Private Tales The Fool You Need

[Nadya]

Nadya let out a sigh as she dropped from the foreleg of Kalyss, bracing herself to land perfectly despite the drop much greater than the average dragon's leg. He had refused to make this easier for her, but Nadya was stubborn as well, and trained her feet and legs to make this drop until it stopped hurting. She gave a look over her shoulder to the Storm Dragon, who exhaled a great amount of steam that warmed her back as she made for the cavern in the rockface.

"Oi, Sullen Cullen ..." Her voice carried out, travelling inside the place her friend had made into a home. She found it isolating, too out of the way, but what was perhaps a nightmare to her, was paradise for him. She could not keep him safe on the Wall anymore, not since they stationed her quarters with the other Trainers for the new recruits. "Food delivery for you... and something else..."

Nadya walked in slowly, giving him enough time to make himself decent despite it being well into the afternoon. Even after he has insisted in the past he was always decent, Nadya did not want to take chances and glimpse something she could not unsee.

"You, good sir, are lucky that my sister Leida over did it with the muffins. I actually have a theory that she knew I was going to see you today and made extra." Where was he? Grey eyes scanned the main space of his home, the glow form the glow worms giving the place a cold touch by warmed perfectly by the springs out back. She placed the basket of muffins and other fruits and vegetables she had gotten from the Markets onto the flat stone that acted as his dining table. "And you got a delivery at the Wall. I had to peek, in case... you know, some fuck face was trying to end your life with poison or something..."

She waited for his response, but when none came, she rolled her eyes. "Alright, that was a bad joke. I get it, but Cull, did you made a friend? And why are they sending you a dagger and vials of Ransa tears?"

Nadya stared at the carefully wrapped blade and vials, having realised that perhaps it was not an attempt on his life, but perhaps someone trying to set him up for a crime...

"Oi!" She called out when no answer came again.

Kalyss grumbled and huffed through their bond, sharing the image of Meala landing and Cullen dismounting.

"Well thank the gods, Kalyss, he did not hear me speak such sense." Nadya rolled her eyes again as she exhaled, crossing her arms as she waited for her friend to appear.

 

[Cullen]

He looked as disheveled as ever, his dark hair tousled and his eyes slightly bleary, though he flashed a small smile when he saw Nadya. Meala, his honey hued Dragon, was visible just outside, her sleek form outlined against the afternoon sky as she preened in front of Kalyss.

"Nadya, you know you don't have to keep doing this," he said, his voice carrying a warm but teasing tone as he glanced over the basket of foods she'd brought him, spotting the baked goods. "But I'm grateful. Truly." he patted his stomach with a grin. "Leida's handywork, I assume? A gift from the damned Gods."

He pressed a kiss to his friend's cheek and walked over to inspect the basket, picking up a muffin and taking a bite. His eyes closed momentarily with a blissful groan before he turned his attention to the wrapped dagger and vials she carried, "Whafsat?" he asked passed the mouth full of muffin.

 

[Nadya]

Nadya regarded him suspiciously ever since he entered his home, kissed her cheek, and went for a muffin.

Even more so as he asked what the dagger and vials were, still wrapped in their velvet.

"I don't know, Morvane, it's covered in noble money velvet and addressed to you." From a pocket in her riding leathers, she held out the small parchment sealed with wax between two fingers. "Do you have an admirer now?" She tried not to sound strange when asking him of that.

It was years ago that she fancied him, and she had since had a string of boyfriends in that time, but her attention always seemed to shift when the idea of Cullen finding a lady came up.

"Leida would be most upset if you're favouring another noble girl's baking." She tried to tease, still feeling strange. The Caliars were minor nobles at this point, with Nadya poised to take the title once her parents die. She was no traditional Lady, however, but her bond with the only living Storm Dragon in Thanasis made her the boss of her own future. Nadya let out a sigh, "Shit, Cull. I just may have to kill you if you're gonna break little Leida's heart like that."

 

[Cullen]

Cullen huffed a casual laugh at her, though the grin he wore faltered slightly at the sight of the sealed parchment she offered to him. "Ah..." he said as he swallowed, quickly taking another bite of the soft muffin as he retrieved the parchment with a quick snatch and a quiet smirk. "Amshure Lei'll be jushfine," he mumbled as he chewed, pocketing the parchment and unpacking the velvet parcel with a light smile.

He swallowed the mouthful, clearing his throat as he shot Nadya a look filled with sarcasm. "I've always got so many admirers, didn't you know that?" he asked, his tone self-deprecating. "Thanks for this," he added with a sharp nod.

"I've some stew left over if you're hungry," he offered. "You should at the very least help me eat those," he gestured to the basket of cakes with a smirk, trying to keep the atmosphere light.

"I know it's not easy for you to keep an eye on me from the Wall, especially with the new recruits to train. I should've visited sooner, sorry." he rubbed at the back of his neck.

 

[Nadya]

Nadya had just come from her family home, well fed, but Leida was always better when it came to baking. Nadya and Stasya were gods awful, to the point anything came out plain or burnt. Ever the sweet tooth, Nadya helped herself to one of the muffins and found a seat so crumbs could collect on her lap.

"No bother, Cull... they're actually going to move me from the Wall to be stationed in Ōmeyōcān." This news would be normal, unimportant, if it were not something Nadya had been hoping for in the past few years. It meant those higher up were seeing her potential, and Nadya wanted to badly be a High Ascendant one day.

"So you'll have to visit me there than the dreary Wall. I don't need to wake up at the arse crack of dawn in order to fly there and conduct training for new recruits." Gods knew growing up with three younger sisters taught her patience to teach a new batch of recruits each year. "And I know that I will not be bombarded with questions about Kalyss since we have spent so much time there already."

 

[Cullen]

Cullen stopped chewing as Nadya's news sank in, his surprise and genuine happiness evident on his face. "Fuck. That's great, Nad..." he grinned, setting the muffin down as he moved towards her. In one swift motion, he pulled her to her feet and swept her into a bear hug, a kiss pressed down atop her head.

"Suppose I'll have to watch my own back now, though," he smirked, his eyes sparkling with pride and affection.

He pulled back slightly, still holding her shoulders, and looked into her eyes. "I'm proud of you, Nadya. Really. You deserve this. Ōmeyōcān is lucky to have you." His voice was warm and sincere "You've worked so hard for this. And I know you'll be High Ascendant in no time. Just don't forget about me when you're busy being all important and impressive."

 

[Nadya]

No matter how annoyed she was that he picked her up, and easily too, all grievances vanished as he pressed a kiss to her head. She had grown used to their affections, friendly as they are, but still there was a moment where her heart leapt and pulsed louder than she thought. At least it was easy to forget... sort of.

"As if I would ever forget you." She grinned, lifting a fist to softly punch his stomach, an excuse for her to take half a step back. Her family had been close with his, and even if the whispers and judgement weighed on her parents, that did not dissuade Nadya in finding Cullen and making sure he knew he was not truly alone in this world. "Besides that one time I did forget you, and only because I didn't think you actually came out for drinks until I realised I had taken your flight jacket."

She had been a little cooked that night, all of them were, but she vaguely remembered cheering once Cullen showed at the pub.

 

[Cullen]

Cullen laughed, a rare, genuine sound that echoed through the cavern. "Oh, that night that you accidentally took my flight jacket, right.. The same night I had to carry you home.." he grinned.

He rubbed his stomach where she had playfully punched him, a smirk playing on his lips. His eyes softened as he looked at her, the playful banter giving way to a more serious tone. "But seriously, Nadya, thank you. For everything. You've always been there for me, even when things were..." dark.

"I wouldn't be here without you."

As genuinely happy for her as he was, there was an ache settling in his chest to know that he'd be seeing a little less of her. Perhaps a lot less. Ōmeyōcān was a sacred place, and people like him weren't welcome in sacred places. Still, this wasn't about him, and he felt no need to mention such details to her now.

He moved unfasten his shirt, lifting it over his head without much care that Nadya would see his scarred flesh. She had seen it before, had watched it happen, and there was nothing he'd hide from her. His fingers worked free the knot in the bandage covering a wound on his bicep, reached for a vial of ransa tears from the velvet parcel he'd been sent un-stoppered it, lifting his arm to allow a drop or two to fall onto the wound.

 

[Nadya]

Nadya stared at him before shaking her head. "Here. Let me." She stopped asking about the wounds he got over the years, but there were still some occasions that she still felt the need to have some words with certain dragon shit idiots for what they say about her friend. One of those words had Nadya break a hand, but she'd do it again.

"Well, was this an accident or do I need to go knock some heads at the Wall?" She couldn't really do that, not when the rank of Wing Leader was so fresh. Her grey eyes watched the Tears begin to heal his wound, adding a few more drops to the spots that needed some more help. Looking around, she found a clean cloth and dipped it into the bucket of fresh water by the campfire, returning back to Cullen and tending to his healing wound.

Cleaning the blood on his arm, Nadya pursed her lips. A telltale sign she was keeping something quiet.

 

[Cullen]

He generally hated having wounds tended to. He'd picked up many over the years, and plenty since making it through the rising, but he was never as comfortable to let anyone as close to him as he was with Nadya. Perhaps it was his distrust of most other people, or perhaps it was that her hands were always warm and soft. She was never as gentle as she was when she was patching him up, and there was a comfort in her care, a familiarity that had always been a constant in his life.

Cullen met her vague question with a quiet huff and a reassuring smile. "You should see the other guy," he murmured. "Nothin' to worry yourself over."

He tilted his head as he noticed the look on her face. Lips pursed, her brows furrowed just slightly, her eyes focused but shadowed with something unspoken. His brow quirked in curiosity. "What?" he asked, his voice gentle but probing.

"You've got that look, like you're biting your tongue. Out with it."

 

[Nadya]

There was no wasting time with Cullen. They grew up being honest with one another, especially after Cullen suffered the fall of his family and being branded for crimes his parents were made guilty of. It was important to her that she did not lose her friend, and even if he changed, he still was their Cullen. She knew the Araelor twins appreciated his friendship still, but Nadya was lucky still call him friend.

"It's stupid. The prejudice they all feel spitting on your name." Or even insinuating that Nadya would follow the same fate as the Morvanes for merely getting involved. Kalyss' rage became her own, and Nadya was not one to act on her emotions. "Still, I guess it would have been worth to see the other guy's face when he realised that Cullen Morvane knows how to fight." She smiled, finishing up with his wound.

Nadya then flicked her gaze to meet his, feeling herself tense under his watchful gaze. "You should stop looking at me like that." She scoffed, forcing herself to move away from him and take a muffin that Leida had baked with Cullen in mind and not her older sister. Nadya had warned her sister she would simply steal from Cull.

 

[Cullen]

Cullen huffed, the corners of his eyes creasing with amusement as he watched Nadya. "I appreciate you sticking up for me, but don’t get yourself all grumpy about it. I’m used to it," he smirked, giving her a playful nudge.

"For once, this fight wasn’t actually about me," he continued with a husky chuckle. "I got myself involved in someone else’s mess. As though I need any more of those." His laughter was light, but his smile lingered, genuine and warm.

"And of course, I know how to fight. Spent my whole fucking life fighting." He took another bite of his muffin, savoring the taste as he watched her with a mix of fondness and curiosity.

"Looking at you like what?" he asked, his brow quirked in mock confusion. "You’re making me out to be some kind of brooding drama king. Just trying to figure out what’s going on in that head of yours."

 

[Nadya]

"Well, of course you are a brooding drama king. Everyone thinks you are Sullen Cullen but I know the real you." A smirk came to life on her face, moving to his makeshift bed and grabbing a couple of cushions that were on the ground for them each to sit on. "I just... wanted to say that I hate that even now, they still give you a hard time."

On one of the first nights Cullen made this his home, Nadya had brought the Araelor twins and plenty of alcohol to celebrate Cullen's start to privacy, of course of which none his friends gave him that first night. But after Danika and Jensen had fallen asleep as the sun began to rise, painting the sky in the brightest pinks and softest lilacs. Nadya never felt anything sobering her as she rested her head on Cullen's shoulder then, and promised him she would marry him just to give him a respectable name that no one could ridicule, but even drunk and slowly falling asleep, she apologised and said she'd be his Morvane wife.

She had thought it a dream, but she never remembered a dream so vivid before.

"I know you've been fighting all your life, you drama king." Her boot knocked against his in a light kick. "I'm just saying..." And her face dropped to look at the muffin she was making a mess of in her lap. Brushing the crumbs from her leg to the floor, thinking she would try to remember to clean it later, Nadya shrugged. "Hold on..."

Her head snapped back up and her grey eyes narrowed in scrutiny, curiosity. "Did you just say you got involved in someone else's mess? Since when did the lone wolf learn to make friends?" She snorted.

 

[Cullen]

Cullen chuckled at Nadya’s playful jab, shaking his head with a smile as he settled onto the cushions beside her, his expression softening as he listened to her frustration. "I know you do, but I'm used to it, and I can handle it." he assured her gently.

When Nadya’s attention shifted to his recent involvement in someone else’s fight, Cullen’s demeanor shifted subtly. He hesitated, his eyes flicking towards the velvet-wrapped package on the table before meeting her inquisitive gaze.

"Yeah, well..." he started, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "I did get involved in someone else’s mess. But, you know, it’s not exactly something I’m eager to broadcast. I’ve been trying to keep things low-key."
He paused, clearly weighing whether to share more. "Let’s just say it’s... complicated."

He gave a half-hearted laugh, attempting to shift the focus away from the topic. "In the meantime, let’s enjoy these muffins and not dwell too much on my mysterious messes."

 

[Nadya]

Nadya studied her friend closely.

She did not often see him look as he did speaking and thinking of this mystery person, but an all too knowing thought popped into her mind. A girl. It made her purse her lips and chew at her bottom lip once released, hesitating to say something.

But he moved his attention to the muffins, smiling briefly as he grabbed another to begin feasting on.

There was no need for her to be upset at the idea of Cullen liking another girl, or even holding an interest for them. He was her friend, her best friend, and he had just been supportive and happy for her if she found a distraction in the form of a boy. Cullen had given her his shoulder plenty of times when stupid boys had made her cry, and even now, he was there to offer her many hugs when another romance never panned out.

"But muffins pair nicely with mysterious messes." She countered, eyes taking on an innocence that made her look younger and up to no good. "And since when did we keep secrets from each other? You know me, Cull." But Nadya braced herself for the worst.

 

[Cullen]

"Yes, I know you..."

A nervous tension settled in the air as Cullen avoided her gaze, focusing on the muffin in his hand. He took a deep breath, steeling himself before he continued. "Which is precisely why I’m... hesitant to tell you." he laughed under his breath, rubbing at the back of his neck.

He finally looked up, his dark eyes meeting her grey ones, and she would see the conflict there, the vulnerability he rarely allowed to show. "It’s... Eira," he said, his voice quieter now, almost as if saying her name out loud would make it more real. "Malennis."

He cleared his throat, the words feeling heavy on his tongue. "I know what you’re thinking, and trust me, I’ve thought all the same things. But it’s... complicated." His gaze flickered away again, unable to bear the weight of her reaction just yet.

"I didn’t expect it, and I know you won’t approve. But it happened, and now... well, I don't know what now.." He shrugged, the gesture more resigned than casual, as if bracing himself for the backlash he was certain would come.

 

[Nadya]

There was a reason she did not like using knives as a weapon.
The small blades were capable of doing real damage when in the right hands, and Nadya felt every stab of every syllable he spoke when he uttered the name.
But Nadya was a soldier. She learned to smile through pain, to never let anyone understand how much she could feel when the pain should debilitate her. And that was what she did before Cullen's very eyes.
She smiled.
"I am inclined to believe you are making a joke, but Eira Malennis is not a woman you would joke about..." At least her face can drop that smile, take on a more neutral face in favour of her hurt she wanted to feel and express. "You know I have to worry despite it all. A Malennis, Cull? You know how cutt throat they are to their own blood. Even those that have a moon dragon are ferocious..."
And spite wanted her to say "Maybe that's what you enjoy." She could not bring herself to say it, now looking to the muffin he held in his hand and reached over to steal a piece of the muffin top. "Look... I..." Nadya grimaced now, wincing and sighing. "I'm guessing this is kept under wraps? Otherwise, I would be hearing it all over the Wall and Ōmeyōcān."

And it went without saying. Nadya, despite the bleeding wounds of this truth unraveled before her, would take this to her grave.

"Not even I have ever fooled around with a Malennis." She shrugged. Nadya, pretty and of an ancient bloodline of Thanasis, never had trouble finding a boy to fool around with. Unlike Cullen, she was comfortable with flaunting the attention she would get. Anything to make her appear a normal soldier than the eldest daughter of a matriarchal family line with ties to the ancient history of Thanasis.

 

[Cullen]

Cullen watched Nadya closely, his stomach knotting as he saw her reaction unfold. That smile she gave him, the one that didn’t quite reach her eyes—it was like a blade twisted between his ribs. He knew Nadya too well to be fooled by it, but the fact that she tried to mask her hurt only made it worse.

He stayed silent as she spoke, letting her words wash over him. She was right, of course. The Malennis family wasn’t one to take lightly, and Cullen understood that better than most. Eira was nothing like what people imagined—at least, not to him—but that didn’t erase the reputation she carried with her. And now, it was something he was tangled up in too.

When Nadya reached over to steal a piece of his muffin, the small gesture tugged at his heart. She was trying so hard to act like this was just another casual conversation between them.

"Yeah," Cullen muttered, his voice a little rougher than he intended. "It’s under wraps. You’re... the first to know, actually." He rubbed the back of his neck, the tension there refusing to ease. He didn't have to mention that her family would likely have him murdered in his sleep if they knew he'd been with her.

Cullen took a breath, searching for the right words. "I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just… did." He hesitated, unsure how to explain. "Eira’s not like the rest of them, Nad. Not with me, anyway. I know what people say about the Malennis family—and they’re not wrong—but this thing with her, it’s different."

He could sense her unease, even through the casualness she tried to maintain. "You have every right to worry. Hell, I’ve worried plenty. But... it’s not just some reckless fling, either."

Cullen’s gaze softened as he looked at her again, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "And you can still give me shit for it, if you want. I probably deserve it."

 

[Nadya]

Her eyes watched him rub at his neck, something he did every now and then. Dusting her hands on her shirt, she moved to kneel behind him, placing the cushion she sat on to rest her knees as she swatted his hand and began to slowly work the tension out from his neck and back. She learned how to massage properly, after her own muscles ached after putting too much strain on herself during training. Then she started doing it for Danika, to help her remaining arm soothe after picking up the slack once she started to learn to operate with the one hand. Most of her friends ended up buying her a round of drinks in payment, but Nadya never expected Cullen to repay her for helping him with his pain.

"It's probably selfish of me to say, but I guess I always thought you would..." Nadya trailed off, pressing her thumbs into the muscle above his shoulder blade and working it. "You would ask me, you know? I used to fancy you, years ago." She lied. It was on and off for him, and perhaps nowadays it has always been on, but Nadya always found another man to distract herself with until she had the guts to tell him the truth. "But I guess that is natural when we have grown up together."

Nadya went quiet a second, thinking, before huffing her laugh.

"I am picturing the height difference right now. Didn't think I would ever see you with a little doll in my life." She chuckled. Things felt better now knowing the truth, but Nadya could not help that spite in her to take Cullen away from the noble woman she had never crossed paths with.

 

[Cullen]

Cullen froze for a moment when Nadya’s hands pressed into his neck, her familiar touch working at the tension that had knotted up in his muscles. He had always appreciated this about her—how she always knew when something was off, and how she seemed to fix it without a word. But when she started speaking, her words knocked the breath out of him.

He blinked, staring ahead with a frown, unsure if he had heard her right. Used to fancy him? His mind scrambled to make sense of what she had just said, the steady pressure of her thumbs on his muscles both grounding him and making it harder to think straight.

"You... Did?" He echoed quietly, his voice tinged with surprise, though his shoulders remained still beneath her touch. Cullen let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding, the truth settling awkwardly in his chest. She had liked him, once?

Her laugh, light and familiar, broke the tension in the air, but he could still feel a thread of something heavier lingering between them. "I don’t know if I should be flattered or embarrassed," he chuckled, but the laughter faded as quickly as it came. The idea of her once having feelings for him stirred something deep in his chest —something he hadn’t let himself think about for years.

He tilted his head slightly, glancing over his shoulder to catch her gaze, though it was hard to read what she was thinking. "I didn’t know," he murmured, his voice a little softer. "I mean... I guess I never thought you would... you know, with me." The words felt clumsy on his tongue, his usual confidence slipping in the face of this sudden confession.

Her comment about the height difference between him and Eira made him smirk awkwardly, a low laugh escaping him. "A little doll, huh? I’ll have you know she could probably kill me with a look if she wanted to." He tried to make light of it, but his mind kept circling back to what she had just admitted...

Clearing his throat, Cullen shifted, though he didn’t move away from her hands. "Nad, if I’d known..." He started, then hesitated. What was he even trying to say? That he would have done something different? That maybe he could have seen her in that way? The thought unsettled him—mostly because it wasn’t as foreign as he might’ve hoped.

He sighed, dropping his head slightly. "I don’t know what to say. You’ve always been... everything to me. More than just a friend." He paused, unsure if he was going too far, or maybe not far enough. "But I never wanted to risk losing that, you know? Losing us."

His voice dropped, quieter now. "Maybe I’m the one who’s selfish."

 

[Nadya]

Her hands now became the manifestation of her hesitation she was too proud to admit. They had gone from rubbing at his muscles to pressing into any tight knots, eliminating the friction of her hands moving against him. She went quiet, even stilled her breathing in between him talking. But the more her hands moved, the more she sold that she no longer kept those feelings for him. It would be unfair of her to admit that to him now, only after learning he was involved with another.

But Nadya saw herself better than Eira. She had better claim to Cullen, but that was their cycle it seemed. Whenever she was ready, he was not.

"I don't want to lose you either." She agreed with him. Her hands dropped from his shoulders, falling to her lap as she leaned back onto her legs and stayed kneeling behind him. "We grew up always supporting one another. My sisters are your sisters. Family. If I ruined that... if I changed any of that, I am not the only one losing you. Leida and Stasya might just hate me enough if I did anything to hurt you..."

But I would never wish to hurt you.

Perhaps telling him the truth would hurt him. And so, Nadya did not tell him her truth.

"Love comes in different forms. My love for you is not the same as my love for Jensen and Danika. Do you know what I mean?" Space. Nadya needed space from him now. At any moment, he could turn back to see her face, her eyes near to tears as she broke her own heart. Standing, thankful bits of her hair fell walnut and silver to shield her facade. "Perhaps that is where we feel the selfishness. I hold you above all others, because I love you more than a friend. Through thick and thin, we have always kept each other afloat."

Fuck it. Nadya turned her face to see him, her grey eyes glistening. "And because of that, I need to say to you that I am truly happy you have Eira. If she can kill you with just a look, then I do hope you die for a noble cause." She forced her lips to pull into a smile.

 

[Cullen]

Cullen’s heart sank as soon as her hands left his shoulders, the sudden absence of her touch pulling him out of the comfort he had settled into. He could feel the shift in the air between them, the weight of her unspoken thoughts hanging there, palpable. He didn’t turn around right away—something told him not to, not yet. Her voice was steady, but the words she spoke hit him harder than he expected.

He knew Nadya was right. They were family. She’d been his constant, his anchor, through everything. But the way she spoke now… It felt like something was slipping through his fingers, something he hadn’t realised he even had until this moment.

When she stood, he almost turned to look at her, but something stopped him. Maybe it was the slight quiver in her voice, or the feeling that if he looked her in the eyes now, he’d see too much. Hear too much. Feel too much.

Her words about love cut through him. She said she loved him more than a friend, and he felt his chest tighten. He had always known that their bond was deeper than most, but hearing her say it out loud—especially now, in the shadow of everything with Eira—made him feel like he was standing on the edge of something dangerous, something irreversible.

Cullen swallowed hard, finally turning just enough to catch her standing there, and then she looked at him, and he saw the glint of unshed tears in her eyes, the forced smile on her lips, and it nearly broke him.

"Nad..." His voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper, as if he wasn’t sure what to say next. What could he say? The weight of her words pressed down on him, the way she said she was happy for him, that she wanted him to be with Eira. But the tears in her eyes told a different story.

"I..." He stopped, running a hand through his hair, feeling utterly useless in this moment. Cullen wasn’t good at this—at feelings, at navigating the complicated mess they had always danced around. "You—" He broke off, his throat tight.

"Nadya, I don’t know what to say." He admitted, standing now, towering over her in his usual way, but his expression was lost. "You mean everything to me. Always have." His voice was quiet, strained. "If I’d known... If I had any idea..." He trailed off, because what could he say that wouldn’t make things worse? That wouldn’t sound hollow?

He stepped closer, his hand hovering near her arm as if he wanted to reach out, to pull her into a hug like he always did when things got tough. But this time, he hesitated, unsure if it would help or make everything harder. "You never have to put me above anyone. I’m not worth that." His voice was raw, and he let out a shaky breath. "But if you mean what you said... about being happy for me, then... I don’t know, maybe I’m the one who should be thanking you." His eyes softened, regret and gratitude swirling together.

"I don’t want to lose us, Nads. You know I'll always be here for you, no matter what. Don't you?"

 

[Nadya]

Torment twisted and wrung itself into guilt in the pit of her stomach.

Nadya lifted her gaze, chin jutting out with poise, as she met his stare unflinchingly. It would do no good for either of them now to witness her true feelings, not when someone else achieved in making him happy. She liked him happy, but she also liked being the one to truly make him smile when murder was all that could be seen in his eyes.

"The only way you're going to lose a legendary and cool friend like me is when I die. Preferably in battle, and maybe even then, Kalyss will care about me finally." She smiled.

And the only way she could achieve it was to push away her feelings, her truth, her hurt.

"Come on. Let's get a real drink. Rosita's got some spiced rum that goes well with glazed chicken." Drinks and food. Something more filling to replenish them both after their outpour of... feelings. She shrugged on her leather jacket better and began to button it up, ready for flight. "Besides, I have got to tell you about the knuckleheads that almost crushed an entire wing of new cadets."

Gossip about the Wall was her favourite way to rant and unleash to someone that kept their distance from it. It kept Cullen up to date with everything else too, especially when Nadya told him everything... and her own feelings eventually. Everything came to light sooner or later.

She needed some space from this cavernous home, where Cullen's mark was everywhere for he made this place a proper home and Nadya relished in the privacy. Now she felt as if she were intruding on space he could share with Eira. Somewhere crowded, public, would ease her anxieties.

 

[Cullen]

Cullen studied her for a moment, watching the shift in her posture—the way her chin lifted, her expression becoming composed, almost impenetrable. He could tell that she was making an effort to keep herself guarded. It was a defense he knew well, one that mirrored his own at times.

He smiled faintly at her joke, though the ache of their conversation lingered beneath the surface. "Legendary, maybe, but cool?" he scoffed playfully. "If anyone’s going to go down in a blaze of glory, it’ll be you, Nad, but you're goin' nowhere soon." He chuckled softly, though the humor didn’t quite reach his eyes. The thought of her dying in battle twisted something deep inside him, but he shoved it aside. It was easier to joke, easier to follow her lead and not dwell on the heavy feelings they’d just confronted.

When she mentioned getting a drink, he nodded. "Sounds good." His voice was lighter now, as if they could just fall back into their old rhythm, pretend the conversation they just had didn’t weigh like a stone between them.

He watched her pull on her leather jacket, preparing for flight, and it struck him how easily they could both slip back into their routines. But something had shifted, whether they acknowledged it or not. He knew it, and he had a feeling she did too.

As she talked about the Wall and the cadets, Cullen relaxed a little, grateful for the distraction. He grinned at her, shaking his head. "What’d they do this time? I swear, every year you tell me the new recruits are dumber than the last, but crushing an entire wing? That’s a new one." His tone was teasing, playful, eager to latch onto something lighter.

He swung his arm around her, pulling her close as he led her back out of the cavern and onto the ledge where their dragons stretched their wings in anticipation. "Feelin' like a race?" he smirked.

 

[Nadya]

Once outside, Nadya threw him a look. "Why are you asking me? No matter what I say, Kalyss is going to do as he pleases and he's always bound to race another dragon."

The Storm Dragon towered in the distance, rumbling low as if he were laughing at her words. Usually when they both walked alongside one another, his arms around her shoulders, Nadya would have her arm around his back. Perhaps she couldn't truly forget what they had talked about in the cavern, for she was fiddling with the buckles of her riding gloves one after the other and made sure her other gear was secure before they slowed before the dragons before them.

"The new cadets learned the hard way that after flying drills, they need to clear the field immediately. Running dismounts almost cleaned up half of them and the other dragons doing drills and still learning to fly almost crushed the other half. Gods they were all a mess at the end and ruined the rest of the training session I was running. It's going to take me extra time to whip them into shape in time to go out on patrols." She frowned, pouted, and looked up at her friend with the adorably whiney face she put on.

"No one is going to ever be as good as you, me, Jensen, and Danika in the same squad. Fuck. We were the best cadet squad this Thunder has seen." She said, grinning.