Private Tales Sighing Shadows by the Light of the Moons

[Ciana]

Her heart stuttered when his eyes fluttered open, and she almost sagged in relief. “Oh, thank the stars…” she breathed, clutching him a little tighter before she pulled back just enough to look at his face.

And then he had the audacity to grin.

Ciana blinked at him, her worry tangling with the sudden, sharp urge to shake him until sense returned to his head. Her chest still ached from the fear of losing him, her pulse still thundered in her ears, and here he was, grinning like a fool.

She let out a long, trembling sigh and gave the smallest of nods. “Of course I have… idiot,” she muttered, her brow furrowed though her lips betrayed her with the faintest twitch of a smile.

Her hand lingered against his cheek, “Are you alright?…” she asked softly, the frown tugging deeper at her lips. “You scared me half to death, I-.”

"Miss Ciana? I heard a sound, is everything alright?" a female voice came from the other side of the door, and she tried the handle, and the door creaked open just a little.

"YES! WAIT! Don't come in here! I mean, s-sorry yes, Cynthia I'm fine!.. No need to come in, i'm quite alright.. Thank you!" she said, her eyes wide with panic, her skin heating a little more.

The door stilled, the floorboards creaking under foot as the handmaid on the other side hesitated.. "... Of course, as you say milady.." she said, softly closing the door again, and Ciana's breath tumbled out with relief.

 

[Galen]

"Phew," Galen had sense enough to whisper from where he lay on the ground, arms spread eagled, "That was a close one."

He meant both the maid checking on Ciana and his own encounter with Valkyr and Sons. The mage started to sweep his arms and legs back and forth, as if he were making an angel in the snow, trying to get some sensation back into them.

"Had a close call with those bankers. Almost got me, you know. Used up too much magic in the escape, so thanks for saving me here. My spirit could've leaked out my ears," that probably was not true, "I uh... may have lost all the money you gave me..."

By this, of course, he meant that he'd been in such a sore mood after she ran off that he'd gone and gambled it all away. Not a coin to his name any longer.

"They didn't like that."

The memory of the truncheon bruising his ribs repeatedly punctuated that train of thought must potently. He stopped making fake snow angels on the ground.

"And I really couldn't stop thinking about you, you know. Honest."

He really hadn't been able to sleep.

Ciana

 

[Ciana]

She looked down at him, listening, her brow furrowed with concern. She'd been about to ask him why he hadn't paid them, when he explained that he'd lost the coin she'd given him, and her expression stilled.

"Oh." she said again, just as she had after he'd voiced his regret, after he had kissed her.

Her lap went cold the moment she shoved him off of her, her hands trembling as she pushed herself to her feet. For a moment she couldn’t even look at him, she didn't dare, because if she saw those hollow blue eyes staring back at her she’d crumble.

Her heart thudded painfully as the truth struck her, and she pressed a hand to her forehead, laughing weakly under her breath. It was a brittle sound, edged with despair.

“Of course that’s it…” she whispered, nodding to herself like a fool who’d finally worked it out.

She crossed the room with quick strides, pulled open her desk drawer, and snatched out a heavy coin purse. She threw it at him, her chest tight, her breath sharp.

She wrenched open her jewellery box next, her fingers pausing just briefly on her mother’s bracelet, her most precious thing, before she set it aside with care. She put two of the rubies, both glowing gently, vessels of her power. Closing the lid, she strode back to him, thrusting the box at him.

“There. You got what you came for. You can leave now.” Her voice shook, not with weakness but with the strain of holding herself together. “At least this time you might use it to pay your debts.”

Her throat burned, her eyes stung, but she blinked hard, forcing the tears back down. She would not cry for him again. Her chest rose and fell in ragged rhythm as she turned away, her arms wrapping around herself like a shield, her nails digging into her own sleeves to keep her from shattering.

 

[Galen]

"Ow! You..." the coin purse bounced off him, then she offered the box. He stared at it, sitting up from where he lay on the ground. "You think I'm here for your money?"

His grin disappeared and he scowled, "No. No. That's... that's not it at all."

He gripped his head. "I said the wrong things again didn't I? I'm always doing that. Saying the wrong things. I don't know how, not educated like you."

The mage got to his feet. "Ciana, I don't want your money. That's not what I meant. Ciana, please."

He stepped toward her, hating the way she turned away from him, the way her arms wrapped around herself. Gently, afraid he'd get bitten or slapped, he placed his hands on either side of her face.

"Please... look at me. I think I'll die if you hate me. I don't want your money. I don't care about that, or your big house, or your stupid garden, or all your servants. None of it matters. They can haul me off in the morning and I'll go with them. They can beat me or hang me... It doesn't matter. As long as I got to see you one more time, it was worth it, to hear if you felt the same."

Desperately he searched those crystal blue depths of her eyes for an answering emotion.

"If I'm ever on the gallows, the last thing I'd wish is for just another moment in that kiss."

Ciana

 

[Ciana]

Ciana closed her eyes as his palms cupped her face, the weight of his pleading pressing through the thin barrier she'd tried to throw up between them. She fought the tremor at the edge of her breath, fought the small, traitorous want to melt into him and be soothed. He spoke of gallows and beatings and still she resisted, until the image of him dragged away, helpless and broken finally cleaved through her hold.

Slowly, she let her lashes lift and met his gaze. Her own eyes shone, rimmed with the salt of tears she had been staunchly denying. Every hurt flashed there; the kiss, the regret that followed, the pride bruised into something raw.

“When you kissed me… did I push you away?” Her voice was small. “Did I look at you with disgust? Did I call you less than? Did I tell you I regretted it?” She searched his face as if answers might be written there. “Because I remember nothing but the softness. I remember the way you held me, how wanted I felt when I've been nothing but a burden to everyone..."

She drew a breath, frantic now, as if the words had waited too long to be said. “Nobody had ever kissed me before.” The confession broke from her in a sob she tried to hide behind her teeth. “I never wanted anyone to do so, not until you.”

She shoved his chest, the motion of it leaving a bright, angry flare at her fingertips. Magic spat like a struck match, a small, hot flare that licked the air between them.

“You made me feel like a mistake,” she said, each syllable a blade. Her tears fell at last. “You made me feel foolish and ashamed, and then you let me leave and you didn't come after me to tell me I was wrong for thinking such a thing. Not a word for days. No assurance just cold truth. I thought… I thought you had been kinder than that. I thought you were different.” Her laugh was hollow. “And then you show up half-dead and expect me to fold myself back into your arms? That I should forgive you because you ‘could be hanged’ and that makes everything noble?”

She pressed trembling fingers to her chest, as if to hold the pieces of herself together. The light from her palms guttered, uncertain and raw. “Nobody had ever kissed me before. But nobody had ever hurt me like this either. Nobody had ever made me cry like that.” Her voice broke, and she did not try to soften it. The hurt sat between them, incandescent and undeniable.

 

[Galen]

The barrage of words pummeling him sent him stumbling back, just as much as the shove and crackle of fire. He quailed beneath the verbal blows. He was shit. He knew it. Always ruining everything. First with his apprenticeship to Telemachus, who wouldn't even bother to talk to him - his worst apprentice. And now he made Ciana cry, when she'd only ever been nice to him. Well. Mostly nice. Couldn't help the haughty rudeness on account of her nobility and all.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled like a complete fool, "I'm a nobody. I just thought, you know, you deserve a somebody. And I'm no good for you. No good for anybody."

He slouched, "I was scared and afraid 'cause, what if you actually did feel the same way?"

Galen held up his hands in surrender, "I don't expect anything. I deserve it. You can shove me again if you want. I just... it was eating me up, the wondering. I had to know. I didn't know nobody had ever... that it was- well, I mean." He scratched at his head, struggling to find the words again, then shook his head, "How do I tell you I'm sorry? How do I tell you that hearing you laugh makes me the happiest I've ever been? That I'd do anything just to stop you crying?"

Defiant of the potential for flames, growing some spine, he reached out, grabbing her hands in his.

"Tell me to go again. I'll go. But look me in the eyes and tell me. Do you want me to leave?"

Ciana

 

[Ciana]

“Stop saying that!” the words tore out of her before she could think, sharp with all the hurt and heat still alive in her chest. Her chin lifted, eyes bright with unshed tears and anger sparking in them. “You’re not a nobody. Not to me.”

Her voice wavered, softer on the last words, but she pressed on, determined, stubborn as she’d ever been. “And don’t tell me what I deserve. You don’t know. The only 'somebody' who ever showed any interest in me did so out of obligation, and he was…” she bit down hard on the word, the shadow of her past threatening to claw up her throat, “…awful.”

Her hands shook, and she turned from him to pace back and forth, trying to shake the light out of her palms before it betrayed the storm inside her. She exhaled sharply, colour high in her cheeks, flustered not just by fury but by his mention of what she’d admitted, that she’d never been kissed before. Of course she hadn’t. She was unmarried. Proper ladies didn’t. And yet...

When his voice pulled her back, when his question hung between them, she turned and met his gaze.

“No.” The word burst out too quickly, too certain, denying her the chance to think better of it. It was lonely here. It'd been lonely back home, too. “No, I don’t want you to leave.” Her lips parted, but for a long moment no sound came out, her heart hammering so loudly she could barely hear her own thoughts. Finally, she swallowed hard and whispered, “I… I need you. If that’s alright.”

Her gaze fell, ashamed of how raw it sounded, ashamed of the truth of it. Arms wrapped tight around herself again, her only shield against the vulnerability bleeding into her words. “Whether I laugh or I cry, at least with you I feel something. But not regret.” Her eyes flicked back up, glistening with the truth she hadn’t dared say until now. “Foolish, perhaps. But never regret.”

And then she hugged herself tighter, bracing as though she half expected him to try and talk her out of her own heart.

 

[Galen]

Not a nobody. Not to her.

Oh.

And she wanted him to stay. His eyes stung a bit. That wasn't normal was it?

"No regrets..." he repeated her words, softly, then Galen moved forward, as if in a daze, and wrapped her up in an embrace. Still unsteady on his feet, still hollow eyed, but his fingers no longer uncertain as they wound around her hips. "None. I need you too," he murmured.

"So I guess it's alright," a roguish, teasing quirk to his lips as he eyed the flush of her cheeks and the way she looked at him. Gods. If she kept looking at him like that he thought he might just come all to pieces and sieve through the floorboards.

In truth he just wanted to see her face light up with a smile again. Radiant.

"Come for the burgling," he raised an eyebrow, "Stay for the kisses?"

Before she could throw another coin bag at him, he bent his head and gently kissed the top of her head, closing his eyes as he drank in the smell of her hair, her skin. Then he trailed kisses down her cheek until his lips found hers before he could say something else foolish and he pulled her so close.

Ciana

 

[Ciana]

Ciana laughed softly, a sound that chased away the last shadows from her eyes, and nodded at his teasing words. She closed her own eyes as she found herself in his arms again and the warmth of his lips brushed the top of her head. Her hands slid up his chest instinctively, arms looping around his neck, fingers tangling in the scruff of his hair. She drew in a slow, deep breath, letting it out with a sigh that felt like release, like the storm in her chest had finally settled.

And then his lips were tracing down her cheek, brushing against her jaw, and finally found hers again.

Her toes curled into the soft rug beneath them, and she pressed closer, kissing him back with all the daring, all the relief, all the reckless joy that had been pent inside her for days. Her heartbeat thundered in her ears, her fingers clutching him as though letting go now would undo everything, and she tested, tried, she kissed him again, deeper, longer, letting the world shrink down to just the warmth, the taste, the breath, the soft, exhilarating inevitability of this shared moment.

Better than alright. Far better. And for the first time in ages, she felt wholly, dazzlingly alive.

 

[Galen]

Fingers tightened reflexively as the kiss lengthened, thumbs brushing over the fabric of her clothing and the curve of her hip. His boots shifted in the rug, smearing the yuck of the street as he found his footing, eyes screwed shut.

The feel of her arms around his neck, her hands in his hair. His stomach flipped and he smiled, laughing against the warmth of her lips, felt like he was soaring higher than the Spine. Felt like he was kissing a sunbeam.

They broke apart for just a second and he realized he’d forgotten to breathe. That seemed important, didn’t it? Breathing.

He didn’t want to stop though, to break apart again. Last time they’d stopped he’d almost died and then didn’t see her for so many days and then she threw coin purses at him and cried. So really, they shouldn’t. They should just stay this way forever.

A hand slid around to the small of her back, tracing the line of her spine. Galen lowered his head into the crook of her neck and kissed along skin like porcelain, murmuring into her.

“And what do you feel now?”

Ciana