Private Tales For The First Time In Forever

[Mab]

Today was a very special day in the Scarlet Hall. The house had been prepared for their special guest in the most mundane ways, but everyone was buzzing with excitement. Flowers had been brought from greenhouses in the Ixchel Wilds. Incense had been burned and the sliding walls opened to air out the family wing. Mab’s normally dark, simple decor had been replaced with plush pillows and cushions in pastels and creams. There was fur and linen and silk, things stuffed with feathers and wool and even a grass from the steppes that smelled faintly of lemon cookies.

The household staff was flitting to and fro making preparations, whispering and giggling and generally gossiping about today’s arrival as they made sure everything was perfect. Today's visitor had been gone for a bery long time and for a very good reason, and Mab had said it must be comfortable and light -- not one thing could be dour or amiss.

Because today, Ceilidh was coming back. After a thousand years of mourning in seclusion, the Queen’s very best friend was returning.

Mab was no less excited. She had opted for something more modern and casual, a woolen dress that hugged her arms and hips but was flexible enough to twist and stretch. It was a soft, lush sage green, and she had sprigs of lavender in her long, dark braid. Ruosin was also dressed comfortably for a day of playing, lounging, and lots of hugging. Her black hair had been tied up in twin buns and adorned with a pretty spray of forget-me-nots and asters that made her eyes only more green. She wore trousers and slippers, and had chosen her favorite blouse: the one with koi fish swimming lazily around the hem and cuffs.

Fang Xei had also come, though he looked nervous. They had, after all, been very close friends and he had every right to be here when Mab introduced their daughter. But he kept fussing over Ruosin's hair and asking Mab if she thought Cee was going to like his haircut. It was a daring departure from the long, luscious curls Cee had often fawned over. Was Mab sure it looked okay? Was she sure Cee wasn’t going to be mad at him for that poem that he had said wasn’t written about anyone in particular but was definitely about her??

Mab was, for once, beyond annoyances and inconveniences. She awaited her friend’s arrival with the same girlish excitement as her daughter.

When at last a bell announced a visitor, none of the trio waited. Mab held Ruosin’s hand and the pair ran giggling down the hall from their sitting room to the front of the Scarlet Hall.

And the moment she saw her again…

“Cee!” Mab called her name and waved, drawing Ceilidh’s attention from a servant.

She hadn’t known she’d been suffocating until she took that breath of air, cool and fresh. Her eyes shimmered with tears and she paused for a moment to stare in wondering disbelief. Had she gotten more beautiful while they were apart? Was it possible to feel so much happiness and sorrow just from looking at someone?

Mab released Ruosin’s hand and rushed up to her friend, throwing her arms around her and hugging her tight. In the doorway, Fang Xei caught up with them and knelt down beside Ruosin, who was frozen in place and staring, her little hands clutched to her chest.

Mab didn’t let go, didn’t bother hiding the tears of joy that stung in her eyes.

“Gods above, Cee. I’ve missed you so much. I’m so happy to see you.”

---

The Scarlet Hall, Underhill
• Ceilidh Trahan •​

 

[Ceilidh Trahan]

Ceilidh had sent a letter to Queen Mab as soon as she had decided it was time to rejoin society. There was no one in the world that she wanted to know before her best friend. Most people would be afraid that their best friend had moved on during a long absence, but Ceilidh was not most people. No, she knew that Mab was still her best friend because of the ridiculous number of gifts that the Queen had sent her. There had been one thousand anniversary gifts, one thousand birthday gifts, and varying amounts of gifts for other special dates that Mab had decided to celebrate.

It had taken a little bit for the visit to actually happen and today was the day. She studied her reflection in the floor length mirror and fought the urge to change once again. She had painted a beautiful portrait of her best friend the previous day so the bout of self-loathing that came with her gift was hitting hard. The portrait was perfect though and that is what mattered.

Her long, white hair was twisted back from her face with the part that was twisted laying on top of the rest of the loose locks. Her pale blue eyes were accentuated by the darker blue dress she had donned. This may have been a social call, but Ceilidh could not bring herself to dress any less regal than she always had. Really, the blue dress held a simple beauty. The bottom was flowy and it cinched in at her waist. The top of the dress had two thin straps that held the off the shoulder sleeves.

She grabbed the portrait and left her manor.

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Ceilidh closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she rang the bell to announce her arrival. She was pulling off her dark blue cloak and handing it to the servant when she heard her nickname. She had time to hand the portrait to the servant before she was bombarded with a hug. Ceilidh stiffened for only a moment before relaxing and wrapping her arms around her best friend and Queen.

The hug continued for quite a while and the tears freely fell from her checks, no doubt leaving a salty wet trail on the front of Mab’s dress. “I missed you too, Mab. I missed you so much.” She clung to her best friend for only a moment longer before stepping back. Her hands held Mabs as she looked her best friend up and down. “You look radiant, Mab,” her voice held a happiness that she had not heard in a long time.

Ceilidh dropped her hands and wiped her eyes. She still had not noticed Fang Xei or the child in the overwhelming emotion surrounding the greeting. She turned back to the servant and took her portrait. The white haired duanann turned the frame and showed the painting to Mab. A stark contract from herself, the portrait was a perfect rendering of the black-haired beauty before her. “I painted this for you…” she trailed off, hoping that Mab liked it.

Mab

 

[Mab]

She hugged her tighter, as if she might slip away at any moment. Mab managed only a few sniffles where Ceilidh soaked her dress. A small price to pay, really. The moment required few words, which was good because at that moment all she could think of was I missed you and I’m so happy you’re back and you’re so pretty.

As the pair finally stepped apart, she held her at arm’s length and made a better inspection of her own. Mab smiled and laughed.

“And you’re even prettier than I remember.” Fuck, Mab. Good one. Rallying some of a brain, she wiped away a stray tear and fussily adjusted a lock of hair on Ceilidh’s shoulder. She seemed happy -- a changed woman from the one who had solemnly departed from Court years ago. “It’s so good that you’re here.”

Allowing her to step away, Mab was straightening herself when her friend turned around with a framed canvas. She smiled and perked up before she even saw it.

“You’ve been painting! What…” She fell silent and her smile paled into a slack-jawed look of shock.

It was herself. Mab had always marveled at Ceilidh’s works, and had been a constant stream of constructive criticism and compliments. And of course there had been portraits done of Mab in the past. Too many to count, really, sent from all corners of the Courts in homage and worship and mockery. She’d viewed even the most finely rendered portraits with an eye for criticism. Each of them failed to capture a sense of herself when she saw them.

This one did not fail. It was like looking in a mirror, except that mirror peeled away the layers of herself she put on for Court and society. Her friend had not rendered just her visage, but her spirit. It was emotionally overwhelming. It was an honor and a privilege that was so enexpected that she quite literally had no words.

It was her. Was this how Cee saw her?

Mab was speechless for several long moments before she remembered that Ceilidh was waiting on the other side of it. She needed to say something.

“Ceilidh, it’s… I don’t know what to say. It’s beautiful. But it’s more than that it’s…”

“Mama!”

Startled, Mab looked down. Ruosin was peering around from behind her skirts. Her eyes were wide with wonder. The small girl tugged on her mother’s dress. “It’s a painting of you, mama.”

“Yes, it is, darling.” Mab smiled and threw a glance at Fang Xei, who mouthed and apology and was looking even more anxious than before. Taking this as the best segue into this as she was getting, Mab guided Ruosin around to stand in front of her and draped her hands affectionately on the girls’ shoulders.

“I also made something while you were gone, Cee.” She looked like a kid who’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar -- and wasn’t sorry about it.

 

[Ceilidh Trahan]

Ceilidh got really quiet when Mab went silent and looked at the painting with a shocked look. She hated it, oh Gods Mab hated it. Cece rung her hands as the Winter Queen studied it. Perhaps she had grown rusty in the years that she had not touched the paint brush and now she had presented this awful thing to her best friend. Her mind raced through every possible negative outcome until Mab told her it was beautiful. Every piece of self-doubt flew from her head for a brief time.

Any thoughts of the painting fled her mind completely as she heard the tiniest voice say, “Mama!” She looked from Mab’s beautiful face to the direction that the voice had come from. There was a small child holding onto the Queens skirt. A small child who called her mama. Mama. “It’s a painting of you, mama.” Cece grasped for words that did not reach her lips. She watched in silence as Mab brought the girl in front of her and smiled sheepishly at Cece.

“I also made something while you were gone, Cee.”

Ceilidh was still silent as she looked at the girl then at Mab and then finally at Fang Xei, who she had finally noticed. “What the f…” She trailed off looking at the child again. “Mab, that is a child. Why did you make a child? Does Ase know you made a child? Is she Ase’s?” The last question was asked at a much lower volume than the first two. The questions just flooded out before she could even stop herself.

She was not sure what to do with the little girl, who was adorable and looked just like her mother. Cece had been around exactly zero children in her long life except for in passing. Ceilidh bent down so she was closer to eye level with the little girl, her hands resting just above her knees. “Hi there, what is your name?”

 

[Mab]

The confusion on Ceilidh’s face inspired feelings of guilt and amusement. Guilt because her very best friend looked so damned shocked. Amusement also because she looked so damned shocked. A lot changed in a thousand years.

"Hi!" Ruosin smiled and waved when Cee spoke about her. Mab laughed, patting her head and shushing her. All of the amusement drained from her face when she asked if Ase knew, and then if she was Asemir's.

"No!" "No, Lansin’Tel be praised!" Fang Xei echoed with marked exasperation behind her. Mab tossed him an icy glare and he frowned. "What?"

"She met Lord Kor Aren just last week," Mab clarified. This was going about as well as she expected. Her friend looked utterly bewildered. Children were not terribly common among duanann, and she was (somehow) the first of their friends to really have one. Odd, given they were all aging people of notoriety and respect. Or not odd at all when one really stopped to take into account who they were.

Ruosin was a vision of etiquette, smiling brightly and bowing as appropriate. Her twin buns bobbed about her head and her short black bangs swayed loosely, framing her rounded face.

"Ruosin Irai." Her voice was small and sweet. She had the same milky white complexion as Mab and her hair shone the same raven black, but her green eyes were wide and vibrant -- and strikingly similar to those of the man standing behind them.

"Are you my Aunty Cee?" she asked. With confirmation by glance to her mother, she held up her hands and scrunched up her face. She made a small squeaking sound before a puff of magick summoned a piece of fine parchment that had been rolled up and ties with a pale blue ribbon. Ruosin giggled.

"I made this for you! I'm very happy to meet you!"

While it was nothing compared to Ceilidh's work of art, the black ink portrait drawn by the small child's hand was clear for her age. Pictured was Mab and Ceilidh on either side of Ruosin, the trio holding hands. Above each was their "names": Mama, Ruosin, and Aunty Cee.

"I asked my mama what you looked like. I hope you like it!"

(art by my kiddo)​

 

[Ceilidh Trahan]

Lord Kor Aren, Ceilidh winced a little at the use of his formal title. He was here last week and he had not mentioned that he had seen Mab, but then there had not been much talking going on after a certain point. Interesting, she thought to herself and then it hit her like a ton of bricks. She looked at the child and then at Fang Xei, oh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. The revelation showed on Cece’s face as she looked between the three of them. Interesting, she thought again.

“Yes, I suppose I am your Aunty Cee,” she spoke as Ruosin summoned a piece of parchment. It was the most adorable thing that she had ever seen. Ceilidh took the soft parchment from the small hands of Ruosin. She smiled as she slipped the ribbon off the roll and opened it. It was perfect. Mab, Ruosin, and herself all smiling and holding hands. Cece felt sick all of a sudden, she was the worst best friend in the entire world.

“I love it, Ruosin, it is absolutely beautiful. You will have to come over to my studio and we can paint together.” She rolled the parchment back up and held it stiffly in her hands.

Ceilidh looked up at Mab and rose back to her full height. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “Mab, I hope we can talk and catch up?” By ourselves was what she did not include. “There are many years to catch up on and obviously a surprise that has a story behind it.” Cece remembered the day that Mab had declared her lineage would die with her. What had changed her mind and why hadn’t she had a child with Asemir? So many questions and Cece really needed to stop thinking about Ase.

 

[Mab]

Ruosin clasped her hands and bounced merrily from one foot to the other. She gave a single delighted giggle, looking between Ceilidh and Mab with the unrestrained joy of youth.

But Mab picked up on Ceilidh’s apprehension immediately. Years of friendship were not erased or forgotten because of a small sojourn away from her. She smiled and nodded.

“Ruosin, my little dove. Mama and Aunty Cee are going to have some time alone for a little while, and then we will come spend some time with you.” She petted the girl’s hair, and she nodded obediently. Mab smiled wider. “That’s my girl. Now go with your father. I’ll see you soon.”

Mab bent to give her brow a peck and Ruosin bounced over to take Fang Xei’s hand. He smiled sheepishly at Ceilidh.

“Good to have you back, Ceilidh,” he said with a small wave before turning to Ruosin. “Let’s hear how your lessons have been going. Mama told me you’ve been practicing.”

Ruosin tugged his arm and the pair went giggling toward Ruosin’s music room. Mab watched them go before turning back to Ceilidh. She glanced over at the servant who was standing nearby and nodded in dismissal. Picking up the painting with delicate hands, she smiled fondly at her friend and turned them toward the hallway.

“Don’t look so shocked,” she laughed. “I’ve changed my mind on things plenty of times.” She looked ahead of them, where two very silly duanann were turning to the left at the end of the hallway. “It’s not a very long story, but let’s go have a seat before I fill you in.”

The sitting room that had been prepared for today had a full wall open to one of Mab’s prettier gardens. The small courtyard was spelled to be kept warm, a balmy heat that made one’s hair stick to their face. Exotic birds and plants and fish from the southern reaches of the Ixchel Wilds thrived in the small paradise, and a pair of small spotted felines prowled and hunted. Mab reclined across a heap of cushions beside the low table, sprawling and unladylike and utterly at ease.

There was a rush of cool wind and a sylph appeared on the table, her wispy form swirling like smoke caught in a perpetual draft. Mab turned her mischievous grin toward the small fae.

“Chai with lavender. Tea, Cee? Or coffee?” she asked Cee as she made herself comfortable. “A stiff drink to brace you for this shocking tale of Queen Mab taking back some of her most scandalous words?” She laughed to herself.

 

[Ceilidh Trahan]

Ceilidh smiled and nodded her head in Fang Xei's direction before he disappeared down the hall with Ruosin. Cece threw a look at her best friend and chuckled, "that is a child, Mab, not a thing. You had...a...child..." She said the words slowly to emphasis that she most definitely thought her Queen had lost her mind. "With Fang Xei..." The last part was quieter, but still had the same tone as the first part.

As they entered the sitting room, Ceilidh smiled broadly. She had painted this garden and animals so many times. It was one of her favorites in the palace. Mab knew that she loved this garden and room which just made Cece squirm with the guilt that had been eating at her. She slowly leaned against the cushions and got comfortable. Memories of doing this very thing with Mab, Asemir, and Traynor came into her mind and she closed her eyes for a second. She did not want to think of those memories. She could not handle it right now.

"Chai with lavender is perfect, thank you," she told the sylph before turning to look at Mab again. She remembered when Mab had forced her to try the drink and she had thought it sounded distrusting. She was extremely wrong and now it was one of her favorite teas.

Cece chuckled at Mab, "scandalous indeed. I am on the edge of my cushions to hear this tale. I leave for a thousand years and you lose your mind!" The words sounded mean, but she had delivered them with a mostly joking tone.

 

[Mab]

They both settled in -- Mab a bit more so than Ceilidh, she noted, but she chalked it up to the topic of conversation and laughed at Cee’s chastisement.

“I also wonder if I wasn’t possessed by a fit of madness to proposition Fang Xei, of all the men in Underhill, so the accusation is not unwarranted.” Mab sighed. “I suppose it’s only fair to begin at the start. But I’ll thank you to hold your judgment until I’ve finished,” she laughed.

“You know how I was after Asemir left, of course. I was angry and very adamant that I’d never have a family, blah blah. And breakup resentment aside, I meant it. After what my family did to me, I was so set in the idea of punishing the memory of them by letting their beloved family name die.

“But after you lost Traynor and you were gone, it was so quiet here. I had our other friends and, of course, Fang Xei was always around, but it was… empty. I had a lot of time to contemplate many things. Specifically, there was something Ase said to me that I was never able to shake, and then Fang -- the little shit -- wrote a ballad about a queen who cut out her heart so she could never love again. And it was one of those moments of epiphany, where I realized they were right.”

There was a swirl of air and their tea appeared on the table. Mab didn’t reach for hers, merely continued speaking. She stared off into the garden as she collected her thoughts.

“I’d spent so long isolating myself and letting few people into my life. I’d let my hatred for my family taint everything, including my own self-worth. I’d convinced myself that it was my idea, but it was still their voices in my head, nagging at me and breaking me down. My whole life I’d been rebelling against them, trying to prove that I was worthy of my place in the House Irai.

“But you know what? I’m not the culmination of their legacy. I am the undoing of it.” Mab laughed. “It just hit me: an overwhelming feeling of acceptance that I wasn’t like them and never would be, and that made me better than them.” She smiled triumphantly. “If I wanted to really shove it to them, the best way to do it was to have a family -- to ensure that it was my legacy that carried House Irai forevermore. So I did.”

Mab drew a deep breath and sighed, and it was like letting go of those terrible things all over again. She was content as she laid back in her pile of cushions. Truly, wholly content.

“After that, I spent a few years mulling on the idea and getting comfortable with it. Choosing who I’d have a family with was not an easy process, as you might imagine. I’d more or less ruined my chances with the only man who’d ever wanted a family with me, and I knew that most of the Houses would try to trap me and any kid I had. And, of course, I needed someone who could be discreet and… amiable to my terms.

“Since Fang Xei and I went way back and since he’s from a noble House himself, I thought, Why not? He'll do fine. Though, it really was like fucking my brother the first few times. We almost gave up, it was so awkward, but we’d already done it and all the paperwork was there. And Fang, surprisingly, was very excited to be a father. He was so much more motivated than I was in the beginning. It’s genuinely the most responsible I’ve ever seen him.

“So we stuck with it, and when it finally took things became much more real. Fang has been an amazing father to Ruosin, and she is…” She shook her head. “Cee, she is like nothing I’ve ever had or done. It’s like I’d been living in a dark room and suddenly someone opened a window and I saw the light -- realized I’d been in the dark.” When she looked up, Mab quickly reached out to Ceilidh.

“No offense. I love you and you’ve given me so much happiness. Your friendship has been one of the best parts of my life. But I was so wrong. Very, very wrong. I enjoy being a mother. It has been so rewarding to have her -- to make right all of the bad that was done to me and make sure that ugly cycle never repeats itself.”

She squeezed Ceilidh’s hand. Mab smiled in a carefree, easy way she’d rarely done as she held her best friend’s gaze.

“Now you’re free to tell me I’ve gone mad,” she laughed.

 

[Ceilidh Trahan]

Ceilidh would listen to her friends’ story with all the judgement she could muster. She just would save any comments about said judgement until after Mab had finished speaking.

“You know how I was after Asemir left, of course. I was angry and very adamant that I’d never have a family, blah blah.” Understatement of the century.

“But after you lost Traynor and you were gone, it was so quiet here.” You could have come and visited me. Baen did.

“Then Fang -- the little shit -- wrote a ballad about a queen who cut out her heart so she could never love again.” An unintended snort slipped through Cece’s quiet composure. She did not mean to laugh, but it really was the perfect ballad for Queen Mab.

Cece picked up her tea and took a small sip, testing the heat. It was tolerable and she hoped the tea would help her hold in any accidental outbursts.

“My whole life I’d been rebelling against them, trying to prove that I was worthy of my place in the House Irai.” I have said it before and I will say it again…fuck your family, Mab. You have your real family.

“But you know what? I’m the culmination of their legacy. I am the undoing of it. It just hit me: an overwhelming feeling of acceptance that I wasn’t like them and never would be, and that made me better than them. If I wanted to really shove it to them, the best way to do it was to have a family -- to ensure that it was my legacy that carried House Irai forevermore. So I did.” About damn time you stopped letting them rule your life. Oh wait, we did not tell you this for many years or anything…noooooooo. Stubborn ass woman!

“Choosing who I’d have a family with was not an easy process, as you might imagine.” I cannot imagine an easier decision than Ase…

“I’d more or less ruined my chances with the only man who’d ever wanted a family with me” Just finish my thought for me, Mab. Accurate though. So very accurate.

“Though, it really was like fucking my brother the first few times.” The tea that Ceilidh had been in the middle of drinking went down wrong and she immediately started coughing and laughing at the same time. She motioned for Mab to continue as she tried to regain her composure.

“Cee, she is like nothing I’ve ever had or done. It’s like I’d been living in a dark room and suddenly someone opened a window and I saw the light -- realized I’d been in the dark.” Cece froze as Mab took her hand. She did not expect to feel emotions right now. Not about this. She knew the dark all too well – even before Traynor had died.

“No offense. I love you and you’ve given me so much happiness. Your friendship has been one of the best parts of my life. But I was so wrong. Very, very wrong. I enjoy being a mother. It has been so rewarding to have her -- to make right all of the bad that was done to me and make sure that ugly cycle never repeats itself.” Ceilidh looked down and set her tea back on the table. She sighed and looked at Mab who had finally given her permission to be a judgey bitch.

“You have not gone mad, Mab, I know the feelings all too well…the darkness…the unfulfillment…” She drifted off and squeezed Mab’s hand. She was about to admit something that she had never told anyone before. Traynor may have told Asemir, but she did not know for sure. “All I have ever wanted is to be a mother. Traynor and I tried for thousands of years with no success. I am very happy that you have Ru and that missing piece, Mab. It brings me joy to have a little niece and she will get all the gifts that you forbid from me.”

 

[Mab]

She could see Ceilidh silently remarking on everything she said. Still, she honored Mab's request to listen and save those remarks. That did not mean she didn't see them plain as day in her eyes, in the way her mouth twitched, in how still or restless she was. That little snort was enough to ease some of her tension.

It was all old news to Cee. She had been telling Mab this shit for years, but it had finally clicked when she'd gone. She was right, and Mab was more or less admitting that. Cee, more than anyone else, would know how hard it was for Mab to say that she was wrong.

And then she was done and Ceilidh was quiet. Mab felt as though her body was going to explode under the tension in that silence. She wanted to blurt out a say something or to shake her by the shoulders to make her say anything but just look down and sigh like that. She'd laid herself open for her just now. She was as vulnerable as ever in Ceilidh's hands.

Finally, words! And the sort of understanding Mab had not expected but hoped for. She was not catty or snide. She didn't make fun of her or brush her off. Instead, Cee responded with gentleness and… sympathy.

Mab was struck rather speechless. Her lips parted and she tried to say something, but she could barely breathe for shock. She hadn't known. Ceilidh Trahan had never told her they had tried and failed. Neither she nor her husband had been vocal about a desire to have a family.

At least not with Mab. She couldn't blame them for that.

"Cee, I had no idea." She released her friend's hands and squeezed her shoulders. "Oh, Cee. I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

It took a very strong woman to rejoice in another woman holding their dreams. Cee did just that. Her honesty rang true.

Mab pulled her close and hugged her fiercely. She held her tightly and buried her face in her best friend's shoulder and let the stupid, honest tears that were burning her eyes run free and dampen Cee's lovely shoulder.

"You are going to love her. You can visit her or steal her away any time you wish; I want you two to be close. I've already made you the godmother. No, you do not get a choice and no, she does not have a godfather to share her with. I kept back some keepsakes for the years you missed, but really, it was just a lot of shitting and crying."

Laughter bubbled put of her as she straightened and wiped away her tears. She couldn't give her the dream she'd yearned for and now could never have with Traynor, but she could share her own with her. Sisters of the spirit, everything Mab had was also hers.

 

[Ceilidh Trahan]

As Mab hugged Ceilidh, she softened and let her arms drape around her best friend. She let Mab cry on her shoulder for a few moments without saying a word. Shouldn't it be Ceilidh that was crying? Such a weird friendship they had.

It did not take long before Ceilidh joined in the crying. Mab had made her Ruosin's godmother and she had repaid her by fucking her ex. Mab was a much better friend than she would ever be and this was just further proof of that.

Mab straightened and Ceilidh picked up her tea again. She took a sip and then wiped her tears. No. No. No. You are not telling her, Ceilidh Trahan! Absolutely not. No! No! No!

"I had sex with Asemir!"

The words came out. Ceilidh was shaking now and set the cup back down on the table before she dropped it. She was full on crying now and instead of stopping...she kept talking.

"It was the night of the Wild Hunt...I...it was my first day out...we drank too much...gods...Mab..."

The words were coming out between the breaths she was tying to take. She was the worst friend in the world.

 

[Mab]

There was a certain appeal to crying with your best friend. It was cathartic and bonding, how she imagined siblings could be if one's family was not insanely toxic. Or perhaps this was better, something that transcended even family bonds? No matter. She held her friend fiercely as they cried together. She wished she had told her sooner, but she knew now. She could comfort her now that she understood. If she didn't have Traynor to lean on, she could lean on Mab. They could lean on each other.

Ceilidh spoke suddenly but what she said confused her.

"What?" Mab frowned and stared at her. What had she said?!

Her brows shot to her hairline and she stared as Ceilidh's confession came tumbling out. Mouth agape, eyes wide, and heart racing, she couldn't do anything but stare for the longest time as her friend sobbed.

"It's okay," she said numbly. Mab reached out to pat her shoulders and roused some warmth back into her voice. "Hey, don't cry. It's okay. It's not like we are dating anymore. And besides, you've technically had sex with him before. No need to make a fuss about it, Cee."

 

[Ceilidh Trahan]

Ceilidh did let out a small teary snort of laughter when Mab pointed out that they had technically had sex before. It was true but it was different when it was the four of them together. Completely different. That had been two couples who were all best friends having a good time. This had been something more...intimate. The assurance that she not make a fuss about it did not help stop the tears that were still flowing freely.

"I am the worst friend, Mab, the absolute worst! You still love him and he still loves you and I..." she buried her face in her hands.

"I seduced him, Mab. Do not be mad at him if you are even thinking about it. I knew what I was doing. I knew it was wrong." Ceilidh felt like she was going to throw up.

Everything was made worse because she did not regret the night at all. She was worried about Mab and her anger but fucckkk, she now understood why the Queen was still hung up on him after all these years.

 

[Mab]

She was reeling. The longer that information sat, the more her mind gathered itself, and the more it gathered itself the more emotions she finally began to process.

And it was not Ceilidh that she was angry with.

"No, Cee! You're not!" Her words fell over the rip of other words, but Mab sat back again in shock as Cee kept going. "L-love is a very strong word," she tried to argue. For once, Mab was being rolled over by someone else.

She could do nothing but sit back and listen as she confessed, like one of those human priests hearing the sins of the faithful. Mab's brows were plastered to her hairline and she could not seem to close her slack jaw.

"It's fine. Really, Cee. I'm not mad at you and it wasn't… wrong." She took a deep breath and ran her hands over her face before taking Cee's face on her hands to make her look at her. Sort of. There were a lot of snot and tears happening.

"Asemir is not mine and is free to do as he pleases -- including sleeping with my best friend if that is his prerogative. The same goes for you. Seduce whoever you want, sleep with all my exes. It's fine."

It was not fine! That son of a bitch had come to her with an offering of peace and made her feel guilty, reminded her that she was in no way over him and made her feel like maybe he wasn't as over her either. Then, not a week later, he took a tumble with Ceilidh! Her best friend! Gods help her the next time she saw him! She was going to light up his cheek with a brand of her hand that his mother would be able to hear in Vhora!

Or maybe she had misunderstood his discomfort when he had seen her? Could it have been that she wasn't an uncomfortable reminder of what he'd lost, but that her company was unpleasant now? Had she read him wrong? She suddenly doubted the whole encounter. Mab felt like she was going to throw up.

"Was it, um… Was it a good night? Is it, like, something you're planning to repeat?" Speaking was very difficult. Mab wasn't even sure that she wanted the answers. What was she going to say if Asemir and Ceilidh became a thing?

 

[Ceilidh Trahan]

Ceilidh's mouth fell open slightly at Mab's last two questions. She really hated the fact that she could not lie right now. She would love to answer no and no, but she had no ways for those words to come out. She looked down at her hands in shame and let out a small, "it was amazing," accompanied with a grimace.

"And I never plan on having sex with him again..." That was as close to the truth of what Ceilidh could give her best friend. She did not plan to sleep with Asemir again. Was it possible that it would happen? Absolutely. Anything was possible when it came to the fae and sex.

Time to change the subject.

"Mab, I am genuinely happy for you and I already love Ruosin. She is perfect in everyway. Please do not feel bad about changing your mind and having a baby while I was gone. I am happy for you. I just wish I had a baby of my own..." Ceilidh trailed off. "Perhaps someday..."

 

[Mab]

On one hand, she was happy that Ceilidh was moving on from her grief, even in some small way. On the other hand, she was terribly upset that it had been with a man she wasn't entirely over yet. Mab took a long, deep breath.

"Oh. Well that's… That's good." She was able to say it, but her tongue tingled at the edge of a lie. Not an unfamiliar feeling, of course, but telling. She was glad it wasn't the plan to repeat it, but Mab could hear her toeing the line of falsehood as well.

This wasn't what she had expected today. As it turned out, she wasn't the only one with life-altering news. This was not, however, news that could make her turn away from her best friend. They could endure a lot worse things than drunken trysts with exes.

"I'm here for you, Cee." Mab pulled her in for another embrace. A tight one. "Next time just tell me. You dont have to suffer alone all the time, you know. Gods, I must have sounded like a bitch, being a baby-hater all those years while you guys were struggling." She gasped and sat back, holding her at arm's length. "Oh, honey, was that part of why you stayed away so long?" Because now you'll never have a family with Traynor? Mab didn't say the silent part, the painful out loud, but it hung in the air nonetheless. She hugged her again. Tighter. And sniffling again. "An'Ruen's tits, Cee."

 

[Ceilidh Trahan]

They cried and held each other for quite a while and then they cried and laughed some more. There was a thousand years to make up for. Ceilidh made sure that she reassured Mab that her baby hating was not the reason she stayed away so long.

It was not long after the two women had stopped crying...for the third time...that Ceilidh found herself laying across the cushions with her head in Mab's lap. This was one of the things she had missed. Laying in Mab's lap as the Queen played with her hair was heaven.

"I love you, Mab, and I missed you. I know I have said it a million times already today but, fuck, I missed you. I missed this. I should have come over sooner. Baenon told me to every time he came to dinner but I did not listen."

The High Lady closed her eyes and sighed happily. "So tell me what you have been doing all these years besides having a secret child with Fang," her laugh at the end showed that Ceilidh still found the choice of father to be hilarious.

 

[Mab]

She had a good cry. Not just because she had missed her and she shared in Cee's grief, but because she was happy. Her best friend was back. There would be more to her life again. Not that Ruosin left her lacking for love and joy, but Mab had missed Ceilidh's companionship. Fang Xei was a great friend, but he was like an overgrown child. That, and Court grew more and more boring by the decade.

Mab gently combed her fingers through Cee's hair, twirling a braid between her fingers and separating the pieces to add more. She plucked a collection of her own rich, raven-dark strands, which she incorporated into the plait she was beginning. She paused her thoughtful progress to lean over and smile down at her friend.

"It's okay. You're here now." And it was okay.

Continuing the braid, Mab pondered her query momentarily.

"Being a bitch. A very important job that keeps me very busy." Mab grinned. "Ive been to a lot of insufferable parties. Enderlin Ronghai got married about 400 years ago -- and to that snotty beauty witch. What was her name? Pheehn? Feeln? Whatever. She goes by Aura now. What a pretentious twat. She comes to all the social events like she is Shaevwa Herself, all high and mighty now that she's married into the Fifty Houses. Ugh.

"It's a shame, because the Fong and Shaeliamh families are in a spat and aren't at parties anymore. Oona Fong moved back to Vhora, and Dhimma Shaeliamh went to Leogaire." Mab sighed. "Which leaves the houses Ronghai, Koru, Loaeris, and Na Nou for better company and the Shiur, Ons, and Wellen Houses when one gets desperate.

"And of course there is drama with Fang's brothers. Kai got so pisst about me asking Fang to be my baby daddy instead of him that he publicly announced that they would not recognize any offspring we bore as an heir to House Temu. It only made him look like an idiot, because the gossip had already got ahold of rumors I set out about Fang Xei's limited paternal rights. Imagine Kai Temu as a father. As if sleeping with Fang Xei wasn't bad enough! I'd fuck Aura before Kai. He is probably as boring in bed as he is in conversation."

She twisted the end of the braid to fasten it with a length of ribbon she pulled from between.

"Besides that, I did a lot of paperwork. I presided over something like 900 cases last year in Court. Which, you know, is a slow year. The courtiers have been awfully quiet, so they are either behaving or being very good at keeping secrets and solving their own problems. I'm not sure, but I think I miss getting to reprimand them. Perhaps I will poke the hornet nest and send them into a panic."

Mab snickered.

 

[Ceilidh Trahan]

Ceilidh listened to Mab with increasing amusement. The gossip just got better as the Queen went on. Ceilidh felt slightly bad for leaving her best friend to this torture alone for a thousand years...only very slightly.

There were several times that Cee choked on her tea and had to hold up her hand to stop Mab's story until she could breath again. Several times.

Mab finished braiding her hair and she smiled as she ran her fingers over the perfection. She loved the addition of her best friends hair in there, as well.

"You know, I do not think I am sad about missing all of that," she waved her hand to indicate all of the court drama that Mab had spilled. "I did feel bad about leaving you to all of these parties alone but," she pursed her lips and shook her head. "Nope!"

"OH! Whatever happened with the youngest Wellen son and that pretty Summer Court girl? I remember that was a scandal when they got together." It was such a stupid thing but Summer Court was definitely on the Winter Court shit list so it was all the gossip for a couple hundred years before Traynor died.