Completed Licking Love Off of Knives

[Erland Karr]

Down, at the very core of him, remained a tight knot of anger and resentment for what they had done to him. Over time it had become smaller and smaller.

It was still there. At times when he thought to himself that he took some pride in doing this job well, it reminded him where it had started. Chained to a bed, fresh magic etched into his skin and used by those that would pay.

It was small resistance to the moment. Erland removed his tunic and fell back into the furs. Strong hands guided her to lay her head across his chest.

He did not need to know her story to know that she needed something from him.

"Stay," he said softly, telling her to do the one thing she had not yet managed.

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

She looked at the hard planes of his chest as she followed through on Erland’s guiding. Light and shadow dancing around the walls and ceilings, casting strange and sometimes horrifying pictures against their skin. Everleigh breathed in deeply, holding the breath in her belly and waited before releasing it.

“Okay.” She said. Perhaps tonight she could because they hadn’t engaged in her carnal desires. Or maybe she could do it because she wanted to. Regardless of the reason why, Everleigh knew the chances of her staying the night were high. She didn’t want to be alone again with nothing but her thoughts to keep her company.

“You must hate me for this. I don’t know how you couldn’t.”

Erland Karr

 

[Erland Karr]

"I do not," he stated.

Erland ran the flat of his large palm up and down her shoulder and arm. Truthfully, he would not have minded their usual affair.

He had been teaching her some things and I'm turn reaping those rewards. However, if she wanted to lie in silence then it did him no harm.

"I do not see why I would. Tell me what upsets you, or do not."

His language could be overly direct in her tongue, but he seemed sincere.

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

They had talked about their positions before, brief and shallow, both of them had been careful with their words and how it could affect the other. Everleigh knew she didn’t want to upset Erland, to reduce him to nothing more than a pretty whore who was good at his job. She had seen the shield and axe, broken yet still on his wall. She hadn’t said anything else about it or about the runic seal on his thigh since that night.

“Sometimes,” Everleigh whispered, her muscles becoming taut, “I think about Vel Anir, black and burning. I think about everyone disappearing. Like, if they were just sucked up by the setting sun, vanishing into thin air. Or maybe I just disappear instead, I dunno. It wouldn’t really matter if it could just be me and him. I know it’s awful and selfish to think like that. I feel awful for saying it aloud.” Her fingers were twitching.

Perhaps it would have been wiser to use Erland as she usually did; letting her mind go numb and thinking of nothing but how good her body could feel. Perhaps it would have been wiser to stay silent, which she had considered.

“I don’t think I really mean it. It’s just how I feel sometimes.” She inhaled the scent of Erland. “I shouldn’t betray Vel Anir like that… but sometimes I just want to tell the Republic to fuck off.” She smiled. “Probably how you want to tell me to shut up sometimes.”

Erland Karr

 

[Erland Karr]

"I have ways of stopping you talking when it is best to do so," he said with a low chuckle.

There was a big difference between making her swallow her nervous babbling and Everleigh trying to express herself.

Erland listened and tried to follow the confusion stream of thoughts. Her head would rise and fall on his chest, the slow beat of his heart a calming rhythm.

"Dreams are important," he said. He almost sounded like he had wisdom on the subject and was not just a twenty year old raider who had failed to escape.

"Do you worry for Vel Anir? Or do you resent it because you cannot be with him?" he asked. It was the first time he had addressed the root of her need directly.

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

Everleigh brought a hand up to Erland’s chest, resting it there and absorbing the heat from his skin. He always felt hot to her, like he had a fever that just wouldn’t go away. She shifted her body, getting more comfortable against him before shrugging half heartedly. Ankles crossed over one another before becoming uncrossed.

“Both?” She asked him, as if Erland could discern her own feelings for her. Now Everleigh lifted her head, ever restless, and looked at Erland. “I have these dreams. Every night before I wake, I’m burning. I’m being burned alive and I don’t know if it’s because I chose Vel Anir over him or because I chose him over Vel Anir.” The hand that was on Erland’s chest moved to her own, palm right over her heart.

“There’s a pain here. It never goes away. Nothing I do makes it go away. When I start feeling too happy, I feel it, reminding me of what will surely come.”

Erland Karr

 

[Erland Karr]

Her restlessness was like an itch that he could not scratch. Erland started to wonder if he needed to thoroughly exhaust her, just so that she would lie comfortably still.

"Every night? Are you sure you have not been cursed?" he asked.

There was genuine concern in his voice. To be woken by such a dream every day, to have a pain that could not be healed, it did not sound like a happy existence.

He could not form genuine emotional connections with those that came to see him. He wished that the reverse was true. Right now he felt a genuine worry for Everleigh and the dreams and thoughts that plagued her.

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

Her brows raised slightly for a moment in surprise at his question. A soft chuckled came from her lips and Everleigh shook her head.

“I wish it was a curse,” she said, the smile from her brief laugh still lingering. “Then I could fix it by kicking someone’s ass. I believe they’re calling it anxiety nowadays, big term that’s been tossed around from this guy from Elbion.” The humor was brief and Everleigh laid back to cuddle against Erland. Her head was on his chest and for a moment she was still.

Everleigh thought better of it and shifted, positioning her braid in a different fashion as if it would make her feel more comfortable. Finally, she felt like she could speak again.

“I worry about him every day. Stupid things like if he’s sleeping enough or eating enough. Which, ironically, makes me unable to sleep or eat.” Now she peered up at Erland, her eyes unable to see his full face. She looked at the shadows on his neck, the limning of light along his jaw and the bridge of his nose.

“You’ve never felt like that for someone before?”

Erland Karr

 

[Erland Karr]

Anxiety. It did sound like a big word. There was a language barrier between them, but Erland was also not a complicated man. He had no real interest in the learnings of scholars.

Her stillness lasted long enough for her to listen for her to hear just a few dozen strong bears of his heart. Then she was moving again.

If she wasn't spilling some of her most private feelings, her face would have already been pressed into the furs as he tried to exhaust her.

"Once. I thought I loved the..."

Erland paused to think of their name. He couldn't, so tried to impress the importance upon her with tone alone.

"...Jarl's second daughter. I could not have her. Made me feel...ill."

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

“Yeah, ill.” Everleigh agreed. Another thread of connection tied them together. Everleigh, hardly much of a romantic at the Academy, lifted her head— just her head— to look at his face. Gimlet gaze took in his features. “Why couldn’t you have her? I thought all you Nords had multiple partners? And orgies. Did she not like you back?”

Erland Karr

 

[Erland Karr]

"Orgies?" he mused.

There was a touch of amusement in his smile, but it was not unkind.

"We are just...relaxed about sex. Keeping one partner. Very southern. But there are still different people. She was too high for me," he tried to explain.

It was another occasion when his grasp of their language meant that a few out of place words made a mouthful of a sentence.

He offered Everleigh a sly smile.

"It would have been good to have Syella. Just once."

It would have been something of a mischief to tempt a woman of much higher standing than him. Unfortunately Syella could have her pick of the finest warriors and those of higher breeding.

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

“Ah,” Everleigh said, grinning. “You just wanted to fuck her. Thinking more between your legs than right here.” She brought a finger to touch the side of her head but then slowly brought her hand to her chest, over her heart once more. “Or I guess right here.” Her hand moved from her chest to his, palm resting on his warm skin.

If she focused, she thought could feel his heart beat.

“I like the idea of just one partner.” She said softly, feeling heat course through her veins, a mixture of yearning and embarrassment. “I can’t imagine having more than one. My heart is already so full.”

Erland Karr

 

[Erland Karr]

"Syella? I wanted both," he said firmly. "Would have taken either," he said, speaking fondly of a past infatuation that had passed.

"Different things. Sometimes you want me to bed you, but not to be your partner."

"Your heart is full for this man."

Erland looked down at her and smiled. He traced a finger from her cheek to her breastbone.

"Does he know it is?"

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

Everleigh looked away as a arrogant blush appeared over her face. She almost wanted to argue that the sleeping together was because she lacked self control, and once she had had a taste she couldn’t forgo it once more. A need that had been ingrained in her since puberty that she wasn’t able to fully satiate herself, and it demanded to be fed— even if she had her fill of Erland for a whole night, the next day she would still wake up starving.

“Yes.” Everleigh said instead, using her other hand to keep Erland’s finger against her chest. Her hand wrapped around his large finger easily. “He knows.” She smiled wide. “My first love was the sun. When I was a child I thought the sun would only rise for me. And he… he’s like the sun. Bright and radiant and warm.” The smile faltered. “I’m nothing like that.” A bitter chuckle. “I’m the opposite. It’s why people flock to him and stay away from me. It’s why I came here, I have to pay for company.” Or be useful.

Erland Karr

 

[Erland Karr]

"Hmmph," went Erland.

He canted his head to one side as he heard her talking about her love. He found he quite enjoyed her talking about the man with such passion.

"I see why you are restless. If you say these words to him...surely he fell for you?" he said.

"Surely he begged to have you?"

He could not understand why people would avoid her, unless she was more terrible as a Dreadlord than he could imagine.

But he could not imagine any man having Everleigh say such words about them and not fall and beg for her.

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

“I’m not restless.” Everleigh said with quick indigence if only to give her time to phrase her next words carefully. In truth, there was some hurt that came from Erland’s words, though she knew it was unintentional. Zael hadn’t begged for her, hadn’t even asked for her to follow him.

There were times when she struggled with it. He had said he loved her. Zael wasn’t a liar. But then why not say she should go with him? She wondered if it was because of back then in the infirmary when she said she couldn’t join the blackguard. But she had suggested her joining him, or rather, pointed out that he didn’t ask her to go with him.

Didn’t Zael remember that she had nearly brought him, no them, to Gilram? Did he not remember because he was delirious from blood lost at that time? If so, then why not ask afterwards, or was it because of her plan to protect those at the Academy? Or did he not bring her because she wasn’t strong enough? Maybe he didn’t believe in them the way they she did?

“He loves me.” Everleigh said finally, pushing her anxiety away. “I don’t know how but he does. And I love him, so, so fucking much.” Her eyes were alight with it, her lips unable to stop the wide smile from happening. “I will love him all my life and even when I die I will still love him through eternity and beyond. There’s no one else, absolutely no one else who…” she trailed off. What was it that she exactly felt? “Who makes me feel at ease and yet so alive at the same time.” Her eyes centered on Erland once more, as if only registering him now.

“But you took my first time.” And somewhere, deep inside, she still wished it had been Zael. “And I paid you to do it.”

Erland Karr

 

[Erland Karr]

He dismissed that notion with a wave of his hand. Such southern values.

"First time. It is awkward. Done now. When you have this man it will be fire as hot as the sun," he told her.

"Love and sex can be together, but they can not. Ly..."

He nearly broke a rule and said another name.

"There is someone who loves her husband very much. When he goes to city for work, I warm her bed. This does not change her love."

"If he loves you, what is it that keeps you apart?" he asked, knowing there was a real answer that woke her every morning.

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

She wrinkled her nose. No. Her mother never had another man. Even with her father only being home two to three months of the year. Everleigh would do the same.

Or she would be doing it now, if it wasn’t detrimental to her proving her loyalty to Vel Anir instead of Zael. Everleigh frowned. Or if she wasn’t addicted to being touched in general.

“Vel Anir keeps us apart.” Everleigh said. “He thinks Dreadlords can be free. He wants to fight for freedom. And Vel Anir doesn’t think Dreadlords should be free. Some of us are dangerous. Like me.” She sat up now, proving Erland correct in his assumptions about her.

“But I want to be free, too. I want the freedom to love him without hiding it from everyone around me.” She could be killed for saying such blasphemy.

Erland Karr

 

[Erland Karr]

Once again, Erland offered a sanctuary where she would be offered no judgement for her words. There was a wealth of secrets tucked away in his memories.

He narrowed his eyes, taking a moment to consider the implications of her words.

"Dreadlords are not allowed to love...ah...no... he is now fighting against the order you are part of?" Erland surmised.

"I see," he said slowly. He could offer no solutions. "I see why that wakes you up at night."

"Stay. I will look after you tonight," he confirmed. His tone was kind, there was less of the transactional nature of their agreements. One hand stayed at her heart, the other came to rest gently on her slender shoulder.

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

“Yes.” Everleigh said, the smile small and meek. It didn’t suit her. The melancholy did little for a face that easily put angels to shame. She couldn’t kill Zael, the man she saw like the sun. How could anyone want the sun gone from their life?

How could anyone think of killing the person that made flowers grow in the deepest, darkest, most dangerous parts of her mind?

She had told Zael as much that she wouldn’t kill him. She could, but she wouldn’t. So what would burn first? Her or Vel Anir?

“I’ll stay.” Her hand tightened around his finger before moving down to his wrist. She didn’t want to think about this anymore— the depressing and overbearing weight of the future that could tear her and Zael apart for forever. “But only because you said you’d look after me.” The smile didn’t meet her eyes.

Erland Karr

 

[Erland Karr]

She was quite stunningly beautiful. The cause this man followed must have been a great one for him to leave her behind.

Southern politics. He did not understand them, but he could respect someone having such strength of conviction. It sounded like the kind of man that would play on her mind so much by his absence.

She was so beautiful that he did not want to do what he was paid for tonight. He wanted to hear her voice breaking. But that was not what she needed.

"No one knows what will come to be," he said. To tell her that everyone would work out would be a lie. He said what people needed to hear quite often in the role he had found himself in. He wouldn't cheapen this by telling such an outright lie that she walked away.

"Come," he said. The hand at her shoulder gently cafuned her hair.

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

Normally she would have asked him about his opinion on fate or destiny. Two words that seemed so similar but couldn’t be further apart. Erland was right. She didn’t know what would come. She couldn’t know what would come.

And it terrified her. For all her prowess with her mind— understanding human nature and learning how to manipulate others to do as she pleased— she was helpless at the hands of the world.

Everleigh sighed pleasantly at his hand in her hair. She loved it, his strong finger moving through her thick hair, comforting her more than words could. It was a pleasure that was afforded to many but right now Everleigh felt absolutely spoiled by it. And so she leaned down and on top of Erland, somehow ending up straddling his waist but laying against him as well.

“You’re so warm.” She mumbled, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck.

Erland Karr

 

[Erland Karr]

And you have icy fingers and toes, he thought to himself as he pulled a sheet over her legs.

He hoped that tonight he had not learned secrets that would be his downfall. A powerful Dreadlord who sympathised with a rebel.

Erland quite appreciated the romantic notion of it. Even though his people were fierce raiders, they appreciated a good tale of love.

Usually they ended with lots of death and sorrow of course, but that was how all good stories ended.

Maybe hers would have a happy ending, but he suspected it would be less dramatic than the tales. Two young lovers who drifted apart and found their own way. He would not share this thought with her, or anyone else.

Instead he simply held her close and stroked Everleigh until she stopped fidgeting. Until her breathing started to slow.

 

[Everleigh Ebersol]

She found herself curling up onto him. Icy cold fingers and toes somehow finding their way to press themselves against his skin that felt like a summer spent in the Empire. Everleigh found herself closing her eyes, but sleep did not come quickly.

Instead she focused on not moving, or sighing at the pleasantness of Erland’s hand caressing over her. She was still like a snake before it would strike. But soon enough, she would feel the heaviness of sleep wrap itself around her chest and head. Everleigh’s eyes fluttered one last time and she would let a light sleep consume her.

Multiple times she would wake up, unable to sleep deep enough to dream. Feeling Erland’s reassuring warmth beneath her each time she awoke was enough to make her feel rested enough without guilt.

In the morning she awoke, somehow more tangled up into Erland with the blanket thrown off of her to only be twisted around one leg. She sat up immediately, palms pressing down against his chest.

“What time is it?” She could hear birds. She had never stayed long enough to hear birds.

Erland Karr

 

[Erland Karr]

“What time is it?” She could hear birds. She had never stayed long enough to hear birds.

Erland opened one eye slowly. He was accustomed to late nights and late mornings. He glanced towards the window, considering the crack of light.

"It is the morning," he said.

Particularly helpful.

"You have any engagement this morning?" he asked.

"I do not."

It was not clear if that was an offer of more of his time, or simply an explanation of why he gently caressed her hip and closed his eyes again.