Private Tales Scorched Earth

[Fife]

How was Aretta as a teacher lately? Fife looked up from his hands with a look of interest, brows high, but quickly lowered them again. She replied thoughtfullly.

Aretta is strict, but she is good. She tells me when I am wrong and I improve. She teaches me to be aware and sure. I am fortunate to have her as my teacher.

It took a moment to sign that all out, and she did so slowly so he could keep up. Thankfully, the Silent Way had plenty of questions about martial training and respect. She didn't have to think too colorfully to say plainly how she felt about Aretta.

Trying not to look like she was up to something, Fife looked to him again. When did you meet Aretta? she asked. Might as well pursue a long-standing curiosity when she was the topic of conversation.

// Raigryn Vayd //​

 

[Raigryn Vayd]

Tense was always difficult, fortunately there were a lot of god explanations for meeting people in locations. There was a lot about the chain of command and where to meet again in future. Not as extensive as its vocabulary of murder.

I actually met her when she was...paid with the same group to track down a rogue knight who had been attacking people on the roads far north of here. She did not recognise me for who I was then. Took great offence when I asked questions on her technique.

Raigryn could still remember the moment when he had explained who he was. Then for all her control warmth had spread across her face and she had started apologising profusely.

He chuckled and shook his head. I found out then that she was planning to stop selling her sword to start teaching.

 

[Fife]

She ate her lunch as she looked between his face and hands. Fife had a rather easy time of keeping up, and her little query kept her interest piqued. She could imagine Aretta getting both offended and flustered. She had seen her in one of those states with him. Raigryn needed no Empathy to get rise out of her.

She respects you. A lot.

Fife glanced up, weighing how direct she wanted to be. He wasn't stupid, but he was terribly dense sometimes. And he had told her to just ask things now that she could. The worst that could happen was she was wrong, and gods knew she had been wrong about things before.

You and Aretta are good friends? She was holding back a grin, trying to keep her composure. Still a brow hitched upward. The two of you?

// Raigryn Vayd //​

 

[Raigryn Vayd]

White eyebrows rose slowly but surely at Fife. Now that he hadn't expected. He realised that he should have done. He had made the offer and couldn't betray her trust by calling it back now.

He frowned, smile and shook his head.

"Right I cannot sign this one. Nearly is the answer, but no. When we were on this job together, well after this job, we were all rather jubilant and drinking. And by nearly I mean she walked away at the threshold to my room," Raigryn said with a shrug.

"No!" she hissed, slapping her hand against the frame of his door. Raigryn took another step back, his hand slipping from her tunic. Several buttons had already been pulled free and her hair was a tousled mess. She gave a sharp shake of her head.

"I am not sure why, but she had found out who I was by then. Perhaps the shock of finding out that this mystery figure was a very real and fallible man with desires and fears and regrets. Something you can maybe relate you?" he asked with a chuckle.

 

[Fife]

Fife didn't know how she felt about his answer. Nearly, but ultimately no. She pursed her lips and chewed on one cheek, brow furrowing. That certainly explained the tension between them. She hadn't been wrong about it, then.

She has not changed her mind? She looked up with eyes clear and genuine. Your dreams are very noisy.

// Raigryn Vayd //​

 

[Raigryn Vayd]

"I have not been thinking about Aretta," he said, just a little too quickly. It turned out that he could feel embarrassment acutely too.

Of course she was woken by her own dreams in the night and of course sometimes that had overlapped with some of his own dreams.

Raigryn looked up at Fife and the terrible part of his mind leapt at the opportunity to connect the sight of her before him with those dreams. Rising and falling, face twisting in beautiful anguish. An intense flash of desire.

"Damn," he muttered, eyes falling to the table. Empathy could be a terrible thing somethings.

 

[Fife]

Her brows pulled sharply into a furrow between her eyes. Not Aretta? Fife didn't have the first idea who it could have been, then. Everyone had those sorts of dreams, just as they had dreams touching every other color on the range of Aspects. It was fine. For literally anyone else but her, it seemed, it was normal to have bright and colorful dreams. She simply shut them out and went on with her business, ignoring it.

Had she misunderstood something? Perhaps she had avoided Desire so wholly that there was a facet to it that she didn't understand?

Yet when he looked up at her, she saw as much as felt the flash of Desire and far too many clues fell into place as he muttered and looked down at the table. Aretta's remark, his own words, the warmth of his joy, his odd moods. It all hit her like the weight of a stone on her chest. Her? It was her?

Heat flashed across her face like wildfire only to immediately drain away, leaving her lightheaded and dizzy. She felt the the fluttering dance of fear and anxiety in her stomach, and Fife stood suddenly and took a step back from the table. Adrenaline was alighting through her limbs like she could outrun the idea.

Yet she stood still, watching him briefly as her heart thundered and she struggled to breathe evenly. The suggestion was terrifying and yet... It wasn't a stranger sitting across from her, but Raigryn. No matter how jarring it was, she wouldn't run from him; not just because she trusted him, but because she knew now that he wasn't a fortress, but... a fallible man with desires and fears and regrets.

She sat back down slowly, hands gripping the edge of the table.

How long had he felt this way? She knew, without having to think much about it, why he hadn't said anything. Knowing what he knew? More than knowing, having borrowed too deeply and felt a piece of what she had felt?

I'm sorry, she signed with small gestures. Fife's eyes were fixed on the table in front of her. I am confused. She was more than confused, but it was the closest she could come to describing the overwhelming mix of emotions she kept tightly closed behind her barriers, and likely not very well.

// Raigryn Vayd //​

 

[Raigryn Vayd]

He couldn't avert his eyes when he had to watch her signing back to him.

"Yes, yes that makes sense," he replied quietly. When she had stood up to leave a sharp pain had rippled through him, almost as if a needle had been jabbed into his spine.

Fife hadn't left. Raigryn knew he could go and feel sorry for himself but this was much harder for one of them. That person was not him. He had been through unrequited love, inappropriate feelings and a full spectrum as broad as the sympathomantic range. For Fife this was a first. He had to set it out for her without taking advantage of his position.

"It doesn't have to mean anything Fife," he said. He was still frowning, still flushed, but he met her gaze.

"You could stay in a different tent and I am sure that with time it will...pass." Raigryn didn't sound entirely convinced. His chest rose and fell quickly, held by a tightness deep within. "I don't want to...compromise what we have. Does that make sense?" he asked.

 

[Fife]

She didn't want to look at him, somehow feeling every emotion possible. Fife was afraid of this, the same way a person would irrationally be afraid of snakes or spiders. She wanted to laugh at him for being so utterly ridiculous, like she was a tempting creature in any way. A flare of anger was in there, not with him but herself, and old feelings of self-loathing and frustration wound around her ankles like millipedes. She still trusted him and a single quiet part of her was arguing that he was still good, that this was not inherently bad. A much louder and newer part of her felt butterflies, flattered and by no means offended.

She would look at him and, like always, she would give some part of herself away that she still didn't understand. Even now, she didn't want him forming a wrong conclusion out of the fluttering chaos in her mind.

However, when he spoke she couldn't help it -- not because of habit or need, but because it hurt. Part the clenching of a fist around her upper body, part a jolt of sorrow through her heart. Her lips parted and she inhaled sharply as she looked up up at him, the feeling clear.

He could do that? Just like that, he could forsake this? Part of her mind clamored yes, throw it away, but she was appalled at how selfish and crass it was. Fife saw his face from earlier that day again in her mind, still only a few hours old and fresh in her thoughts. She felt that pang of loneliness, so strangely like her own in spite of the very different life he had led. She saw the glimmer in his eye, the surprise of something unexpected.

This was not, in any way, the same as her unfortunate brushes with this emotion, and to treat it the same was an insult to Raigryn. He was lonely. Was it so hard to believe he might like her? It made sense that she had strange feelings for him, but was it really so farfetched that he could develop them the same?

Fife's mind immediately offered up its rebuttal. She was boyish and plain -- was never going to be pretfy and was always going to be thin and shapeless. Raigryn could have had his pick of women who were smarter, prettier, more capable, and less broken and complicated.

But they were still having this conversation.

Fife shook her head, her hands echoing the refusal. No, no. But he was asking if she understood. Fife quickly answered yes and nodded, but that seemed to contradict her answer to his first question. Taking a deep, shaking breath, she put her face in her hands for a moment to straighten out her thoughts. When she lowered her hands, the color was returning to her face again, as red as his beloved coat.

I understand, she began. But I don't want... You shouldn't... Fife held her hands out in frustration, still looking for her answer while trying to give it to him. So far she had only sounded like she wanted him to stop, which wasn't what she was trying to say at all.

It does not compromise... this. Friendship. She looked up momentarily, feeling small under his gaze. You don't have to stop. I don't understand, but I am not upset. I want your honesty. I need patience. Fife's hands were steadier and some of her thoughts were finally sticking together.

Your happiness is important. You are not obligated to be hurt for my comfort.

// Raigryn Vayd //​

 

[Raigryn Vayd]

"That was...a very thoughtful thing to say," Raigryn said, slowly nodding. That he hang on every word she signed said a lot for how much more keenly he felt about her. It was not a skin deep flight of fancy, as he had decided a few weeks ago. It was not going away quickly.

At least, he decided, she had not run away. After everything she had been through and all the trust they had built he could have seen the bridge between them shattered in an instant.

"You have all of my patience...I...have have no expectations upon you Fife. Please know that too," Raigryn said, his voice quivering. He was typically so direct and bold with his voice.

Secrets between empaths would rarely last. He was torn between a relief at this one breaking free, the shock of the moment coming so suddenly and the fear that it would still damage their relationship.

His eyes fell to her hands. Better to watch her sign than to meet her gaze again. He breathed slowly. The idemni went about their way still dismissive of any visible show of emotion. Raigryn tried to bury a glimmer of hope that she could share those feelings, his sensible side knowing that it would be wrong to act upon them.

 

[Fife]

Fife nodded back. She knew that. Raigryn had always been too good to her, and it wasnt always because of this. He couldn't be that much changed by... whatever this was. She could see and hear how upset he was, and it only made the high around her chest tighten. He looked down, like he was guilty of something terrible for having feelings. Then his expression closed, a mask of neutrality like the idemni wore.

She wanted to joke -- to tease him about how silly it was, to ease that crooked grin back onto his face. But she felt like that would dismiss the weight of what he was feeling.

She had a whole list of questions about this, but they could wait. Now wasn't the right time to be asking him about specifics, lest he dig himself into a deeper hole and she start shaking from the talk of it. Raigryn was far from a villain, taking what he wanted against her autonomy, but she got the impression he had allocated himself into that category for wanting something of her in the first place.

How did they bridge back to where they had been? Fife knew that that wasn't entirely feasible. There wasn't going back from knowing this, but it didn't mean anything had to change, did it? She knew that was too naive as well. Things had changed when Raigryn had found out she wasn't a boy. Of course it would change knowing this.

You don't want to feel this? Or you do want it? she asked. It was a difficult question, and she knew it was because she didn't know how she wanted it to be answered. If the thoughts were truly unwelcome, then they could ignore it until it passed. That pulled at her ribs, however -- an odd feeling of inadequacy that was not unfamiliar but repurposed. If he did want these feelings... She didn't know. She didn't know this worked or if she was capable of returning any affections he might have been building. The last thing Fife wanted was for him to gut his own feelings just to spare her.

But she was asking because she wanted to know. For once, she was asking him what he wanted. She looked up from her question, gaze fixed on his. Her brow was still creased, but her eyes were clear, searching for answers.

// Raigryn Vayd //​

 

[Raigryn Vayd]

He looked up to find her watching him, waiting for an answer to a question he had no asked himself. It was brutal in its simplicity.

"I do want it," he replied. "But..."

It had been very easy to reply. A simple question that he had to answer straight from the soul without interruption. Now he had answered it, further explanation was warranted. That answer was immediate, blunt, but he was sending her all kinds of messaged. She deserved the truth. Of all the things she had earned from him with her trust that stood out above all things.

"It is complicated. You are my student, my charge. How I feel...it grew slowly," he said, gesturing at himself. Unlike his first admission he was now wrangling with seemingly every word in turn.

"You are taking this very well," he observed softly.

 

[Fife]

His response was easy, or at least it seemed easy. It was powerful in its simplicity. And it was honest.

But. There was a "but", because of course there had to be. Raigryn grappled with his words, then paused for a remark. Fife didnt think she could blush any more than she was at this moment. Her ears would have burnt her hands if she were to touch them.

Is it wrong? Teacher and student? The furrow between her eyes deepened. Ylerial and Gerish technically fit that mold, and Raigryn had shrugged it off.

Fife sighed. I don't feel like I am managing this well, she admitted. I am sorry I don't know I am doing. A moment of laughter broke across her face. She couldn't help it.

I was very wrong about Aretta. She covered her smile with the back of her hand and shook her head. Whsn she had regained some sobriety again, Fife was still smiling somewhat.

// Raigryn Vayd //​

 

[Raigryn Vayd]

"You are handling it well and you were quite wrong," Raigryn replied. He mirrored her smile almost immediately. Even if he hadn't been an empath he would have done, but the draw was impossible to avoid with what he was.

The thing that had wrapped itself up in a tight coil in his gut let itself unwind a little. He sighed and drummed his fingers across the table.

"It is not quite about student and teacher. I am responsible for you and if I had suddenly approached you with this it...well. Sorry."

It took a lot to embarrass him but he was almost as red as Fife now. She had been awake during dreams strong enough for her to feel his emotion. He more glad than ever that they were not telepathic. The only way they could draw the source of an emotion was drawing too deeply, too quickly.

"Well now you know and you are under no pressure. I have felt...well you know how strongly. But everything can be as its been if you want it that way," he said.

It wasn't true, but hopefully she got the point.

 

[Fife]

Some amusement over how far off her theory was lightened the tension between them. Fife was glad.

Don't apologize. But she knew she might as well have been telling the sun not to shine.

She had a lot of thinking to do, and she already felt a little awkward of how to proceed. While she hadn't given him a hard denial, she wasn't promising anything either. It was going to take a couple of days to wrap her mind around it.

And she hadn't had the first idea. Any clues that now seemed obvious had sailed right over her head. Being romantically involved with him hadn't even crossed her mind. His promise earlier in the day seemed that much sweeter, knowing. And he was blushing as bad as she was. Her mind was reeling back over weeks and months. How many times had she stood close to him or initiated touch? It had to have been torture, and she had unintentionally made it more difficult.

If we are being honest, she began, eyes carefully averted. Your hands are warm. You do not frighten me. I think I like embraces. It is okay to touch me more often. If you are comfortable.

Fife promptly folded her hands on the table, fingers laced tightly in front of her. It was frank and somewhat formal, but permission and a request. Hopefully he would take the privilege without arguing whether it was right or wrong, but that explained her own recent flights of blue. An answer in response to the one he had answered.

// Raigryn Vayd //​

 

[Raigryn Vayd]

His stomach fluttered and he was suddenly the one who felt as if he was straying into new territory. He was nervous in a way he had not felt for years. Not even when he had stood his ground against the orcs. Not the raw fear and regret that had come when he had thought they were going to get murdered by common bandits. An exciting trepidation.

Even if she did not feel the same way, if nothing came of this, then Fife had started to learn how to build real relationships again. She had started to learn that she could be touched without being harmed or controlled. If that was one of the lasting impressions he made then he would consider it more of a success than any swordplay or magic.

Raigryn reached across the table, no hesitation from the point the decision was made and he set his hand into motion. He laid his hands over hers. It effectively silenced her in a way. A moment of quiet reflection was probably something they both neededm

 

[Fife]

She hadn't thought he would do it right then. But always one to surprise her, Raigryn laid one large hand over both of hers. His palm was as warm as the bed on a cool morning, the feeling expected now even though the touch itself wasn't. It was simultaneously comforting and exciting; the tension bled from her shoulders even as her pulse quickened.

It meant she couldn't talk, but Fife still unlaced her fingers to turn her palm upward to his. She didn't think his hands were so large as hers were just so damn small. They were both silent, at least outwardly. In that familiar, comfortable silence with her hands enveloped in warmth, she felt the last of her fears dissipate. She had never paid his hands much mind before, but she took that opportunity now.

They were late for their lesson, but that was alright. This felt more important. Fife wasn't going to interrupt this moment for a very awkward lesson.

// Raigryn Vayd //​

 

[Raigryn Vayd]

Raigryn's hand laid across both of hers. He gently brushed his thumb across the tips of her fingers. They were calloused from all the work with her sword. Fife had broken from the idemni way right from the start. Relative to her size she had taken a blade that could also be used with both hands, like he did. Aretta hadn't turned her around to a one handed sword yet.

He didn't cut himself off from her, but his emotions were quiesced. They stopped dancing around one another and settled down. Silence was where they had spent most of their time together. In here they had learned a lot about one another without him waffling on, or her gesticulating wildly.

Raigryn looked at Fife. He saw her. The lack of food had kept her frame slight, but her upbringing had hammered her personality down into something small. She had kept it hidden. Over time it had emerged. In the way she cared for Socks, in the way she teased him at any opportunity. Even now, he reflected.

"We will be fine, you and I, alright?" he said softly, lifting the weight from her hands so she could pull them away to reply if she needed.

 

[Fife]

Fife looked up when he spoke, her neutral features rising to a warm smile. She nodded gently, but didn't immediately withdraw her hands when he shifted the weight of his. Raigryn was calmer, in every regard. The lines of worry still wore about his face, but he didn't look like he was going snap in half from tension anymore. He didn't look guilty as a kicked dog anymore either, which relieved her more.

When she finally withdrew her hands, it was with a grin that heralded nothing good -- a sign that they had returned to a degree of normalcy if she was already back to her mischief.

You don't need to worry, she informed him. If you upset me enough, I'm certain Maellarn will welcome the opportunity to teach me poisons.

Withdrawing both hands and feet, just in case he retaliated, she turned to the side on her stool with a playful hiss of laughter.

Are we going to this lesson or not? Late is better than not at all? This was twice within a fortnight she had skipped. The elder assassin wasn't going to let her get away with a third.

// Raigryn Vayd //​

 

[Raigryn Vayd]

"Yes we really should or I think the lesson in poisons will come without our approval," Raigryn said. His face changed as if he was about to laugh, but he did not quite manage it.

Maellarn wasn't sat on her stool outside of the caves. There were openings in the rockface above them. The formation seemed to be an intricate nest of tunnels. He imagined it was also the idemni escape route if they were attacked again. They wouldn't rely on just one layer of defence. Not again.

Raigryn didn't point when he saw movement in one of them. He felt as if gesticulating towards the caves full of assassins in training would be, in general, a bad choice.

A few minutes later and she emerged from the caves.

"Do not start apologising. I have plenty of work to be getting on with. We brought back a spy who has not been very...forthcoming."

Surprise filtered through his barriers. As good a message as he could pass to Fife. This woman did not let slip her secrets without reason.

 

[Fife]

She hissed in laughter and shook her head. She wasn't doubting it. Not at all. Fife put on her boots and sword, and had to jog every few steps to keep up with his quicker stride when they set off for the caves.

Maellarn was not waiting in their usual spot. She didn't need to have the movement pointed out to notice the shift in the shadows in the mouth of one of the many tunnels.

A touch of color met her cheeks, a little shame at having been late and a little of thinking why they had been. But Maellarn wasn't interested in excuses or apologies. Fife hadn't expected her to be.

Raigryn seemed surprised by the Idemni assassin's remark, however. She, for one, noticed that she did not say it in sign, as if her mind was too preoccupied with the dilemma itself to slip into her usual mode of teaching by constant exposure. Fife's brow twitched but she held it in place as she looled from Maellarn to Raigryn.

He was a shameless gossip, but also habitually curious. She wouldn't have bet against him trying to pry into the subject.

// Raigryn Vayd //​

 

[Raigryn Vayd]

"Someone was spying on Indretar?" Raigryn asked. He was far less subtle than Fife might have expected, yet still quite predictable.

"I did not say that, did I?" she replied. Raigryn could see a subtle shift in her expression. He had started to read more from the idemni recently. They could not keep everything from him. Instead of the truth, he saw only her amusement at his question.

"Right."

"Shall we continue the lesson? I believe we were covering the intricacies of describing a person in sign?"

Raigryn realised that he had to settle his mind and focus on the plain and tedious routine of these lessons. In fact, they were not normally tedious. Today it was going to be much harder to focus than usual. He wondered how much their spy master could read.

 

[Fife]

It would have been a winning bet. At least Maellarn seemed more amused by his interest. Fife spared Raigryn only one last look before going to take her seat for their lesson.

This was something she was good at. She was already well suited to thinking of things in detail and trying to describe them in roundabout ways. She might not have been preoccupied by thoughts of what Maellarn had said, but describing things when distracted was easier than trying not to get hit by a sword.

// Raigryn Vayd //​

 

[Raigryn Vayd]

Maellarn proceeded at a breakneck pace. Perhaps it was punishment for his very direct question. She started with different species, orcs, elves, humans and dwarves. Raigryn wasn't sure if an orc would take offence at the obvious mirror of tusks or feel pride.

Next came short and tall. It caused a round of smiles and sidelong glances that Maellarn had no time for. There was straight, curly and spiky hair. There was broad and skinny, fat and muscular. Then how to indicate eye colour. Raigryn supposed it was all spy craft.

Then Maellarn fell silent and waved idemni over as they passed. They all obeyed without so much as a question.

Describe them, she instructed.

 

[Fife]

She was having a much easier time today than Raigryn. Their warmup (before it had been derailed) had been a good exercise, and she got the feeling he would benefit from more practice at a much slower pace than today's.

She had fun with the height descriptions, since she thought of literally everyone as tall. But Fife was in a good mood. She wouldn't have thought she'd have been, considering the topic of earlier conversation, but she was determined not to let it change the dynamic between them.

Fife looked over the random idemni Maellarn had picked. Her descriptions leaned on the creative side, using different descriptons to differentiate where two people had similar colorings or features. This one had tight curls the color of straw where that one had loose curls the color of tallow.

// Raigryn Vayd //​