Completed The Bound Flame

[Smiling One]

"What?!" Willis said taken aback at Caliane in a way he couldn't blame her for asking that question. Still he would think that after he saved Caliane that she would not ask that question. "No of course you're not a monster!" Willis tried his best to diffuse the situation since she looked as though she was about to explode with anger and fury.

"You are beautiful and precious," he said. "You were hurt so I wanted to help you. It's just that many Monster Hunters have rarely seen an Averial before. There hasn't an abundance of them since the end of the Age of Urogosh. They might mistake as an Angelic Monster who is a deadly foe who preys on souls."

 

[Caliane Ruinë]

The flame died from her eyes and she turned her face away from him as the considered his words. There was a large sum of beasts in The Spines, but something akin to the Averial was not something she had come across before, nor in their books. But there was a whole world out there they had shut themselves off from. Of course, anything would be possible. Sighing she dropped her shoulders, the anger fully gone from her body.

"I'm sorry... I should not have accused you after all you and your friends have done for me," her wings shuffled awkwardly. Taking a breath she quickly finished off the other two pastries she had stolen and swallowed. How could she stop the spread of fear about her race? Suddenly an idea came to her. "Just... wait here a moment." Slipping out the back door of the kitchen, with more care than she would normally take with them, she opened her white and red wings and with a whoosh launched herself into the air. She had remembered the window to her room was open. Landing gently on the ledge, she folded her wings back in against her back and ducked inside. She had been planning on asking Annie about the clothes she had arrived in, but when she stepped back into the room she found them neatly folded on the chair and patched up. Wriggling on her leggings and her trusty boots, she replaced the shirt she had slept in with her own blouse. Instead of the full jerkin however, after a rummage in the wardrobe, she added instead an underbust modest brown corset that would help to keep her ribs in a fixed place and heal quicker. She put her arm braces on and then ran her fingers briefly through her hair. With a quick glance in the mirror she was back out the window, landing as soft as a summer breeze on the grass.

"Now, you can tell them I'm not a monster," Cali folded her arms stubbornly over her chest.

 

[Smiling One]

Willis looked away when Caliane went to change herself a small part of him was curious to see what a naked winged Elf was like with her wings but he decided against it. The young man looked at Caliane when she said that she wasn't a monster. Willis examined Cliane as she crossed her arms across her chest. It was a typical Elven attire, the armor looked lighter presumably due to accommodating her wings. "You look beautiful," Willis said. "However the rest of Monster Hunters will look at you as a monster to hunt."

 

[Caliane Ruinë]

Caliane was momentarily stunned by the compliment but it was snowballed over by coming back to the point about her being a monster to hunt. She blew out through her teeth, her wings flexing in and out in a mimic of her frustration. How would she win this argument?

"Annie didn't. Neither did the Raven-One, nor the Orc," Cali smiled triumphantly. "In fact, they risked their lives on it for me. You are telling me the rest of your people are like the men who took me from my home?" her eyebrow arched, daring him to condemn his fellows.

"I'm not going to sit in my room like some..." she scrunched her nose up, her hands gesturing as she urged her mind to think of the right word in the Common Tongue. "Leper!" Her high cheekbones burned with a residual fever from her injuries. But to the pit of The Cursed she was not going to let him shut her up in her room. It would just make her feel more afraid for the outside world, she needed to prove to them and herself that she wasn't what they had been telling her for months as they sliced into her skin.

That she wasn't a monster.



(OOC Round Up for anyone thinking of joining - Caliane is a Avariel who was captured from her home and tortured for the past few months, recently rescued by Willis, a member of the Monster Hunters, and some of his colleagues. It has been two days since the fight, and a large group has gathered in the clubs safe house called Gilded Vale - https://i.ytimg.com/vi/QmOk3UR2sL0/maxresdefault.jpg).

 

[Smiling One]

The Lepersy pandemic happened during the Age of Urogosh it was said that 1/3 of the population of Arethril contracted the disease. Many places were built to place anyone who have shown signs of Lepersy Willis recalled it being named the Leper's pit. Many paranoid villagers especially in the Vel Anir area started pogroms blaming the non-humans for the disease as well as non-humans iniating pogroms in their territories to other species.

Thankfully a cure was developed thanks to the College of Elbion but it was a 30 year period of death and paranoia. Now Ages later, Leprosy is a rare occurrence though a few Leper's pit existed funded by the College who sends Professors and Students there to help. This time the Lepers weren't hit with the same stigma as they were back in the Age of Urogosh.

Willis sighed, the last thing he needed was Caliane to faint from her injuries she just recovered after all. She was right not ALL of the Monster Hunters were like that but there are some who were willing to capture her and send her to the college for a coin or two. "Fine you can come down," Willis said. "But stay close okay? I'll escort you to your home."

 

[Caliane Ruinë]

Caliane's whole face transformed with the excitement of meeting so many new people. Non-Avariels. This was a rare opportunity that not many of her mind got and she was going to savour every minute of it before she went back home.

"Yes, fine, I'll stay with you," Caliane waved her hands in agreement before gently turning him and pushing him out into the hallway before he could change his mind. As they walked silently along the corridor she quietly added. "You know, Willis, I am a Hunter where I come from, my father is a General. I know I am weak right now but," Cali took a breath and glanced at him from the corner of her eyes. "I wasn't always, and I won't be again." It sounded almost like a vow. Whether it was to herself, to him, or some ultimate being, it probably wasn't clear. Caliane didn't know herself, she just knew it was true. She never wanted to be in that position again, and if it came to that or death... Well Cali knew the answer in her heart of hearts.

 

[Smiling One]

Willis nodded as he lead Caliane downstairs, it was good that the Winged Elf can defend herself. It was more interesting that her father was a general, what battles did he lead troops in he wondered? Did the Avaeriel have secret wars that they fought. "You're going to be strong Caline," Willis said turning around to place his hand on her slender shoulder. "I'll watch over while you recover strength. I'll protect you I promise."

 

[Lazule]

He lay in the dirt amidst the mountain pines. The Monster Hunter, Gordon, did not exist below the waist, for each of his legs had been savagely torn and bitten off. His chainmail was perforated with multiple punctures. Blood streaked his face, his neck; his teeth and gums were visible through the hole were once his left cheek had been. His breathing was shallow and labored. Two dead dire wolves lay scattered around him.

Lazule crouched down beside Gordon. Watched the frightened movements of his eyes. He saw her then, and his gaze plastered over with a deep hurt and breathless sense of having been betrayed.

"Why..." he swallowed, "didn't you help me?"

Lazule stared down at him. Studied him with her solitary eye. Said, "You would not understand if I told you."

A flare of anger, weak as it was. "Why didn't you help me?"

Here a flash of memory. Of words that with the distance of time and the new circumstance of her being sparked in her a curiosity which she desired to put to the test. The monster of Father's making, Amygdala, had said them to her. And with the clarity that had come with her Breaking she could see the truth in them. The words: See this poor creature here, this thing in a stolen body calling itself Lazule. 'She' has never had the option to choose. 'She' has had branded into her mind these mantras. Confining, claustrophobic mantras that stifle her thought, her agency, her freedom. She is tyrannically destined to do as she was bidden: to hunt and to slay monsters, without any say of her own in the life she leads.

And so Lazule answered him, "I made a choice."

Gordon's brow narrowed with a bewilderment tinged with horror. He said, "I trusted you. Are you..." his breath sputtered and fell short and after a moment he recovered, "...even a Monster Hunter? Are you?"

"I was. I do not know if I still am."

Blood and saliva leaked from the ragged hole on the side of his face. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I made a choice."

"You said that."

"To see."

"To see what?"

"If I still am."

Gordon, in tiny motions, rolled his head from side-to-side.

"Those idle allow evil to prosper. Righteousness lies solely in action. Holy even are the meek who stand defiant before the wicked. In victory or in death, I shall have no remorse," Lazule said. She looked off to the side. Said quietly, "I tested this mantra. I stood idle. I did not act. I achieved neither victory nor death..." She looked back at him, a faint smile tugging at the edges of her mouth. "And I feel remorse."

"You should. You fucking should."

"Yes."

Gordon opened his mouth to say something, but only a gargle came out. He tried to spit, flaps of flesh rustling slightly, but it was unnecessary. The blood and the saliva leaked out again.

"Do you love your father?" Lazule asked him.

"Fuck you..."

"Do you love your father."

"I'll see him soon...thanks to you."

"If it was your father who had done this to you," Lazule cocked her head to the side. Curious. "Would you still love him?"

Gordon tried to answer, more than once, but he could not. Weakness overcame him, his skin grew ever more pale, his lips bluer and bluer, and his eyes rolled up.

And Lazule watched him die.

* * * * *​

They had been on their way to a Monster Hunter safehouse: the Gilded Vale. Days after Gordon's death, Lazule arrived there alone. She did not know what business Gordon had in coming here, whether it was to rest in general or if it was for some contract specifically.

It did not matter to her. Gordon was dead, and she was not inclined to investigate his business--if indeed he had any beyond the simple matters of recuperating and resupplying. But his death had aided her; a parallel, perhaps, to the six who died to give her life. For since her Breaking, she was without purpose, without a way of being; it was up to her to forge her own. And Gordon's death had provided her valuable insight. Her remorse was proof that a path existed within her to be found. She would not have felt it if there was not. Of this the proof was definitive, but other questions remained. Should she value human life, as once she did? To what extent? Under what conditions should she, if there was a value placed, remove this valuing with regard to an individual?

Father's mantras had shown her the way before, and she discovered that there was--at least--some truth in them. But discernment was necessary. Further insight required.

Was she the Hunter? The Slayer? And nothing else but that? Did this bring her nothing but joy? It remained to be discovered. And, as Amygdala had been alluding to all throughout her encounter with it, she alone retained the agency of such discovery.

Lazule entered the Gilded Vale. Sat by herself. Ordered a small plate of food--potatoes, vegetables, fruits--which she nibbled at very slowly. There was talk among the other Monster Hunters in the safehouse of a snowstorm coming. A contingent of Hunters were preparing to embark on a journey for their contract. Gamblers were rolling dice at a table on the other end of the main hall.

Lazule sat and ate and observed.

Still she sought the company of Monster Hunters, of those who had lived a way of being similar to her own. Gleaning insights from them would serve her well.

As it had been with Gordon.

 

[Caliane Ruinë]

Caliane could see the questions in his eyes and her lips traced a faint smile across her face, but she did not answer them. He may have rescued her, but she had a loyalty to her people and their secrets would not be forthcoming from her lips. Education on what they were like to ease the fear they were monsters, of course, but some things the Groundlings didn't need to know. Yet. She placed her hands on his forearms as he rested his hands upon her shoulders, and gave him a gentle squeeze. Words, to Cali, felt a bit dry after such a proclamation of protection. Especially when she was not as eloquent in the Common Tongue. But in her eyes he would be able to see she understood and just how much that meant to her, that this man who barely knew her, was willing to take on that duty. Taking a deep breath she released his arms and turn to the top of the stairs, which was in view of the room. Some might have caught a glimpse of her earlier but now, there was no hiding, no going back, no blaming someone for drinking too much ale.

"I need to say thank you to your friends," Cali kept her voice low, so that only Willis who took the stairs down with her could hear, as a hush began to fall over the room as one by one people glanced up, down, then back up with a start as they registered her wings. Choosing to ignore the room entirely and let them have their whispers for now, she strode over instead to the group who had first aided her when she had arrived, who were gathered near the bar in a group.

"I wanted to thank you... all of you, for helping me. I do not have much, but..." the Avariel slowly raised one wing and took from it a few feathers which were already working their way loose. Like birds, the angelic elves often shed the odd feather and they were replaced by stronger, newer ones. After her last few months in captivity there was more feathers than usual that were beginning to feel a little loose, but it helped her to reward these people in the only gesture she had. Caliane's wings were soft to the touch like most birds would be, though the edges could be sharp and cut like a knife. Now the grime had been removed from them, it was clear that what had merely looked like blood splatters were actually a part of her wing design. They started as a snowy white at the arches until about half way down, when they began to fade from white into a startling red that matched her hair. A few of the white feathers further up had an odd splattering of colour, but they were few and far between.

She placed four of her feathers on the table. One for Annie, one for the Raven-One, one for the Orc, and of course - one for Willis. One feather was pure white, the colour of snow, taken from nearer her arches, so it was shorter in length. The second was a pale pink, the colour of a lovers lips after a kiss. Another was a beautiful magenta shade, taken from closer to the tips of her wings. The last, and the largest, was a startling vibrant red that looked like it held within it a fire of its own.

"Where I am from, when an Avariel owes a person a life debt, they gift them with one of their feathers. That is what I owe all of you,. If you were to meet another of my kind, having this upon your person will be a sign you should be offered protection and aid," she inclined her head. The room was silent as others strained to hear what she was saying. "If you do not fancy using it as a decorative piece, I am told they fetch a pretty penny at the college, as they are apparently useful in some of your mages spells and potions," her lips were pressed into a thin smile at the reminder of what the men had spoken of over her as she lay on an operating table, but she meant it. With no money to offer, at least she knew if that is what they needed most, they would be able to get it with her feathers.

 

[Smiling One]

Willis' eyebrows rose up in shock when Caliane gently touched his forearms and placed her hands on his broad shoulders. He guessed that Caliane was a warrior based on her attire and the fact that her father is a general but her hands were surprisingly soft and smooth. The young man smiled though when she handed him one of her feathers as a gesture of thanks. Perhaps this was the Avavriel tradition? To hand people feathers as a token of their gratitude.

The feather felt soft and frail between Willis' fingers, he smiled as he looked at it. Admittedly a part of him wanted to sell it at the College of Elbion but he decided against it. If anything the worst case scenario was that Willis would give the feather to Kikwi he would go nuts over it. "Thank you Caliane," Willis said. "It means a lot and I'm sure the rest will love it as well."

As the two descended to the dining hall, Willis was at least thankful to see the Monster Hunters mostly drunk. Given the dangerous jobs that they go through, it was no surprise that many Monster Hunters including Willis turn to Ale. "Hey Willis!" One of the Monster Hunters called out to him slurring his voice. "That Elf? Is she your girlfriend?!"

Willis ignored as he saw a familiar face in the Gilded Vale. "Holy shit!" Willis cried out. "It's blonde!" The young man then went in front of her. "Hey @Lazule!" He called it. "How you doing?! You're quest to destroy all Monsters still going well."

Grabbing Caliane's hand Willis gently guided her to Lazule. "This is Calaine," he said. "A friend of mine! She's new to the world! Say hi to Lazule!"

 

[Lazule]

Lazule, sensing the odd hush in the din of the Gilded Vale's main hall, was also one of those who glanced up.

An interesting sight. An Avariel. A monster, by Father's classification. Violent isolationists. Their contempt for other sapient races invited cruelty into their hearts, and often turned them wicked. Thus Father branded them all, such that no discernment would be necessary. Avariel were, according to the mantras by which Lazule had once lived, indistinguishable from vampires, werewolves, demons. No better or worse than the dire wolves which had killed Gordon. Monsters, all of them. Fit only for eradication.

But Lazule no longer lived by Father's mantras. Her way of being prescribed by them shattered. Broken. And now she faced the great and terrifying vastness of unrestricted freedom.

Though there were some small and pleasing facets in this. Before her Breaking, under the guiding light of Father's mantras, Lazule would have at once stood from her table and made to slay the Avariel. No questions, no mercy. But now, she had the latitude for observation and analysis, the unprecedented option to learn more of the world she inhabited and all of its nuances which her mantras--by their very nature--excluded.

Why was this Avariel, a monster, allowed to exist inside this Monster Hunter sanctum? Father saw them as monsters, yet these Monster Hunters gathered here did not--clearly. She was plucking feathers from her wings. Why? She stated the reason soon after. Interesting. The Avariel had customs. A society? What if someone--perhaps even Lazule herself--surreptitiously or violently acquired one of her feathers and presented it to another of her kind? Would they know that the feather was not gifted? If so, how?

Her mind was flooded with questions.

Holy shit! It's blonde!

Lazule shifted her eye from the Avariel to the man with the dark skin. Oh yes. Willis Reede. She retained distant memories of her time training and learning at the Monster Hunter Fortress in Elbion. There she had met and lied to many Monster Hunters, Willis being one of them. He called her "blonde" as a moniker on several other occasions, and this name suffered the same lack of specificity as many other nicknames. Like "Blue," another nickname bestowed upon her by a different Monster Hunter in the Fortress, a reference to her eye. Again, a lack of specificity. Others had blue eyes. Blonde hair. Hm.

You're quest to destroy all Monsters still going well.

She didn't answer. Just looked at him.

But he didn't linger for one; perhaps--at least ostensibly--he did not want one. Small talk. A social norm that Lazule had trouble with both before and after her Breaking. Willis went to--

Oh. So it was Willis who had some manner of relation with the Avariel. Friend. A curious thing. Prisoner, hostage, subject maybe, these all seemed more appropriate, for inherent in them were varying justifications for why a Monster Hunter would permit a monster to live.

And Lazule took a keen interest as Willis guided Caliane close to her table. She did not simply want insight into the circumstances of this relation between Willis and Caliane; she craved it. Of all the things her Breaking had done to her psyche, the awakening of an evergrowing flame of curiosity was the most significant. Lazule wanted to know so many things of the both of them, the particulars of their respective ways of being. Their answers could shape her own.

Willis introduced them.

And Lazule looked to the Avariel, the monster, Caliane, the being which stood before her and which before the slaying of which would have brought Lazule only joy.

She said, simply, "Hello."

Yet her eye burned bright with fascination.

 

[Caliane Ruinë]

Annie, the Raven-One and the Orc all looked surprised to be gifted with something from her, especially her feathers. They all chose one and examined them. Annie put it in her hair, the Raven One tucked it amongst his other feathers, and the Orc mad a comment gruffly about selling it when he was next in Elbion, but as Willis grabbed her hand she saw the giant tenderly add it to a leather piece of thonging around his neck. She lifted her hand in a half wave of goodbye as she was tugged from the group and over to someone Willis wanted her to meet.

Heads turned as Cali walked from one end of the room to the other where Willis' friend sat. She heard a few murmurs between some groups but, not as many as she would have thought. Her fractions eased just a little bit, perhaps Willis had been wrong. Perhaps her people had been wrong as well. There was good outside of her city.

The winged elf turned her emerald eyes upon the blonde woman sitting at the table and something inside her chilled. She was glad that they were sat at a table nearest the hearth, the fire provided her with an extra safety net if something were to go wrong in here. Of course, she could conjure it herself, but she was still tired from her ordeal and using a powerful hearth flame would probably be more useful than any weak flame she could conjure in that moment. The reason for her unease was because of the way this woman - Lazule - she was informed, was looking at her. Like how a child looks at a beetle they've caught, just before they begin to watch is slowly fry in the sunlight.

There was a brief silence after the woman said hello as Cali ran her eyes over her form to determine if she might get stabbed if she took another step closer. Deciding to risk it, she clasped her fist over her heart and bowed elegantly at the waist, the wings sweeping behind her like a cloak might. It was the typical greeting for Hunters amongst her kind. She then followed Willis' lead and sat down at the table to join this... friend of his.

"A pleasure to meet you," Cali spoke softly. Annie passed the table, topping up and distributing drinks to the three as appropriate. The Avariel was thankful for the warm drink between her hands, and closed her hands around it. "So... how did you two meet?" her eyes flickered briefly from Lazule to Willis and back again.

 

[Smiling One]

Lazule as usual had an uneasy look on her face. Despite Willis prodding, Lazule was vague about her past and about what she was doing in general. Needless to say, Lazule was one of the best Monster Hunters around and by Willis' account, the most fanatical to where there were times that she forgot to collect her pay. "We've met at Elbion," Willis said to Caliane offering the Winged Elf a seat. "We were both tasked in killing a Vampire who was committing murders around the common area."

The young man thanked Annie for giving the three a drink. The Gilded Vale only serves one alcoholic beverage here and that is Ale. "It took a while but we found the Vampire, he was a bored noble who decided to kill for fun. Before we can do anything, Lazule increated the Vampire reducing him to ash. We got in trouble with the law because the noble had some pull with the merchant's guild but we managed barely slip by."

If a person was a monster, Lazule will kill them without any hesitation or regret. She doesn't think about the consequences of her actions such as what happened to that Vampire noble in fact Willis doubts she cares at all. Lazule was one of a kind Monster Hunter, a person who kills not for coin but for sport. Still the young man was one of the few friends she has and they occasionally work together on contracts or hang out.

"By the way Lazule," Willis smiled taking a sip of Ale. "Caliane is NOT a monster. She is a beautiful and lovely woman. An Avariel if you may a rare species once thought to be nearly extinct."

 

[Lazule]

Lazule did not touch the ale offered by Annie. She knew that many were infatuated with inebriation, some to the extent of practically loathing sobriety. Her opinion on it remained the same: above all things it was a distraction, a dulling of purpose. It was true that Lazule had lost her purpose, but the strangulation of her critical faculties through the means of imbibing alcohol would not aid her in finding a new one.

Willis related the story of how they met. She remembered...Willis, yes, but she did not remember this vampire. She remembered that there was, in fact, a vampire, but she did not recall anything of the particulars; nothing of nobility or earning the ire of "the law."

A close introspective examination of this peculiarity of her memory bore out some sense. She could remember slaying monsters in general, but not in particular--not in the long term. The vampire she killed in Elbion was no different to any other vampire she killed at any other point in her life. No different--aside from name alone--to any other monster. All the wicked, those lacking the sanctity of personhood, were one in the same to her: vile things to be slain. And the mass grave welcomed all with distinction.

Lazule had been nibbling at the food on her plate while Willis told the story. Looking mostly at the Avariel. Wondering how soon she would have forgotten her name if the Avariel, too, had been tossed into that mass grave, as Father's mantras demanded.

But then.

Caliane is NOT a monster.

Lazule's eye shifted from the Avariel to Willis, an intrigued smile tugging at the corners of her normally impassive expression. Curious delights crackled and then flared in her mind. Why had Willis made an exception in this case? Did the Avariel truly believe herself to have the sanctity of personhood, or was it mimicry? Had she convinced Willis of this sanctity? Was it through deception, reasoning, magical coercion? These questions among others. Oh, and did Avariel truly prey on souls, or was this exaggeration of some other quality of theirs?

"Why would she not be? Beauty and loveliness seem more so to be conditions for the swaying of your judgment than qualifications for the sanctity of personhood. She bears an overwhelming resemblance to a woman save for the minor deviation of a pair of oddly-colored avian-style wings. Is it this resemblance that informs your judgment?"

It appeared to be, since the mentioning of these characteristics took precedence over any other qualities. And there was, Lazule recognized, quite the powerful relationship between beings which held a certain likeness to one another. Lazule had experienced this herself, in both an associative and dissociative manner. Before her Breaking she retained a quiet kinship with humans, for the simple fact that the body she inhabited looked like them, like Father and the whole of Mankind. After her Breaking, and after being gifted the ghostglass from Harrier Wren, she saw herself--her true self--for the first time. A tiny ball of magical blue-green fire, locked inside the hollow of a dead human girl's chest. And at this, the raw fact that she was starkly not human--not even slightly by some coincidence of appearance--had separated her more and more from that forlorn kinship.

That part in Willis's story of the vampire--also monsters that bore overwhelming resemblances to men and women--killing for fun sparked further questions.

Lazule shifted her attention from Willis to the Avariel. And she said, "Have you killed anyone? For fun or otherwise?"

Her smile was small, but the keen interest behind it enormous.

 

[Caliane Ruinë]

Vampires... It was a being that hadn't been seen in The Spines for a long while. If they had wondered there, they had not dared come near her homes boundaries at the very least. But they had always intrigued her, some of her favourite fiction as a child was about this sinister race of undead preying on unsuspecting mortals. It was the kind of creature that really fuelled the whole monster under the bed nightmares and she had lived for them. The Fae who would still a lost child's soul and replace it with one of their own was another firm favourite.

The winged elf winced at Willis' proclamation, and she had to say she agreed with the girl - beauty did not mean innocence. His bold claim had attracted a few head turns and whispers, making the young Avariel wish the ground would open up under her and suck her in. Even amongst her own kind she had been uncomfortable with comments on her appearance, there was just something about being reduced to your physical appearance that grated on the Generals daughter and left her feeling like the rug had been pulled out from under her feet. Perhaps, it was because in her household merits and attractive qualities were always education, skill, strength. Something you could control. Beauty was objective.

"By your own point, is it merely my wings that makes me a monster in a persons eyes?" her voice was gentle but there was a thin rod of anger that ran through it. The woman's smile was all hidden daggers. Caliane could almost imagine Lazule pinning her wings up in some kind of trophy house. The silence stretched on as the two women stared at one another, before the blonde girl seemed to finally settle on her next question. It startled a laugh from Cali's lips.

"I rather think that depends on what your definition of anyone and anything is," Lazule had already demonstrated she clearly had her own interpretations of both. She looked at the girl for a long moment, studying her face, before taking a deep breath and beginning to list them. "I have killed Golems, Goblins, Ogres, Basilisks, Griffin, Banshee, deer, rabbit, horse,, birds" she paused to take a sip of the warm ale. "I am a Hunter amongst my kind, it is my job to ensure danger does not get close to our home, and to get the odd piece of edible meat whilst I'm out," a light twitch of her lips. "I do not know how the hunters work here, but our code is to only kill if a creature is going to, or has, caused harm. Sometimes we do not need to kill the things we hunt. They merely wander too far from their own homes due to food shortages, or something of terror driven them there, and sometimes it is a sadness to kill them. I do not let them linger in pain, I prefer a clean and quick death," she thought of the majestic winged horse which had been driven mad by something poisonous it had eaten. It's kin had mourned for the mares passing.

"And I have executed one of my own kind."

 

[Lazule]

By your own point, is it merely my wings that makes me a monster in a persons eyes?

"No."

Father had instructed Lazule with a declaration of beings that were always monsters, and guidance on how to discern if those who once held the sanctity of personhood had lost it. For humans, elves, komodi, dwarves, sapient races the world over could all become wicked. This guidance revolved around a key tenet: Cruelty.

They who preyed upon the good were monsters. Cruelty had infected them. Slipped into their minds like a poison and made men and women--they who were meant to be better--evil. For they knew well the wrongness of their actions and yet did them. This was the core of Father's guidance.

But was he wrong? Was Father wrong? If so, on how many other counts was he also wrong?

Lazule had never had the opportunity to speak with a being deemed a monster before. And the Avariel...Caliane...didn't see herself as a one. Yet Father had said that all Avariel were monsters. But Caliane accorded herself as any with the sanctity of personhood might.

Lazule had never had the ability to even consider what those who were deemed monsters thought of themselves. What did the golem, the goblin, the ogre, the basilisk, the griffin, the banshee, what did they think of themselves? Did they see humans as monsters? Did they see Hunters like Lazule, Hunters like Caliane, as monsters?

Why should Lazule defend humanity when these questions remained as yet unanswered? They were not her kin, and there remained no clear reason why humanity, elvenkind, dwarvenkind, and all the rest of the sapients should rule Arethil over those they deemed "monsters." And did not some members of humanity also find Lazule herself abhorrent on those rare occasions when the truth of her being--that she was not one of them--was revealed? Did they not become violent, become Hunters in effect, at this revelation?

That remorse...felt when Gordon was attacked by those dire wolves.

What was it?

Was it remorse that she did not help him?

Or was it because she did not kill him herself.

Father brought her into this world. Created her from the willing sacrifice of his sons. Yet he did not want her. Not truly. He wanted his daughter back. And when he could not have that, he wanted an obedient Slayer that he could unleash upon those he deemed "monsters." Father brought her into this world and left her, as Amygdala had said, without any say of her own in the life she led.

That was going to change.

Lazule's small and curious smile died a slow and gradual death. She wanted to apologize to Caliane. To say that her "guiding light" had been blinding. That Father and all his mantras were corrupted with a thread of falsehood that, once pulled, unraveled everything Lazule thought she knew of Arethil and the creatures which inhabited it.

But she had to know. Had to. Caliane's answer would be pivotal.

An intensity flared in Lazule's eye. All of her attention was focused squarely on Caliane as she asked in a low voice, "Why did you execute one of your own kind."

 

[Caliane Ruinë]

"He committed a crime," Caliane sighed and the noise was heartbreaking. It had been one of the darkest days as her time as a Hunter, one of the worst during her times as a commander in the ranks. She took a piece of cheese from the sharing platter Annie had put down between herself and Willis and then launched into the story.

"He and his twin sister had joined the Hunters at the same time I had, his sister was like sunshine, and he a little more reserved but friendly all the same. They were a core part of our team, and we loved them dearly," hunts could often stretch on for days or weeks, those the hunted with almost replaced their own families in a way. "But, on this hunt, they walked into an ambush and the girl was killed," there had been nothing her brother could have done, it was too quick, too calculated. "Sveren was devastated, inconsolable. Twins share a special bond and I imagine it was like part of you dying. He led the hunt against the group of Goblins who had killed his sister, we thought revenge might ease his pain but he became... obsessed. Over the coming weeks it wasn't just the Goblins he blamed, it was the team, the commanders. And that's when the deaths began. First, it seemed like a horrible accident - the other hunter who had been due to go out with the twins but had not gone was gored to death. We lost our commander a month later," she sighed. Now she spoke, it seemed so obvious, but who would ever think about your friend being one of the monsters?

"I caught him over the body of one of our other hunters about three months after the accident. He didn't even try to deny it, claimed we were all monsters for letting it happen to his sister. He faced trial, but the crime of murder is punishable by the same. By that point I was commanding the unit he fell under and it by my hand he had to face justice," it had turned her stomach, but she had made it quick and as painless as possible. "Sometimes the worst monsters are our own," her lips twitched. It had been what her father had said to her as she scrubbed to get the blood from her hands afterwards.

"So tell me, Lazule, am I a monster?" Cali smiled ruefully.

 

[Lazule]

Lazule listened to Caliane's story.

Weighed its characteristics.

Caliane loved Sveren and his twin sister. Dearly, she had said. Yet it was apparent that this love could be revoked. This was born out by Lazule's own experience. For once she had loved Father; he was a God to her. And through him she had loved all of Mankind. But this love could be revoked by condition, the same by which Caliane had done with Sveren. For those who had turned cruel, turned wicked, could lose the essential qualification for this love; bandits, raiders, and their ilk. And Lazule, like Caliane, would put them to death.

Murder. The slaying of those who were not monsters.

There was, in Lazule's experience, no forgiveness for this.

There was, in Lazule's experience, no redemption for this.

There was, in Lazule's experience, no chance to be loved again after this.

Once a monster...always a monster...

Fit only for eradication.

So tell me, Lazule, am I a monster?

A quiet hollowness crept into Lazule's voice. "If you are not, then..."

I am.

The mass grave...into which Lazule had thrown corpses and corpses as a Slayer. The shrines fashioned from pieces of the "wicked" she erected all across Arethil as recompense for the "innocent." How many of those she had slain were not monsters at all? How many vampires were not? How many werewolves? How many dire wolves were simply protecting their territory? How many giant spiders were no more or less aggressive than grizzly bears? How many golems and goblins and ogres and all the rest? All this, because Father had been wrong. About the Avariel, about unknown quantities of others. What gave humanity the right to declare other beings as monsters? Why was it that they assumed special exception of personhood for themselves?

What. Makes. The. "Monster." Hunters. Not. Murderers.

Lazule's gaze dropped in a dizzying spiral downward. For a moment it looked like all the world was imploding inside her mind.

And she looked back up. Regaining that intense curiosity blazing in the blueness of her eye.

She asked Caliane, "Do you hold unconditional love? For anyone? Such that if they had done what Sveren had done, you would love them still? ...Forgive them?"

 

[Caliane Ruinë]

Caliane got the distinct feeling this was no longer entirely about judging her.

Watching Lazule's shifting expression, the different emotions warring over her eyes... Cali relaxed her shoulders a little. Something had happened to the girl, recently, if she were to judge, that had turned her world upside down and inside out. She needed Caliane's answers to help her with whatever war she was internally fighting.

She weighed up the question.

Did she love someone unconditionally? If someone had asked her that, without a thought she would have named three people: her parents, and Zandeer. Would she be able to hunt any of them down if they committed murders against their people, proved themselves to be capable of taking innocent lives for no other reason than an off kilter revenge spree? She was quite surprised to finding herself answer yes. Because it was the right thing to do. Would she still love them? With all of her heart. She couldn't imagine the people who had been her world ever not having a stake in her affections. Would she forgive them? In a way... she had forgiven Sveren. Despite the twisted reasoning, she could see the tiny glimmer of sanity the darkness had wrapped it around, the pivotal bit of truth that if he had not gone on that hunt that day, his sister would have been alive. So whatever forces good, or evil, friend or foe, had caused that accident to happen was to blame. It didn't make it right.

She took a deep breath.

"Yes. I would love and forgive them for what they had done... But I would still feel bound to carry out the necessary steps to execute justice for the innocents who had had their lives taken away from them. It is a hard question to give you a one solution fits all kind of answer, which I'm sure would make everyone's lives a lot easier," Cali smiled sadly. "But, the truth is each case would be different. For example, did they commit their crime against their will? Was it a spell, something I could break to return that person back to their normal selves, who would stop hurting innocents? In the case of Sveren... there was not.

Could I have imprisoned him, softened his sentence? Probably. The Elders are open to suggestions and sentences have been lessened before, but what then? There would always be the risk that one day, he would be free. And what if he didn't stop at executing his revenge on his own people - what if he had gone beyond our borders and hurt others, taken away their loved ones? I would then be responsible for letting others die, because of my own love and my own desire to forgive.

If he had shown remorse... I might have tried," she conceded. "A mental breakdown for losing someone you love is understandable - stories have been told about the pain for centuries. But I don't think I could tell until I had looked into their eyes. In Sveren's... there was nothing but glee."

Caliane hesitated a moment and then very gently she reached out and gave the girls hand a squeeze, her emerald eyes green pools of concern.

"Has something happened to make you ask these questions?"

 

[Lazule]

Caliane would love them still. Caliane would forgive them.

Yet she would execute them all the same.

Lazule had visible difficulty in fathoming this. How could she kill someone she loved and had forgiven? Lazule had once been deathly afraid of so much as causing a human minor harm before her Breaking, to the extent that her anxiety caused her to stutter and shake in their presence. This, because she loved them. Those men and those women who had turned wicked were immediately excommunicated from that love, and this allowed Lazule to slay them as she would any other "monster."

Lazule did not understand the concept of imprisoning someone, and why this was considered a softer sentence. A slow death was still death.

But, the truth is each case would be different.

Caliane gave examples.

In the case of Sveren... there was not.

And Lazule's own? It was all she had ever known. Brought into spontaneous being with no knowledge save the sensory input of Lena's body, Lazule awoke. And there was Father, staring down at her. From that moment on his teachings began. The very concepts of what was right and what was wrong and what was a monster and who was not had all come from him.

It was all she had ever known...until her Breaking. Did some of the various "monsters" of Arethil occupy a similar circumstance to this? The dire wolves which had killed Gordon, their behavior...was it all they had ever known?

If he had shown remorse...

Lazule had felt it. For her intentional inaction in allowing Gordon to die. But, before her Breaking, she showed no such remorse for every "monster" she had killed. She was akin to Sveren. In her eye one would find only joy.

Did this remorse...qualify her for forgiveness? And if so, did it even matter? If under Father's guidance, Father's mantras, she had slain innocents, would she not be the same as Sveren?

Caliane touched her hand, and Lazule's shoulders stiffened. Her eye drifted down in an apprehensive manner to the hand squeezing her own. And she looked back up once the question was asked.

Lazule opened her mouth to speak.

Nothing came out.

She tried again. "I no longer know how to be in the world."

It seemed an insufficient explanation, even her own ears. But it was all she could think to say in the moment. Soon, a clarification came. Stark and clear. A realization that never would have been born without having spoken with Caliane, without having confronted directly the unspoken conflict tangling the thoughts in the deep recesses of mind.

"If I love my Father, then I should kill you. He deemed all Avariel monsters, and monsters are to be slain. But I do not want to kill you."

She swallowed.

"If I do not love my Father, then I should let you live. But he gave me life. I want to love him."

Her breath fell short.

"Help me."

 

[Caliane Ruinë]

Caliane's heart ached for the girl. There was nothing worse than feeling a duty to follow in your parents footsteps, that sense you were causing them nothing but disappointment and were hurting them by forging your own path. She was still mildly disconcerted that whatever she said might somehow help the girl to make the decision to try and kill her, but she would cross that bridge when, or if, they came to it. At least Lazule said she didn't want to kill her - that was a good sign... right?

If I do not love my Father, then I should let you live. But he gave me life. I want to love him.

How to even begin to unwrap that sentence without prying too deeply into the woman's past?

"You can love someone and disagree with them, Lazule," Cali spoke softly, tilting the girls chin up so she could look her in the eyes and hopefully show how true that sentiment was. "Love is an emotion. You do not have to prove you love someone by doing what they want, you prove it by the way you act towards them. Love is checking in on them, helping them through difficult times, being a shoulder to cry on or someone to laugh with. Love is being there for the highs and the lows." With an almost motherly touch, Caliane brushed the girls hair back from her face and offered her a brave smile. "Love is hoping someone might do what you ask them to, but knowing you'll be there for them even if they decide not to. When I told my father I wasn't going to join the army as he had, he was devastated and hurt. We didn't talk for many years except if we happened to pass each other - if you didn't know we were related you would have said we were strangers. But in time he saw that the path I had chosen was the right one for me and he was there for me the day I graduated from my class. He is the first to say his daughter is a Hunter. He's the first one I want to share my triumphs with, and my fears. That's love."

Desperate to provide more comfort than mere words she stood up and moved around the table so she sat beside the girl and very gently pulled her into a hug, her wings folding around them both so they were out of sight of the rest of the room.

"It's ok to love your father for giving you life, but that doesn't mean you owe him anything, Lazule. It's even ok, if you hate him a little bit. It's all a part of being your own person." she whispered the words in the hushed cocoon of her wings.

 

[Lazule]

A dismantling the likes which were akin to Leyus's magic and the Breaking it caused took place as Caliane expounded her thoughts on love. Lazule's eyes, both of them, the blue left and the clouded and blind right behind the lock of hair, widened in the dawning of a new realization.

You can love someone and disagree with them, Lazule.

Father had taught her. From the moment of her creation, he had taught her. And all of his teachings, she now realized, were irrevocably colored by his rigid way of thinking. Black or white. Monster or Man. Evil or good. Thus the mantras he bestowed upon her, as Amygdala had said, were "confining, claustrophobic" and which "stifled her thought, her agency, her freedom." In Father's way of thinking, statements like Caliane's were not permissible. You either loved someone, or you did not.

Now, Lazule saw it. For the first time she saw it: Father's binary way of thinking, and the same that had been impressed upon her. She had thought Father a God, his teachings without error, and thus through this she--so it stood in this flawed reasoning--could know the world and all within it.

But, as she well knew now, Father's teachings were not without error: Caliane was the proof. And it had become vastly apparent that Father was not a God. He was just a man.

A man who had, perhaps, feared for her. Despite her anger (a stirring new emotion she recognized instantly within herself, having seen it in others) at feeling deceived, Lazule conceded that Father may have crafted his mantras and his teachings moreso out of love for her than malice for others. It was true that Lazule's love was not returned in the same degree to her from him, but--mild as it was--it had been there. Had he allowed nuance in his mantras, any measure of doubt in her purpose of slaying monsters, then such may have possibly led to her death.

Yet she wanted this nuance. Like Caliane had wanted to be a Hunter to the disapproval of her father, so too did Lazule realize that she now wanted this nuance despite the wishes of her own Father. Yes, there was truth in Father's mantras; the remorse she felt for Gordon was powerful and real, and she knew the exact nature of it now. But Father's mantras, in and of themselves, did not contain the world within.

Lazule wanted the freedom to discern the gaps herself. She wanted the agency to show love to whomsoever she deemed worthy and to use her own insight to define who and what was a monster. That was what she wanted. What she felt was right. She thought her purpose destroyed in her Breaking, but it was not so.

She could love Father. She could hate Father. She could love Mankind. She could loathe Mankind. She could slay monsters. She could show them mercy. All on her own terms.

As part of being her own person.

It was only then that Lazule became aware, after having been so deep in her own introspection, that Caliane had come around and embraced her and effectively hid the two of them inside the fold of her wings.

She lowered her voice to match Caliane's own. "I believe I understand. I could not reconcile both loving Father and hating him. I am...not used to this way of thinking."

A grim pause.

"I would have killed you." The corner of her mouth twitched. She averted her eye. Resolved, soon after, that she should have the courage to look at Caliane as she spoke. And she elaborated, "I would have killed you, or you me, if I had come here loving Father as I always had. But that has changed."

Another impermissible thought--another binary shattered. And Lazule offered up a small, reconciliatory smile.

"I hold both joy and sorrow that this is so."

 

[Caliane Ruinë]

Of all the things Caliane had thought she would do when she was finally free of those monsters who had taken her from her home, it was not to be having a very deep and philosophical conversation on the concept of love. The world had a strange way of putting people in your path who needed your help in that moment, the help Lazule had needed to help overcome the war that had been going on inside of her. For a brief moment she thanked the horror that had been her life, if it had meant she had turned this girl away from killing people based on the strict mantra her father had implemented on her. If she had helped one person, at least there was a glean of light in the darkness that had been her life. After all, that was why she had become a Hunter - to help. Perhaps, I could help even more people if I weren't shut away in the high towers of my home, the thought was a dangerous one. Avariel had not ventured from home as they were for thousands of years - of course there were the warriors who used glamour, but to be herself and still help? She felt a stirring in her gut the likes she had not felt since the first time she had truly decided to become a Hunter. Was this her new path in life?

"Welcome to the joys of having a parent. I'm reliably informed it is even worse when you are one," Cali smiled, her words a gentle tease. Once she was sure that the girl was a little more collected and looked more sure of herself she unwrapped her wings and folded them neatly against her back. The hushed silence the feathers had created faded away and the normal chatter and sound of dice returned.

"I have to say I am a little glad my words have helped you decide not to kill me," the winged elf gave a crooked smile. "I think I have had enough of that to last me at least a little while," she picked up another piece of cheese and popped it in her mouth. She could feel her body desperately trying to heal itself but she just didn't have the energy for it. Her rips ached, her wrists itched, and her back was on fire still.

"Are you still going to be a Monster Hunter?" Cali asked curiously. For some, when they realised there was grey, they decided Hunting was too much for them and they joined another sector in her society. She wondered if it were the same for this society.

 

[Lazule]

Parent.

In a sense, yes. In a sense, no. Father had created her, but she had not been born. Not in the manner that was natural for humanity and others. The method by which she had been given life involved more tangible sacrifice than the aforementioned manner, but the relationship between herself and Father was--she understood now--equivalent. Daughter. Father. Not the daughter he had lost, but the one he had made in her place when he could not have Lena.

Lazule's head spun for a second, considering the implied implications of becoming a parent. She thought it best to let those thoughts wander away.

The cheer and commotion of the Gilded Vale again filled Lazule's ears as Caliane withdrew the envelopment of her wings. Lazule took a moment to glance about at the other Monster Hunters in the main hall, those at the bar and at the gambling tables and those by the stairs and those making ready to depart. Each of them with their own reasons for why they were here, why they were Monster Hunters. Many, she had come to know, were in it simply for the coin--a reason Lazule herself found lacking. Others for a sense of adventure. Others out of hatred or anger or vengeance. Perhaps others were idealists. Others still simply testing themselves. Some seeing if they had the strength of their fathers, their brothers, their mothers or their sisters, or setting an example for their sons or daughters. But all had made their decisions of their own accord.

And so Lazule would do the same. There were still tenets in her mind that needed close examination, revisions, discarding. Tenets which would require their truth to be discovered through responsible action. These, along with numerous unanswered questions that needed clarification. But she felt that she, at last since her Breaking, had a foundation upon which to construct her way of being.

Her purpose had been Broken. And now, she was reforging it. Stronger, pray so, than before.

Are you still going to be a Monster Hunter?

Firm confidence guided her. "Yes. It is all I know, and it is my purpose. Only now I shall do so by own choice, and on my own terms. I shall have self-determination."

Lazule pushed away her plate of food, not quite finished with it. Stood. Said, "Thank you, Caliane, for sharing your insight with me." A thought, then, that seemed apt to share with another small smile. "The world is more beautiful when you are allowed to see more of it."

Father's vision had been narrow, and thus so had hers. It was no longer so, and the scope of Arethil had for Lazule grown a hundredfold.

"Willis." Lazule said to him, nodding. He had been uncharacteristically quiet, insofar as Lazule in her limited interactions understood him. Perhaps his intuition had instructed him to be so and to let Caliane speak uninterrupted.

And with that, Lazule turned from the table and started for the doors. Before she could begin on her new way of being, there was yet one thing which needed attending.