Private Tales Those Fallen

[Anastasia]

"..." She exhaled heavily, looking resigned. Or perhaps a touch apprehensive. "Suit yourself." Her mind raced, the thoughts rapid and pressing. Her chest squeezed, anxiety-fueled adrenaline burning painfully through her. She breathed through it all, determined succeed with mind over matter.

She walked briskly through the halls, aiming for one of the wells and snatching up a bucket as she went. She said nothing, not trusting herself to remain composed with him. If she could do it now, then ... well, perhaps this was the first in a series of tests for her.

 

[Saul Talith]

Saul walked alongside of her.

It helped that he was taller, so for every two quick steps that Ana took Saul only had to actually take one. Still, she was moving briskly, and Saul couldn't help but wonder why.

He could that she was tense, a part of her still winding tight even as she tried her best to move forward. The new Lord Captain watched her out of the corner of his eye.

As they passed through the doors into the courtyard several Templar waved to him, most saluted. A few weren't ready to take that step yet, those who had come from Arrawaith's camp, but they at least offered a respectful nod in sign that they were now with him.

He couldn't ask for more.

Eventually they reached the large well tucked in the back of the Compound. "Here, let me."

Saul said as he offered to take the bucket. No need to getblood all over the crank.

 

[Anastasia]

She let him take it without resistance, tossing the apron aside and pushing hair out of her face with the back of her palm. She watched him crank, half pacing, not realizing her attempt to outrun her thoughts was manifesting as physical. The bucket came up and she stepped forward, jamming her hands into the clear water even as he placed it down. She scrubbed viciously, her face pinched as she did so.

 

[Saul Talith]

"You know." They had all grown up with one another. Spending years training and surviving.

The tests to become a full fledged Templar were by no means easy, grueling and painful in their own way. It was why they were still close today, why the nine of them were a team above any other within the Order. They had succeeded by working together.

It was also why they could read each other so well.

"It really doesn't seem like you're okay." He commented quietly. "And it's alright not to be."

This was after all, a time in their life with no precedence what so ever. Everything was different, Everything had changed.

 

[Anastasia]

Her breath shuddered through her nose, his words pulling up an obvious reaction. Still, she seemed to ignore him, scrubbing till the water went murky.

"Thought you had stuff to do." She grumbled, pulling her hands out and inspecting her nails.

 

[Saul Talith]

He leaned on the edge of the well. The small stone construct was sturdy enough, though he couldn't help but glance down into the watery abyss.

Saul remembered falling down the damned thing once. "That's not an answer."

The new Lord Captain said with a slight frown. Saul hadn't forgotten the events of just a few days ago of course, they were still as firm in his mind as ever. He'd tried to do as she'd asked, tucked away and compartmentalized everything to get them here.

It was difficult, but it had let them win the day at least.

 

[Anastasia]

She snorted. "I am fine, Saul. We got the compound back. You're Lord Commander, the others are alive. Why wouldn't I be fine, none of you are bothered." She shoved her hands back in, picking at her nails now. The more she said the words, the easier they were to pretend they were true. Her face slowly pinched, all emotions, even frustration, contained.

"It worked out as you said." She shoulda listened.

 

[Saul Talith]

"It did." Better than he had said in fact.

Though there had been some injured, some lost, the number had been much lower than he would have thought. The fact that so many of the men that had followed Arrawaith also rejoined was another surprising factor. It was good news, it really was.

"But you're still upset." He began. "About something."

Despite what Ana had said however, Saul knew that she was hardly the only one who didn't exactly like how everything had gone down.

Leane and Edwin were with him of course, their thoughts almost a mirror of his, but Valerie and Berrick both thought all of this could have been done without any violence. They kept it to themselves, and Edwin had only told him their thoughts after, but they still thought it.

The others were a smattering of opinions.

 

[Anastasia]

Ana sighed, dropping her hands limply in the water and staring distantly at it. He wasn't wrong. She had killed many of their own to get them here. It was a cost she had come to terms with while she was off on her own, but it was still a heavy burden she carried. It had been necessary, yes, sure. The sacrifice would save countless lives in the future, she knew that.

But it ate away at her.

"I have a job to, I do it. How I feel about it doesn't matter. You have us on the right path." Came her roundabout answer.

"I should have come to that conclusion sooner," she told him, taking the bucket and dumping it into the grass. "I didn't. I've already taken responsibility for it, what more do you want."

 

[Saul Talith]

"I want you to realize that it's okay." He told her simply.

It wasn't like he didn't have doubts, it wasn't like the others didn't. They all had their own feelings about it, and all of them had tried to push back in their own way.

That was how they worked.

"Don't wear yourself down." Saul told her. "It doesn't help anyone now, or in the future."

His lips thinned. Was he saying this right?

 

[Anastasia]

"Well then," she concluded, standing and drying off her hands on her clothing. "I'll go to bed early. Goodnight, Saul." She turned to leave, her expression remaining bland and even. No doubt in her quest to grow stronger she'd turn colder as well. That had been the thing about her that had always set her apart-- never a serious bone in that smile of hers, always exuberant. Welcoming. Open.

She wondered when exactly the others lost that edge. She wondered why she hadn't sooner. Either way, she was here. Her shoulders were tense as she moved to walk away, braced for resistance.

 

[Saul Talith]

Saul set his jaw.

The Templar Lord Captain was used to responsibility. He'd had it since he was the age of ten. Even when they were still training, when they had just been simple recruits Saul had taken up the mantle of leadership. He'd always put himself at the forefront of everything, always.

With that came a weight, a weight that had always set on his shoulders. Without much thought he'd always added more. Becoming a Lieutenant, then a Major, then a Commander and now...now Lord Captain.

Each time he took on more weight it became a little bit more difficult to bare, and each time it pressed in on him a little more. This time Saul could feel it crushing in, and he couldn't help the tightness growing in his chest as he felt his control of the situation slipping away.

Part of that was because of Ana. He wanted to say something, stop her from going, but all he could manage was to croak her name. "Ana."

 

[Anastasia]

Ana's stepped faltered, the way he said her name catching her. Her chest caved into itself. Pain clawed at every edge of her being. A tear fell down her cheek. But she did not turn around. She took in a shaky breath, then left him. First test passed. For the first time this week, she felt strong enough to get through this.

 

[Saul Talith]

Saul paused for a moment, frowning, and then taking a deep breath.

The weight of the world, and he would have to balance it. He supposed it was something else that he would have to accept, something that he would have to deal with alone. His fingers tightened into a fist, knuckles turning white for a moment until he released them.

Work.

That would do for now. Edwin would argue with him, Valerie would scold, but it was at least something that he could get done and over with. Something that would allow him a bit of accomplishment at least.

Shaking his head the Templar Commander headed back to what was now his office.

 

[Anastasia]

A week had passed, a small rhythm being found inside the compound again. For most, things adapted and moved forward. For others...

Ana opened her eyes, shock reverberating through her as she realized she had just been sleeping. Her sudden intake of breath tickled Saul's chest. His heartbeat pulled to her attention. She sat up briskly, a chill electrifying its way across her skin. Ah, in gods name.

Of all the laps of weakness to have.

She rubbed her face and flopped back over, staring up at the cieling as a tuff of hair floated over her face.

 

[Saul Talith]

For once Saul did not wake up first.

He was out like a light. The weight of the last week, the events of everything and the work he had done had put him pretty squarely out of commission. For all intents and purposes the young Templar Lord Captain was out of it. Sleep had been fleeting until this night.

The rest was much needed, something that his body had likely been craving for more than just a few days now. He'd pushed himself too far too fast, taking on much more than he should have.

A fact that Valerie had tried to tell him, something he'd of course ignored.

So even as Ana woke up Saul just kept on sleeping, tired, worn out, and in much need of more than just a little bit of rest.

 

[Anastasia]

And she let him, unmoving for near half an hour as she existed in her thoughts. Eventually, the need to relieve herself drove her into the brisk morning air. Her head pounded ever so slightly, a fact tried to splash off her face with stale water from the pitcher. She quickly dressed then stepped out of the room, taking care of needs and coming back with food.

She hadn't really been hungry as of late, but she couldn't help but to think of Saul and his usual state of willingness to eat. She placed it on the small table by the window and turned, watching him sleep. Her gut churned. She could only fathom what he had gone through this week, even peacefully sleeping the stress of it showed in lines on his face. She couldn't help but to feel as if she was letting him down, not being there for him. But she told herself that wasn't the case. He had the others. And what was she doing right now if not being his friend.

The friend that said she loved him. Where the hell had *that* come from?

She shook her head, rubbing her face as she turned back to the desk and picked up the flask of whiskey. A swig was taken to chase the pains away, and then she sat down and squinted over the arduous text of the thick book.

 

[Saul Talith]

Eventually Saul did wake up, though it was not a soft awakening, rather a sudden lurch. His eyes popped open and the Lord Captain practically jumped out of bed and onto his feet.

He did not reach for his sword, but there was an edge to him, as if he'd just been snapped out of a nightmare of terrifying ordeals. "Shit."

Saul said as he suddenly pulled himself together, chest rising and falling as he took deep and steady breaths. A frown touched his face for a moment, and then he felt a cool breeze on his naked body. For a moment more he simply stood there, then he spotted Ana and turned a shade of crimson.

Without another word he quickly sat himself down, pulling a blanket over his midsection.

"What time is it?" He asked, a strain of tiredness in his voice still.

 

[Anastasia]

She tactfully turned back to her desk at the emergence of his embarrassment, tracing the lines with her finger to find her spot again. "Mid morning, some point of it. There's food for you, table," she informed him softly.

 

[Saul Talith]

He frowned, rubbing his eye and glancing out the window to see where the sun was hanging in the sky. A breath filled him, head shook and he tried to get his wits about him.

This was the longest he'd slept in days. "I need to find Edwin an-"

Suddenly the Lord Captain cut himself off, remembering what they had done...and said the night before. His lips thinned, and despite himself there was a slight fidget to his form. For a moment Saul was just sitting there for a second, chewing on the inside of his lips before he took a deep breath and stood.

He allowed the blanket to drop, grabbing his trousers and pulling them on.

"I uhh." Saul stammered quietly as he pulled on his pants. "Well...last night"

He really would have to learn to be more eloquent. "Meant what I said."

 

[Anastasia]

She couldn't help but to glance back at him, her brows pulled in. "...So go... find Edwin?" She responded, not on the same page.

She couldn't help but to sound dismissive, almost itching for him to leave. She equated him to her kryptonite. Every time she resolved herself over one thing or another, he always came in and weakened that resolve. She didn't know why. She didn't think hard on it. She just knew that he needed her to not be weak. Weak Ana would want him to stay, she'd want to linger in this moment.

 

[Saul Talith]

Saul visibly deflated.

He'd never quite been good with expressing his emotions, even as a child. The death of both of his parents had been cause for that, the fact that he'd blocked almost everything. In the passion of the night before she had admitted to him and then he'd done it in turn, but now that the moment had passed...

Ana didn't seem to want it. "I..."

Saul sounded defeated, but then slowly began to nod his head.

"Okay." Not even putting on his tunic Saul grabbed his sword from the floor, pulling the scabbard up and keeping it in hand as he headed towards the door.

 

[Anastasia]

Ana swallowed hard, goosebumps pickling painfully across her arms.

"Saul," she called out, the name tumbling out before his defeated figure could make it back the door jam.

"...The breakfast," she nearly croaked, gesturing with her chin for him to take it.

 

[Saul Talith]

His hand stopped on the handle, his fingers tightening around the small bit of brass. His eyes watered, though his chest rose and fell at an even keel. The expression on his face said it all though.

Her words weren't enough, the offer of breakfast just wasn't enough after the level of rejection she had pushed on to him. "I'm not very hungry."

The Lord Captain said, unable to keep the pain from his voice.

Miscommunication or not, Saul had thought he'd made himself clear. He had meant what he said the night before, the words they had spoken to one another.

 

[Anastasia]

She blinked hard, her lips parting in shock at his expression. A confused noise befell her, her gaze sliding up as she quickly panned back, trying to puzzle out the obvious miscommunication.

It hit her like a stone of bricks, understanding smashing into her and stealing the breath away. They hadn't said much in the last 12 hours. But there was only one thing that could have drawn that moisture to his eyes. She flustered in place, her breath not so even.

"I-I. I didn't understand. I don'- I don't- under-"