Private Tales Read between the lines

[Zana]

Zana was going to take that as consent.

They had had it in her file that she had trained apprentices before, had commanded in more battles than other Dreadlords her level ought to have. There was no shortage of the stories of Luana's Angel and her manner on the field; she might not have been cruel like her fellows but she didn't flinch from doing what needed to be done. The Generals knew what they were unleashing on their men and she wouldn't disrespect them by questioning their decision even if she could feel Talus tense behind her, his hand still on the back of her chair.

For the first time, Zana gave a hesitant and crooked smile. It was probably a lot more natural than they might expect from a Dreadlord, but then she had had plenty of reason to smile recently.

"I will try," she inclined her head. "Is there anything else you wish to know? About Luana, myself?" Zana would hold nothing back. Talus trusted them and so she would give herself to them without question.

 

[Talus]

The two generals leaned back in their chairs for a few seconds. Aldwaith looked to Talus, though Yarl seemed entirely focused on Zana herself. The Young Dreadlord let his shoulders shift slightly, his grip on the chair nearly tight enough to shatter the wood.

After far too long a moment of silence Aldwaith finally shook his head.

"Eventually yes there will be questions, but I would prefer to have them with all five of us here."​

A frown touched Talus' lips, and he cocked his head. Before he could ask why though Aldwaith explained himself.

"There will be many questions from all of us, and I know the other three will have their own. Your knowledge will be extremely valuable, but also dangerous beyond belief."​

He gestured to the fire which was now dying out in the basket.

"I'm not going to risk any information falling into the wrong hands. As much as I love the Guard, I will not pretend that we don't have our...gaps."​

Aldwaith of course spoke of the Houses influence. Virak mostly, but all seven of them had their hands in the Guard in some manner.

"A week or so, I think, and we will all meet again. Until then...business as usual, whatever the fuck that might look like now."
​

Aldwaith leaned back and sighed.

"Talus can show you around."​

 

[Zana]

Zana could feel Yarl's eyes raking over her like hot coals. Was he looking for a weakness or a sign of some sort of betrayal? Her arms folded over her chest and, though it was like a burning in her skin, she kept her eyes focused on Aldwaith who was answering her question and not on the man who she wouldn't be surprised to hear wanted to peel the skin from her flesh.

All of what he said made perfect sense to her and she nodded in the affirmative.

"As you wish," she stood but this time the chair didn't make a sound as it slid back and out of her way with the automatic touch of magic she had forgotten earlier in her anger. "My offer of training extends to you both too," Luana had their own files on the Generals, she knew of their prowess but everyone could afford to be tested from time to time. Her smile was a little cold as her eyes landed on Yarl.

"If you believe you can handle it."

 

[Talus]

For the first time in the entire meeting Yarl cracked a smile.

It was small, barely a quirk of the lip, but Talus saw it. He frowned for a brief moment, letting go of the chair as Zana pushed herself back. He still felt somewhat tense, but things had gone better than he'd expected them to.

Yarl had been the greatest obstacle in all of this, and even he had relented after Zana had said her word. That was something at least.

"I think I might be too old to get thrown around the Battlefield. I've already seen what Talus does, I'll stick to war games."​

Aldwaith offered a smile, and then Talus nodded a the two Generals. He snapped off a quick salute to the Two Generals, then half turned to Zana. "Come on, I'll show you a little bit of the compound."

Even now Zana would see the tension still in his jaw, the slight wrankle of something through the bond.

They had something else to talk about.

 

[Zana]

Despite how much he hated the Dreadlords, Zana couldn't help but think that Yarl was the closest a normal human could get to sharing that same mentality. Perhaps, one day, they would find common ground. Her smile was a lot softer when directed to Aldwaith and she inclined her head politely before snapping off a similar salute. She wasn't entirely sure where she would fit into their rankings but Ashur had told her to treat them with the same respect she would him.

Even if they are just Guards.

"After you," Zana nodded towards the door then followed him out as the perfect picture of calm. The love of her life was so easy to read. The tension in his jaw, the hard light in his eyes, the slight hitch in his voice. Even without the bond she would have seen it; he had been away from other Dreadlords too long. Zana kept herself from sighing but added it to the list of things she would have to teach him.

It was a desperate need to protect him.

 

[Talus]

Talus motioned to the two Guards behind him as he and Zana stepped out into the hall. They reached over and closed the double doors behind the two Dreadlords, Talus motioning for Zana to follow.

The Guard complex inside of Vel Anir was about as large as most Palaces, though half of it had long ago been devoted to a training field. The complex itself served mostly as a meeting place, and the training field outside was more for show than anything else.

Most of the time they used a nearby Fort to actually train. Particularly when it was Talus doing the teaching.

"I know what you've been trying to do." The Young Dreadlord said softly as they turned a corner. There was no one around, most people either being at drill or occupying themselves with a half dozen other tasks that needed to be done.

This was likely not the best opportunity to bring it up, but he could hardly contain the anger and hurt that welled in him.

He'd felt the first prickle a day after she'd left, a strange sensation that had come over the bond. It was only the third time she'd tried that he understood what was happening.

 

[Zana]

It felt like someone had ripped the rug out from under her feet when Talus spoke. The colour drained from her face though she kept her neutral expression and her hands tightened behind her back. The wave of hurt she felt rush through the bond on the heel of his words was worse than anything she had felt in that room yesterday. Her eyes closed for the briefest of moments. Of course Zana had known he would be able to feel something but she had hoped to have had more time before this argument.

"Now isn't the time nor the place for this," her voice was just as soft, barely above a whisper but they walked almost shoulder to shoulder so she knew he would hear it. Despite pitching her voice low there was an iron rod that ran through them all and through the bond. Zana glanced to him out of the corner of her eye and then back to the halls she needed to truly be focusing on.

The job was her priority, it had to be.

Then why did it feel so wrong?

 

[Talus]

Talus stared ahead hard, his steps ringing out against the cold cobbles of the hall as he moved in stride with her. Fingers tightened at his side as she gave her answer.

A spike of anger flickered through him. "When is the time then?"

His voice raised slightly, not enough to be heard, but loud enough to show the anger behind it. Emotion roiled within him. Fear, anger, despair, love. They were all there, all moving through him like a storm.

"When they put you in a box? When they lock you away?" His jaw set. "When they go too far and all I get to feel is the loss?"

The last thought was the one that had haunted him. Every minute the bond had been blocked, every second that hed been unable to feel her. He'd dreaded it, hated it. The feeling of being completely in the dark, the thought that she could die and as soon as she did he would feel nothing but the empty loss of a piece of his own soul.

He had been so terrified of losing her he'd quite literally vomitted at the thought and tension.

His steps seemed to thunder in his ears, ringing out as though he were a giant.

A guardsmen walked towards them as they turned another corner. The name recognized Talus, offered a wave but quickly shirked to the side as the two Dreadlords passed, his face pailing as he saw the Majors expression. Talus waited for a few seconds.

"Don't do it again." The words were a contorted mixture. A demand, a plea, a statement of utter desperation.

 

[Zana]

Every bitten off question made her wince but there was no sense of movement from her on the matter. That determined, stubborn, iron will held firm against the barrage of emotions that came for her, like a seawall withstanding a storm. He had asked her not to tell him to leave her when she was in pain. Begged her. What had she been meant to do aside from block it off entirely so he simply didn't feel it?

Zana walked beside him like a mirrored image. She radiated calm, her face like a tranquil pool with the barest of ripples. It was angering her that he dared to have this conversation when she couldn't argue back in the manner she wanted to because of her image. The Angel of Luana didn't have emotions, she didn't lose control and scream at the man she loved in the middle of a corridor.

Her fingers curled in further to her palm and her nails dug in to the flesh there.

"I will do it until you can control your emotions," her voice was like ice when she spoke and the same cold feeling seeped through the bond. "Until I know you're not going to do something stupid and risk your life in the attempt." It was a rebuke she would give any younger Dreadlord who hadn't yet figured it out. Many of them came to her at least with anger and greed in their hearts. Zana rid them of it all. Uncaring, unfeeling, was far safer and deadlier.

 

[Talus]

A spike of unmitigated anger rushed through him the moment she returned his words with an icy cold.

In an instant Talus moved. His whole body shifted, two steps that might have bent reality itself as he snapped in front of Zana. His hands came up, snapping to her side and grabbing her arms as he forced her to look at him. "You don't do that with me."

The turmoil of emotions that ran through him were like a storm. A hurricane raged inside of him, tearing him up, eating at him, threatening to consume him. Yet there at the center of it all was something. Something that was stronger than everything else.

"I'm not some kid, I'm not your fucking student." His lips twisted in a grimace as he realized the terseness of his voice. A breath filled him, and he lowered it. "I don't need to be taught a lesson."

He scowled, that storm still raging, still there. That feeling all mixed up inside of himself, and then he realized what it was.

Hatred.

That was what it was. Not anger. Hatred, but not of her, never of her. Not of Vel Anir or even Luana.

It was all for himself.

He had been weak. Too weak. He had thought more of himself than of her, he had allowed her to suffer in silence and take the weight upon herself. In his own selfish need he had taken himself away from her, dropped the line that she had been holding.

Zana had blocked the bond, but he'd been the one to put up the barrier.

"I'm the man you love." Could she even? After he had left her to deal with the pain on her own. There was a long pause, his hands shaking on her skin. "Zana it was worse. It was worse than any pain I could have felt."

His lips turned to a grimace, his heart tearing itself apart. "I didn't know what was happening. If you were dead. Alive. I couldn't..."

Talus bit his tongue for a second.

"I couldn't even help you." He did not mean by running to her side. He did not mean by breaking her free. "I left you alone. Without my love. Without something to grab onto. I-"

His lips thinned, voice caught in his throat. "Don't do it again."

This time it was nothing less than a desperate plea.

 

[Zana]

Zana physically flinched when he appeared in front of her quicker than the blink of an eye and grabbed a hold of her arms in a tight bind. For a moment she couldn't meet his icy glare, her eyes slid off his face and looked anywhere but at him as he raged. Part of her was conscious this was happening in an open corridor and that at any moment someone could walk past. Their cover would be blown. It would be over before it even started.

It was that thought that made her jaw clench and finally he cracked the mask. Anger burned in her eyes like an inferno turning her green eyes darker and deeper like a rich emerald.

"Stop acting like a child then!" the accusation was a hiss through clenched teeth. He wasn't thinking. She glanced around and spying a door she wrenched it open. It turned out to be some sort of cupboard but she didn't have another option as she pulled him into it and slammed the door shut behind them. Now she no longer had to keep the mask up her hands drove into her hair in her exasperation and grief as he ploughed on, explaining how what she had done had caused him so much pain.

Tears pricked at her eyes then spilled over, rolling down her cheeks in diamond droplets.

"I had no other choice," her voice cracked. "You would have come," her eyes dared him to disagree with her. They both knew it. "You would have come and this would have been over before it even started," she choked on the anger, the tears, the fear and pain of it.

 

[Talus]

He wanted to disagree. He wanted to argue, but she was right.

In that moment he would have come running. He would have pushed himself beyond whatever limit held him back...and then he would have died trying to save her. His fingers tightened at his side, lips thinning as he watched her fall into tears.

The crack in her voice was what did it. The break in her tone was what did it, what shattered him into a thousand different pieces. He had been angry with her, hated himself, felt such roiling emotion that it was all impossible to sort through.

"I won't." Talus said, the words felt like a lie, felt strained, hurt, pained.

He had to choke them out of his throat in order to say them.

The Dreadlord knew what kind of agony he would be in, feeling her in pain, but he couldn't stand the thought of Zana suffering it alone. He would rage. He would hate every second, but he would not allow her to it alone.

Not again.

"Don't do it again." Talus repeated the words a third time. He felt weak, broken, like he should be on his knees begging her. "I'll stay away. I'll clench my teeth. I'll...I'll..."

His own tears fell. "Just don't do it again."

Teeth sank against the inside of his lip until he tasted blood.

"I can't leave you to do it alone." He said softly, "I love you. I'm supposed to be there for you. I won't..."

Talus bit down. "I can't leave you to do everything alone."

Not when he could be there for her. Not when she could feel how much he loved her. Not when he could be the counterweight to all the pain she had to endure. He could do that. He could at least do that.

 

[Zana]

But could she take the risk?

Zana stared at him in disarray. Her hands were still fisted in her hair as tears fell freely but no words came forth. His begging tore at her, almost driving her to her knees as she tried to maintain her determination to deny him. To keep him from feeling the same pain she had to feel. What if he was in the middle of his duties when it happened? What if it caused him to miss a parry?

What if he couldn't keep his word to stay away?

Slowly, she uncurled her fingers and let her hands fall, brushing over her face to smear the tears away. It was killing her not to take him in her arms, to promise that she wouldn't block the bond again and let him suffer with her. To wipe the tears from his cheeks. Her breathing hitched as she tried to breathe through the tears.

She took a step forward and allowed herself at least one of those needs. Her thumb brushed his tears away and cupped his cheeks.

"You would kill them. I can't take that risk."

 

[Talus]

As soon as she spoke, as soon as she denied him, it felt like his entire world shattered apart.

He felt a crush around his heart, a spike of pain, hurt, anger. It all drove though him like a pike, impaling through him. The agony shot across his face as she cupped his cheeks, and then for the first time in nearly two decades Talus lost control.

The world began to flicker violently, flashes of blue, white, reality. It cycled and switched a dozen times in a single second. Dragging forward and back as the world itself cracked and broke apart.

Great wispy tendrils extended from Talus' back, grasping, reaching, curling. What they touched seemed to whither. A plant on a shelf in the room apart dying in an instant. A piece of wood in the corner rotting.

They grew in the air around them as the little closet ripped into itself. Stone began to shake, the air itself began to vibrate as the tendrils tore at it just as they had outside Kara, almost as if Talus were trying to move them away. Zana was dragged back and forth between a world of life and one of death.

Talus' chest rose and fell, and then there was a sudden snap.

All of a sudden Zana and Talus stood as their souls in a vast field of nothingness.

The ghostly walls around them had disappeared. The closet was gone, and there was no life to be seen save for the two of them standing in a vast and empty abyss. The only light still seen carrying from the love shared between them.

 

[Zana]

There was a sudden spike in his emotions so high that it made it hard to breathe and her hands tightened slightly on his face, seeking to keep him anchored to the here and now, to this plane of existence. She had seen children, apprentices, grown Dreadlords lose control before and the signs were the same here except that she could feel them. The flashes of colour and feeling of moving and yet not made her stomach coil and tighten. It felt as though she were on a tiny ship way out at sea. She pushed the purple energy out around them, attempting to contain his magic at least within their sphere so it didn't tear down the whole Guardhouse.

"Tal-" Zana tried to send a calming wave through the bond but it was too late.

The jolt to the other world made her feel physically sick and even in her soul form she went to her knees. Her vision blurred, her head swam. It felt as though someone had delivered the strongest punch to the side of her head they could have without making her black out. It took her a few minutes to reorientate herself then slowly she 'stood'.

"Sticking me in here isn't going to protect me, Talus," her voice was soft, gentle. The anger and pain and hurt had gone now. She took a breath and let her shoulders slump.

 

[Talus]

For a few seconds Talus did not speak. He did not do anything. He only stared at Zana, broken dejected, his face a contorted mosaic of pain.

"I just want you to feel safe." His voice was distorted, broken, as though he were not quite there, as if he were lower than Zana herself.

She would be able to feel pain flow over their bond, utter agony, yet he felt far away.

Farther than a hundred miles.

He had not left her there, no. It was more like he was drowning in the abyss that surrounded them, spread out, pulled thin by his own magic and the despair he felt. "I just don't want you to be alone."

Never again.

Neither of them should be.

 

[Zana]

Zana sighed and closed her eyes.

"I didn't feel alone," because even though he couldn't feel her pain and she hadn't felt his emotions, she had known he was there. It was something deeper than the bond that just transferred feelings and emotions between them. It was the core of the bond and no matter what she did she didn't think she would ever be able to block it out. She wouldn't lie and said she had felt safe though. The only time she had ever felt that was in Karak.

"Talus come back," she wasn't sure entirely what she meant. Just back, from wherever he had gone that made him feel so distant from her. "I'm sorry," a bigger sigh of defeat. "I was trying to protect you. You're still so young and you have no idea..." her face scrunched up. He had no idea what it was like being in a House, he had chosen the Guard. "I shouldn't have blocked you off without talking to you first," Zana admitted, finally. That had been a mistake and she hadn't realised it would make him physically ill either.

"Please, come back, take us back," she reached out a hand.

 

[Talus]

There was a flicker of something through the bond.

Sorrow. Forgiveness. Love.

They all ran across the distance, the hundreds of miles between the two of them. The ghostly Soul before her seemed to shiver slightly, it's eyes closing as it's chest rose in what might have been a deep breath. "I don't know how."

Shame.

It ran it's course through him and to her.

It was a feeling he had never felt with her, and now he felt it in droves. He had lost control. He hadn't been there for her. He hadn't done a thousand things he could have.

 

[Zana]

Zana took a breath.

"Okay," just like she had when he had first told her he had created this bond between them, Zana accepted it. Accepted him, fully. Unquestionably. There was no anger or resentment or disgust when the shame touched her just undiluted love and trust. She couldn't quite explain the feeling of how she knew what to do just that it felt right to do it. As her Soul walked towards him it felt as though she were laying hands on the bond itself as if it were a rope that tied him to her and she pulled. It was agonisingly hard, far harder than she thought it would be in the ghostly realm, but by the time they met her arms - such as they were in this realm - felt as though she had just carried a heavy weight. She was even panting.

"It's okay," she reached for his hands and took them in her own. The bright lights were almost painful to look at now the bond only flickered between a tiny bit of space. It felt as though they were actually seeping into her. "Just... just focus. Focus on the room where we were. Nothing is going to happen to us if we return there," her fingers brushed over his cheek. "It is safe. I am safe. I am not alone," she dismissed the feelings that had apparently driven him to bring her here. "I'm with you so how could I not be?"

 

[Talus]

For a few seconds nothing happened. That feeling of distance between them was closed, every emotion that they felt seemed reflected almost instantly. Every thought, every little feeling seemed to be shared.

It was that which calmed him.

The words echoed in his ears, but it was the feeling of security and safety that washed over him which truly brought him back. Talus closed his eyes as Zana reached up to caress his cheeks, his own hands slowly reaching up to grasp her hips.

His chest rose.

Fell.

Then another sudden snap.

In an instant the entire world seemed to come undone, and then suddenly fall back into place. It happened so fast that Talus' head spun, reality slammed in around them, and they found themselves back in the closet.

Deep paths of decay had been craved into the stone, a thousand years of wear and tear created in an instant everywhere that the odd Tendrils had touched.

Talus slowly opened his eyes, bags beneath his eyes as though he hadn't slept in weeks. "I'm sorry."

He whispered quietly.

 

[Zana]

Zana nearly lost her breakfast as the world snapped back and for a moment all she could do was lean her head against his chest and focus on the art of not fainting. Slowly the world levelled out and no longer felt as though it were spinning at an alarming rate. She heard and felt his words. Her arms slid about his waist and pulled him closer to her in an embrace that hurt even her chest but it was still not close enough.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about," she had hurt him and pushed him to this point because of her pride. Taking a breath she slowly looked up at him and, on noticing the bags, leaned up to brush her lips against his. "I won't shut off the bond again," a solemn promise even though it clearly hurt her to make it, to agree to sharing her burden with him even though it would hurt him and torment him. Slowly she put her head back down and for a moment simply stood with her arms around him and her face pressed against his chest.

 

[Talus]

His arms wrapped around her, one hand slowly sliding into the locks of her hair as his head dipped low and he breathed her in.

It had only been a few days, but it felt like an eternity since he'd been able to hold her. His arms tightened, almost squeezing the air out of her as he whispered. "I won't do anything that puts your life in jeopardy."

There was a breath, a tightness in his chest.

"Or mine." That part of the promise would be harder to keep, but he knew what her own words meant.

There would be pain, there would be hurt. The temptation to save her would be powerful, the need to be there for her...he wanted to scream at the idea of having to deny it.

But he would.

 

[Zana]

"Thank you."

They both had their reservations, concerns and worries about the path they were setting themselves down but neither of them voiced them into the silence. The stress of not having the bond overrode everything else so it would stay and they would have to work through the rest of it, as hard as that might be. She would never be able to explain to him why she let them do it to her. Why she went so willingly when she was called. The fact it helped more people probably mattered little to him in the face of her pain.

"Grey really misses you," she mumbled into the silence, hoping to alleviate the tension in him. "I stole one of your shirts and he uses it like a blanket," her lips twitched at the corners. She was going to have to steal another one for herself the next time she was at the Cabin.

 

[Talus]

Talus smiled into the top of her head. "I miss him too."

Though not as badly as he had missed her. The days seemed to drag on without her.

"I sit on the porch sometimes, just looking out in whatever direction the bond is pointing me." He ran his fingers over her skin, slowly leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "Did you find what I put in your bag?"

Talus asked softly, unable to pull himself away from her.

They would have to be careful leaving the closet, if someone happened upon them while they did it would be...difficult to explain.

 

[Zana]

Zana had been too busy to just stop and rest over the past three days and the vision of him on the porch made her miss the sense of peace he had granted her last week even more. When he asked about what he had put in her bag however she did laugh into his chest and pulled back just a little bit, not enough to leave his arms but enough that she could look up at him.

"Yes," she had put it in a little box of keepsakes she had had to start as soon as she had got back to her townhouse. She hid it under the floorboards in her room just in case for whatever reason another Dreadlord were to start snooping about her house. "We should get on with this tour, love. Why don't you come by tonight?" she pressed a kiss to the underside of his jaw.