to be addressed, and until such time it promised to make any embrace or kiss a bitter thing, robbed of its due sweetness. Stronger was this feeling than it had been before, sharper the blade, for what Alistair and Kristen had was not the familial bond between her and her Uncle, nor the manner of friendship between her and Zinnia. Here it seemed tangible that something was at stake.

At length, then, Kristen came to say, "I think...there is a pall of disquiet between us."

Her heart beat uneasily, painfully, in her breast.

Alistair Krixus
 
there is a pall of disquiet between us.

That was such a Kristen way of putting this. If this weren't such a touchy subject, he would have almost been forced to smirk, but his face did not even so much as twitch in recognition. No, the analytical side of Alistair's brain was at the forefront of this conversation ready to protect its owner. His emotional side had led the way when dealing with Kristen for almost their entire relationship, and it had only served to hurt him more when she had left...and now she was back again.

He stood there silently, sifting through so many different directions this conversation could go and every single one of them ended poorly in his view.

Finally, he settled on a simple set of words, "Yes, I would agree."

As he said them, Alistair tried to offer a slight smirk to lessen the weight of the words, but with the attempt, Kristen may notice something else. From the very beginning of this conversation, Alistair had attempted to offer smiles and other gestures to put them both at ease, but every attempt at smiling had never managed to reach his eyes.

To put it another way, Alistair had never once allowed himself to give in to any such joyous emotions he may have felt. If anything, he was pushing them back into the corners of his mind. He had put a large wall up to protect himself, one built by fear, regret, and shame.

This was similar to how Alistair had acted when he had only first begun to know Kristen, except instead of these negative emotions being birthed from such unknown situations such as his father, they now all stemmed directly from the person standing before him.

"A lot has changed in such a short time."

Kristen Pirian
 
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Alistair was to Kristen of a grim countenance, for as she turned from the view of the camp to regard him she saw his dispirited smile. Nothing stood between them had been her thought from only seconds ago, yet it was untrue. Trouble unspoken stood like a sentinel who with each outstretched arm held both Alistair and Kristen apart.

A lot has changed in such a short time.

The greater part of her wanted to believe that nothing had, but here again was wishful thinking, that old and familiar stowaway, smuggling into her heart. The seasons did not stand still when she dwelled in the summit of Mount Dincia, and all below upon Arethil went with them.

"Surely it is so. But will you not speak of those changes? I would hear them, if that is your will."

Alistair Krixus
 
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She asked so casually, but words were like daggers, once you hurt someone with them there was no taking them back. He knew what he would have to say would hurt. Wouldn't it be better to just remain silent and let her be mad? She wouldn't be mad though, she would just be sad...and that would be worse.

"I'm..." A sigh escaped his lips as he tried to gather himself and think of his words, but no correct response came to him.

"I'm not sure what you want from me here, Kristen...When you left, it hurt. It hurt a lot. It took a long time for me to get back on my feet, and when I did it was because I put all of this behind. I focused on working, and on my family. House Krixus has a trading company that competes for contracts with some of the Great Houses, I'm advancing magic and technology in Vel Anir more in the past year than they have seen in the past decade...All of this because I just kept moving forward and now..."

Before he knew it, he started talking and the words just poured out of him not stopping for some time before he finally got himself under control. He swallowed a deep breath and then sighed again.

"I just...don't know what you want."

He couldn't say the last bit. If she wanted to return to the way things were, then he couldn't do that...If she wanted to just be friends, then he couldn't do that...Finally, if she wanted them to completely ignore each other then...he couldn't do that either.

Kristen Pirian
 
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And so pain begot pain.

Kristen upon hearing the first of what Alistair had to say suffered a stab of stillness. Her eyes then went round as her face paled and she found herself lacking the strength to keep looking at him, and so turned her gaze out over the descent of the hill and the camp below. Her ears seemed to pick up more, now that her eyes had lost sight of him. Arethil drowned slowly as she heard naught but his voice.

She knew this was coming. Her wishful thinking could not wholly veil it. And she could not help but to feel that it was her fault. Her fault. Her fault for not saying it, saying what she had been meaning to say, even in the wake of Thraah's encouragement and Carter's happiness not saying it, shrinking to fear and thinking all would be well despite it. And now that fear was accomplice to a great and terrible theft.

If only she had said it.

A silence settled for a while.

Then, quietly:

"You have done no wrong, Alistair, for it was I who left. And when I did...it seems...that I have brought to ruin..."

She couldn't finish.

And she brought aloft her flesh and blood hand to hide her eyes.

Alistair Krixus
 
No. No! That was the worst thing she could have done. She could have been mad, dismissive, or even downright angry at him, but she was being reasonable. How was he supposed to work with that?

He sighed as his hand wiped what felt like sweat beginning to form on his brow. Alistair never sweat, he had runes to handle managing his temperature, so why was he sweating?

Damn it! Now she was crying, this was going about as bad as it could for Alistair.

"Kris, I didn't want this to get all negative...It's just I'm not prepared for things to go back to the way things were."


Kristen Pirian
 
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Kristen took some time to compose herself, yet it seemed a mountain whose summit stood indomitable. Her chest hurt, and her throat closed in on itself, yet with slow and steady and quiet breaths did she endure. She did not wish to speak with her eyes covered, and so forced her hand back down to her side. Her eyelashes felt wet, and she couldn't see Fort Etrich clearly.

"It was a vain hope of mine, then, to think it could be so. And so we have become foreign to one another again." A sorrowful noise, like a half-gasp, half-laugh, issued from her throat. "Foreign! Were it so. Such might be better, starting afresh. For what have we now? I..."

She swallowed.

"...cannot bring you happiness, as once I did, and bitterness threatens even the memory of what was."

Alistair Krixus
 
Instinctively, that part of Alistair that still cared for Kristen reached out to reassuringly put his hand on her shoulder. To tell her everything would be ok and that something like this could be fixed. At the last moment, his hand froze as that part of him that had been hurt regained control and pulled his hand back in.

This was the worst, he should have just never even come to this meeting. All it did was hurt each of them more.

"I'm sorry...I-"

He had been about to say that he did not blame her, but was that entirely true? No, he blamed a lot of things. He blamed the church, her, and that part of him that could not spit out the words that would have made her stay. He blamed all of them, but he couldn't figure out who he was mad at the most.

"I still hope to maintain a cordial and friendly relationship. You we- are still a good friend and colleague."


Kristen Pirian
 
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Really? That question? If it made a sound then Alistair was sure he would have the breaking of glass as his heart shattered...again.

This entire time he had been only watching her through his mana vision, it was easier to disassociate with the new vision and did not force him to see her facial expressions, even so his face looked out towards the camp wanting to avoid having to look at her for several seconds.

When he looked back on her his eyes were shining with the runic patterns that provided him with normal vision as he took a long look at her face. Her expression was like a sword being plunged into his heart as he could have a sword there was something wet around his eyes. Was it raining?

"I felt like I was floating...Like I was kissing someone who I would spend the rest of my life with."

Kristen Pirian
 
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Alistair's mouth open to speak, but he stopped as he could feel his voice beginning to crack. He took in a deep breath through his nose as he tried to calm down his beating heart.

He could end this now, just tell her yes and this would all be over. Sure, she would cry even more, but eventually, she would stop. She would go on her way and eventually forget about him and Alistair would find a way to keep moving forward...He may even never have to see her again.

"...No, but it's pushed back and locked away."

This entire time she had been asking him questions that he would have rather avoided, forced to come to terms with several emotions he had been avoiding. Questions that questioned his love for her, but that had never been in doubt for him...Yet, he had not asked anything of her.

"And what of you? What did you feel that day?"

His questions did not come out pleading or curious, but dead and monotone, as if he was afraid that any show of emotion would break the mental dam that protected him at this moment.

@Kristen
 
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...No, but it's pushed back and locked away.

Her hand rose to cover her mouth, yet the motion of her arm was of such floating slowness that it seemed Kristen herself remained unaware. Her eyes seemed to quiver like twin flames, each sad and meager in their size, obscured by passing silhouettes in the dark. Another sickly shadow passed over her countenance.

She had written in her parting letter that she knew a great sacrifice was being asked of her, and, with dismay ever more dawning, it had not been merely a sacrifice of time alone. She had hurt him far deeper than even her most troubling thoughts could conceive. He didn't even want to kiss her. She had wanted it, and in her mind invited it with her question, and he did not. And so it was true, driven home now, exactly what he had said: he did not know what she wanted from him here.

Now came her other hand, the one of flesh and blood, laid atop the first to cover her mouth as well. Her eyes trailed away and soon her body turned as if following their motion. She turned slowly as one in a stupor. Her back was to Alistair, and her shoulders drooped.

"I felt...a sweet blaze...the like of which...was without compare."

Alistair Krixus
 
Kristen and her words were always able to paint such a vivid picture, yet in this moment such images only made the pain sting all the more.

He refused to turn off his eyes, forcing himself to watch Kristen and her emotions. Every tremble, every reaction, and every look in her eye threatened to break Alistair down, but maybe it wasn't any sort of control that held him back from breaking. The truth was that Alistair was already broken. He had broken on the day he received that letter.

"That blaze...what happened to it when you left? Was it quenched or snuffed out? Was it locked away for the sake of the church?"


There were the briefest flashes of emotion when he mentioned the church. He had never been a big fan of the institution and now even more so. It was this institution that even gave him pause from opening up to Kristen. What if he did open his heart back up again? Would they try again? Would that blaze be rekindled anew? And then, would the church come knocking and he would be abandoned all over again?

He understood the pull of one's obligations and duties which was why he could never be angry at Kristen's decisions, but that did not mean he would stand there and let himself be hurt again.

Kristen Pirian
 
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At length her hands fell from covering her mouth to resting atop her chest. She looked back over her shoulder, her eyes made round with a forlorn hope and her gaze steady. She spoke as one reeling from a heavy blow.

"It burned all the brighter. My heart truly was yours to keep, and not a day passed without my thinking of you."

She looked down and away.

"Yet nonetheless I have caused you great pain. I have become not the rose's bud, but its thorny stem."




Alistair Krixus