The most embarrassing thing he’d ever done? All the late nights the guards had seen him with his pants around his ankles, or having to carry him off from a lost fight. The looks of scorn and disappointment from his parents for not being fucking ‘proper’ enough. He wasn’t grateful for his life at all. Though it was better than most peoples he just couldn’t see that.
Especially right now.
Despite his previous words, he took the second ale and downed it in a second before he sat back into his seat. His eyes were cold and hollow as he looked at
Oliviana. Look at her, after all. Collected, strong, raised by fucking wolves. He would never achieve that. He’d spent all 24 as a prissy pissant whose bravest memory was getting the shit kicked out of him.
She wanted to know what
Raphael was embarrassed by?
“Me.” He spoke with unnerving clarity.
“I’m the moment. I’m the embarrassment.“ Raphael wiped his face of appearing sweat with his open palm and shifted his eyes to look only at the grainy, ugly wood of the table.
“Came from money so I have zero skills. Couldn’t even do my magic right. I was on my knees after one hit from you when I should have learned how to defend myself. Hopping woman to woman and not giving a shit whose relationship I ruin in the process of it. Throwing money at the wall like there aren’t people dying in the streets I refused to look at. And this,”
He pulled out the brooch he’d stolen and threw it on the table in between them
“Why did I take this? I didn’t need it. I could’ve paid for it. But instead I made the lives of those with less than me even harder. Why? For adventure?”
Raphael leaned back in his chair, his eyes now planted on the ceiling.
“Not a gods damned thing in this world I hate more than I hate myself.”
The bartender stood there in confused silence for a moment before leaving their waters and heading back to the bar. A couple of the patrons had gone silent again and looked his way.
Some chuckled. Others shrugged.