Private Tales Recovery

[Titus Phane]

He was still in shock when he sat down, but seeing her distraught and apologetic snapped him back. He really wanted to reach out and hold her in his arms, tell her she was forgiven and just indulge in the present. But the future was also nagging at his brain, the consequences. He was reminded of a story of a servant who was given charge over his masters entire household, he was over the other servants and was even entrusted with the masters property and income... but the one thing he wasn't given, logically, was the masters wife.

That is where the similarities end in the story however, because the story goes on that the wife attempts to seduce the servant, and when he rejects her and flees she pulls his cloak off of him and then accuses him of trying to rape her. That servant was blessed no matter where he went because he was faithful to the creator, even in prison he flourished and later became second only to the king.

Titus knew that this wasn't the same situation, but he knew the warning was there. He looked at his mistress and couldn't stand to see her like this, he felt as if she were worse now than she was when all she had to deal with was the trauma of her kidnapping. He fought back his urge and tried to find something to say, attempting to think clearly. "Mistress... It would only make you more sad if you knew just how much I love you... And if I really mean that much to you in that way... You would rebel against your family and your nobility. I love being your servant. I love serving your family and I love your family... I couldn't bear to be a wedge between you and them."

His voice was heavy with emotion as he spoke. On reflection it probably wasn't the best thing to say, but he felt the need to bring up the reality of the situation. He looked at the floor, staring at a spot between his feet and he cupped his hands over his mouth. He closed his eyes which forced a tear free that ran down his face. He felt like he stabbed her in the back just to keep his job and it made him feel dirty.

 

[Myrcella Bochanan]

Myrcella listened quietly, with her thumbs tracing over the rim of her tea cup. She hung onto every word and the weight behind them.

So he did love her...It was no wonder with how much he took care of her. It wasn't just Titus Phane doing his job, it was more than that. But it just wasn't allowed. It was cruel for the both of them to believe otherwise.

And yet...

"Do you suppose...do you suppose that if you did marry me that it could raise your station and you'd become a Lord? There'd be no rebelling then." But that was if her Mother and Father agreed to it. That'd be the biggest hurdle. And then there came the matter of their family losing a butler. Could she do that to them? Right now she wanted to be selfish and say yes.

 

[Titus Phane]

He shook his head slowly and looked at her again, "No... I am deeply flattered that you considered this, Mistress... But unless I am knighted I'm afraid you would only become a titled commoner if... if we were to marry..."

Titus slowly and tentatively reached out and tucked a lock of golden hair behind her ear. But as he thought about it things began clicking in his mind.

"But your father could knight me... I could serve the Bochanan family in a new way, with a sword... and then when I have land and a title I could support you..."
He followed the train of thought out loud. He already knew it wouldn't be as easy as that. He would need to become a squire and prove himself to her father that he is worthy of knighthood. And becoming a knight and receiving a title didn't automatically bring or guarantee land and income. He could look at what Lord Bochanan had already built and he could tell that it was through years of hard work.

He drew back his hand maybe a little quickly, "I would do it... I would become a knight for you, and some day a Lord... That is what I would sacrifice for you... If that would truly make you happy."

 

[Myrcella Bochanan]

A titled Commenor? That would be a step down and one that her parents might not accept.

Myrcella didn't shy away as Titus tucked her hair behind her ear. Her paintbrush was tucked behind the other and that was keeping her hair in nicely on the other side. It just showed how much attention to detail that he had over her.

The very thought of him sacrificing his job for her was one that she wanted him to be sure about. He loved his work, excelled in it. She didn't want to ruin it for him.

"I want you to be happy too. I don't want it to be something that you'd hate me for. And if my parents don't agree, then what should we do?" More than likely she'd be sent somewhere else. Or at worse Titus would. She hoped that he wouldn't be punished for asking.

 

[Titus Phane]

"No matter what I could never hate you. I love serving you and that will never change no matter what happens. But how I serve you can still change."
Titus was still in shock that this conversation was actually happening, but he was letting his mind speak before his heart. The family had servants and really he was an unnecessary luxury that the Bochanan family decided to invest in. But he could do more than serve drinks and meals and attend them wherever they go... He could still do all of those things, but he could carry a sword as well. The last line of defense in a land of enemies.

"If they would let me I would become a knight to protect you. But if not a knight... Let me be a bodyguard, let there be no reason for the daughter of House Bochanan to be undefended even at her own doorstep."
He was not of noble birth, but the word noble seems to have lost its meaning when it became a title for the highborn. His heart was noble and he was expressing his desires freely, but in his heart he was still angry with himself for his failure, and perhaps a bit selfish at wanting to be the one to protect her from any and all danger.

"If I could be by your side to protect you from all danger... That would be enough for me."

 

[Myrcella Bochanan]

Myrcella smiled at his words. Titus Phane gave her hope, yet she knew that there was still a huge hurdle to cross. Her parents. They were in charge of everything. They could move Titus to whatever position they wanted. They could banish him from their lands, especially if he was too much of a distraction for her.

"Oh Titus I would love that very much. But have you had any training with a sword before?" As far as she knew, his only skills were of that of a butler and nothing more. She had no idea about what he did during his time off. Not long ago she wouldn't of cared. But now she did. It was strange how trauma can make someone see things in a different way than they had before. It wasn't quite like being a different person. It was more like one was growing up. In some respects she was. Myrcella watched a number of people die and most were executed as a warning to her and those trying to track them.

"If they don't agree than we can love in secret. I'll find a way to tell my Mother, but without revealing your name or position, just in case this doesn't go in our favour. I couldn't bear having you sent away."

 

[Titus Phane]

She asked him about his swordsmanship. He had to admit that he wasn't especially proficient with the sword, having focused his training on hand to hand fighting. But he knew which end of the sword to hold, how to make a good cut, the basics of parrying, and how to take care of the blade.

He nodded, "Granted I could probably use a few lessons in sword work. But besides that I'm very capable in hostile situations."
As they spoke he could feel as if a weight was being lifted from his shoulders. She hasn't said it, but then again she didn't have to. They were having this conversation and that told him one thing. She loves him back.

When he came to work for House Bochanan he told himself that the pretty daughter was not the reason he was there. And that was true, he was there for all of them, to serve them in anything they asked of him. But with her it was easier. He worked with zeal and enthusiasm for all of them, but with her it could never have been forced. She definitely wasn't the girl that she used to be. What happened out there had changed her and that change was noticeable and exciting for him to witness!

But one thing she said made him pause... He had served the family with absolute loyalty, he never lied to them or hid anything from them... He wondered if he was willing to break that in order to be in love with Myrcella. If he was strong enough to keep a secret from his Lord and Lady...

"You know that I want nothing but to be by your side... But if your parents disapprove... I'm not sure I could go against their wishes. I love and respect them like my own parents. I just don't know if it would be possible for me to directly disobey them... At the risk of damaging a deeper part of myself."

 

[Myrcella Bochanan]

Titus was good in hostile situations. That was good. However if it was to face one as brutal of a fighter like the hunter that took her, he'd need to be really good.

She sipped her tea, growing more comfortable and settled again. Myrcella felt herself soothed by his voice. There was always a gentleness about him that she was only now starting to appreciate. She had found herself looking forward to their visits.

But what he said later troubled her. Perhaps for Titus it might be not so difficult to love from a distance. But for Myrcella it'd be incredibly tough. "I don't know how I could manage it if my parents told me that I couldn't love you. All I want is to have you with me. I don't know if some Lord will give me the the same level of care that you do. I don't know if I could love someone that isn't you." Of course for her, marrying a Lord was a duty of her station. Marry a lord, produce heirs for the family. Hopefully Titus Phane could one day be that Lord.

 

[Titus Phane]

Titus decided now was a good time to take a mental step back. He realized that they were getting ahead of themselves and worrying over things that haven't happened yet. He leaned back in his chair for a moment and took a deep breath to bring his focus back around to the present.

"I think it would be wise to slow down a little. We don't know how your parents will react. We don't know if we would have to conceal our affection at all yet. We cannot let ourselves worry over futures that haven't come to pass. We should have faith that if this was meant to be, that love will find a way."

He offered to refill her tea.

 

[Myrcella Bochanan]

Meant to be. Myrcella wasn't so sure if she believed that. Just like Titus Phane, she had to do what she was told. Whereas his orders were for what to bring or what to clean, her orders were on what to wear, where to go and sometimes even how she should act. And eventually that could fall to who to marry as well.

She handed over her cup for Titus to refill. The warm tea was wonderful for stress. Myrcella brought the paintbrush out from behind her ear and set it down with her paints.

"What do you propose that we do now, then? Did you want me to teach you to paint?" Enjoy the moment. That was probably going to be his advice.

 

[Titus Phane]

He didn't really know what advice he could give at this point. Really he just didn't want her to get her hopes up, or to worry about endless possibilities. Worry never got anyone anywhere and ultimately brought only suffering. But he could see her attempting to calm down in the face of all of her fears and that made him smile. When she showed strength it made him proud to serve her.

But he now had the chance to think critically about this situation. He was willing to become the man she wanted... But according to what he knew of such relationships, he wondered what she was willing to do for him. He would never ask it of her, but was she actually willing to leave nobility behind and follow him if he couldn't follow her? Was she strong enough to leave the safety of her home for good to make a new life out in the dangerous world with him if he was denied by her family? Love is about giving... He would give anything, but would she? A question was forming in his mind and it felt wrong to ask it even as a test... But he had to know...

He put a hand over hers as she set down her paintbrush, "Myrcella... Can you say it? Can you say... right now... that you love me?"

 

[Myrcella Bochanan]

He touched her hand. Once more Titus Phane touched her hand. But it wasn't to remove her hand from his. This time it was on his own accord.

Myrcella's mouth dropped slightly as her eyes traced from his hand, along his arm and then up to his eyes. The question that he was asking of her, the need for a proclaimation made her a bit hesitant. But it wasn't over how she felt. Moreso it was the repercussions of how she felt. Myrcella was of noble birth. And he was not...

"Yes, Titus...I love you. I want to have you with me, always."

 

[Titus Phane]

He let out a sigh. To hear her say it was hundreds of times better than to assume it. But he wasn't done yet.

"Are you willing to risk your very lifestyle just to be with me? Your servant and friend?"

She stood to lose so much more if she decided to put him above her family. If things didn't work out ideally and she chose him over her parents she could lose not only her title, but all the comforts she grew up taking for granted. Even more than himself, she had to be sure of the path she wanted to take.

He leveled with her, gazing deeply into her beautiful green eyes, "If I sacrifice the little bit I have for you, I would lose very little for the potential to gain so much... But you stand to lose so much more than me, Myrcella. Am I really worth it?"

 

[Myrcella Bochanan]

Now who was worrying and taking stock in a future that hasn't happened yet? But he was certainly making her think.

Myrcella had never imagined life outside of what she knew. At home she was in a small little world where everything was provided and done for her. The outside world was much different.

She studied his gaze and the implications behind his words. "Are you worried about my reputation? I think that you should really worry about me potentially having to cook when I had never done so before. There is so much that I don't know; you'd have to teach me. And where would we go? How would we pay for things? We'd need a plan." It wasn't a direct answer to his question. But it was still an answer.

 

[Titus Phane]

He shook his head, "More than your reputation... You stand to lose your comfort, your family rights, your security... And yes, you would be forced to learn how to do things yourself."

He picked up her hand and held it between them. Her hands were so soft, smooth, dainty. He couldn't really imagine her hands cleaning dishes, cooking a meal, working beside him, building a new life with him... But he wanted to know if she could give up this life for his sake alone.

"Yes. We would need to plan. And I will still love you and do my best to serve you in all things... But, Myrcella... I would never require it of you or ask you to do it... But if I had to go... Would you sacrifice this... leave all of this behind and follow me?"

 

[Myrcella Bochanan]

Myrcella scratched at an itch on the back of her neck beneath her hair. Losing everything would be much like how it was when she was kidnapped; forever out in the elements with little to eat. Such a future would be different though. She wouldn't be bound to a tree by her neck every time she was to go to sleep.

Of course there was something else that she'd have to worry about. Would her parents even let her leave? It could very well be that she'd be locked in her room until a suitable husband was found. And she would be scolded so harshly if that were to happen.

She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, her eyes starting to brim with tears. "I'd want to, if we had a proper plan. But I hope that we wouldn't have to worry about it. I hope that we could stay in one of my family's properties." Myrcella chewed the inside of her cheek. "Is there any nobility in your lineage? Distant perhaps?"

 

[Titus Phane]

Titus shook his head, "My father is a woodsman... My grandfather was a soldier but he wasn't granted any titles or recognition... If there is noble blood in me I am not aware of it."

He could see her tears and squeezed her hand reassuringly, reaching up to wipe away a tear that began to roll down her cheek. He did have a plan if it came down to it... But Lord willing it would never come to that. After wiping away the tear he held his hand against her cheek, cupping her face. Her skin was flawless. She was everything beautiful that a man could appreciate... If he were to work to become a noble he worried that she might be snatched away before he could come for her. But she answered his question and he was satisfied.

"Mistress... Myrcella. Would you permit me to kiss you?"

 

[Myrcella Bochanan]

"Maybe we could try to find more on your lineage? There's bound to be a record keeper, there's bound to be papers...."

She didn't shy away as he touched her face, his movements were gentle and with care. He was so gentle. Myrcella felt as though he would always be so.

And then he asked for a kiss. Her eyebrows raised slightly as it came unexpectedly. But certainly not unwanted. "You may." Myrcella closed her eyes and waited for his lips to touch her face. Would it be on her lips? Or her cheek? Regardless it'd be her first, and she found herself yearning for it.

 

[Titus Phane]

He leaned in close and tilted his head to the side. This was to be his first kiss as well, and he couldn't imagine it being with anyone else. He gently pressed his lips lightly against hers. A quick peck, but he was far from disappointed. Her lips were silky smooth and just that quick kiss was enough to make him shiver. He drew back a little and looked deep into her eyes, "I love you mistress. Thank you."

He caressed her cheek with his hand and thought about kissing her again, but he figured it was wise to stop before anything got out of hand. He stood up and smiled at her. He believed he could do it. He believes he has what it takes to become a knight... and maybe one day a Lord. And it wasn't all for love of his mistress, but as a Lord he could send his family all the money they could need... Providing he built something that could make money so they wouldn't have to rely on Myrcella's parents for money their whole lives.

But that was in the future. For now, he was a butler.
"Dinner will be served soon. Would the mistress be dining with her family this evening, or shall I bring the meal to her room?"
His face was formal, but his tone said he didn't want this to be the first and last time they meet informally.

 

[Myrcella Bochanan]

She felt his breath on her skin, and then came the moment. It was a quick kiss but that didn't make it any less lovely. Myrcella opened her eyes and found then meeting his. She found herself blushing a little. "I love you too."

Titus Phane was a dream. The only hiccup was that he wasn't of noble birth. A formality in her mind, yet it meant so much in society.

His demeanor soon changed to that of one getting back to work. Right now they had to hide their affections which was a bit daring and exciting.

"As much as I would want to dine in my room, my family will be wanting me with them. I can't neglect them. But perhaps you could bring me a tea before bed?" Myrcella picked up her brush again, as well as her paints. Hopefully none of the maids were catching wind of this. They might tell on them.

 

[Titus Phane]

He gave a slight bow, "As you wish, Mistress. I will inform the Lord and Lady that you will be attending the table with them this evening. Are you finished with your tea, Mistress?"

Now that he had touched her... kissed her... He felt slight awkward acting formal around her, but he shrugged it off. It had to appear that nothing had happened in this room but a bit of counseling. He cleaned off the slight hint of her lipstick from his lips with his handkerchief and proceeded to busy himself about the room to make sure non of his duties were overlooked.

Was this Gods answer to his prayer? or was this a mere happenstance that the mistress he so loves actually loves him back? He prayed that he could keep his strength when around her... Was this God telling him that he didn't have to? in some ways that thought made sense, since believers were expected to rely on His strength and not their own. Allowing the strength of God to be shown through their own weakness. Was God telling him that his strength wasn't enough, and that he should simply trust in Him?

He couldn't answer that question on his own. Perhaps tonight after he takes Myrcella her evening tea he could go out into the woods again to pray. The woods were his favorite place to pray. He felt closer to home with trees surrounding him on all sides and animals shuffling through the underbrush. And especially on a clear night where he could see the stars is when he felt especially close to God.

He glanced at his mistress while he worked. She made him feel close to God as well. He didn't know if she actually knew of his God or his beliefs, even though he would mention it from time to time. He wondered what she would think...

 

[Myrcella Bochanan]

"Yes, I'm finished, thank you." She handed Titus her saucer and cup. Still she blushed slightly as she watched him work, most especially whenever he caught her gaze.

"My blisters on my feet will need to be rewrapped tonight as well. And then maybe tomorrow I can teach you a little on painting." If anything it'd give them an excuse to be near eachother more. Perhaps she could sell her paintings for money if need be. But that was only if things didn't go their way.

Myrcella took hold of her brush, dipped it in the paint and began applying it to the canvas using light strokes. "What are your favourite colours? Favourite flowers?" There was so little that she knew about him. Yet she could also be impeding him from his work.

 

[Titus Phane]

"As you wish, Mistress. I will be sure to bring fresh bandages after dinner."
He worked while she asked him questions that she never bothered to ask him before and that made him happy.

"My favorite color is red. But my favorite flower is the bluebell."
He especially liked the bluebells back home. Most bluebells are edible, but based on location not all of them are desirable. The bluebells back home were always sweet when one bit into the base of the flower and tasted like a berry picked right after a good rain with the droplets still clinging to them.

He finished his work and picked up her tea cup and saucer, "One of the maids will ring you when dinner is ready."
He turned to go and stopped at the door to bow before taking the dishes back to the kitchen and get things prepared for dinner. There were thankfully no maids hiding outside the door, but that only meant they may not have lingered after the 'Good part' was over.

 

[Myrcella Bochanan]

Myrcella took note of his answers. Already a project was forming in her mind. One especially for him. Had he ever gotten a present before? She wasn't certain. But she knew for a fact that he hadn't received one from HER before. That'll soon change.

She continued working on her painting, losing track of time. It was difficult for her to focus sometimes, as her mind kept returning to the kiss and the confessions that the two of them had made to eachother. Myrcella couldn't help but feel a little enjoyment out of hiding her sudden courtship. It was a daring secret to have. Hopefully none of the staff spills the beans early to her family.

Later that evening she shared her dinner with her family, doing her best to hide the trauma that she had. Yet still she denied her mother the offer to go out shopping. It was too soon for Myrcella to feel comfortable enough to be out of the house.

She wandered the halls, glancing to some of the staff as they passed by, trying to see if there was any hint of knowledge of her secrets in their eyes, yet she couldn't find any. Thankfully.

Myrcella then went to her room, had a fire made in the fireplace and then took to reading one of her books. Titus Phane was going to come by. She just had to be patient.

 

[Titus Phane]

He waited on the family during dinner like always. But it was especially difficult to keep his eyes off of his mistress this time. He stole glances at her almost constantly and nearly missed her brothers glass when he was pouring the wine.

But soon dinner was over and everyone went there own way or went about their duties. Titus got some fresh bandages and salve and brought them along with the tea set. He knocked lightly on her door.