Private Tales Brothels and Broken Things

[Cassian]

He stopped, staring at the ceiling and letting out a deep huff. “Fuck me.” he muttered to himself and rubbed at his face before turning back. So the jealousy angle hadn’t worked as he’d hoped. It would have worked on him, he’d hoped she’d have wanted to stop him staggering off to some other woman. Instead she was allowing it, bitterly.

He wandered back to her and dropped to a crouch next to her chair, a hand reaching to grip above her knee.

“I don’ want Ember or her sisters, I don’ want whores or tavern wenches. I had a beautiful woman in my lap, an’ I thought about it lass.” he told her honestly “The lads tried to take my mind off things, but all I could think about was you. I spent most of the night in the pits lass that’s the truth of it. I’d rather take a hundred beatings..” he stopped and rubbed at his face again. “Fuck..” he growled.

“Tell me to go and I’ll go.” he repeated and looked up at her.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi ignored him when he came to crouch beside her. Her jaw was clenched and her teeth ground together but her eye stayed stoically on the writing in front of her, her hand running through her hair as she tried to take in the contents of it. But she couldn't help listening to his words even if she didn't give him her gaze as he spoke. Very slowly she set down the piece of paper which was perhaps the only indicator that she was paying attention to him.

She folded her hands in her lap and finally turned to him and searched his face.

"Cassian what do you want from me?" The sex had been good of course but she hadn't thought him a man to honestly turn down that kind of thing elsewhere because of the night and day they had shared together.

 

[Cassian]

He frowned at the question, looking at her as though searching her face for an answer to it. It was too complicated for a straight answer and he was still drunk. He decided he’d been broken enough for one day and patted her knee.

“Nothin‘, lass. Nothin’..” he sighed and got up, looking entirely defeated as he turned to leave her. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

There was a moment where she thought he was going to answer her but then he seemed to think better of it. She pressed her lips together slightly. It was probably for the best, a conversation like this was not meant to be had when one of them was drunk and the other in such a foul mood as her. She rubbed a hand down her face when he stood up and then rested her elbows on the table.

"You don't even know where your apartment is Cassian, you can sleep here. I have a load of work to do so one of us might as well make the most of the bed," she took a piece of plain paper, dipped her quill into the ink and began scratching a reply to the letter she had been reading.

 

[Cassian]

Cassian was at war with his stubbornness as he stopped, clenching his jaw. She had a point but at this point he considered sleeping outside to be a fucking martyr.

He turned to walk back to the desk, clutching the whisky and taking a long drink from it before slamming it back down, turning to leave the room, and he flopped himself onto the sofa.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi lifted her gaze when he stomped back over to her desk but said nothing when he snatched the whisky from her and took a long drag from it. She was going to need to replenish her supplies with him around, the man drank whisky like it was water. What she didn't do was make a comment though and instead turned her attention back to her work and the letter at hand with a soft sigh.

She wasn't his carer he could do whatever he wanted.

A part of her wondered if she had met someone who was more stubborn than she was and silently sent a wish of luck upon the poor bastards who were going to have to deal with that fact.

 

[Cassian]

Drunk, drowsy and battered, Cassian fell to sleep quickly. As was the case with every night, his sleep was troubled, and he woke after a few short hours in a cold sweat and shortness of breath.

His head was pounding and he grimaced as he sat himself up, dropping his face into his hands groggily. He could see the candle light flickering Lexi’s room and assumed she was still working, but he lay back down and spent an unhealthy amount of time in his thoughts, resisting the urge to go to her. He was indeed as stubborn as she was, but for entirely different reasons.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

It was only when the dawn began to colour her office that Lexi pushed the chair away from her desk and stood up. She walked through to the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face before then walking back through towards the kitchen. She was starving. One of the best things about being Commander was not having to do her own shopping; faeries seemed to come and do that for her. She rummaged around before throwing some bacon and eggs into a pan and then brought her kettle to boil over the stove.

Today was going to be a day of coffee.

The bells tolled out somewhere in the city six times and she ran a hand through her hair. One hour until her meeting.

 

[Cassian]

The smell of cooking food awoke his mind and his stomach. He groaned as he got up with a far worse headache and in far more pain than he'd felt the night before. The sofa hadn't helped either.

He stood watching her in the doorway for a moment, fingers laced together at the back of his neck as though trying to keep it from falling backwards. He cleared his throat "If I'm not needed for anythin' this mornin', Commander, I have a few things to take care of." he told her, the strain of a rough night on his voice.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi glanced up when he spoke though the formal address made her frown a little. He didn't look much better than he sounded with bits of dried blood on his bare torso and the bruising looked even worse in the morning light. Her eyes lingered probably longer than necessary and silently she prayed for strength before she returned her attention to what she was doing in the kitchen. She was only a woman after all and he was a work of art.

"Do you want some breakfast first?" a peace offering, as much as Lexi's pride and stubborn will could give him in that moment but she was trying. Last night had been rough on both of them.

 

[Cassian]

He lifted his chin but kept his eyes on her as he considered. Like he really had to consider.. “Aye, I could eat.” he huffed and let his arms down and fought the urge to make some sort of move on her. He sat at her table instead, leaning back in the chair and quietly watched, running his fingers into his hair to put some pressure on his throbbing headache with a quiet groan.

“I owe you several apologies..” he growled out after a long thought, doubting he had to specify what they were. The state he was in spoke for itself really.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

"Probably," Lexi piled the bacon and eggs onto plates and put his down in front of him before sitting opposite with hers. She put a fork full of food in her mouth and focused her attention on that instead of him. If it were her attempting to make an apology she knew she wouldn't want to be watched whilst she tried to chew the words out. After a moment or two of chewing she raised her gaze to him again and sighed.

"And you probably have a million and one questions for me."

 

[Cassian]

He lifted his attention from the plate to watch her eat with a small grin before following suit.. "Well.." he cleared his throat. "I shouldn' have pissed you off like that on the road. You were tense enough as it was, an' I didn't help matters.." another mouthful.. "Shouldn' have let the boys take me to the mess.." he shrugged a shoulder, if he'd stayed in his room he'd have felt a whole lot better today. "Shouldn' have got into the pit.. though I did make another six gold so I can't say I regret that one so much.." he swallowed.

"Shouldn' have got myself so shit faced, an' I shouldn' have picked that fight and put you in that position. It's been a while since my actions have affected anyone but myself. Sorry, lass." he lifted his eyes to her with genuine apology. He couldn't say whether he could change those things but he could at least recognise he'd been out of control. "If there's anythin' else I done or said..." he added, truth be told his memory was more than a little blurry.

"An' aye..I've questions if you've answers..Spare me the trouble of askin' em?" he lifted a brow quizzically and continued to eat.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

It was like when she had a cadet before her desk with his hands behind his backs begging for the forgiveness of his Commander. It was an image so far removed from what she thought of when she thought of the Cassian she had come to know on the road that it gave her pause and slowed her eating down almost to a stop. Perhaps he actually truly meant to give this a shot and he didn't just see it as a thing to pass the time by. Did he actually want to become a White Raven? She watched him quietly as he spoke, measuring his sincerity. It seemed legit, though it was hard to tell if the pain in his expression was due to the hangover or not.

"In fairness," she said after a while of silent chewing. "I don't mind people going in the pit. If i did mind, it wouldn't exist," Lexi watched him for a moment before looking back to her plate and took her time in finishing what was on it. "Thank you for your apologies." The kettle whistled at that moment and she stood and went to make a coffee as black as her heart. She put one down in front of Cassian and sat down with her own mug between her hands.

"It's a long and complicated affair with the Forgotten I won't get into it this morning when we both feel like shit. I'm sure I will find out at my meeting if last night will have an bearings on what I have to do," a deep sigh and then she paused to take a sip of her coffee. "I wasn't mad that you were with Rose last night. Things between me and her... did not go as I had wanted them to. She's married now. And I don't like being around someone who makes me.... feel weak and vulnerable."

 

[Cassian]

He dipped his chin in a singular nod as she thanked him, he'd take it as an acceptance of his apology. He was sure he'd at least tried to apologise last night, but his mind was a little foggy and he remembered mentioning Ember so, he'd probably made an arse of it.

Cassian gladly accepted the coffee and inhaled it with a quiet rumble "Careful. I could get used to this, lass." he mused over his mug.

"Aye, I'll accept responsibility on that if I can help. If they want to take another shot at me in the pits then throw me in." he shrugged. It'd often been how they'd settled things in the army.

He sighed and quieted for a moment as he considered her words about Rose, and his brow creased as she spoke of feeling weak and vulnerable. He remembered sitting on the floor in front of her chair... He understood.

"I was married." he cleared his throat. "We didn' know each other long before, jus' young an' stupid." he muttered and shook his head, returning his attention to his plate, stabbing at some bacon.. "I get it jus'... She's not a bad person by the looks of it, you can't blame her for not waiting' round if it's not what she deserved." he frowned.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi's smile was faint but it was probably the first one she had given him for a while as he took a sip of his coffee and spoke about getting used to being served coffee. It was a nice feeling for her too in a small way: she hadn't done such a small simple task for someone else in so long. She had forgotten the small pleasure that came with it. When he began to talk about his past she brought the mug to her lips and blew into the coffee to cool it down.

"I'm sorry... about your girl," Lexi got the feeling he didn't want to talk about it and she couldn't say she blamed him. She didn't want to talk about it either but unlike him her girl was here and was a part of her life and now his. "We were engaged," she cleared her throat a little and looked out the window as she played with a lock of her hair. "Before I was given the position of Commander, that is. But then... this got given to me and I couldn't stay here at much as I wanted to. I know it's not what she deserves but I loved her and I didn't ask for this title," she had lost more than her eye and her mentor on that field. She had lost control of her future. "I know what she's going to tell me and I just don't want to hear it."

 

[Cassian]

Cassian gave a shrug without looking up from his food as he finished it off and took another drink of his coffee. There was still plenty pain to deal with but at least he was starting to feel slightly more human. "Don't be.. my fault." he admitted quietly. His attention lifted though as she decided to go on, he'd half expected her to tell him to fuck off.

"Sorry things didn' work out.." he echoed her own apology to him and leaned back in his chair. "What do you think she's goin' to tell you?"

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

"That she's pregnant," Lexi gave him a small smile but there was clear pain in her eyes. She looked down at her mug and swirled the coffee in it. "I heard the girls talking about it when we got back, Rose wants to be the one to tell me she thinks it'll be less painful if it comes from her," but it wouldn't be any less painful. A child was just another clear sign Rose had moved on and she wasn't coming back.

"She wants to be friends, we've known each other since we were kids but I just... I just can't Cass. Not yet," her eyes shut and she rubbed at her face to dispel the prickling sensation behind her eyes.

 

[Cassian]

He paused mid-sip and grimaced slightly.. "Mh..fuck.." he rubbed at the back of his neck, a wave of guilt crashing over him. He knew how it felt to be broken like that, he'd been broken for a long time but unlike her he hadn't been strong enough to get through it and turn his life into anything productive. He'd spiralled and spiralled still. She was stronger than that.

Cassian wasn't well versed in emotional support, fuck he couldn't emotionally support himself let alone anyone else. He'd known her a short time but listening to her open up and seeing her pain wasn't something he was expecting, and he had no idea what to do.

He got up from his chair and went to hers as she rubbed at her face, gripping hold of her shoulders in an attempt to pull her in and wrap his arms around her with a huff. There wasn't much he could say to help.. Please don't fuckin' cry..

"I can talk to her if it'll help.." he didn't know if it would, but it'd save her that conversation.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi would damn well rather die than cry in front of Cassian over something like love. When he pulled her into a hug it was a relief to just hide the flush in her cheeks and she turned her face into the crook of his neck with a shuddering sigh. What a ridiculous thing to get upset about, she berated herself. She couldn't have given Rose that kind of future anyway, it was never going to have worked out.

"No but thank you for offering," she mumbled into his skin. For a moment she just let herself have this small comfort from another human being. Lexi couldn't and wouldn't open up to people on the subject - Rose was an important figure and bringing people into the personal problems between the Commander and one of the High Scholars was not conducive to a good work environment.

"I'm sorry," she pulled back a little and rubbed at her face. I shouldn't have taken this out on you."

 

[Cassian]

It amused him how small and slender she felt against him in comparison, yet he knew how strong she was. He ran his fingers into her hair and pressed his lips down against her head. It felt strange, to him, to be comforting anyone, he wasn't exactly the warmest of people but it seemed to be working well enough, he thought. She hadn't pushed him away at least.

"Alrigh'.." he mumbled against her hair and lifted his head as she pulled away. "You ent got anythin' to apologise for." he reached to tilt her chin, but resisted the urge to kiss her.

"I should try to find my room.." he laughed quietly "An' I need a fuckin' bath."

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi didn't pull away when he cupped her chin and tilted her gaze to his. Ah Gods this was going to end just as badly wasn't it? It was like she could read the same thoughts in his eyes. Neither of them were the type of people who did anything more than fuck now. No strings attached. Right? Another faint smile crossed her lips when he spoke about finding his room and she nodded then pulled back to clear her throat.

"I need to get going to my meeting too," she ran a hand through her hair and looked down at her own clothes. She didn't have time to change and get to the Council Room. Standing up she took her empty mug and plate to the side and then ran her hands down her rumbled shirt. "Well enjoy your lessons later. Please try not to start any more fights for a little while, would you?"

 

[Cassian]

He studied her face, a slight wrinkle around his eyes as he smiled at her before letting her go. It probably wasn't a good idea for him to offer to accompany her, so he wouldn't. He'd turned to leave already when she mentioned training and he frowned. "Lessons?... Oh. Fuck...Lessons..Aye." he huffed, hoping he hadn't forgotten about anything else.

He responded with a throaty laugh at her request and rubbed sheepishly at the back of his neck.. "Can't make any promises on that lass.." he smirked, and left to search for his fucking room. The cat wasn't going to be happy.

 

[Lexi Quinzell]

Lexi watched him go with a small shake of the head once he shut the door. No. This definitely wasn't going to end well was it?

Alec and Peter were waiting in Cass' room for him when he returned, Red comfortably stretched out on his chest fast asleep whilst Peter paced the room on one of his long rants about how exactly Lexi was going to kill them for losing him last night when he walked in.

"Oh thank Gods you're alive!"

"We thought she was going to turn you to stone for sure."

 

[Cassian]

He'd tried about six other doors, completely ignoring the protests and shocked looks on the faces he'd walked in on, simply muttering and cursing under his breath "They all look the fuckin' same." he growled. Finally though, there were familiar faces, but his head shook and he huffed at their words as he shut the door behind him. "Din't happen to pick up my shirt did you?" he looked between them.. He had to go buy some new things anyway, but he'd been walking around shirtless since his fight in the pits and he had some questionable looks owing to his bruises and stitched wounds.

He reached to give Red's ears a scratch and stretched. "Right. Fuck off the pair of you, I need a bath and a drink."