Private Tales Lead Me From My Solitude

[Ysobel]

​

Six months. It had already been six months since the graduation of those one year ahead. Six months of nearly ceaseless rainstorms plaguing The Academy. It was a miracle the place hadn’t flooded over entirely (a miracle likely owed to Houri breaking up the cloudy skies before the erratic girl would have another breakdown) in such a short span of time.

They told her to ‘get over it’.

Get over what?

Told her ‘death is part of this path of life’.

She didn’t even know if he was dead or if he had made the choice to exile like a pathetic coward.

‘Time will heal all wounds.’​

It was bullshit. This was no wound that would heal with time. The loss of him was simply a part of who she was now. She couldn’t accept that he was gone after the impact he’d left. No. But she could accept that things were different. Though she didn’t quite understand why, but she had been changed and was no longer the same girl she was only a year ago.

Gone was the confident blonde girl, replaced by a gloomy shell that matched the atmosphere around her that could only respond with a sheepish “I don’t know” when spoken to. Once at the top of her class, she’d now fallen behind in almost every class. The girl who once cried over missing her exams now couldn’t be bothered to care. She would simply exist as the being she was molded into after a decade of training.

As of late, she had stopped showing up to anything all together and it was only thanks to a threat from a proctor that Ysobel had even left her bed and forced herself out to the courtyard where she now sat under the overcast skies, a blank diary entry open in her lap and a pen in her hand.

Larkin

 

[Larkin]

Gloomy. Wet. Depressing.

Larkin gave a soft sigh as he glanced out his window, only to see that the sun still had yet to make an appearance. He scanned the parchment on his desk, another sigh escaping him. All he could seem to write was depressing, and depressing typically didn't go over well while performing for others.

He pushed his chair out, and stepped up to the window as rain spattered the glass. He narrowed his eyes, there was a figure out there and it piqued his interest. He could see blonde hair, and he had an idea on who might be hiding out there in this weather.

He spun on his heel, and made for the door. No one should be out alone in this gloom. Bad decisions came from that. It didn't take long for him to make his way to where he had seen her, and he slowed as he approached.

"Ysobel, you're too pretty to look so sad. Is everything alright?" To be honest, he hadn't really seen her much if at all. She looked despondent, and it made him worry. It wasn't so long ago that she had reached for him at the gathering with such confidence. What could have happened to upset her so?

Ysobel

 

[Ysobel]

…but Proctor Evangeline nearly broke my door down this morning. She told me if I didn’t leave my bed, she would force me to do drills. To be honest, I would have rather done that than anything else. At least I would be able to feel the pain of my lungs burning as I gasp for air and die on the field. Note to self: go to the infirmary about that.

Anyway, as of today everything is still the same. I still feel-

Ysobel….is everything alright?

“Hm?” A familiar voice pulled her attention from the pages and she looked up. Larkin. That was a face she was surprised to see. A face she had seen maybe once or twice in passing since their dinner party. A pretty face with two different colored eyes that he used to wink at girls like Zinnia with. What business did he have in the courtyard on such a rainy day? Certainly he’d make much better use of his time checking out their classmates or whatever it was he did.

For a moment she stared blankly at his face, unresponsive to his question. Truly she wasn’t sure what her answer was anyway.

“I’m not sad.” Her words did not match the expression, nor the somber skies above but she wasn’t lying. She wasn’t sad. She wasn’t happy. She wasn’t anything. She just felt numb which was the most frustrating thing. She had no reason to feel such nothingness. If he was still alive, he’d probably forgotten all about her by now anyway.

A drop of rain mixed in with the ink on her page, blurring the words. “You should go inside. The weather’s shit.” She looked back down at the diary and swiped the water droplets away, hoping he'd take the hint and leave her alone to wallow in whatever feelings she had for a bit longer.

Larkin

 

[Larkin]

Ysobel was absolutely not receptive of his company, but regardless he wasn't going to give up. He held her gaze as she stared blankly at him for several beats. Finally she answered, though her expression and the sky above seemed to disagree with her words.

He hummed softly in response and sat himself beside her instead. "I miss the fiery girl I knew a few weeks ago. Where did she go?" He looked over at her, concern etched in his eyes. "Rain would not keep me from helping a friend, when it's obvious something is not quite okay. If you don't want me to talk, I'm content sitting here and keeping you company."

Larkin tilted his head to the sky, watching the grey clouds chase each other. It was only a matter of time before the rain started to fall again, but it was only water. There were worse things in the world.

Ysobel

 

[Ysobel]

She shut her eyes briefly as though he would simply disappear if he was gone from her vision, but much to her dismay he’d decided to join her. She shut the book to prevent his prying eyes from viewing the smudged pages. If he’d seen the things she’d written she was sure he’d set her deepest thoughts to some jaunty tune and sing it to their classmates.

She raised a brow as he continued to speak. Obviously this boy had some issues reading the room if he thought she wanted company. No. She’d chosen the outdoors because no one else was there. “I’m sure if you thought I was fiery it was only due to whatever Zaire spiked our food with.” She almost felt herself let out a laugh at the memory but her body stopped her.

“I suppose…” She paused, watching him as he stared at the sky. “Something is not quite okay.” Another pause. It was embarrassing to admit she had spiraled because she lost a friend. “I’m just in a rut.”

A six month long rut because the boy you were head over heels for disappeared.

She continued, steering away from what was her main source of dreariness. “I stopped taking the pills that they were giving me to keep me from…I dunno…hurting my classmates? They just made me feel like I was going to explode all the time. On one hand, it's nice. I don’t feel it anymore, but I guess I really don’t feel anything.”

Larkin

 

[Larkin]

Flaxen hair in macaroni, the ghost of her fingers on his jaw..He looked back at her as she spoke a small smile on his lips. "I have always enjoyed your presence, drugged or not." The amusement at the thought of the gathering died almost as soon as it started. Ysobel really wasn't doing well.

Even if she thought she didn't want company, the fact that she started to open up quelled the notion. He was almost certain there was more time the story, but she'd share when she was ready.

He frowned as she relayed the information about her medication. He wasn't aware she taking such things. "It can be hard on the mind and body when it's used to something like that. Ysobel, it's been a long time since I've seen the sun in your eyes, is there anything I can do to help with the numb you're feeling? Is there anything else you're holding onto?"

Ysobel

 

[Ysobel]

The edges of her mouth curled up into a poor excuse of a smile. To his knowledge, he had never actually witnessed her not on drugs. It was good to know she was preferred as the version drugged by the academy and not Zaire. She would keep that in mind for future interactions, or lack thereof, with her classmates.

It was like she was regressing to the former version of herself. The volatile child that people steered clear of- even if it was her choosing to steer clear of others this time. She preemptively assumed it was obvious to those around her that she was at fault for the melancholy atmosphere and determined that it wasn’t worth the effort to explain herself.

“Indeed it can.” She agreed with Larkin. “I really thought it was what was holding me back. I know they did it to me because I was dangerous. Which one of us isn’t though? I can’t think of a single person here that would benefit from suppressing what they are.” She shrugged. “I thought refining what I had would have made me an asset, but I guess they know more than I do.”

She thought about his questions before answering with another sheepish, “I don’t know.” Was there anything that could be done? She was not entirely closed off to suggestions. Perhaps he knew something that would make her feel something. Anything. Maybe he could toss her in a fire or stab her with a pitchfork or hold her head underwater until she died. Surely that would elicit some response other than the painful indifference she felt towards existing.

Larkin

 

[Larkin]

The frown that creased his lips was not often found on the man next to her. He could taste the bitterness that dripped like venom from her lips. Still, Larkin would not give up on her, not now and not ever. It had become clear from the last class that intiates needed to stick together.

He listened to her speak, his full attention on her. He studied her carefully, and nodded with agreement. Though at her remark about her being an asset made him pause. "You are more valuable than you give yourself credit for Ysobel. You know you best."

With a soft sigh, he leaned over and wrapped an arm around her. He started to hum softly, the it was if even the rain froze in place to listen.

"Fair maiden, fair maiden why do you weep
The skies they cry with you, rest your weary head with me
Tis not but rain, let the sun shine through
Your spirit is strong, no storm can break you
You laughter is like the wild breeze
No matter what comes, your never alone
Fair maiden of the storms

It was haunting to the ear, and it would linger before the rain seemed to remember to fall. He released his embrace and looked down at her. "I'm always here to lean on, no matter what."

Ysobel

 

[Ysobel]

She continued to avoid eye contact, fearing he too would only look at her with the same pitiful expression as everyone else had. Unlike the others, though, he didn't immediately flee after. Ysobel would have preferred if he didn't stray from the norm, but it appeared that Larkin was surprisingly bad at picking up social cues.

"Do I know best?" She dug her fingers into the grass below her, pulling out a soggy clump of it just as he had wrapped his own arm around her. She flinched at his touch, unsure of what he was planning. Was he being nice as some sort of joke? Were their other students watching them? Laughing at the girl who couldn't control her own emotions, let alone her powers.

She was preparing to give him a shock (nothing too painful, just a little zap), when he started to hum. Unexpected. Pleasant? The world seemed to slow as she was embraced in the soothing melody and for a few moments he had calmed the storm. The rain ceased, the thunder was silenced as though they too were listening to the beautiful words pouring from his mouth.

No matter what comes, you're never alone fair maiden of the storms.

It was over just as soon as it had began, much to Ysobel's disappointment. "Thank you." She felt him release the embrace, but remained where she was when he had pulled her close. She wasn't ready to leave the calm and return to chaos yet. She lifted one arm and wrapped it around his waist, burying her face in his chest. If he was listening he might hear the muffled sniffles as she cried.

Larkin

 

[Larkin]

He had felt her tense, and then relax as he held her. Ysobel needed someone to care, and he really did. He wasn't afraid of much, not even the wrath of the little blonde he held.

They were lost in his song, just for a moment, he could feel her calm just a little. He was happy he could make at least a small bit of difference. When he pulled away, that's when she surprised him. She burrowed against him, and he smiled sadly as he looked down at her.

Larkin wrapped his arm around he again, his other hand gently stroking her hair. He could feel the trembling of her shoulders as she cried, and he held her more tightly. "I know it doesn't feel okay right now, and I know you're hurting. I promise this feeling will go away someday, but no matter what, I'll ride this storm with you. Whenever you need me, I'm here."

Ysobel

 

[Ysobel]

"Larkin..." Ysobel kept her head low, so he wouldn't see her face as she wiped her eyes. "Why are you here? Genuinely, I don't understand why you'd follow me out here." As she wiped away the last tear, she pushed him away from her and forced her diary into the small bag she carried. She stood from the wet grass, wiping her muddy hands onto her equally muddy pants.

"I don't think Zinnia would be too fond of you wrapping your arms around me. Upsetting your girlfriend is not something I wish to do." She had no clue if her accusations of their relationship were true. The rumors of Larkin and Zinnia seemed to spread quickly after the dinner celebrations and thought it made Ysobel feel weird, she had just kind of accepted it. As she had written in her last diary, she was happy for him. He deserved to be happy. He was a good person. But on the other hand, thinking about the two of them made her feel a bit sad. Especially after she got to know him better when they left the party early.

She knew love wasn't a priority, but she longed for it and watching others obtain what she desired had left her bitter for reasons she did not understand. She began walking back towards the building but stopped to turn towards him. "You'll get a cold if you stay out here." She was not looking out for him. The temperature had begun to drop as soon as she mentioned his relationship and the rain would likely turn to snow if she didn't find something to distract herself with quickly.

Larkin

 

[Larkin]

Larkin could do nothing but look puzzled as Ysobel pushed him away and stood. She was suddenly frigid, and he had no clue what he had done. He scrambled up to follow her, his own clothes soiled with mud. "I came out here to see if I could help.." He trailed off, still confused.


Suddenly it became clear why exactly she was upset. What was this nonsense about him and Zinnia? She was much to shy for what Ysobel was proposing, besides he wouldn't be trying so hard to be around the blonde if that were the case. "Zinnia isn't my girlfriend Ysobel." He looked at her solemnly. "She is a friend, certainly, but I assure you there is nothing romantic between us."

He sighed and brushed a lock of hair from his golden eye. She was trying hard to push him away, but he wasn't having it. He moved to follow her, his eyes pleading for another minute as she turned to him again. "Ysobel, stop. Listen to me for a moment, will you?"

Ysobel

 

[Ysobel]

The glare Larkin received as he tried to defend himself and Zinnia was almost worse than the shock he would have received had he made any attempt to close the distance between the pair. She was fuming. She was confused. The stupid look he had on his stupidly perfect face only made her feel worse.

Batting his lashes...his...pretty, long lashes at every girl in their class while calling her beautiful was one thing, but lying to her about his girlfriend was just wrong. So what if he had never confirmed their status. As far as she was concerned, all rumors had some truth behind them and Niamh confirmed its validity months ago. Unlike some other initiates (Larkin), she actually trusted her.

"You have exactly one moment to explain yourself, Larkin."

Larkin

 

[Larkin]

Larkin was still taken aback by the sudden change from Ysobel. If looks could kill, he'd definitely be dead. He had no idea where she had heard her information, but it was absolutely untrue. Certainly he had gone on missions with Zinnia, but they never even interacted outside of that. Zinnia was much too shy, and he always tried to be respectful of that.

At least she paused to let him speak, that was something anyways. Still, her wrath made him sad. He only wanted to be close to her. "I've only ever done missions with Zinnia, though I try my best to be kind to everyone. The person I'm trying to get close to, the person I'm interested in, is standing right in front of me. I care about you, and I definitely don't have a girlfriend." He had a pained look etched upon his face, he didn’t know how to get her to believe him. "What can I do to prove it to you?"

Ysobel

 

[Ysobel]

The person I'm trying to get close to, the person I'm interested in, is standing right in front of me.

Ysobel crossed her arms tightly over her chest, her face turning red from anger. "Why do you insist on lying to my face, Larkin?" She spat the question at him, still scowling. "I've seen the way she looks at you. And the way you look at her." She could have mentioned that he looked at most of their other female classmates the same way, but held her tongue. "Going on a mission doesn't negate the fact that you were flirting with her."

Her tone softened slightly as she watched his features fall, but still she could not hide how irate she was. "Look, Larkin, if you are with Zinnia that's fine. But please, please, don't lie to me. It is cruel to lead someone on and toss them aside for someone else."

She dropped her guard and approached Larkin, one hand out in front of her. "You can prove it with your card." She wiggled her hand, waiting for him to hand it to her. "Your virginity card. If you can prove to me that you have not had sex with Zinnia, perhaps I will believe you."

Larkin

 

[Larkin]

Larkin took one look at her face and took a defensive step back. It seemed he only made the situation worse. The way she looked at him? Zinnia could have never brought herself to that, and sure he thought her shyness cute, but there was nothing beyond that.

"I mean, I've given her compliments sure..but I give everyone compliments..." Ysobel cut him off again with her fury. "I'm not lying, I'm not trying to lead anyone on.." Still, she wasn't yet done. What she said had him at a loss for words, and that had never happened to him once in his entire life.

He gave her what could only be described as as a blank stare as she held out her hand expectantly. "My wha-..." He blinked slowly, making sure he had heard her right. "Ysobel, that's not an actual thing. People don't have actual cards for that. I can promise I haven't slept with anyone, but I don't have physical proof."

Ysobel

 

[Ysobel]

"What?" She scoffed at him. "Of course its a real thing. People are always talking about them. You are supposed to get one." And after you have sex, your partner is supposed to hide it so you think you've lost it. She fished around in her pocket before presenting a small white card to him that stated her name and a few other details but was mostly adorned with painted on lightning bolts, various glittery flowers, and swirls. "I know for a fact that Lumen has got one too. We painted them together."

Her sudden laughter broke through and she shoved the card back into her pocket as she watched the look on his face. She had not forgiven him and did not trust his words, but she did find it amusing that he thought the cards were some sort of euphemism and not an actual physical card that they kept on their person. Perhaps if he really weren't dating Zinnia, she'd think his reaction was cute.

"Come." She motioned him to follow her into the building. "We should really dry off." She began to lead them in the direction of her room before stopping suddenly.

The wall....How the hell could she explain that to Larkin?

"Wait! I just forgot that..." She eyed a sconce on the wall with a lit candle. "There was a fire!"

A fire...really?

"Yeah a fire. I knocked over a lantern while studying. It's still a bit ashy in there. Mind if I borrow something of yours to wear for a bit?"

Smooth.

Larkin

 

[Larkin]

Larkin was still absolutely stunned, and continued to be so for the duration of the conversation. He didn't even know what to say as she proffered her own card. While it was adorable, it was absolutely wrong. Still, continuing to correct Ysobel would be redundant and pointless. So, let her think they are a real thing for now, at least until she trusted him more. At least she was laughing, even if she thought he was an idiot, and a liar. Still, the lying part stung, he would never.

It seemed the storm had lifted for now, and she offered to walk inside with him. It was a relief, the wrath he had seen in her eyes had hurt immensely. "I think a change of clothes is definitely in order, though I'd sit in the mud with you any day." He glanced at her as the walked back to the academy, if only she knew how fascinating she was to him.

She earned another bemused look as she spoke of a fire in her room, he raised a brow at her wanting to question it more. He bit his tongue and merely nodded. "You're more than welcome to loan something from me, though it might be a little big on you." He motioned for Ysobel to follow him, and he began the upward trudge to his dorm.

Upon arrival, he opened the heavy door with a flourish. His room would be littered with papers and inkwells, finished songs and unfinished on each page. "I'm sorry for the mess, I don't get many visitors" He motioned for her to find a place to sit and began digging through his drawers to find them each something to wear.

Ysobel

 

[Ysobel]

“I’m sure it will be fine.” Ysobel shrugged, following closely behind him. She failed to consider that he was well over a foot taller than her and while she was built like a gymnast, he was built like a dancer. Lithe, slender, and inhumanly gorgeous. If she hadn’t seen his ears before, she might have accused him of being an elf.

She hated to- and would not- admit that his presence had been a good distraction for her, even if he was a liar and even if she was being unnecessarily harsh. Perhaps it was her pride that got in the way. She despised crediting others especially when she was in a mood. It was almost second nature to twist the scenario in her favor so she could ride out whatever emotional meltdown she was having at that moment. And the moments seemed to occur more frequently since discontinuing those funny little pills they gave her.

Maybe Larkin knew it was smart to just go along with her or maybe he was just a genuinely nice person. She was unsure but it brought back a thought she had when speaking with Gaage. They were too soft. All of them.

She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she hadn’t realized she was in his room until he was apologizing to her about something. She followed his hand and took a seat on the edge of his bed, hunching over with her chin in her hands as she watched him fumble around. “Larkin...Do you ever worry about the changes they made…the ones for our class? Do you feel like we are being set up for failure?”

Larkin

 

[Larkin]

Larkin paused amidst his hasty cleanup, his back to the tiny blonde. His shoulders became rigid as he straightened. He slowly eased his tension as he turned to look at Ysobel. He showed no sign of the tension that had held just moments before.

His eyes crinkled as he smiled at her, he couldn't lie, he had his concerns for the future of his class. He thought about it often, but how could he reassure her without lying?

"I worry about a lot. I worry for the future of us all. I believe they think they're doing what's best and everything will get sorted out as we go." Was it a real answer? Not really. He hoped it would be enough to satisfy her for now. He couldn't stand to see her worried.

He reached into his dresser and found a soft satin blue robe, and placed it gently in her hands. His eyes met hers and he smiled once more. "You really are beautiful, I hope you know that. Anyone should be honored and proud to have you as their own. I would be."

 

[Ysobel]

She hadn’t noticed the tension he momentarily held onto. She never was the most observant with other people’s feelings. Instead, she was more preoccupied with all the clutter surrounding the pair. She’d always imagined him as such a neat freak, so it was a bit of a shock to get a little glimpse inside his mind.

She opened her diary back up to add a quick update, so she wouldn’t forget to elaborate later.

Ysobel only looked back towards him as he began speaking again. “I don’t think doing what’s best is slaughtering their own and letting half of the remaining run free. Do you?” Her tone did little to hide that she thought he was wrong, her expression made her feelings even more clear.

She straightened up to accept the robe, curiously glancing up at Larkin. It seemed too soft and too luxurious for an initiate to own something like this (unless they were part of those noble houses like the Urahoes), but she wouldn’t bite the hands that were feeding her.

You really are beautiful, I hope you know that. Anyone should be honored and proud to have you as their own. I would be.

Her skin flushed a light pink as she stood up and turned around. “Look away, okay?” She sounded a little nervous, which was fucking weird. It wasn’t like she was insecure about her body or anything. Right? Maybe. She didn’t know, actually. She just knew she didn’t want to see his face as she slipped out of her clothes and into the soft robes he’d lent her.
Larkin

 

[Larkin]

Larkin flinched slightly at her bitter words, in trying to be neutral, it appeared he had made things worse. He really was screwing this all up, wasn't he? What was he thinking anyways, there was no chance in hell she'd ever be into the likes of him, not when there were plenty other initiates to choose from. He continued to internally berate himself as she took the offered robe.

"The academy has ever been a place of torture and bloodshed, we are merely pawns and always will be. Perhaps one day the cycle will be broken. For now, I just want to live, and to see my friends live. If I have to play the game, so be it." He would lay his life on the line for anyone in his class, at least until he could be part of the change, there was hope for that still.

Larkin smiled as her skin flushed at his compliment, though he made no remark. He turned from her, though the temptation to study her naked flesh was rampant. "I will only look when you tell me it's okay. As difficult as it may be." He laughed softly and dug out another robe, a muted green that was a bit more worn than the one he had offered her. He too needed to escape the wet confines of his current attire.

Ysobel