Completed A Modest Proposal

[Griag The Goblin King]

The Goblin King observed his Kingdom.

The Goblin Sanctuary as it was called was a huge sprawling Empire beneath the many mountains of the Spine. The sounds of Goblins yipping and hollering music to Griag's ears. The rotund Goblin inhaled the air taking in the smell of the many metals in the Underground Kingdom. Goblins had a great sense of smell, they had the ability to smell metals even ones buried deep within the mountain. Adjusting himself on the throne, Girag could observe his minions fighting each other digging deeper within the mountain looking for gems to sell in the black market of Alliria. This Sanctuary was once home to a great Dwarven Empire during the Age of Wonders. The name of this Dwarven Kingdom was long forgotten but it didn't matter, Griag's ancestor invaded the Dwarven Empire and slaughtered its inhabitants.

According to legend, the Dwarves who resided under in the Mountain enslaved the Goblins treating them like tools ready to be thrown out at a moment's notice. The Dwarves could've wiped them out in a pogrom but instead saw the Goblins as slaves, people who can be experimented on with their "machines". Now their legacy is dead destroyed by the very people that they've abused, since then the Goblin Sanctuary is the largest area of Goblins in all of Arethril. Griag sighed well in recent years, the Kingdom has been fallen into hard times, where the Goblin Hoarde fell to a bunch of Halflings 325 years ago. The two species were always at each others throats but never before had the Goblins been humiliated at Fairbarin: The Halflings home land.

Griag's father: Trugz fought the Allrian Rangers and the Halflings in a fierce bloody battle. It was only then a Halfling who calls himself: Bullrider met Trugz in single combat where he was slain and his head was chopped off and displayed in the entrance of Fairbarin as a warning to any Goblin trespassers. Griag fought in that battle and witnessed the murder first hand, he swore vengeance that day inheriting a demoralized and crestfallen Goblin Kingdom beginning to use his magic to extend his life and plot for the day that he will strike back. "Your grace," A small Goblin climbed up the rope and hopped off of it bowing in the process. "They are here."

"Excellent!" Griag stroked his multiple chins while gripping on his Skull Staff. "Bring them to me!"

Today was the day that he would make his move.

Vyx'aria

 

[Xunari Auceus]

What the hells was she doing here?

No but seriously, the Goblins were a decent enough source of potential allies and they had resources and numbers galore. Their city was well defended and they had the advantage of being able to swarm their enemies at great speeds. They were a people so often underestimated that people tended to forget that they were naturally very effective killers.

She understood why the Drow and their allies wanted to make nice with the Goblins but what she was struggling with was why the hells she was here? How was it that she was considered the second best option to Vyx'aria showing up herself?

More likely the Queen and her other advisors had begged off this particular mission and she had likely been too busy reading a book or writing done rune designs to pay attention. If she was the sort who welshed on bets and the like she probably would have come up with something else that she was unable to leave but she'd decided not to.

Something about her lessons from her mother about being 'reliable' in the eyes of the Queen or whatever.

So here she was at the head of a small procession of drow, complete with a drow covered from head to toe in a black veil. The idea was to not give away the beauty of the offering that was to be presented to the Goblin King. Upon being brought forward she bowed, sweeping her one arm in to make it more of a grand gesture.

"King Griag of the Goblins!"

She bowed as low as her pride would allow.

"I, Lady Xunari Auceus, stand before you now to offer the hand of friendship and partnership to you from the Drow people."

Griag The Goblin King

 

[Griag The Goblin King]

This was the best Griag has looked in decades, sure there still are boils and scars on his belly, sure his stomach protruded to the point where he couldn't see his willy in decades but the Goblin King brushed what white hairs that he had left on his head or rather he forced his Goblin servants to brush it. Griag also sprayed himself with the many perfumes that the was taken by the Goblins in their many surface raids. The stench was disgusting, Griag nearly gagged while he sprayed it on his yellow, rotund body. How can humans walk with a smell of rose and strawberry?!

Griaq then took the crown that once belonged to his father. He had made many alterations to himself ever since the battle of Fairbarin 325 years ago. Griag was a shaman gifted with massive reserves of magical ability. He used the magic expand his lifespan and made sure that the Goblin sanctuary didn't fall into disarray, it wasn't easy but Griag conquered the Goblin tribes that resided in the Spine and absorbed them into his kingdom. "Oh father," he said before awaiting the Drow. "I hope I do you proud."

"Welcome Lady Auceus!" Griag laughed motioning the woman to stand up. "I'm aware that Queen Vyx'aria wasn't able to make it to my wonderful and prosperous Kingdom! I know she is a busy woman, being a ruler is not all sunshine and rainbows! I've been ruling the Goblin Sanctuary for 325 years! It's a miracle I've maintained my good looks! I had to change my throne into a commode so I can continue to rule! Been pissing and shitting frequently for the past 145 years! "

A month ago, Griag received word that Vyx'aria was offering alliances as she seeks to build an Empire one that will rival Allria, Elbion and Vel Anir. The Goblin King saw it as an opportunity to start his revenge on the Halflings at long last. Of course doing so means that he has to do a lot of shit for the Queen but Griag knew how the game was played. Of course he had his demands as well including a marriage alliance and a prominent role in her council.

"The Queen wants to attack the Gray Dwarves of Dhunbor," Griaq said stroking his sagging pimpled filled breast. "My Goblin Army is in the thousands, along with some Trolls and I myself am a master summoner. With my army, you'll have legion that is endless! We Goblins reproduce rather quickly like guppies you put two of them in a barrel and the next day you'll find a school fish so big that you have to dump into an ocean. We keep coming because have reserves!"

The Goblin King adjusted in his throne. "Now then," he said. "About my place in the council and about my bride......"

Xunari Auceus

 

[Xunari Auceus]

... so the long story short was that this mass of fat and decaying skin had been alive for so long that some of the shit in his commode had likely been fossilized. This was less comforting than it was absolutely disgusting, of course, but she wasn't going to be showing that on her face. He wasn't the kind of person who would see through her polite mask... maybe?

She was just going to have to avoid thinking terrible thoughts about him.

"The burdens of ruling make for strong, broad, shoulders dear King!" she agreed with a nod, "Vyx'aria and yourself are two of the same caliber in that regard."

Honestly she got the impression that Vyx'arai would kick her in the overies if she heard about that comparison but it would be nice for Griag she supposed. She smiled and nodded in agreement,

"I have heard much about your skills and the might of your people!" she declared before bowing, gesturing to the young drow to her right, "And I have brought along your potential bride - she is my niece in fact, Harianra Auceus."

Harianra Auceus moves her veil up and it is clear by the look on her face that she is not entirely happy being here. Xunari was hoping that the flash of skin and the high cheek bones would be enough to distract the King from her shitty attitude currently.

Xunari had no idea where she got that attitude from.

Griag The Goblin King

 

[Griag The Goblin King]

The many Goblins who were climbing amongst stone walls of the Sanctuary gawked at Griag and their Drow guests. It's not often that other species travels to the Goblin Sanctuary.... well willingly of course. Humans, Orcs, Elves and Dwarves were often kidnapped by the Goblin raids and often were tortured for information, killed and sometimes eaten. Griag chuckled clearly bemused by Xunari's flattery, of course the Drow would be turned off by Goblin hospitality but that's not why they're meeting.

"Why thank you very much," The Goblin King flexed his right arm as hard as he can, however no matter how much he put into flexing, his bicep immediately began to sag. "I've been throwing my weight around with my enormous strength! The stress of ruling can make you want to wish to bang your head against the wall."

"You are muscles are very big and bulky your grace!" One of his scribes: Storox came up with his pully while writing rapidly on a small parchment. "We likes your strength!"

Griag struggled to get up from his throne, the strong stench of piss radiated from the hole. The Goblin King frowned and stared at the smaller Goblins who were cutting his large, yellow, curved toe nails.... by eating them off. "Time to clean up," The Goblin King began to stretch nearly hitting Xunari Auceus with his stomach as the tiny Goblins looked at each other quivering with fear.

"Ah shit!" they said in unison, taking out their scrubs and multicolored rags, scurrying inside the hole of throne/commode.

"We are very skilled indeed my lady," Griag said happily unknowingly spraying spit on Xunari. "Bugbears! Hobgoblins! Trolls! We have them all! We Goblins can serve as the Vanguard or as scouts! We can do it all! I'll assist you in your Queen's campaign enthusiastically! All I ask is one million coins, a promienent spot in her council and of course-"

Xunari introduced her niece: Hariana Auceus, she removed her veil up revealing a beautiful and wonderfully dressed Drow. Many of the Goblins surrounding the Goblin king raised their eyes in awe including the tiny Goblins who were cleaning Griag's commode.

One of the Goblins who was clinging on to the stone wall peered in too close as lost his grip and fell 30 feet landing next Griag with a sickening splat. Blood and gore went on to Griag's leg but he ignored it as he was enthralled by Hariana's beauty. "A Drow with powerful connections," he mumbled. "But also so beautiful!"

The Goblin King began to laugh uproariously. "The greatest of them all!" Griag raised his arm pulling Helena close to him placing her face against his boiled belly. "I'd say it's time to make this alliance shall we?!" Griag yelled at the Goblins who whooped and howled.

"As soon we get married," Griag said to Xunari. "We can discuss your Queen's plan of attack!"

Still holding Hariana by the arm, Griag lumbered towards Storox leaning to his ear. "Write a letter to everyone saying to get ready for the wedding ceremony," he whispered as the small Goblin furiously scribbled on his parchment and with a press of a button of his pully, Storox descended to the abyss below laughing hysterically.

Xunari Auceus

 

[Xunari Auceus]

She managed to skillfully take a step back to avoid the swinging gut attached to the goblin King and she was kind enough to drag her niece backward to avoid it as well. If the girl had the gall to say she didn't do anything for her after that then next time she was going to let her get gut-checked right off the raised platform to the caverns below.

Xunari was fairly certain she could convince her sister that she merely slipped.

She was, however, unable to avoid the spit. It made her want to be violently sick and also to tear out the Goblin King's eyes and piss inside their empty sockets... but maybe she was overreacting? Xunari endured this display as though it were the assault of an enemy. She could not, WOULD NOT, let them force her to show weakness.

No, her face was carved from granite and she was stronger than a mountain.

"My niece shall do her duty and be the most dutiful wife you could possibly desire."

Said niece scowled and struggled against the hold the King had on her.

"I'll bite and tear it off." she swore venomously, "My place is not being some broodmare!"

Xunari raised an eyebrow before rolling her eyes at the King in amusement.

"My niece is, as of yet, unsure of her new place in the world. I'm sure she will grow accustomed to it."

Griag The Goblin King

 

[Griag The Goblin King]

Griag and the other Goblins surrounding Xunari and Hariana laughed loudly, the sound echoing throughout the underground sanctuary creating a soft rumble as though a Purple Worm has passed through the area. "I love her already!" Griag said gripping on the Drow licking his chaffed lips.

"Don't worry my wonderful fiancé," Griag whispered. "Soon you'll learn appreciate me."

While female Goblins served under Griag, they look the same physically. Griag himself even had trouble telling which one of his servants was male or female. "She's very preeetttty!" One Goblin said attempting to touch her only to receive a kick in the face by Griag. Nose bloodied the Goblin staggered back all the way to the cliff and fell into abyss below screaming loudly.

"UNTIL I HAVE MY FILL WITH HER!" Griag roared at his servants. "NO ONE TOUCHES MY BRIDE!"

The Goblin's shook with fear with many of them nodding and kowtowing to Griag. One Goblin kowtowed so hard that he bashed his head bloody knocking him out. Griag gave a curt nod before turning Hariana, "love the dress," Griag chuckled. "Do you Drow have many clothing similar to that?"

"YOUR GRACE!"

A small Goblin descended towards Griag and Hariana. "Ah Screamy," Griag said forcing a smile though his dark, yellow eyes darted at the Hobgoblins who were chasing after him. "What brings you here?"

"HOW ARE YOU DOING YOUR GRACE?!" Screamy was small yet just as rotund as the King himself. He had a sickly pale yellow glow to him and his voice was off tune as though his vocal cords were distorted.

"I am fine Screamy," Griag said holding Hariana close before turning to Xunari. "This is my uhhh nephew Screamy," he said. "My uncle told me to take care of him after he passed and well I've taken care of him by having my Hobgoblin Devastator experiment on Screamy."

Might as well tell the truth.... well maybe not the whole truth.

"IS THIS YOUR BRIDE?!" Screamy gawked at Xunari.

"No Screamy she's-"

"OH YOUR GRACE SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL! CONGRATULATIONS WE WILL CERTAINLY DEFEAT OUR ENEMIES NOW!"

"Screamy," Griag held Hariana in a bridal position as he forced a smile at as nephew. "You need to relax take deep breaths."

"DEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP BREEEEATTHS!!!!" The Hobgoblin mages attempted to reach for him but Screamy began to hyperventilate his body brighter and brighter.

"Ah bloody hell," with a wave of his hand, Griag created a barrier around him, Hariana and Xunari as Screamy exploded the remaining Goblins either were either caught in the explosion and were reduced to bloody chunks or scurried out of fear.

When the dust settled, Screamy was blackened and fatigued fainting in the process as the Hobgoblin mages tended to the young Goblin. "Why the hell did he escape?!" Griag said snapping his fingers making the barrier disappear. "Don't let this happen again! The poor lad."

"Sorry your grace," The two mages escorted a knocked out Screamy out while Griag sighed.

"My mages have been trying to create exploding Goblins." Griag explained putting Hariana down but still held on to her. "We're closed to a breakthrough but it'll be a while before I can implement them on to the battlefield. My nephew is subject zero."

Griag forced a huge smile baring his pointed yellow and brown teeth to the point where one of them fell off from his mouth. "So let's talk business!" The Goblin King said. "While we wait for the Goblins to prepare for the wedding tonight. I trust you have lands appointed for me and the million coins along with my place within the Queen's council once she forms her Kingdom."

Xunari Auceus

 

[Xunari Auceus]

Xunari would be lying if she said that she thought her niece deserved what was coming her way but she would also be lying if she said she particularly cared. The woman was of her blood but she was also kind of a buzzkill and something of a failure when it came to magic. Sure she was amazing with maths but since when did maths do anything that she, Xunari, gave a single, solitary, fuck about?

Never.

Never was the answer so her mathematician niece was now Goblin meat. Harianra herself wanted to scream but every time she opened her mouth she would get a mouthful of gross, sweaty, strangely hard, Goblin flesh and no amount of biting seemed to make a difference. It was as though his very presence demanded that it be as offensive to her as possible.

"Until he has his fill?!"

Yes that was... an odd addition she would admit. She hadn't expected Goblins to be so open with their relationships but she was happy to make a note of it in her notebook later. After several scorching hot baths and perhaps a few bottles of fortified wine.

And then one of them screamed about her being the bride and Xunari was immediately drawing her magic to herself, ready to cleave the creature's head from it's body. The King had more - how would he even miss one?

Unless they were related.

Fantastic.

And then his nephew exploded.

She turned to Harianra.

"See niece? It could be worse. You could explode."

Harianra looked as though she wished she had the luxury of exploding. Judging by her pale face it seemed that she had her mouth full of Goblin fat folds from the last time she tried to talk... and her nose was rather flat against it. She was, quite literally, going to black out with Goblin inside of her.

Gross.

"The lands, I believe, will be discussed last purely for the simple fact that the lands we are taking have not yet been taken." she gestured to the King, "Your position is assured but it would be insulting to offer you some land and than have it turn out to be not the land you want. You should have a say in the specific parts of land you want."

 

[Griag The Goblin King]

Griag chuckled while he saw a knocked Screamy being escorted away by the Hobgoblin Devastators. "Don't worry my lovely bride," the Goblin King said still wrapping his large arm around Harianra. "Screamy is a nice enough lad albeit..... odd."

But now to business, Griag listened to Xunari's response nodding while he did so. The Drow was honest at least, he could always tell if someone was lying or not. Despite what those Monster Hunters say, Goblins are very observant capable of detecting the slightest of facial twitches. "I knew that I always had to work for the lands," Griag burped abruptly while talked the sound traveling far in the Sanctuary. "I trust that I would be assisted by your commanders as soon as I find a land worth taking my lady?"

It's not that Griag needed help taking assaulting lands but it will be nice to have some Drow under his command. It makes him feel even more important, The Goblin King motioned Xunari to follow him as he waddled towards a wooden looking mine cart. A small Goblin was operating the machinery and was waiting for Griag and the Drow. "Welcome my lord," the Goblin bowed.

"I've heard that the Queen has found Drueg's homeland," Griag said placing Harianara on the cart. "I wouldn't worry about them. They're isolationists so there will be no reinforcements by Belgrath, I can give you 5,000 of my troops comprised of Goblins, Spider Riders, Hobgoblins and one of my Trolls. They're excellent at creating tunnels at a whim and springing ambushes. You'll create interesting angles of attack."

Griag had spent years looking for the Drueg's homeland, how did the Queen find it so quickly. "So my lady," The Goblin King said. "Hop on the mine cart! We shall discuss more at soldier's fort! You can observe my army there!"

Xunari Auceus

 

[Xunari Auceus]

Yes Xunari and her niece were of one mind - they were both entirely certain that Griag's exploding nephew was a 'nice lad'. He hadn't tried to be as creepy as any of the other Goblins and he had been so very considerate in exploding without them needing to do anything.

It was appreciated.

"Oh you shall have our full support." she agreed with a sharp smile, "Extensions to your lands are extension to the Dominion and everyone wins with that. Plus we Drow are a rather blood thirsty lot when the time comes - we'd love the chance at more fighting."

After all, the dominion was shaping up to be a consortium or other grouping rather than an Empire at this rate. She was glad of the support and happy that things were going so well and Harianra had managed to take a breath so she wasn't even at risk of dying choking on Goblin fat folds.

This was what they called progress.

"Onward King Griag - let's see the armies that can grind those pesky dwarves into dust!"

 

[Griag The Goblin King]

The small Goblin pulled a lever as the cart began to move slowly. "I had to create a cart that was suited only for me! The last cart I was in collapsed under this muscle filled girth of mine and we fell 20 feet deep we did! I had a broken leg and it took 8 bloody months to repair the broken track!" Griag chuckled as they began going down the rusted metal track going deep into the Goblin Sanctuary. Sounds of the Goblin's howling were heard as they descended deep into the city. Many of them were moving about their day to day business, fighting over the last scraps of Wild Wolves, building wooden walkways and taking captives to be tortured and eaten.

"Let us take the Vanguard in our future battles," Griag grinned letting Harinra go so she can observe her future Kingdom. "The Goblin horde is endless! I have spent years uniting the tribes and placing them under my rule."

And by "uniting" Griag really meant killing the leaders through might or just simple poison devised by his magic. Rival tribes feared Griag's immense power and immediately joined him as soon as the leader was dead. Any who resist, died a painful death through either blood boiling, cracking of bones or maybe good ol hanging. A Goblin king demands complete and utter loyalty and what better to inspire loyalty through fear.

"Of course demands land and gold in addition to my lovely bride," Griag gave a simpering grin at Xunari's niece. "I hope that you'll also help me with my ambitions as well."

The Goblin King was grateful to have cold wind bristle against his pimple, pus filled body. He had been sweating profusely lately even though the Sanctuary was usually at a cooler temperature. "I seek one thing," Griag smile turned into a cold stare as he locked eyes with Xunari.

"Revenge."

Xunari Auceus