Caught in a whirlwind of new emotions and a newfound loneliness every time her better half was sent out on a mission for Gilram, Ysobel found herself seeking advice from a person she trusted. The Urahil twins’ older cousin, Perrine- a proctor whom she looked up to as an older sister. A proctor she trusted would keep her secrets and hopefully provide some sort of reassurance as she navigated her new life.
Proctor Perrine,
I hope this letter finds you well. I know this probably seems strange, receiving an anonymous letter in the middle of the night. (That is, if the courier followed instructions…) And I’m sure writing you is not the wisest of decisions. However, I have found myself in a situation that I did not expect to face so early in my life and I have valued your guidance more than you can imagine.
I’m not sure where to begin to be honest.
I have recently discovered that I am pregnant and to be quite honest, this new experience and everything I am experiencing is so unbearably overwhelming. I do not know why this happened to me or how I can even navigate this terrifying journey without my own mother's advice. I am struggling to know everything I should be doing.
I am not asking you to solve everything for me, but rather for advice and perspective. I trust you to be honest with me, after all you have been like an older sister to me since you joined as a proctor. I need sisterly advice that I can no longer seek from the one I am now nothing more than dead to. I am forever sorry for disappointing you and the others, but I am so lonely and I have no one else to talk to right now.
The courier will return upon nightfall tomorrow just beyond the willow tree to the south of the academy if you shall choose to write me back. And please, destroy any evidence of our conversations.
Gratefully,
-(The letter Y was smudged badly and could have easily been mistaken for an L, O, Z, or even an N)
The letter was a touching one, to play on her heartstrings by calling her a big sister. Perrine was an only child subjected to growing up with her cousins and in turn, attempting to be a sibling to them before eventually being pulled away to go on her way to becoming a Dreadlord.
"What does that even say?" She pondered, squinting to try and make out the letter used to sign off. "E?"
She read the letter back once more, this time paying attention to the words and what it asked of her. Advice? Not just a medical one... but something an older sister would advise. Perrine was not sure where to start! This Initiate, she could only assume, was going to great lengths to keep anonymous, not even remembering what the courier had looked like when they found her office and handed her the letter. They were long gone now, she expected.
Perrine was always better at putting her thoughts to canvas, a paintbrush in hand... but what would a painting do for her? So instead, she sat down at her desk and dipped her quill into the inkwell and blotted it on the edge of the glass. She poised it, ready to start her response.
To the Secret,
To carry life within you is a great blessing, but also one of the hardest things you will face. I do not want to press on what your situation is and whether you have support, but I will ask you to heed my caution when I say that you will need a healthy line to pull you out of any depressive episodes. To write to me is one way, and I thank you for trusting in me.
But first, before I can give the sisterly advice, I have to insist you are eating well! Do not be surprised by the little basket I intend on your trusted courier to deliver. A few little salves and herbs to help you... I will leave their care instructions for you to refer to.
Now... as for my advice...
My own mother, if she were still around and more motherly than I remember her to be, would say that it is your time to be selfish. If the father of the child is in the picture, you must put your foot down and demand there be some consideration on your part. If you are on your own... then I hate to suggest that you do reach out to me to meet. The offer still stands, whether you come to me, or I come to you.
Not only must you stand up for yourself, you must also listen to your body. I will take it that you have no clue the first bit of information on what is happening to your body, but fret not. I have a book from the Dreadlord Healers that I have no use for. Actually... I will rip out the pages necessary for you than subject you to verygraphic illustrations of things not to do with pregnancy...
Thank you for replying. Thank you for your gift. And thank you for your…choice of illustrations. I assure you, I was not planning on doing most of those things. Perhaps even after the child is born. I shudder to even think about them still. Of course, I am trying my best to eat well. It has been hard. My favorite foods make me feel worse than that summer when the food had gone rancid in the dining hall. Ha ha. That was probably the last time I’d been as sick as I get now. I’d stolen one of the plant pots from the hall and used it to throw up. I remember how angry the other proctors were. They’d punished me for weeks.
Although the father is in the picture, sometimes I do feel very much so as though I am on my own. I know if I asked he would come but he has missions he must attend to and I cannot stand between him and what is expected of him. I wouldn’t wish for him to be punished on my behalf. And so I spend quite a bit of time alone.
I would love to take you up on your offer. I trust you to keep my secrets. But I cannot expose myself at this time. I cannot stand to see the disappointment on the faces of those I consider my family. My siblings. My friends. I would hate for them to see me as I am. I might as well be dead. For now…
On the other hand, I wouldn’t wish you to put yourself in harm’s way to visit me. Oh dear. That made it sound like I am in danger or an ocean away. Not to worry, I am in good hands and I am closer than you might think.
I hate to ask, but could you send more of those peppermint things. The ones with the chocolate.
-Y (Once again, her signature had smudged as she sealed the letter. This time looking like a Y, G, or O.) A string of whitish-blonde hair stuck to the ink.
Ysobel handed off the letter to the courier who in a rather amusing poof transformed into some sort of bird as he left with the letter in tow.
The response was quick, and soon Perrine found herself back behind her desk and repeating the same actions in order to write her own reply.
No need to thank me!
Peppermint pralines just happen to be my favourite too! Consider each letter I write to you to be accompanied with them until you write back that you are completely sick of them!
As for being a disappointment, believe me when I say that those that view you in such a way have no idea the burden it is to be you, but only you are strong enough to march on. You know of my family, do you not? They surely do wish that I could rise to Third Rank, but alas, no matter how gifted I am with healing, I will always remain at Fourth Rank.
I also believe that we make our own families, and if the father of your child is called away on missions a lot, then we cannot impede on the duty to Vel Anir. May I ask how many months along you are? I would like you to update me on your condition when you can.
As a Proctor, it is my duty to ensure the health and wellbeing of all Initiates. Coming to me office is not out of the norm, should you wish to do so. Otherwise, the Academy cannot blame me for taking on a mission during my time teaching, as I am still an active member in the ranks. You asked of complete secrecy from me and I shall honour it.
A few weeks would pass before the next letter arrived.
Perrine,
Your family is proud of you. Believe you me, Leander would be an absolute wreck without you nearby. He will never admit it though. He is a softy underneath all of that ego.
Ysobel found herself chuckling at her memories. The very short time she spent with Leander had been an interesting one for sure.
Certainly, I’d never involve myself in his duty to Vel Anir. Never. That is why, as of now, I leave him to his work. Though I cannot lie in that I would be heartbroken if I found myself alone for the birth. I don’t quite know what I would do. I don’t suppose you have any advice in your books for that. Perhaps a threat will suffice for now.
As for months…I would say over three but no more than four. I’m embarrassed to say I have lost track of time. I get so bored that the days seem to blur into one very long, very boring day. Suppose I should figure that one out.
As always, please burn any evidence that I have written to you,
-Y
Perrine drummed her fingers against her desk as she stared at the letter to her left. It was almost excruciating to feel frustrated when she only had one suspicion to the identity, but even then, the time was not now to play detective.
She had been asked for advice... and it was a tough call for her role as healer to just sit on the sidelines and not be reassured.
E? O? Today it looks like a Y.
I do not doubt that Leander needs me, as I need him too. Same goes with Odessa. I took this position as Proctor to keep an eye on them because... what if something were to happen to them? After Amoux... it makes you keep the ones you love close by. The family is all I have... and I thought of you last week. To be lucky to have a partner in the picture... and start a new family.
There are always options that are under the radar for girls in your position. Initiates getting pregnant is not new, and there are ways to ensure you and the child are properly taken care of.
But... I must admit I hate to think of the possibility of you being alone when the time comes. A number of things can go wrong... and I hope you all the best that nothing does.
I leave for a week's long mission in the morning. Dreadlord too wounded to make the trip back to Vel Anir so I must go to him.
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