Private Tales Lost It To Trying

[Odessa Urahil]

She flinched at the sudden pressure on her back, turning her head to see Rhidian putting his own coat over her shivering body. Though the cold didn't bother her, she still appreciated the sentiment. He was trying to be kind to her. Something he would have to learn not to do if he was to fit in with the other dreadlord men and women. Kindness might as well be a weakness in itself.

You look like shit. When was the last time you slept?

So much for kindness.

"I don't know." She was honest and blunt. "I reckon I've got a few hours here and there..." Over the past few months.

But he continued to press for something more than just an 'I don't know'.

You're planning to off me...

She pulled the falling edge of his coat over her shoulder. "Have you not considered that is what I fear you will do to me? You wouldn't be the first to try, believe me." The last comment was quieter than the initial. She sighed. "But I fear I don't know my classmates as well as I'd like to. Or perhaps they just do not like me for whatever reason and think it better to slit my throat and leave me to be eaten by wolves. Best not to sleep until you know someone deeply."

Rhidian

 

[Rhidian]

Rhidian found himself frowning. What he said in jest was in fact a reality for her, and never more did he feel like a rotten arse. The first thing he wanted to do was reassure her he didn't have those intentions, but who was he to think she would accept it so quickly?

"Whatever it's worth, Odessa, I don't want to hurt you. Or anyone at that. I have always been more protector than be on the offensive..." he stared into the fire, giving her space by not looking to her. "We only just met, so you haven't seen the sides of me I want people to see."

They were quiet for a moment, and he allowed her this reprieve to stew on his words before adding more. "I honestly do not want to be an Initiate or a Dreadlord, but I'm so scared I'm going to fuck up one day and take out my family. They see me as another weapon, Dess, but I think I am much more than that. I think you are too."

What came off as cold and aloof from her, Rhidian saw an Initiate that had not been socialising with other classmates. He knew it since Proctor Urahil, cousin to Odessa, spoke of her and suggested he become acquainted with her during this mission. An overnight foraging mission.

He was here to pick flowers with the girl, but she looked so miserable now.

"Kress, Dessa... you should try and sleep. Take all my weapons and I will stay out here. If there is anything you want to help you get even a light hour of sleep, I will take it." He flicked his gaze to watch her. "Name your price."

Odessa Urahil

 

[Odessa Urahil]

"You wouldn't be the first one to pass through the Academy calling yourself a protector but proving otherwise. Or worse, protecting yourself by harming your fellow classmates. Gods you'd think they'd have a better process to ensure the dogs they train would be obedient children rather than horrible traitorous monsters, but I guess it is easier to pick up every stray child with a inkling of magical gifts." She wanted to laugh at his goals and the suggestion that she, too, shared them.

"Rhidian, you don't know me well enough to assume things but I will make it easy for you. This is all that I am. There is nothing more for me than being a weapon of Vel Anir. People use me because all I am is something made to hurt others. Leander tolerates me, Perrine was forced to watch over the both of us. Kress, my father doesn't even give a fuck about me other than the fact that I am useful for my brother." She tore a chunk of grass out that was poking through the snow as she spoke. "I am a soul in an unfeeling body. I am nothing more than something that can bring that body where its needed to be used as its needed."

She twisted the blades of grass for a few seconds before turning to Rhidian. "No offense, but your weapons are the least of my concern. I doubt you'd be able to end my life...only slow me down. Hurt me all you want and I won't feel a thing. I'd prefer you just sleep. I can watch over you."

She stood from the fire and crept through the opening in the tent, leaving it so the fire was still visible. "Come now, lay down."

Rhidian

 

[Rhidian]

He was wearing on her, slowly getting her to open up a little despite the intentional or not intentional stand-offish demeanour. He was offered insight of her thoughts, what truly weighed in her mind and Rhidian could not help but wish her to keep talking, to discredit him once again with her unique magic.

But soon she brushed past him to crawl into the tent, inviting him to follow. Reason kept him seated, turning to look at the close quarter interiors and bit down on a smile. He turned towards the fire, realising they would at least be warm huddled together.

The way Odessa told him to come lay down was not to be refused. She very well may just cause him pain in order to yield to her demand.

And Rhidian would of let her.

"You know, I like it when you are bossy." He crawled in after her, fussing with the thin roll that acted as a bed and tucked himself into the thick blankets. "You get a lot of boys woth that mouth, Dess?" He grinned, turning to his side to watch her face. "Suppose you do." He continued in a softer voice.

Odessa Urahil

 

[Odessa Urahil]

"I am not bossy." She crossed her arms over her chest, water droplets from her soaked sleeves dripping down onto his face as she looked down at him. "I just know what I want. And right now, I want you to go to sleep so we can get over with this mission and go home."

A loud chuckle was her response to his next comment; Odessa was confident that he was joking. People only paid her any attention when the needed something.

"You'd suppose wrong." The aggression in her voice trickled out. Sitting down beside his bedroll, she continued. "I get a lot of boys with my brother." Soft-spoken, there was still a trace of bitterness she couldn't hide. "People who act interested in me always turn out to need Leander for some reason or another. I'm just an obstacle in their way."

She turned her face toward the fire, the flames highlighting what may have been rain on her eyes. She didn't feel the frustrated tears collecting in her eyes. "Are you asking me this because you need something from my brother? Is that what this is all about? You realize you could just ask me right? That way, I don't have to waste my time getting asked to a dance where I'm ignored half the night by my date who seemed like he'd rather have taken my twin and you don't have to waste your time making what I can only assume is awkward small talk with me while you wait for someone better."

Rhidian

 

[Rhidian]

Rhidian could not help but snort at her assumption of his intentions.

"I didn't ask for your brother to accompany me on this mission." He revealed. Proctor Urahil had said either one of the twins would be a great fit, but Rhidian asked of Odessa, what she was like. In comparison to Leander, he thought of the girl to be more of a suited partner for such a simple task. "And if he forgot his tent, there was no way two of us would fit in one." He grinned at her.

And reflex had his hand reaching out from under the covers, his thumb wiping away the tears he saw fall. How many times did his sister do the same thing when she never got her way? When she went by unheard by the world? Rhidian always felt guilty he stole the storm that was her birth, to replace her all because he was a male heir to the little fortune.

"Dess..." He sat up now. His face frowned as he looked down at her. "You should not be this easy to break apart..." Rhidian bit his lip, debating his thoughts before rolling his eyes and deciding it was worth the hurt. His arms circled around her, pulling her head into his chest and did not care that she was cold from the rain. Rhidian closed his eyes and steadied his breaths, calling to his magic to take centre at his heart, his ribs, all that she had some warmth she would never feel, but her body would react to it. "Point me to the people that made you feel that way and I promise I will tell them they are shit."

Odessa Urahil

 

[Odessa Urahil]

Odessa rolled her eyes. Honesty was rare amongst initiates, Rhidian still included in Odessa's mind. She figured he was only trying to calm whatever she'd been expressing down or get her to shut up so he could sleep. She flinched at the pressure of his thumb on her skin. She scanned his face from the corner of her eyes.

Something seemed off.

Something she couldn't describe.

Something that was upsetting to try to understand.

"I'm easy to break apart because I always come back together." Whether I like it or not. Rhidian was right, as much as she hated to admit it. She'd been at the academy since she was no older than a toddler. And in the presence of her family who all but hated her for her mother's death, she should have gained thicker skin. But any attempt she'd made to stick up for herself was met with punishment.

Surprisingly, Odessa didn't pull away as his arms circled around her. She let him bring her down to his level and lay against his chest for far too long, feeling each breath. She could hear the sound of his heart beating, a sensation she wondered if he could feel in his body. She wondered if he could hear hers if she asked him to listen.

Ignoring his threat to others, she broke her own brief silence. "What is it like?" She tilted her head upward with her ear still pressed to his chest. "To feel?"

Rhidian

 

[Rhidian]

Rhidian made the mistake of peering down into her blue eyes. What oceans they carried despite the innocent question of what it was like to feel. For Rhidian, he began to feel a swirl of emotion and wanting come over him just by being so close to those eyes. So he had to look away, avert his gaze by dropping his chin to rest at the top of her head.

"Feeling... is a burden. It is greatness and it is tragedy. It riddles you." He began, taking a moment to figure out how best to explain it to her, the girl who could not feel. "You want something, but if you get it, it won't make you happy. You hate the idea of something, but it has been the biggest relief of your entire life. There are times I wish I cannot feel, to be numb to everything..."

Fuck. He looked down again.

"For example, Odessa Urahil. I want to kiss you right now, but I know it will hurt a little when I remember you won't feel the same things I would..." Kress, those damned oceans of hers! He was drowning, lips drawing nearer to her upturned face. His heart raced, pounding against the confines of his ribs, and she would surely hear it. "So... allow me to demonstrate what it means for me to feel."

A hand had come up to cup her face, the largeness of it almost swallowing her cheek whole as he held her in place. With his arm still wrapped around her, he gentle cradled her so that her back was to the second bed roll, and he hovered above her. He gave her time to refuse him, to inflict pain to herself that only he would feel... but she didn't.

Rhidian pressed his lips to her's, stealing a kiss, two, and three, before pulling away enough that only a breath separated their barely touching lips.

Odessa Urahil

 

[Odessa Urahil]

Nothing but bewilderment in her eyes as he made an attempt to explain what she'd asked. To him, feeling was the same as not feeling was to her. Feeling was even more confusing now as it was broken down. She wanted to feel, but would it make her happy? She hated the idea of not feeling, but with each bone broken and each muscle torn it had been a great relief to not feel a bit of it.

Still, she longed to experience it. Just once.

Kissing me would make him upset? The center of her brows raised. This saddened her. Was this how other's felt? That was not a normal feeling? Certainly the women that swarmed her brother or Silas didn't feel sad about being with them...right? She could hear his heart beating louder. Nervous? She wondered.

But why?

Allow me to demonstrate...

Her eyes, wider than saucers went unblinking as he cupped her face and moved over her. She wouldn't refuse him, looking from his eyes to his lips before lingering back on his eyes. They finally shut but only as she felt the pressure on her lips for the first time. Though underwhelming physically, she had a peculiar sensation. Overwhelming, really, like the sensation that she had to vomit or run a mile or scream.

She swore, just for a moment, she could feel her own heart beat faster.

He pulled away and Odessa lingered just long enough to make a decision. If she couldn't feel it, she would make sure he did.

Giving him only a second to breathe, Odessa reached behind his head and pulled it back down, using her powers to bring a fierce intensity to their next kiss unlike any other he would feel.

Rhidian

 

[Rhidian]

Rhidian could not help but laugh as she took his lips once more, but there was something else added to it. Not only his own sense of awareness, but Odessa's too. The sensation was odd, but Rhidian was soon swept up in the idea of what she could feel. It encouraged him to lower himself against her, to simply crush her beneath him as he now took as many kisses as he wished and delighted in how it felt for her, even if she could not experience it herself.

So his lips moved to her jawline, down to her neck and burying his mouth at the flesh there, grazing his teeth. She was electrifying, or rather he was, but feeling the way she would had his heart pumping faster. "What are you thinking, Dess?" He asked, moving to her ear and groaning at the feeling of his lips catching her earlobe.

The feeling, it was like an addiction he would soon not forget, but he only wished she could experience the feelings he gave her.

Odessa Urahil

 

[Odessa Urahil]

She wasn't sure how her powers would be received. Historically, people did not enjoy when she made them her target and forced her feelings onto them but the feeling of pressure, the heaviness of Rhidian on top of her as he placed many many more kisses on her lips proved her theory otherwise. Making someone not miserable was good enough for her.

The goosebumps returned when he crept down to her neck, her body reacting as if it were ticklish. If she were, he would be gifted the bizarre experience. Odessa would have killed a man to experience such a simple feeling. She would have been sad, longing for it, but in the moment she lost that melancholic feeling that seemed to be a part of her.

"What am I thinking?" A mischievous sparkle was in her bright blue eyes as she took a few seconds to make a decision. So what if she could not feel the experience? If she could give herself to someone else, be useful as something other than a weapon then she was satisfied.

"I'm thinking...that one of us is going to catch a cold in these wet clothes."

Rhidian

 

[Rhidian]

A rather wolfish grin tugged at his lips, and he lifted his head enough to look down at her, testing her bold thoughts. "That would surely be a shame." The rain was a soft patter by now, but it only added to the fact they were both in their own world inside this small tent. "Would be the gentlemanly thing to help you out of that coat of mine." All he had to do was push it off her shoulder, the only thing hanging onto her.

Rhidian pushed himself up to sit beside her, removing his light jacket and then his woolen shirt underneath. He hung them up on the side of the tent, going to close the exit of the tent to keep the cold out. He turned to look over at her, peering past his shoulder. "Oh, you meant to help assist you?" He moved to crawl the short distance to her, a single hand loosening the fastening to his belt and then trousers. They were not too wet or damp, but... Rhidian wanted to see if her eyes would follow. If she would have a telltale sign of something in those oceans of hers.

Above her, Rhidian used a hand to help peel her jacket apart, revealing her own dark winter weather clothing beneath. He assisted her in sitting up enough for him to slowly pull the garments over her head before warming her torso with his own. Rhid pulled his thick blanket over him, trapping them both in a warm embrace. "Sorry, I wasn't sure if I should stop... or kept going. You distracted me from my thoughts and... I didn't quite hear what you said."

Odessa Urahil

 

[Odessa Urahil]

The coat fell to the ground and Odessa watched the way the light of the flames danced on his bare torso as he stood to seal their fate in the little tent. She hadn't moved, her eyes never leaving his body while that same feeling filled her stomach again. Butterflies they called it. It felt like she was burning inside.

Her head tilted to the side. She had been so engrossed in his undressing body, that she had not made an attempt to peel off her own soaking clothes. "Oh...I..." She let him help her up slightly and assist him in removing her top and then whatever lie beneath it.

In his arms, under the blanket her eyes never left his face. "Did I ask you to stop?" A smile broke through her scowl. She shimmied beneath him to remove her own trousers before it was her turn to assist him in removing an article of clothing. "I didn't think so..."

---

The next morning...

Odessa woke before Rhidian, his heavy arm over her body. Shit. They'd both slept through the night without either keeping watch. She was smarter than that. On the plus side, it appeared that neither had been murdered in the middle of the night. Which was good.

What was not good was that upon lifting the Rhidians arm carefully off of her, she realized that she was completely naked. He snored away. She gathered her clothes, rushing to get them on before sprinting out of the tent and towards her horse with little more than her sleeping bag to pack away.

Awful. She felt awful after their night together.

It wasn't Rhidian's fault, it was hers. Inexperienced in every way, Rhidian would have been her first.

And she would have been his worst.

She would have to finish packing the rest of her belongings and get the fuck out of there. She could finish the mission on her own. Or he could. She just wanted to leave and never see him again. See the disappointment on his face he probably hid from her when realizing that having sex with the girl who couldn't feel any part of it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

Fuck she felt like an idiot.

Rhidian

 

[Rhidian]

Waking up had been a cold experience. The space beside him had lost it's heat, as the body that had been tucked against him was no longer there. The tent was filled with cold air, as the breeze blew straight in, the material flapping as if someone forgot to close it behind them.

Then it was realisation that drenched him in the cold truth.

Odessa was not beside him. Her clothes, gone. Some of her gear was gone too.

"Dess?" He called out, rushing to kick his feet through the lengths of his trousers and getting dressed. His coat he had hung up was not dry as it could be, donning it before pushing out through the hole in the tent.

"Fucking hell." He cursed, watching her pack her things in such a hurry. Her movements were frantic, and even as Rhidian strode over to her, she did not stop.

"Dess. What are you doing?"

Odessa Urahil

 

[Odessa Urahil]

She ignored him the first time, the second time and finally on the third she stopped packing up her belongings and turned towards Rhidian. Her all too familiar scowl had returned as she snapped at him. Hostility had always been her preferred defense mechanism when she felt anything. Embarrassed, disrespected, used, threatened, and whatever other feelings she was not capable of understanding.

"Are you blind?" Odessa turned back to her horse. "I am leaving. Maybe you forgot, but I have not. We have a mission, correct?"

The way she felt about him was in the 'whatever other feelings' category. Still, her reaction was to defend herself and push him away. He couldn't hurt her if she hurt him first.

Rhidian

 

[Rhidian]

He scowled at her.

"By golly, didn't realise we were pressed for time. It's barely dawn, Dess." But she didn't stop, fastening the straps to her horse while his own stood free of the weight.

"Could have woken me up if you were so eager to get a move on. Unless you wanted to get away from me." He paused, having turned to go pack up the tent and gear. "Was it really that bad? Do you regret what we did?" Did he push things too far?

The thought soured. "Actually, don't answer that. I can see we are back to where we began."

Odessa Urahil

 

[Odessa Urahil]

If she chose to respond to his immediate onslaught of questions, it would be of no use to either of their egos. There was no satisfying answer because there was no satisfying her. To her, there was no good. There was no bad. There just was. And that was, what she assumed, not good for him. Regret, no. She was glad, in a way, that she had lost the coveted virginity that she had been told she would never be rid of. Not that it mattered, the teasing she endured was from the sluttier girls, and her brother, who had given in to temptations without a second thought the moment they discovered people could fit together like a puzzle piece.

The puzzle was completed, there was no more to it. Although she hated to admit that she wished there was something more to it than just watching as she returned to him how he would have made her felt. She wished she felt it- felt anything for those moments she spent under his heavy blanket, wrapped up in his arms. Truly, she couldn't know how it felt for him, but thoughts raced in her mind from how useless it was for her to reciprocate anything to her attempt to interpret what he said and told her to do. It was useless. She was useless. It was terrible for him. She knew it.

Oh well, Odessa supposed it was a good thing there was no shortage of slutty women and men roaming the halls at the Academy who would jump at the opportunity to be graced by the presence of such a...nice looking...man.

"I have never regretted anything, and I don't plan to start today." Her voice was cold, yet still a hint of humor made its way through. "Other than perhaps my unfortunate birth as an unfeeling soldier or spending a day and a half to pick plants. That would be embarrassing. Come, we have a mission to do, no?"

Rhidian

 

[Rhidian]

"Other than perhaps my unfortunate birth as an unfeeling soldier or spending a day and a half to pick plants. That would be embarrassing."

Rhidian rolled his dark grey eyes and scoffed. As he rolled up their bedding and slid it into a leather bag to keep it from the cool elements. "Yeah, go on and hark on some more on how you cannot feel a thing Dess." He called bullshit on that. There was a look in her eye last night, the way her lips quivered with something unsaid as if she had been stifling it the whole time.

If she wanted to be cold with him, then fine. "Give me the list of things the Proc wanted us to find." He sighed in exasperation, walking over to her to strap the blankets to his horse.

Odessa Urahil

 

[Odessa Urahil]

She laughed loudly, turning to face Rhidian with a crazed look in her bright eyes. "Do you not believe me? You felt the blade in my thigh. I did not. Do you need more proof?" Odessa reached for the blade again, this time pressing it up against her own neck.

After a few seconds, she'd drop it and return it to its holster. "You have the list." She threw one leg up and lifted herself onto the horse. "Please tell me you have the list. Perri didn't give me a list she said you had the list." Gods this man was bringing a new level of frustration into her life and for a moment she wondered if Perri had set them up to kill one another as some experiment just to see what happened.

Rhidian

 

[Rhidian]

Rhidian felt the knife like a phantom threat, and he stared down at her through narrowed eyes. "I don't doubt what you don't feel Urahil." It was fruitless to have this conversation with her now, especially if she held that knife to her own throat. Was he that desperate for company he charmed her into getting into bed with him? That won't happen again.

"And no, you have the list because you took my bag. It's hanging there on your horse." He nodded to his bag, the name Vaughn embroidered by his sister, a gift from his last birthday.

Odessa Urahil

 

[Odessa Urahil]

She felt her skin redden when he called out her carelessness to check her belongings before running off. A feeling she couldn't quite place, only making her face redder. Perhaps it was what they called embarrassment that made one turn red like a tomato. She didn't know. She didn't care. She was only irritated that he had the nerve, after everything he had done, to point out the stupid bag attached to her stupid horse.

"Right." She kicked at it until it detached and landed in the mud. "There you go. The list is back in your hands. Now, what's it say to do?"

 

[Rhidian]

"Bitch..." He made sure she would hear him. Rhidian went to grab his bag, wiping it clean with a blanket that was definitely Odessa's before tossing it her way.

After a few moments, he got the list out.

"Winterberries. She baking a cake or something?" He was in no mood to work with Odessa after that surprising wake up.

Odessa Urahil

 

[Odessa Urahil]

She said nothing, but continued to scowl at him while biting hard on the inside of her cheek. Enough to draw blood. No one called Odessa Urahil a bitch. She hoped he liked the burning pain and the taste of iron because he was still the target of whatever harm she inflicted on herself for the time being. Fucker.

As she predicted, whatever Perrine had sent them to get seemed painfully simple. Something she probably could have picked in the vast amount of down time she seemed to always have. "Knowing Perri, probably." Odessa shrugged. "She doesn't work, so I'd figure she's baking something or painting more portraits of the family. Let me guess: winterberries, juniper berries, blackberries. Am I right?" Her mood lightened when the blood stopped flowing in her mouth and her horse began to walk along the path revealed by the rain. Over her shoulder she continued. "If she asked us to get her sugar and flour too you can tell her to go fuck herself. I'm here for an actual job, not to get her groceries."

Rhidian

 

[Rhidian]

Rhidian read the list again.

His brows furrowed.

"Hang on..." Not just winter berries. His mother and sister worked as medics, and growing up Rhid retained information he thought he would never need to use unless he also followed in their footsteps.

"These are things that masks the taste. Usually meant for medicinal solutions that need to be consumed. She could have gotten these at the Academy but... why have us get it here in the Falwood? Why..." He looked up at Odessa, seeing her mount her horse and began to crunch a path upon the fresh snow.

"Odessa." His voice was a silent command for her to stop. To pause and listen.

Odessa Urahil

 

[Odessa Urahil]

These are things that mask the taste...

Odessa rolled her eyes, kicking the horse to get it to stop and turn. "Yeah. Probably masking the taste of her food. Woman can't cook for shit." She should stick to the painting. Odessa tried to tell her. The cooking she attempted was painful. Torture, if she had to put a word to it. Unfortunately, the poor Dreadlord never lost her sense of taste like her sense of touch.

She motioned for him to hurry up and get on his horse. "I don't know why she would send us out here to get it if I'm being honest." She also didn't care. "If you wish for my guess, its probably in case you fuck up and explode. She probably doesn't want you blowing up half the academy. I could be wrong though..." She had her horse turn back around just as she heard a crunching noise in the distance.

It sounded like a tree branch breaking on the ground. Nothing to be too concerned about in a forest with other animals and creatures inhabiting it. "Any more questions or would you like to go pick berries?"

Rhidian