Private Tales Brothels and Broken Things

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi managed to laugh though it sounded almost like a sob. She couldn't manage anything else until they got back to their home.

As he led her through the rooms she couldn't help but think how perfectly in tact it was. She barely felt him sit her down on the bed, nor his hands on her sooty legs as he begun to undo what was left of her laces to remove her ruined boots. Dimly she thought about how Farah was going to scold her for going through another good pair. When Cassian spoke she looked at him with dull eyes as though she weren't quite there. Considering the horror of their line of work it was almost a surprise to realise this was one of the worst tragedies she had had to deal with since knowing Cassian. Before, she would have curled up in her bed and dealt with it alone.

Now?

Did she continue being the Commander, for him, or did she let him see how badly these deaths broke her?

She wasn't sure if she chose, exactly, but finally the grief she had been holding in since ending Peter's life boiled over and great, wracking sobs shook her body.

 

[Cassian]

Cassian watched her break, and it was one of the hardest things he'd had to do in his entire life. Still, he knew it was a good thing that she wasn't trying to hold it together, that she felt safe enough to make her hurt visible in front of him. From his own experience, he knew it'd only fester if she bottled it up.

He rose from his knees and pulled himself onto the bed before dragging her against his chest and wrapping his arms around her with a deep sigh. His chin rested atop her head and his thumbs idly stroked at her arms.

There was nothing that he could say that would make anything better, and so he opted for silence as he gently rocked her and just let her cry.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Once Lexi had cried until the tears no longer fell and her body still shook, she spoke. It was hesitant at first, quiet, like confessing a great sin, but in that raw and vulnerable moment she recounted Peter's last few moments. There were a few times where her tale was punctuated with anguished, angry, curses at herself for not thinking of anything that could have saved him and more than a few at the mysterious persons behind the attack. After the whole ordeal she felt exhausted. Numb.

Yet the pain was... less.

"I'm sorry for dumping all that on you," she looked up at him after a long stretch of silence. Her fingers grazed his jaw. "I'm sorry you lost a friend, too."

 

[Cassian]

His fingers combed her ashy hair out of her face and he continued to run his fingers through it as she spoke, tears glistening unshed in his eyes as she told him what had happened. His gaze was distant as silence hung between them, but he frowned gently down at her as she finally spoke again.

“No. I should’ve been there with you. I.. I held you back.” His jaw clenched and his teeth ground. He gave her a pained look at her second apology and he nodded with a shuddered sigh.

“Aye.. We all did, lass.” He swallowed and pressed his lips to her temple.

“I’ll sort you a bath.” He offered in a rumble.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

The mention of a bath reminded her of what a grim state they were both in and suddenly all she wanted in the world was to scrub her skin raw until not a trace of the night still touched her. Her fingers clenched against her own arms as if she thought to rip her flesh off with her own fingers and then she slowly curled her fingers inwards and let go of the notion.

"A bath sounds good," she smiled faintly and then grabbed his arm before he stepped out of reach. Her face was serious. "You didn't hold me back though, Cassian. I have a habit of charging into things and not thinking it through. If I had... if something had happened to me as well tonight the Ravens would be in a worse position than they are now," she stood and then gently but firmly gripped the nape of his neck.

"You did your job well tonight."

 

[Cassian]

He sighed and let his hands slide to her waist to squeeze gently. "Neither of us are goin' to do much good blamin' ourselves, lass." he said softly, his tone a low rumble as he pressed his forehead against hers. "We'll get cleaned up an' rest a bit, and set our minds to dealin' who is to blame, tomorrow."

Cass pressed a gentle kiss to her lips and turned to move gingerly as he set about warming the water for a bath. The large, mahogany tub had been carved from a single piece of wood and took a while to fill, and by the time he was done his broken bones and torn muscles were screaming in protest. He ignored it to help her out of his shirt, which he noted had been scorched and torn, but he had expected no less given that he was cursed never to wear a shirt for more than a single day without some misfortune befalling it.

"In yeh get."

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

"Not before you let me heal you."

Lexi had held her tongue as he had fussed with the bath though she had seen how stiffly he moved and every wince when he thought she couldn't see. She had held her tongue when he had insisted he fill it himself and she had held her tongue when he had also insisted on taking the last remnants of her clothes off her. Because she had known that these little things, as simple and as insignificant as they might have seemed, were important to him. Caring and looking after someone was important to him. At times she wondered how he fallen for a woman like her who appeared hellbent on sending herself to an early grave and bucked against every kind gesture someone showed her. But he had, and so had she, and part of loving him was letting him love her how he needed.

She couldn't, however, relax in the bath like he wanted with him sitting a few feet away in pain.

"Please? It won't drain me," she held her hands out, palms up.

 

[Cassian]

Cassian gave her a dubious look. He could cope with the pain until she had gathered her energy, but he knew that she had indulged him in allowing him to look after her, and he appreciated it. His quirked brow lowered slightly as she offered her assurance.

"Alrigh'.." he grunted in agreement and sighed as he lifted his hands into hers, squeezing them gently and tugging her into a soft kiss.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi's lips curved into a smile as she sunk into the kiss. He tasted of soot and ash but beneath it was the a taste that distinctly belonged to Cassian. Some days she wondered if it was an elixir that he sneakily drunk to keep her drunk on him. No man alive could taste this good surely. But nothing he could do would ever make her forget his pain and the spell wound through him in a warm wave. Even after the magic left him Lexi didn't release him from his kiss. Instead she deepened it, curled her fingers into his flesh and pressed herself closer. She wanted life, heat, something to sear away what had happened that night.

Then, in a breathy whisper she murmured in his ear:

"Do you remember the first night we spent together?"

There had been a bathtub involved then too.

 

[Cassian]

He pulled in a deep breath of her and let it out as a soft groan against her lips. Only she could make the mending of bones and knitting of flesh and skin feel good. That deepening kiss was met with fervent anticipation, his pulse pitching and his hands already grappling at her bare flesh and pulling her against him.

It was everything. The words she spoke, the way she spoke them, the way she looked when she did. They sparked like a flint on her tongue, igniting an answering light in his chest and he groaned, his brow furrowing as he let out a breathy laugh against her neck, his teeth pinching at her skin and his fingers gripping at her rear.

"You mean the night you ruined me for all other women?.." he grinned, and kissed the spot that he'd bitten. "Hmm can't remember it much... You migh' need to jog my memory, lass.." he murmured with a grin.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi's husky laugh was her only response.

"Farah is going to kill me," she commented in a bemused fashion as she lit the end of her pipe and threw back her head to blow the smoke up towards the ceiling. They'd ended up in the bath somehow though the copper thing had lost two legs and sloshed dangerously any time either of them moved to adjust themselves. The horrific drapes which had once adorned the four poster monstrosity that had come with the bed had been torn to ribbons and lay scattered on the floor in various heaps. There was a dent in one wall and she wasn't entirely sure if she'd ever even noticed the tapestry before, but now it hung awkwardly and swayed slightly at its new jaunty angle.

All in all, Lexi had fulfilled her promise to recreate that night. With a few new treats along the way.

"Happy anniversary," she lowered her eye to give him a smile that was all sin. In all the chaos she had almost forgotten it had been a year since they had met. She took another long drag on her pipe and blew out as Red came, shaking, from some corner she had hidden in.

 

[Cassian]

"Think you might've re-broken my ribs.." he groaned quietly with a snort, his head lolled back and his arms draped over the side of the lopsided bathtub, his heart still rattling in his chest. He ached in all the right places, bruised and branded by fingers, teeth and nails that were a testament to how fucking wild his woman was. He wore a stupid grin as he enjoyed tumbling down from the highs she'd driven him to.

He lifted his head as she spoke, the sight of her already gearing him up for round two. His lips twitched into a smirk and he let his fingers trail slowly up and down the outside of her thigh. "It's been quite the year.." he huffed a laugh.

"I'm amazed you've tolerated me for so long." he smirked, but he looked at her with sheer admiration, grateful that she hadn't given up on him.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi nodded sagely at his words and blew another ring of smoke towards the ceiling. A tiny weave of magic and the smoke turned into a serpent which snaked its way off towards the window.

"They should give me an award."

Her eyes followed the dragon as it slid from the window and once more became just smoke and then settled back once more into the tub, setting aside the pipe and focusing her attentions back on the man opposite her as he ran his hands across her flushed skin. Cassian had taken the majority of her mind off the troubles of the night but the herbs had helped her the rest of the way. That goddess that swirled inside her looking for any crack in the tomb went back to her slumber and Lexi once more felt alone in her skin. It was a heavenly feeling.

It also made her look exhausted. It didn't stop her from suddenly leaning forward to draw him into another, slow kiss.

"I love you," she whispered against his lips. She wasn't one to say it often but after how close she had come to losing him, and having lost someone she had loved already, it felt important to say it to those who she still had.

 

[Cassian]

Cassian let out a throaty sound of approval in returning her kiss. The words she spoke were always a whole different sort of thrill to him, like a breath of life. He remembered how difficult it had been for her to say it at all, and that he was the one she chose to say it to, he wasn't sure he'd ever quite get his head around it.
When she said it, he knew they weren't just words. She was there every day, the good days and the bad. Even knowing his faults, of which there were many, she was there to listen, to defend, to love, she understood his anxieties, his triggers and the ghosts that haunted him, driving actions so illogical to others. He knew he didn't deserve her and yet she'd forever try to convince him that he was worthy..

He'd been staring at her with a wide grin and dimpled cheeks, quite lost in his thoughts before realising he hadn't said anything in some time. His throat cleared and he let out a liberating sigh. "I know." he smirked, stole another kiss and got to his feet with a rush of water, lifting her with him and carrying her to their tousled bed.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

A murmured spell lifted the water from their skin without the need for a towel as they toppled into the clean sheets. Content and exhausted, it was easy to fall asleep almost instantly in Cassian's arms. If she had had the law-breaking fit of time she would have used it to stretch those scarce few hours of peace out longer.

But morning came and with it the bleak reminder of what had happened the night before.

Lexi stood before the destruction with her arms folded across her stomach with a frown upon her face. Unlike the last time she'd stood in the square before the cadets building, she was dressed in her full uniform all smartly pressed and polished thanks to Farah whom the Commander expected hadn't slept much once getting back to her head. She had been in Peters classes and from the list she had read on her desk that morning with all the names of their dead, she had lost five more from her class. It would hit them hard.

Most of the dead had been young cadets with the youngest a bare 13 years old, not even six months in to her formal training. Her parents, Ravens too, were away on a mission to the far East. It would be weeks before they knew of their daughters passing and she intended to have answers for them when they did.

"We found what caused it," Kain said, looking rumpled and tired. Another person she didn't think had slept much if at all. She gave him a frown and glanced to Cassian before taking the outstretched object. It looked like a normal box but the runes on top were black and singed.

"A demon trap," Lexi growled. Dark magic. There weren't many who would use such a nasty device anymore.

 

[Cassian]

Cassian didn't look nearly as formal as Lexi in her uniform. He'd still never adopted the official attire and his days as a soldier in the Anirian army had made him feel claustrophobic in armour, so he'd opted for his usual untidy look of breeches, boots and a shirt with rolled sleeves and open collar, not to mention his tousled hair and stubbled jaw. He looked nothing like a soldier anymore, and it was something that didn't bother him one bit.

Today wasn't the day to offer comfort. Today, Lexi was Commander and he stood at an arm's length from her, his own arms folded across his chest as he took in the destruction with a look of consternation and distant thought.

He turned to Kane as he held something out, sharing the glance with Lexi and staring at the thing in confusion.

"Demon trap?...Can we find out where it came from?"

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi turned the thing over in her hands like she was concerned it would bite her at any moment whilst Kain explained.

"Yes, and no. Demon traps have a signature in them if you can open them but usually it's just the person who made them. That could be anyone. They're very common on the Black Market unfortunately - lots of idiot mages with no idea what they're doing make them and sell them with disastrous results. This one was at least made with some skill so we know it isn't an armature," he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

There was a click and Lexi swore, almost dropping it entirely.

In her hands the trap had opened like a little music box and inside was a nasty looking carving of a hooked nose goblin with spotty green skin. Kain groaned audibly and Lexi began swearing once more.

"I'm going to kill that fucking green goblin this time," she snarled.

 

[Cassian]

Cassian wasn't one to flinch easily. He was rarely caught off-guard, and not at all easy to sneak up on. But the click of the thing in Lexi's hands made his entire body jolt, assuming the little contraption had been about to cause more damage. His heart leapt in his chest, rattling erratically and his face paled a little before it flushed with embarrassment. He rubbed at the back of his neck and huffed as he turned away to catch his breath and calm himself with a shake of his head.

"Goblin?" he asked as he turned back to face her, his eyes shifting between her and Kain.. "A fucking goblin did this? How do we find it?" he asked, his brow creasing.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

"The Green Goblin is an alchemist," Lexi ran a jerky hand through her hair which was struggling to break free of the bandana she had wrapped around it to keep it off her face. "We ran into him a few years back selling his goods to the dark market and we gave him a... warning," a violent warning, but they hadn't harmed a single hair on his balding head. Kain gave Cassian a meaningful 'typical Lexi' look which said exactly how violent it was without having to utter a single word. Lexi chose to ignore him and carried on.

"I don't think he's stupid enough to do this attack himself. He shit himself when we visited, he wouldn't want to risk a return visit. Which means he probably has no idea what the person he sold it to was going to do with it," he most certainly wouldn't have signed it if he had.

"I suggest we pay him a visit."

 

[Cassian]

"Ah..." he answered, running a hand through his hair.

"Well then.. Perhaps we go after the funeral.." he suggested. It seemed only right that they should allow time for grief before anger, that their thoughts should be solely on the memories of those who'd died and not on vengeance until respects had been paid.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Funeral...

Lexi had almost forgotten. Almost. Standing still and grieving wasn't something she liked to do. If she did it for every person she had lost she would never find the energy to get moving again. But Peter... Her eye closed as she let out a long breath. No, she had to be there. This had been an attack on their home that had taken their young. Even if every minute would be torture she had to be there for the others.

"After," she agreed with a grimace, opening her eye then fiddling with her eye patch as she often did when stressed.

"I need to grab a shower beforehand," Kain sighed and looked up at the large tower clock. There was about an hour until they would burn the corpses. Lexi waved him off in a casual dismissal and he gave Cassian a firm pat on the shoulder as he passed. As for the Commander, she didn't move off right away. Instead she turned the tiny device over in her hands lost in thought.

 

[Cassian]

Cassian gave Kain a short nod as he met the man's tired gaze and he watched after him for a moment before returning his attention to Lexi and the trinket in her hand. He sighed deeply as he pressed a kiss to her temple.

"I'll go help with the pyres.." he frowned. "Unless you need me to do anythin' else." he added. Either way, he had a need to be busy right now. His past was only right behind him, and by now, without Lexi, he'd have been a few bottles deep right now and laying in some alley or fighting pit. But she mattered more, and self-pity had never done him any good.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi almost dropped the box again when he kissed her.

"What? Oh, right," she pocketed the device somewhere in her robes and then fiddled with her eyepatch again. "No, you can go. I have to..." she trailed off as she thought about what it was she had to do. Think of something to say to everyone. Write letters to the families who had lost a child, a brother, a friend. It was something she should have done last night but Cassian had wisely distracted her to enable her to sleep. The thought made her give him a peculiar smile: this man didn't realise he was the only thing that kept her from the brink of insanity more often than not.

Gently she touched his cheek.

"I think Alec is already down there helping. Try and get him to... stop for a bit."

 

[Cassian]

"Mhmm.." he rumbled, leaning into her touch with a sombre smile. "I will, lass." He gave her a reassuring wink and sighed as he forced himself to leave her to her duties whilst he attended to his.

Alec was difficult to persuade, but Cassian eventually managed to take over by convincing him that this was something that he needed to do, that he was the one who needed the distraction, that he'd be doing Cassian a favour. It wasn't untrue, he did need to keep himself busy, but he was far more worried about Alec than himself.

The pyres took up most of the old training ground on the outskirt of the city, and the bodies of the dead were lain to rest atop them. To each one, Cassian quietly spoke a short prayer for their crossings in his mother's tongue, something he had not heard in many years but had remembered well.

He waited for Lexi along side Alec and Kain until the hundreds of candles that clustered around the arena won their dominance for light, though it wouldn't be for long.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

The candlelight was a comfort in a way because it obscured the faces of the hundreds of Raven's who had poured out to join them in the lighting of the pyres. Lexi glanced down at the crumpled up paper in her hand. She hadn't finished the speech; instead she had started what felt like a hundred times and screwed them up into balls which now littered her study floor. When she'd noticed the time she'd grabbed the nearest one and attempted to smooth it out. She tried not to grimace at the poorly written shambles.

Someone coughed and Lexi's hands tightened on the paper.

"I've always been shit with words," she sighed. "I wish I wasn't, so I could offer something of comfort to you all right now but I can't. What happened last night... was murder. Senseless and pointless. None of these Raven's should have lost their lives whilst sleeping in their beds in a city I promised you all to protect. So whilst I can't offer comfort, I can promise justice. The coward behind this attack will be made to pay for the crime so that you all might know some peace, however slight.

I only met some in passing, who we lay to rest tonight, but others I knew more closely and some I had the privilege of working with too. As we light the pyres I'll be reflecting on those memories and I invite you to do the same."