Private Tales The Sign of the Lindwurm

A private roleplay only for those invited by the first writer
Teagan did not mean to turn into the blubbering fool that she did as she sank down to the ground. It was not long before Gerard had joined her on the ground and pulled her into his strong embrace. His hands around her waist and shoulder did not calm her shaking and crying though.

These emotions were not just from today. No, she had long carried them with her and buried them down so she could be strong for others. She had never cried in front of anyone. Ever. This was a weakness that could not be seen in a leader.

Time passed and she eventually calmed down. She didn't move though. She stayed in Gerards arms with her head on his chest, listening to the beat of his heart. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."
 
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Reactions: Gerard Montefort
In the moment, as she sobbed from what he could only imagine must have been more than just the day's stress, he began to hum gently to her a song his mother would hum to him when he was a child, a soothing tune meant to calm. He slowly rubbed her back, but mostly held still, acting as an anchor for her to lose control for however long she needed.

He sighed, briefly. Not because of Teagan, but because he hadn't really acknowledged the long years of trauma that being a mercenary captain effects on one person, but unlike Teagan, he was unable to begin crying. He didn't know how he'd handle it; she at least had the benefit of being second-in-command, but in this sense, at least in the guild, maybe there wasn't anyone he could turn to in the guild.

But with Teagan, maybe he wanted to. Just, not right now, not here.

The moment was over, and her voice rang in his ears again. He didn't say anything, instead resting his head on hers, his hand on her back resting higher, just below her neck. He let a few moments pass after her apology, as he truthfully didn't know what to say. He didn't think words could comfort the kind of grief he knew they were both feeling. Maybe he was the one who wasn't done yet; he said nothing, waiting for Teagan to do something instead, or at least long enough that he felt like he could speak again.
 
Teagan felt more comfort in this moment than she had felt in a very long time. Gerard was warm and safe. He knew her like no one else. She didn't let anyone else see her humor, the knowledge she held, her smiles. No, just him. She just sat there in silent contentment.

"We should probably get the fire going before it gets cold," her voice was so soft. Softer than she had even heard herself. Contrary to her suggestion, she did not want to actually move and get up though. "If you say a word about this, I'll kill you, Gerard." While her voice was still soft, the edge of humor was back and she let a small smile cross her lips.
 
"I suppose we should start the fire..." he said, his voice trailing off a little. This felt nice in a way where he didn't really want to let go; he still wasn't sure what he was feeling, but as long as Teagan was okay with it, he was going to keep holding her. He'd never seen her like this, not even back then.

"I wouldn't dream of it. Some things are better left unspoken."

He smiled back. Him, and her, here alone in this place under dire circumstances suddenly didn't seem so bad. Maybe things would get better.

"I know you would kill me. So, my lips are doubly sealed."

He rocked her, just a little bit. It felt like the right thing to do.
 
Teagan gave it another ten minutes of silence before she finally started to move. She pulled herself away and into a sitting position next to Gerard. She slowly stood up and grumbled. Her legs had fallen asleep slightly and her standing back up had let pins and needles shooting through them.

"Come on, Gerard, we need to make the fire and find something to eat for dinner." She was done crying for now. It would probably be another lifetime before she cried again. She was fine. Everything was fine.

As he stood, she crossed the short distance between him and pulled him into a hug. A genuine, loving hug that she had only ever given to her parents before him. He was special to her whether he felt the same or not.
 
Gerard was somewhat relieved when Teagan finally let go and stood up--this was all new territory for him and exploring it was something he wasn't used to in his age. She said she was fine, and Gerard had no reason to believe otherwise other than the scars he carried in his own heart. She was half-right: they had packed enough rations to last them weeks, so they just needed a fire, and finding food out here would likely be an easy prospect if they did want something fresh.

Before he realized it, she was hugging him and this felt different than before. He returned her embrace, clutching her back and pulling her to him firmly; this time the affection was more even.

"We do need a fire," Gerard said. "And we do need to eat..." His mouth was close to her ear, so he spoke the words softly, with a hum characteristic of his voice.

At last, he asked: "Are you sure you're okay?" He kept his arms around her, but backed his head up and turned slightly so that his eyes could meet hers. They were close enough now that he was experiencing her presence again in a way he hadn't since that one night, and memories started flooding in...
 
Teagan stared up into Gerard's piercing blue eyes and fought the urge to kiss him. They had not been this close - face to face, body to body - in years. She had thought about sneaking into his quarters and laying down next to him, but she had always restrained herself. "I'm fine..." she finally managed to make the words come out of her mouth. She was fine now. She had plugged the proverbial hole in her emotional damn.

Her amber eyes roamed his face and she eventually - finally - took a step back from him. Fire, food, fire, food, she kept repeating to herself as to forget the feelings she had for this man. The feelings that she had suppressed inside the same dam as her other emotions. She turned from him and started to make her way towards the pile of wood he had gathered. Teagan started to carry some pieces closer to the area she had cleared for the fire.
 
For a moment Gerard shared that same longing gaze as their eyes met. What was stopping him? They were alone, and... her eyes beckoned him, he knew at this point that she must have been calling out to him. So why fight it?

She broke the embrace, maybe perhaps just as he was about to kiss her. Perhaps she didn't see it, but his hand reached to grab her as she walked away to start the fire, just narrowly missing her.

He got on his knees by the wood after making a small firepit with some of the numerous stones on this rocky outcropping, pulling out a small firestarting tool and some flint and steel to start the fire. As he tried to do so, he spoke out, having regained his composure but still wrestling that inescapable desire.

"Teagan," he said, striking the steel, sparks flying. "Do you remember that one night, long ago? It's... been on my mind. You've been on my mind."

His heart rate was picking up. He should have just kissed her. He must have seemed the fool now, he thought. The sparks finally caught and a small fire started in the pit.
 
Teagan paused in her unpacking of rations when he asked about their night together. She looked over at him as he tried to get the fire started. If he saw her face, he would see the unamused look of a woman who had literally just been inches from his lips. Instead of kissing her, he wanted to talk about it. Talk...about...it. Talk! She could have screamed in frustration but instead she chuckled.

She used her knees to push herself back up into a standing position. "Gerard, of course I remember. It is not something that one easily forgets." No, it had been a truly amazing night with a man she adored and she had thought about it quite a lot. No one knew about it except them two. It was their secret and apparently they had both been keeping it very well.

"I have thought about it a lot," she admitted freely as the fire sparked to life. "I have thought about doing it again, I have thought about you, I have thought about us..." Her voice trailed off after the word us. The only sound was the rustling of the wood and the crackle of the fire as the logs sparked to life.
 
He'd thought so long about the negative aftermath of his experience with Teagan that night that he had nearly forgotten the night itself, but it was coming back to him; the coziness of their tent, a fire, isolation just like this...

Thoughts of her and her body and his came rushing back, his face very mildly flushing as he stoked the fire just once before standing up and looking at Teagan again. Almost cautiously, he walked over to where she was standing, and he thought his heart might burst through his chest as he looked into her eyes, standing maybe a foot away from her now.

He wasn't nervous about being with her--like last time, the fear was in the consequences, that's where it always was. If they did this again, it would be a secret again, and his thoughts would return right back to that day, as if the clock had never moved...

He moved forward very slightly, using his hand to steady her chin as he leaned in to kiss her, deeply and truly as he felt.

...but that was just a risk he would have to take, tonight. It didn't matter right now. With the Lindwurm, who knew, maybe this would be the last time they got the chance...
 
Teagan stopped breathing as Gerard approached her. He had brought up this talk, but did that mean he felt the same? That was the real question here. The way he looked into her eyes and she knew the answer. He did feel the same. His hand grabbed her chin gently and leaned in to kiss her.

It was a kiss that held 7 years of bottled up feelings in it. She melted into him, her arms instinctively going up around her neck and pulling herself closer. Her lips parted to welcome his tongue with hers. There was so much passion in this single kiss.

She pulled her lips away from his and stared into his eyes again. "Are you sure, Gerard? I am, but I have also thought about kissing you again for so long," her voice was soft.
 
The wave of emotion that flooded Gerard as their lips met was more than he was prepared for. It was more than just a kiss, it was the revelation of some great truth he had denied for almost as long as he had known Teagan, admired her, and wanted her. He almost trembled in the relief at being able to ignore those emotions, those reservations that had bound them for so long. He needed her, that much he knew.


His mind was half-melted with these feelings when she asked, and it took his whole strength to force himself to stop kissing her for a moment, instead settling for squeezing her back here and there, and running his fingernails up and down.


What was he supposed to say? He’d specifically tried to avoid talking because he didn’t know how to say what he was feeling, and was hoping he wouldn’t have to be so explicit.


“It’s been 7 years, Teagan, of watching you be magnificent and pretending like I’m okay to go on without telling you that I need you,”


He kissed her neck once, suckling gently for a second before continuing to speak.


“Every time you’d talk about wanting a family, or that the Brotherhood was all you had-- not just today, but every time, it burned a hole in me and I… I feel feverish just with the thought of not having you, or something happening to you. And now with what’s happened, with what I know we must do… I can’t lie to myself anymore.”


He found a way to reach his hand beneath her clothing, and rubbed her bare back with his hands, slowly and smoothly, looking her in the eyes as he desperately hoped she felt the same. She said she did, right? But he’d said more, and maybe it was too much…
 
He needed her. Chills ran through her body and then he was at her neck. She closed her eyes and tilted her head to give him better access but then he pulled away from her again.

"Why did you never tell me?" She remembered the guys that she had been with since him and how they had been around the guild. She felt terrible all of a sudden even though she had not meant to hurt him intentionally.

His calloused hands rubbed the bare skin on her back and she smiled up at him. "I know now and that's all that matters," her right hand stroked his cheek and pulled his face down to hers again. Her lips pulled him into another long overdue kiss.
 
Gerard returned her kiss without hesitation, as his hands continued to wander her skin. He’d have to say something eventually, of course. He almost forgot, as he kissed her multiple times, but then broke contact for just a moment to speak.


“I was afraid of losing you, or shaming you,” he said. “If the guild knew… Ah…”


He really didn’t want to talk about it. He wanted her. So he pulled her tighter and kissed her again, clutching her bare back as he did so.


She probably knew exactly what he meant. She did know now, but did it change that much? He thought maybe if he could kiss her deeply enough, and hold her tight, that the guild would disappear, and they could just be Gerard and Teagan… It wasn’t a thought he’d really had before. Maybe more was changing with the events of the day than what he could see.
 
~~

Teagan and Gerard laid on the sides staring at each other, breath still heavy as they both recovered from the cardio they had not planned for. She reached out her left hand and stroked his cheek softly. She could have curled up and fallen asleep right now, but they had things to do. Add more wood to the fire, eat something, clean up. The latter was the most important to her at the moment. "Did you see water anywhere when you were out earlier?"

She yawned and propped herself up on her elbow. "We need to get some rest so we can get to work tomorrow," her voice was back to no nonsense. She wanted to say more to him about them but she was too afraid to. Too afraid that he would change his mind.
 
Reality to Gerard was an intriguing proposition at the current moment. It was true that they couldn't let the moment linger; letting the fire die at this point in time would leave them exposed to the frigid mountain air, with frostbite and hypothermia both being real concerns in this climate. He heard Teagan's questions, but they weren't really registering; his mind was swimming with about a thousand other concerns, all about what had just happened.

She propped herself up, and while he found even her yawn to be strangely enticing, Gerard made note of how there was no mention of what they'd "discussed." He clutched his forehead, lying his head back down for a second. Yeah, it had gotten really complicated now. He would have said anything in the moment if it meant he could have her just a little longer, but now the short distance between them seemed like a chasm stretching the entire 14 years they'd known each other.

If she couldn't say, could he? Maybe his mind was still too thick with her.

He sat up, rubbing his forehead.

"I didn't see any water on the way. We have enough to last us another day; perhaps we can find some tomorrow. If not, we'll have to make a return trip in two days' morn. He stood up, ashamed to look at her for his own silence on the state of their relationship. He found his clothes next to hers, and tossed her lighter garments to her as he began to get dressed, his feet nearly freezing on the cold stone of the ridge they had set camp on.

"One of us should keep watch. I volunteer for the first. You can stay warm that way." He offered her a smile. Gerard was, by and large, a thinker, and he thought maybe with time he could think of what to say to Teagan, and think of how he actually felt about what he'd promised to her. The guild was everything to both of them; was he willing to risk not only his station, but her legacy on their bond? He was right back to where they'd been stuck for the last 7 years...
 
Teagan frowned, she really needed water so she could clean up and she did not want to use their stores. She was not going to put back on her clothes though. She sighed and grabbed one of the canteens of water and wandered off into the dark. She was only gone long enough to feel human again and then she was back by the fire pulling her clothes on. She put her boots on last and felt warmth flood back into her almost immediately.

She stood and went to Gerard, her arms wrapped around his waist as she leaned up to kiss him softly. "I meant everything I said, Gerard." She placed her cheek on his chest and just hugged him for a few minutes. "I..." she paused. She was not one to get tangled on her words, but he made her do just that. "I love you, Gerard..." She closed her eyes and hoped she had not just ruined everything.
 
  • Cthuulove
Reactions: Gerard Montefort
Ah, right, Gerard thought, realizing his error as Teagan wandered off for a moment. His mind was elsewhere; particularly, his thoughts were rolling between the Brotherhood and the Lindwurm. How would he break the news?

...Could he?

And what of the Wurm? Images of the remains of their fallen comrades flashed through his vision, punctuated by remembering the shield-like scale that had constituted the majority of the evidence of the creature's involvement in the brutal attack. A more terrifying thought now was the fear of his beloved Teagan, running like a frightened rabbit, but with no recourse in the face of so monstrous a threat. His mind rested on the mental image of both he and Teagan being swallowed up by Lindwurm with the colors and emblems of the Brotherhood, falling into it's massive, seemingly bottomless maw...

She snapped him back to reality when she suddenly embraced him. He sighed in relief that his vision had been only that, and held Teagan for those few precious moments as the clear mountain sky and sudden stillness of the trees give the illusion that time had stopped for them.

I love you, Gerard...
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"Teagan... I... I love you too," he said. He held her close for many moments, speaking into her ear softly.

"My heart swells with fear of all the things that could break this. I see the Guild as the Wurm's maw itself, ready to swallow us whole when we return..."

He sighed.

"It is the same fear that has always dictated our relationship... the same fear I can only expel when you hold onto me with your loving arms, and look at me with your loving eyes." He stroked her hair, gently. "Long have I loved you, and long have I feared. I still love, yet I still fear. Our Brothers and Sisters are counting on us to lead the guild with wisdom, ambition, and purpose. I know you fear it, Teagan, the question which we could never answer: what will happen when we announce our love to the Brotherhood? What if everything--your family's legacy, the guild--fell apart the moment we told them?"

He paused, shaking his head.

"I know when I am in your arms, there is no question that our fates are bound by our love and experience. But when I leave your embrace, a portrait of ruin looms over you, looms over me... What can we do, Teagan?"
 
"We don't need to say anything, do we?" She knew they would have to tell the guild, but she liked the idea of keeping it secret much better. It was not like she was recruit or something, she was the second-in-command. Her and Gerard being together shouldn't make any difference. "If the guild falls apart because we have finally admitted our love than there are other problems that were already there."

She kissed him once more and then pulled out of his arms. "We have had relationships between ranks before and they have been allowed. Why shouldn't we be allowed? Hmmm?" She had started to gather some of the wood and place it on the fire. "I can keep secrets, Gerard."
 
I can keep secrets, Gerard.
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Gerard knew she was good for that; sometimes Teagan's tactical prowess and cunning frightened him, if only because he knew that if there was one person he could never cross in the guild, it was her. Not that he had any reason to, of course, but her unbridled fury was what had won them so many battles previously.

He kissed her back, his hand trailing on her as she pulled away. He had one of his characteristic pauses to think and assess the situation.

"Would that make you happy?" he asked, finally. "If we kept our love a secret, would it satisfy you?"

It was an earnest question, and the most relevant one Gerard could think of. Would he be happy if they had to hide their feelings for one another from the entire guild? And what about that family Teagan wanted? Was that just talk? These questions combined with thoughts of the Lindwurm were starting to tax Gerard's mental faculties, and he'd already had his mind blown quite a bit for one night as it was, although the crisp mountain air was helping him stay focused at least.
 
The fire was coming back to life now and Teagan stepped back. She watched it in silence for a little bit before answering him. "No, of course not. I don't want any secrets, but I also don't want you to stress out about it." She grabbed the bedrolls and arranged them where they were side by side near the fire.

Teagan grabbed her pack and settled down onto one of them. She drug through the pack and pulled out a pack of jerky. She grabbed two pieces and then held the bag out to Gerard. They needed to eat something before they fell asleep for the night. She yawned and then bit into the jerky. "I don't want you to worry about everything," she said after she finished chewing.
 
As the fire took hold and burned more brightly again, Gerard could see Teagan's face more clearly again, and he gave a more confident smile.

"I only ask because I want to make sure you're okay with it. I want you; I'd take you if the only way I could have you is to never breathe a whisper of it to another soul for so long as I lived. And if that is the path we've chosen, then so it is. I only hope to be as right and true to you as my aim, whether or not we must remain in secrecy."

Gerard joined her by the firelight, grabbing his own rations and beginning to eat. Their earlier physical activity had left him quite hungry, he'd realized as he watched Teagan start to eat.

He'd hoped to move the conversation somewhere lighter. After all, he was elated they'd finally been able to express their feelings to each other. Maybe he was just worrying about nothing.

"I am worried, but I worry much more about whatever lurks out there in the forest than I am for you and I. I love you, Teagan. I think, perhaps, I always have. No matter how dark the night or dawn, we will at least have each other. That much I know."
 
Teagan grabbed his free hand and squeezed. "We will figure it out. For now we need to sleep and get to work tomorrow. I don't know about you, but I am exhausted." She winked at him and took another bite of her jerky. Chances were he was exhausted as her.

She put the rations back in the pack and got comfy on the bed roll. "Will you please wake me up when it is my turn to stand watch? No letting me sleep all night." She had to scold him because he had a bad habit of skipping her in the watch rotation. It was only a few minutes before she was asleep.
 
He smiled a confident smile in return when she squeezed his hand. Yes, they would figure it out. He agreed with her about getting to sleep and waking her up; they both needed to be rested and prepared for what they might find in the coming day.

Gerard helped Teagan get into her bedroll, giving her a gentle forehead kiss before she got the chance to doze off. He waited until she was settled before he finished eating his portion of rations as well.

It was a moment of quiet contemplation he'd been dreading, being on watch. But he felt more confident about Teagan, that they could live with the burden of secrecy if it meant they could be together despite their situation. He felt younger for much of the evening, having thoughts about some of his favorite things about Teagan: her fiery disposition, her confidence, and her strength. Things he'd admired for so long, things he'd selfishly yearned to have a part of for himself. He hadn't thought about her family probably as much as he should have, or her legacy as a guild family descended from one of the original Thirty.

It was sort of a wild thought, but Gerard was excited at the prospect of helping Teagan continue that legacy, potentially. They still needed to work out some details, and children being born within the guild wasn't completely without precedent, although the guild would certainly start asking questions if their Officer of the Troop showed up with a baby bump.

Thoughts like these helped the hours pass without Gerard having to think much about their grim purpose for being here. He looked over the treetops as the night passed, keeping an eye on the moon to keep track of time. Eventually, his time went up and he went to wake Teagan, gently shaking her and calling her name to wake her. If she woke, he'd try to kiss her just the once before passing off his part of the watch.
 
Teagans sleep was thankfully dreamless. She had been afraid that she would have had nightmares related to the lindwurm attack and to not have those dreams was a blessing.

It was not long before Gerard was shaking her awake. She groggly opened her eyes and smiled at him. She gratefully accepted his kiss and then she got up herself. He looked so peaceful within minutes. They were exhausted.

Teagan stoked the fire, she paced, she sat, she paced some more. She thought about the future with some apprehension. She loved Gerard. She had loved him for a very long time and it felt so freeing to finally act on those feelings. She did not want to keep them secret, but perhaps it was the best option. She had proved herself as a leader so the question of if he had promoted her because they had been sleeping together should not be an issue.
 
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