Private Tales Brothels and Broken Things

[Cassian]

Cassian's brows lifted as Lexi admitted to being afraid of the man.. "Didn't think you were afraid of anythin', lass.." he commented with a half smirk and he frowned as he looked back down into his bowl and spooned out a little more hungrily. "I mean I wouldn' mess with him even now but, what reason do you have to be afraid of him? He seems to care about you.." he shrugged a shoulder, already half way through his meal.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

"Oh I'm scared of a lot of people," Lexi laughed and crossed her legs. In one hand she cradled the bowl close to her chest and with the other she stirred it to cool it a little before spooning up a mix of fish and sauce and veg. "Mitch was our Lone Crow - there is one in every generation. They learn the forbidden magics even I don't know and their job is to hunt and kill White Ravens who go rogue. He could kill me in a flash if he wanted to, probably quicker than I could even think of a spell," she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before she put another spoonful of carefully portioned soup into her mouth and then licked it clean. Lexi was a delicate eater and enjoyed savouring her food when she actually had the time to do so.

 

[Cassian]

Cassian wore a look of genuine curiosity as she explained what the man had done before his retirement.. "Shit.." he swallowed a mouthful. "He don' really seem the type.". Cassian winced at the thought of a man who could overpower and kill Lexi the way in which she'd described. He knew she wasn't invincible but he didn't reckon many people would easily beat her, or even match her at all. Cass was well trained in combat but he wouldn't stand a chance against her magic. He watched her eat for a moment with a small smirk.

"So who is the Lone Crow now?.." he asked and lifted the bowl to tip the last of the soup into his mouth. Cassian was not a delicate eater. He was hungry.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi nodded when he swore. Shit was indeed the right sentiment when learning about Mitch and his dark past as the literal boogeyman of the White Ravens.

"Retirement suits him - he had a similar dream to you. Boat, him, the wide open world. He just couldn't quite let go of the Chapter," a ghost of a smile touched her lips as she played with her food some more. "His name is Jason. You probably wouldn't ever meet him unless you bumped into him by accident. He keeps apart from the rest of the Chapter - it is a lot harder to potentially kill one of your own if they are a friend as well. I try and touch in with him once a month and we go for a solo mission together or have some fun - a hunt or something. Rose does too as one of the senior scholars but that's about it. It's a tough job."

 

[Cassian]

"Aye, it sounds a tough job." he agreed with a deep frown and he stared thoughtfully into his empty bowl for a moment. He was already rogue, at least from where he was supposed to be, he'd been exiled but he wondered if any of the men who'd tried to kill him in the weeks following had been sent.. He'd assumed it a coincidence. He rubbed at the back of his neck and set the bowl down to settle back down and he rested his head in her lap with a rumbled sigh.

"Must be a pretty lonely guy.. I know I was, as much as I made the effort to stay alone." he shrugged, taking pity on any man who found themselves in that role.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi managed to get another two mouthfuls down before she gave up and put the bowl to the side. It was one of the problems with magic; you were hungry and yet eating too much too quickly was also sickening. Besides there was a beautiful man in her lap that was taking up more of her attention. She nodded at his words in agreement and ran her fingers through his hair and gently massaged his scalp.

"I try and keep him in anchored but it is one of the hardest things I've had to do in my job - ask someone, that is, to do that job. It's like sentencing them to a life of loneliness," she gave a soft sigh. "I don't know... how you could have chosen to be on your own," it was a quiet admission as she looked down at him. "I think the loneliness of this job is what I hate the most."

 

[Cassian]

Cassian's eyes blinked heavily as her fingers ran into his hair and he let out a throaty sound that asked her not to stop. He listened and glanced up at her as she spoke of the loneliness. A long silence hung in the air as he considered his words.. "It was just, easier. In a lot of ways, lass. I had a family and a wife an' all it caused me was pain an' disappointment. I din't need to worry about lettin' anyone but myself down, or people dyin' or betrayin' me. I was free to make my own poor choices an' not be judged for them by anyone other than myself." he frowned.

"Then I met you...An' you called me a piece of shit." he laughed under his breath.. "An' you were right."

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi's fingers slowed and grew more tender but the didn't stop as he spoke. She hung on his every word, desperate to learn why he would subject himself to the thing she wanted to break free from the most. Perhaps she hoped that his reasoning would give her some sort of strength to keep going, to keep people at arms length so it was easier to do her job. But his was a different reason and he was confessing himself a convert anyway. She sighed and leaned down to press a kiss to his lips. It was a slow kiss and her tongue pushed its way past his lips to claim something deeper. It was only then, as her fingers fisted slightly in his hair that they stopped their careful caress.

She stretched the moment out before pulling back a little for air and to open her eyes to capture his gaze.

"I do like to call it how I see it," she teased, her nose gently rubbing against his. "Do... do you miss your life in Vel Anir?" did he miss her? Lexi wasn't the jealous type. She had only ever been so with Rose and now she found that same feeling with him.

 

[Cassian]

Gods. That kiss. She done nothing but fuel his addiction to her, and he happily allowed her to claim his mouth, it was hers, he was hers, and that possessive grip on his hair told him that she knew that already. He blinked at her in a heady trance, the feel of her lips lingering on his lips long after she broke the connection and he let out a shuddered breath and nosed back at her.

Her question caused him to frown, but his lips curled into a dry smirk and he laughed under his breath.. "What fuckin' life?...The only things I miss are my mother and brother, an' I realised how much I missed my comrades after I fell in with yours. But no, I don't miss the life. All it left me was a bad taste in my mouth." he frowned. "It's difficult to miss anythin', now.." he added and reached a hand up to settle on her face and push back into her hair.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Two of those she couldn't give him, but she could give him a crew to love again and a place to belong. A home. She could give him her - well, she could give him what little she hadn't already. It was a scary prospect though and she still had niggling doubts and concerns. Mainly that he would get tired of the time she had to afford to her role and her position. As he cupped her cheek and then slid his rough palm across her skin to push into her hair she pressed against him and closed her eyes briefly. A small content smile played about her lips.

Lexi returned to gently massaging her fingers through his hair.

"I'm glad you agreed to stay on as one of us. The boys in particular have become very fond of you. They need a strong male role model around," her eyes twinkled with the words unsaid. That she, too, had grown fond of him to the point she had dreaded paying him for the thought he might leave as soon as he was handed the purse.

 

[Cassian]

Cassian closed his eyes to enjoy the sound of her voice and the feeling of her fingers in his hair and he laughed quietly and looked up at to catch that glint in her eye. “Aye lass. I’m fond of them too, but I ent sure I’m much of a role model..” he smirked in amusement. He’d never been a very good role model to anyone in his opinion, the prospect had been a terrifying one for him whenever past conversations about kids had arose and he swept the thought away quickly.

“I’m quite fond of you too.” he smiled at her... “Bet you never thought you’d like havin’ me around when we met..” .. As soon as he said it he regretted it, the thought of how she’d found him was mortifying now and his cheeks heated as he tore his eyes away from her and huffed.

“I was quite a fuckin’ mess wasn’t I...” he frowned. And he had been again since, but somehow he felt better in ways. He still drank more than any man should and found himself in reckless fights but he didn’t feel so lost anymore.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

"Hey," Lexi tugged firmly at his hair when she saw the look pass across his face. He was thinking too much about it, worrying. "I knew you were going to be a good fighter when I saw how many men it took to drag you out that bar. Though I was a little concerned whether you would survive the whole trip when you tried to run your hand up my leg," she gave a small snort of a laugh. If the others hadn't killed him Lexi would have. He was lucky he had left with all his limbs in tact. She kept one hand in his hair and ran her other down his cheek and the side of his neck to over his chest, admiring and savouring every inch of flesh.

"Was pleasantly surprised how good a shag you are though. Lot of men as boastful as you are severely... lacking," her lips twitched as she fought to keep her face serious. "It's why I usually prefer women."

 

[Cassian]

Cassian grimaced and grinned as she tugged on his hair and a guttural noise rumbled in his chest as it awoke something far more carnal. He enjoyed a little bit of rough, that much was obvious by now.. He laughed and rubbed at his face, cringing at the reminder of how he'd tried it on with her within the first two minutes of meeting her, a drunken, beaten mess laying in the street. "Aye I still have the scars to remind me, lass. You almost burned my eyes out."

He sighed as her soft hand wandered over his skin, leaving it tingling in it's wake as his nerves rose up in response to her touch. His cheeks dimpled at the compliment.. "Well, in that regard I'm glad I didn't live up to your expectations. But after you threw me like you did, you exceeded mine." he mused with a roguish grin..

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Now it was Lexis turn to grimace at the reminder of what she had done. She definitely had a foul temper and treated people in a certain way when she was in a rush, tired and grieving for a lost man. She decided to make up for it by leaning down and pressing a kiss over each eye now.

"I would have healed you. Maybe. Eventually," she laughed softly and then ran her fingers down his chest to the toned muscle of his stomach. A sly smile twisted her face a little. "I do like the whole breaking you bit though," her voice was a purr as she leaned down once again to kiss along his jaw and neck.

 

[Cassian]

His fingers ran into her hair as she leaned to kiss at his eyes. “I wouldn’ have deserved your healin’, lass. I was an arse. I’m just lucky you took pity on me at some point… Or, I guess it was Red you took pity on..” he laughed under his breath.. “Either way I’m glad.”

His eyes rolled shut. She was spoiling him with those hands and that mouth and he groaned softly and curled his fingers into her hair. He half smirked when she spoke of breaking him, but he let out a deep sigh and reached for her chin to lock his gaze with hers and look over her face for a quiet moment..

“Aye, lass…That’s what terrifies me.” he frowned gently.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

The playful and humorous look died like a flower wilting in the sun as he gripped her chin and looked at her so seriously. Worried. He was worried she was going to hurt him. Her eyes lowered slowly when it became too painful to keep his gaze. It was her fear too, she couldn't deny it. Hurting him like she had hurt Rose to the point she had run into the arms of another man.

"How can I ease that fear?" Her voice was a soft plead. She wanted to know how to keep him with her and he at least had experience in a committed relationship. "I don't want to hurt you like I hurt Rose but this job... my job has to come first no matter what. These people depend on me Cass. I'm not going to ever be able to be that pretty little wife with dinner on the table and a babe in my belly."

 

[Cassian]

He frowned as he searched his mind for an answer, listening to her words as he stroked at her jaw with a thumb, and he fought off the urge to laugh at the image that came forth of her as a housewife.. "Woah..lass. I ent here to make you a fuckin' housewife.." now he laughed. He couldn't not.

"Your job comes first, I can accept that, I wouldn' expect anythin' else. It's what you do, an' this is what I do." he frowned and huffed quietly.. "Just let me stay." That was his answer, it was all he needed, for her not to give up on him and leave him or make him leave.

"I.." he paused with a groan, obviously trying to find the right words without sounding like an idiot, which is how he felt. "It's like I've just been spirallin' around in a storm an' I just need to, anchor myself, until it stops. My head is fucked an' you have this way of settlin' it. I ent sure if it's magic or if it's jus' you. You're the only way I can sleep."

Cassian looked up at her, curling a lock of her hair behind her ear. "I ent here to change a single thing about you, lass."

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Despite the words and assurances she still looked unconvinced, though she did manage a weak smile when he said he laughed at the idea of her being a little housewife. It was a ridiculous image but sometimes that was what people wanted from her. Perhaps not to that extreme but they wanted someone to come home to, not a whole squad of men who needed the comfort of their Commander after they had lost someone. Or someone who stayed up and never came to bed some nights. It's why she kept things casual; it was easier.

"You have a place with me until you want to move on," she looked down at her hand splayed against his stomach. "I just... I'm not someone's endgame. I tend to just be a rest stop along the road."

 

[Cassian]

Cassian's brow furrowed at her and he slipped his fingertips under her chin to tilt her gaze back toward his.. "Comments like that, lass. Are precisely what will break me.." his jaw clenched. His throat was suddenly raw and his mouth felt dry, all of the words he wanted to say got stuck somewhere for an awkward moment.

For fuck sake, Cass..

"Fuck, Lexi, can you not see that I love you like crazy?" he laughed under his breath, trying not to let his face betray the river of panic that was flowing through him, but he was sure she'd feel his heart pounding with her hand still splayed on his stomach.. "I.. wasn't plannin' on movin' on." he winced slightly. His muscles seemed to seize, as though preparing his body for attack, what if it was too much for her? He dropped his hand and looked away to rub at his face. He'd faced armies of men, demons, his own father, and he'd never felt more vulnerable in his life than he did right now.

For fuck sake, Cass..

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Aw hell.

Lexi bit her lip after his gentle scolding and tried to convey an apology through her returning stare. As she had said earlier, she simply called it how it was. She was content with it and had made her bed in it too. It was hard to try and undo the careful layers of protection she had wrapped around her bruised and broken heart. If the truth broke him then what did he want from her?

His confession knocked the wind from her lungs as if she had been physically punched in the gut. For a moment all she could do was stare and then she leaned back a little for his head was still in her lap and she thought if she kept leaning over him she might be sick.

"I..."

Say something Lexi!

The silence was growing uncomfortable but her mind was blank. 12 languages and not a single word came to mind? But she hadn't been expecting love from him. Affection sure, admiration definitely, but love?

"Rose told me those words and promised me she wouldn't leave but my life got too much for her. It hurt her," she closed her eyes. The subject was a sore one but it was the only way to explain her hesitation and fear. "I can't hurt someone else I care about in that way again, Cassian. If there is any doubt... any... I need... I need to know so I can stop myself falling any further in love with you too."

 

[Cassian]

He couldn't look at her, only drown in the deafening silence as everything felt like it was suddenly crashing down around him. His throat ached, and he cleared it to put a dent in the silence, sitting up since she'd leaned back. He settled against the headboard and rubbed at the tension in the back of his neck.

The first word out of her mouth was Rose, and Cassian's jaw clenched. "Don't..lass. You don't have to explain anythin' just forget- .." he pressed his lips together and shut up as she continued on and he looked up at the ceiling, silently asking him how he could've been such an idiot. He'd ruined it, like he knew he would.

Further in love?

He looked at her with the look of a beaten dog and let out a breath.. "Me? What doubts could I possibly have? If you want to stop lass, then stop, I shouldn' have." he growled and rubbed at his face. He needed a whisky and a fight. "Fuck." he muffled.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

"No, Cassian I..." She wanted to kiss the look off his face. She hated that she had caused him to feel that way with her words. How else could she explain... Honesty. Blunt honesty.

"I'm scared," the confession felt as though it were ripped from her very heart. Her voice was raw and broken. For perhaps the first time her true age showed through. A scared 26 year old who had lost the years many used to discover themselves and find their place in the world. A 26 year old who had the weight of entire army on her shoulders and hadn't had the time to think about herself since she was 18.

Lexi ran her hands down her face slowly then up and through her hair where they balled into fists.

"I'm just scared."

 

[Cassian]

Cass frowned as he watched her appear so distressed. He hadn't wanted that. He wished he could take it back. What the fuck did he do now? He fought the urge to pull clothes on and leave the cabin for some fresh air and some of Mitch's rum, he wanted to crawl into a hole and drink himself into oblivion and just forget.

But she was upset and telling him she was afraid and he couldn't leave her. That wouldn't help her fears, it'd be doing the exact opposite. He reached to pull her protectively into his arms against his chest to hold her tightly to him.. "Aye.. Me too, lass. You don' have to be it's alrigh'. I'm sorry." he frowned, silently cursing himself.

"Let's just forget about it.. We don' need to deal with any of this I just.. wanted you to know you weren't a rest stop..." he huffed. It'd been the worst thing she'd ever said.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi put up no resistance as he pulled her down against him, sliding her legs out from under him to press her whole body against his instead. When she felt like this what she usually did was smoke or go for a ride or a long walk. But his arms gave her the same relief even though it was him she wanted the space from and the feelings he brought up in her. She let out a shuddering breath.

"And I just wanted to let you know why I feel like that..." her voice was slightly muffled where her face was pressed into his chest. She gently pressed a kiss to his skin and let out a slightly smoother breath this time. "I'm sorry too... about the freak out... everything... I guess you're not the only fucked up person in this relationship - sorry to take your title role," she attempted to insert a little bit of humour into the conversation to ease her own nerves as well as his. After a moment she propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at him, chewing on her bottom lip like a dog with a bone. "It's good we're talking, I want to know how you're feeling," her fingers trailed down his cheek.

 

[Cassian]

"Aye.. I understand why." he answered, trying not to be dry and doing his best not to sound as pained as he felt right now. Rose had clearly hurt her badly, he knew what that was like, she was only being cautious whereas he'd let himself fall harder than he'd ever fallen before and he couldn't help but wonder if he should've just taken his pay and left... His mind spiralled.

What did you expect? Everything in his life was destined to fail.. He'd told her he loved her and the first thing she'd thought of was Rose. You fucking idiot, Cass. He was breaking. His chest felt tight but he continued to rub his hands over her back to offer her comfort as she spoke.

"Don't apologise Lexi.." he frowned and forced a smile and watched her prop herself up and look at him, closing his eyes briefly as her fingers trailed down his cheek. "I'm all good. Don' worry about it, alrigh'?.." he told her and leaned to press a kiss to her forehead.. "I need to stretch my legs.." he rumbled and turned to slip out of bed, pull on his breeches, lift the half bottle of rum and leave..