Private Tales What Does Not Kill Us

[Pern]

The confusion persisted as, too, did the fatigue of sleep. Thank you?

Read?

Then it all rushed in at once as Pern laid her eyes on the short note she'd written in the wee hours of the night.

"Oh," said Pern, blinking a few more times as she slowly pushed herself to sit up, "oh!"

Flooded by the very sudden knowledge that he had, indeed, found the gift and how very self-aware it was making her, she dithered some more for many of the same reasons. "I, uhm, well it wash meant for Heart and Hearth-" Pern's eyes trailed from the note and back to Hath's face, "day..."

"But you can't... of courshe you can't, I knew thish. I washn't thinking. There wash jusht show much on my mind and-" a quick breath caught in her chest as she looked back to the note.

He wanted to know what it said. Naturally. Why wouldn't he? Pern's mouth suddenly felt very dry.

"I can... read it for you," she reached forward to take it from him, sitting up a bit more fully now, and took a deep breath as she felt her heart begin to hammer in her chest for no apparent reason.

"Hath," Pern began, her eyes wide and round and glancing up at him, "I'm not even sure if you can read thish, but I made thish blade for you while we shtayed with your mother'sh clan. Took time to finish it - I would work on it while you shlept..."

Her throat was getting tight. She cleared it and pawed at the side of her neck awkwardly as she felt the blood rush from her chest and up into her face.

"Thank you for everything you have done for me and sheeing me through what hash-" her face was quite warm, furiously blushing, "what hash been the greatesht adventure of my life."

 

[Hath Charosh]

Half way through her reading, Hath realised how difficult this was for her. He had not thought that she would have written this all down simply because it was difficult to say out loud.

He had no idea that she had been finishing off the blade for all this time. It must have taken such determination for her to keep that a secret through everything.

After she cleared her throat, Hath reached out and placed his hand across her knee.

Hath was typically direct in expressing himself. As she continued he looked genuinely overwhelmed. Pern might not have felt a love for him in the way he wanted to be loved in return, but their time together had been life changing for her.

Pern would think of their adventure for the rest of her life. Despite all the hardship they had been through, she was thankful for his support.

"Thank you," he said, meeting her gaze directly. His emotions churned around in his gut and Hath didn't know what else to say.

He reached for her slowly. Two thick arms wrapped around Pern and she - and her letter - would be pulled into his broad chest.

" We will... Have more adventures..." Hath promised, but his own voice betrayed him, stuttering every word.

 

[Pern]

As if her eyes could not go any wider, the bulk of his arms wrapping around her nearly popped them from her skull. All the rest of the blood in her chest rushed up into her face and she was certain that now her cheeks and her ears were both the color of wet sand. Had it been this warm yesterday? It suddenly felt very warm in this tent.

Pern sat frozen in his hug for several moments that, to her, felt like an eternity. Her heart, already having been pounding from reading the letter, now felt as though it might just burst.

If it weren't for Hath's stammering, she might've sat like a statue the entire time but something about the break in his normally resolute and assured tone caught her out of her overwhelming rush of emotions. Was he... was he about to cry? The drive to concern herself over others before herself would always win out it seemed.

She hadn't meant to upset him with the gift!

"Of - of courshe we will," Pern replied, pulling one of her arms from between them where they had folded against his chest to hug back. "We shtill have a waysh to go... and then, who knowsh!"

Smiling again, the heat from her cheeks abated for far more comfortable warmth and for once, Pern relaxed against him and rest her head there. This was... nice. She'd never really hugged someone before that could really get their arms around her except for Scy, but this was different.

 

[Hath Charosh]

The greatest adventure of my life

Those words echoed around inside his head. Even as the moment settled between them. His sudden flare of emotion at her sentiment faded into something more comfortable. The surprise Pern felt from his hug faded.

He let his hand settle into the small of her back. Hath barely moved. The palm of his hand gently moving up and down.

There was a shared warmth between them. Like a fire on the coldest winter day. The cool morning breeze crossing the dew was almost welcome now. As he breathed in, her hair tickled his chin. He enjoyed the scent of her hair.

He was reluctant to pull away from the embrace. His hands were curious to slowly explore with gentle touch. He let out a slow breath. Fingertips pressed into her for a moment before he carefully pulled away.

Hath left one hand on her shoulder. Moisture had gathered in the corners of his eyes.

He grunted and gave a firm nod.

"We have not finished this adventure," he agreed.

 

[Pern]

"Don't-" Pern said as she looked up at him and his misted eyes, feeling the twinge and sting of tears in her own, "don't cry, you'll make me cry." She was not very good at holding back those kinds of emotions, especially when brought on by others.

"Ish it good? Doesh it fit your hand well?" diverting attention and subject matter was the only way to combat it. Pern gently cleared her throat as she sat up straight again and looked to the gift in question. "I ushed one of your other bladesh to shize."

 

[Hath Charosh]

"It is not a bad feeling," he replied.

Hath followed her gaze. For a moment he had forgotten the item that had caused this outburst of emotions. He had been so focussed on the sentiment and on the feeling of her wrapped up in his embrace.

He gave a sharp nod.

She had been asleep when he had unwrapped the gift.

Hath unsheathed the knife. He gripped it with his right and ran his thumb over the blade from side to side.

"It is very fine," he said firmly. This time his voice only wavered a little.

 

[Pern]

"The balansh may be a bit off," she admitted with a slight frown, "but I can adjusht it neksht time I have accesh to a full forge." Perhaps she could convince the centaur to let her borrow his tools once he'd finished his day of work.

There was no question of the blade's strength or sharpness, however. Pern felt fully confident in both aspects. It would serve Hath well for many years to come.

"Now we jusht need to find you a new bow."

 

[Hath Charosh]

Hath balanced the knife on his middle finger. Then he held it and tilted it back and forth. The position where it balanced as well as the distribution of weight mattered.

As he did this, he brought his left fist to his face and smeared a tear away before it could fall.

"We need ink too," he said.

"I did not mean to embarrass you, but I liked to hear those words from you."

 

[Pern]

"Yesh," she said, suddenly aware that she'd forgotten all about the ink, "I should make a lisht..." and moved to take out her journal, ink, and quill once more. Pern paused as he spoke again, missing the gesture that rid himself of any hint of tear, and frown self-consciously.

"I'm glad they could make you happy," she said after a moment to collect her thoughts on the matter, "I've never... given a Heart & Hearth gift to anyone before."

 

[Hath Charosh]

"Using ink to buy more ink," he observed.

Heart and hearth day. He didn't know the tradition, but he thought asking for a specific explanation could wait for another day. The word heart and her tone said enough.

"Then if it was a first gift it was a very good one," Hath declared.

"You know... That I care for you very much."

His second declaration was harder to express than the first. He watched as she gathered her writing implements.

 

[Pern]

"Washte not," Pern replied. The ink was there to be used and if its last drops of use would remind her to buy more? Well, it wasn't wasted.

A smile pushed past her tusks as he complimented the gift, color shifting back into her cheeks yet again - only faintly at first and then full on flushing again at his next words. Oh gosh, there was that terrifying swell of emotion in her chest again. Felt her neck and ears growing warm for the second time this morning.

Truly the morning was far warmer than she'd expected.

She managed to gently clear her throat and acknowledge his words with a quick nod, shuffling through her journal for an empty page and grateful she had that to look at cause she could not bring herself to look at Hath in the moment.

"I know..." Pern nodded again as she scribbled in the list of items they'd need to be on the lookout for.

Ink.
Quill? This one was a bit tired and had little left to sharpen.
Bow

"I..." there had been so many instances in their journey where she thought Hath would be taken from her. Forgetting entirely that he was not just her guide but her guardian, beyond any of that he'd become one of her closest friends and the thought of losing him had moved her to do things she'd never considered herself capable of doing.

Attacking his brother.
Calling upon the Dawnbringer.
Killing a man.

She had a scar on her leg where the arrow had gone straight through during her brother's attempted kidnapping of her. Pern thought she'd take more arrows if it meant saving Hath from certain death.

"You are very dear to me, too, Hath," Pern looked up at him, her own eyes misted faintly from her thoughts, connected with his gaze for the briefest of moments before it all was too much. She cleared her throat again and went back to her list, "What - what elshe do we need..."

 

[Hath Charosh]

It was only a few words, but he could see the effect it had upon Pern. She wasn't used to people caring about her in this way - beyond just a few people in her life - let alone expressing it.

Hath simply reached out and touched fingertips to the outside of her shoulder once.

Settling his hands back into his lap he considered her question. He offered a small smile.

"New waterskins," he said firmly. "One large, several small."

Even if they went north with this orc tribe then they would need to be able to carry their own water.

"Some salt for preserving meat."

 

[Pern]

He really could be quite empathetic and gentle when he wanted. Pern glanced at his gesture with a wane smile, wariness of her embarrassment fading as he added to the list.

Ink
Quill
Bow
Waterskins - lrg + sml
Salt

Pern looked to her backpack and searched through several pockets - of which it seemed to always have more than one thought it aught to.

"Hmm," her brow furrowed, "we sheem to be low on medicinal ointment ash well. I am shore the tribe hash shome, but it would be good to keep our own."

She added that to the list.

"Well we should be able to pick up your arrowheadsh thish morning. Shall we get going?"

 

[Hath Charosh]

"I am glad we chose to travel with the Skarath," Hath admitted. He sat with his feet close to a fire. He was on the other side of the flames from Pern.

He glanced around the camp. They travelled more slowly than his own tribe. They used pack animals to carry shelter and food. His own tribe would travel light and sleep under the stars.

He did not like that they still looked at him with apprehension. The young males did not like being alone with Hath. Chieftain Mos was pleasant enough, though his muttered comments about shadows chasing the sun persisted.

They kept close to Varga and his family. They slept in the same tent. They had been talking about their choices and travels. Mahti had frequently followed in Pern's shadow.

"We will stay with them as long as you want."

Hath had not mentioned the Vekenthi recently. It was for Pern to decide if she wanted to find the tribe of her ancestors.

He had offered to track them down after they returned to Elbion if she wanted to and left the offer there.

He glanced over his shoulder at the scent of incense. Yska was telling fortunes again.

 

[Pern]

Being as she was, Pern did not like to be useless, especially when granted a safe company to travel with. Food every day. Security in the evening hours. Whatever either of them had needed over the past week had been provided by the tribe. They asked for nothing in return but that simply wasn't the way her father had raised her.

She began to make things, fix things, and help out with chores wherever she could around the encampment. From time to time she even watched the youngins when an extra set of eyes or hands were needed.

Hath had offered to help hunt and he'd been granted a spot with the hunters, but Pern knew there was still a great deal of paranoia about them. Even if he was a very skilled hunter. Perhaps that set them on edge even more - the culture of orc tribes was difficult for her to suss out.

With a glance toward him while she worked on fixing the leather lashings of a hunting bow, Pern smiled and nodded, "Yesh, me too."

It was much safer and she felt far more at ease traveling with the group. But, she furrowed her brow, "We'll shtay until we get closher to Elbion ... or a portal shtone I shupposhe."

Either way, she had not intended to stay with them forever.

 

[Hath Charosh]

"Yes," Hath said simply.

He had promised to bring Pern home safely. Whilst he had expected an arduous journey, fate had conspired against them. He had nearly died several times. Pern had been forced to kill a man.

"They have been kind but we must get you home. And then where you lead, I shall follow."

Even if, he thought to himself, that meant staying in Elbion for some time. They had made that agreement and Hath saw no reason for it to have been changed. If she decided to find out more about her possible clan then he would guide her. The circumstances didn't change an agreement as far as he was concerned.

Varga's eldest son walked past them fire and offered them both a respectful nod. He was the eldest of Varga and Shari. They had three children and, from the noises at night, were working on a fourth. They travelled along with the extended family who would all soon be around the same fire.

The son was one of the few who had shed and qualms about working with Hath. Orcs were adaptable creatures. When he had been a younger scout he had been more lean. The years of difficult battles and a bit of age had bulked Hath up considerably. He hadn't noticed the change until he saw himself in comparison to the orcs here, who saw him as a dangerous breed. He often forgot that his own father had been the Chieftain.

"Elbion should be safe. Other than the Elbion guards," he muttered.

 

[Pern]

"They have been kind but we must get you home. And then where you lead, I shall follow."

It wasn't as if Hath had never expressed this intent before, but for some reason this time she felt a warmth blossom in her chest at hearing it. Beyond her father, who had always promised her the world, Pern had never really experienced true friendship. Scy was a good friend, of course, but Scy's life always took her far away and she rarely stuck around.

Perhaps that was her own fault, Pern had thought at one point in time, being so stuck in place in Elbion. She was boring and the wider world was not.

Now she knew that to be true, but she didn't feel that way about the friendship anymore. Couldn't blame Scy for wanting to travel and live her own life, there was so much out there to discover.

A warm smile stretched around her tusks and she gave a gentle clearing of her throat to push away the lump that had begun to form there. As much as she liked the idea of Hath joining her in Elbion, she knew now that the city was no true home for him. It would be selfish of her to ask him to stay.

But how do you tell someone such a thing?

"Living in Elbion washn't eashy," she admitted with a look over toward a few orcs returning from the river with fish in baskets and younglings at hand, "not eashy like thish."

 

[Hath Charosh]

Hath followed her gaze. One of the younglings went too close to a basket and caught a palm across the ear. They scattered.

He had seen her smile start to form and decided not to stare. As she spoke of Elbion he turned back towards her.

"I did not get on with the guards," he recalled. "Maybe I should dress...different."

The thought would have never occurred to him when he had last approached the city. They had been through a lot in the first half of their trip.

"What made it hard?" he asked. "Well, the worst," he clarified.

Her gentle nudge wasn't having the intended effect. She had spoken of her life before, but he was thinking about Elbion more as they started on the road West.

 

[Pern]

"They..." Pern was hard pressed to speak ill of anyone and had she not experienced all of the last several months in the wilds, she likely never would have looked at Elbion the way she did now. Hindsight, and whatnot.

"They do not like orcsh. They do not want to sherve you. They do not want your bushiness. They do not want to shpeak to you. They do not want to share shpashe with you. They do not hear you when you shpeak up. They-" she took a breath, feeling horrible and strangely vindicated in the same moment, "anything a human can have or do there takesh ten timesh the effort and cosht of a non-human."

At least, that is what she had seen and known for the years she'd grown there.

"I am the adopted daughter of a very powerful and highly reshpected Maeshter of the college and I shtill wash treated thish way."

 

[Hath Charosh]

"Hmm," went Hath.

"You want do well..." Hath tilted his head to one side. That had sounded very simple, even by his own standards.

"I mean that everyone wants to do well at what they love. You are very good at your craft. It would not be fair to not be given respect and price for what you have earned."

Hath spoke with clear determination, still missing the reason that she had raised it. He hunched his broad shoulders forward over the fire, and glanced across at Pern.

 

[Pern]

Pern looked at him, unsmiling.

He wasn't getting it. Hath perhaps did not know the common tongue well enough to read between the lines and she certainly didn't know his language to get the point across there. At some point in the future, she knew now, she would have to tell him that Elbion was not a good home for him.

Hath was not made for city living. He was cut from the cloth of those that made their home in the wild lands beyond the city walls. He deserved open skies and endless horizons, not stone and wood boxes and days spent laboring for others.

A heavy sigh slowly filtered out her nose. Pern nodded.

"Yesh." But her gaze did not meet his and the certainty of her voice wasn't there.

As with everything else, it seemed even home had become complicated.

 

[Hath Charosh]

Hath sat in silence for a long while after Pern spoke, the weight of her words settling heavily upon his shoulders.

A few years ago he had thought of himself as simple in his wants: food, fire, a good hunt, the freedom of the wilds. Now here she was speaking of belonging and prejudice.

“A home shouldn’t turn you away at the gates or ask you to work for less because you are not like them.”

He leaned back, the firelight glinting in his eyes. He glanced at Pern. He wasn't used to deep conversation but he could read that her body language was uncomfortable. He didn't care where they went. She had seen him through the darkest hours of his life and he would look out for her.

"I'm going to go up to the rocks and see if any signs of trouble. Goblins or kobolds. Do you want to come?"

It wasn't a very long walk, but it would mean they could stretch their legs before food was cooked and the sun went down.

 

[Pern]

Pern's gaze trailed off over a wilted look of weariness. She wasn't sure how to steer a conversation like this - not wanting to hurt Hath after everything he had done for her but also not wanting to put him through a life that she wasn't even sure was worth the trouble.

"Noh I-" Pern sighed deeply as she looked over to the returning group with their baskets of fish, "I told Malla I would help with preparing tonight'sh meal. I should head over there now that they are back, but you go ahead."

Packing away the things she'd had out, Pern stood from her spot and dusted herself off, giving Hath a wane smile before she turned and made her way off through the tents to meet up with the arriving orcs. Her appearance heralded by leaping younglings, grabbing at her arms and offering to show her what they caught or found by the river.

Lively bunch.

 

[Hath Charosh]

Hath watched her go, the campfire crackling softly between them. She’d smiled but it hadn’t reached her eyes. Something in her voice had been off.

They had spent too much time travelling together for him to miss it, but he felt frustrated at himself for not understanding.

He turned his gaze toward the flames and listened to the laughter of the younglings and the low murmur of the tribe around them. For a moment, he felt like he was standing just outside that circle of warmth.

Elbion.

The way she said its name made it sound like a place that took more than it gave. He rubbed the side of his neck, frowning. Maybe there was something she wasn’t telling him. Maybe it wasn’t just the city that made her sound tired.

He would ask her again later when she wasn’t busy and when she didn't have her back to him.

For now, Hath rose to his feet and reached for his bow. He’d check the rocks, just as he said. It gave him something to do while he sorted through the thoughts twisting quietly in his chest.

---

The scent of woodsmoke soon faded behind him and was replaced by the clean chill of open air.

The rocks rose a short run from the camp. It always made him feel better to run until his legs felt tired.

The gray and weather-worn rocks rose from the bush scrub. He climbed them slowly, pausing to scan the horizon. The world stretched wide and empty. There was no movement in the trees, no flicker of torchlight on the hills.

He crouched at the top, resting his bow across his knees. It was quiet here, save for the wind tugging through the grass.

For a while he just watched. The tribe’s fires burned steady below, a cluster of orange sparks against the dark. He could almost see the group of orcs where he imagined Pern was.

Hath frowned. Something in his chest tightened, that same strange feeling from before. The sense that he had missed something, that she was slipping just out of his reach, even when she was right there.

Hath drew a long breath, tasting the air for danger, but all he found was the faint trace of rain coming on the wind.

"No goblins,” he muttered to himself. “No trouble.”

He stayed there a while longer anyway, watching the horizon, though he wasn’t sure what he was waiting to see.

---

The clouds were a deep red as he picked a path back through the rocks. When he reached the camp he could smell fish already baking.

He could hear Yska cackling as she told fortunes from her tent. The young ones were gathering in small packs around the fires to get at leftovers first.

 

[Pern]

<<You,>> followed that cackle from the tent, <<Shadow of the Sun Sister. Come here.>>


Though Pern still could not speak orcish fluently and the dialect of this tribe was different enough to create confusion, she was able to communicate general things with others when they did not know the trade tongue.

The younglings, for instance, were very curious about her. Pern's blood tribe, as she was slowly learning from short sessions of listening to the clan elders and Chief, were quite unique. They held ancient blood of elves in their veins, which came as both a shock but also clarifying reverie to her. She was lean of build and lighter of skin. Her ears had also seemed starkly thinner and finer of point than other orcs. Then the facial features - far more refined and, dare she say, human than others. She knew it now to be elvish traits.

And she also had a better understanding now of why they were never readily known or found. They were in hiding.

Her people were hunted by other orc tribes to near extinction for the elvish blood in their veins. Ages of aggression and war refused to let go, chasing them across the continent from their home lands in the Falwood. It was that last run, fleeing the burning of their home, that lead them past Elbion all those years ago.

Now here she was, a youngling dangling from each end of the shoulder pole instead of wooden buckets for water with an endless litany of questions for her. With the fish stuffed and now baking under the watchful eyes of the tending mothers with their babes, Pern ventured back out with two other orcs and the two younglings in tow to retrieve water from the river. Their extra weight, though likely nothing more than a sneeze for Hath, carried from her own shoulders without much effort at all. Pern may not have been actively working in the smithy over the last several months, but she'd done her fair share of work and labor whenever needed.

She could never stand to be useless.

"You are good with them," said one of the she-orcs walking with her, "why do you not have your own?"

Pern had always enjoyed children, though the vast majority of children in Elbion did not enjoy her anywhere near as much as these little ones. She offered a sideways pained smile, "I... uh, shupposhe I never met the right pershon."

"Are you not mated with the dark one?" asked the other orc, a young male just coming into adulthood.

"Noh ... noh he ish my friend. We have traveled together for many moonsh..." it wasn't as if Pern never thought back to that exchange with him in the forest after the highway men had attacked. It replayed quite often and she still felt an uncomfortable pinching in her chest when she brooded on it too long.

"His eyes do not agree with you, Sata," chuckled the she-orc.