Quest A Knight, A Princess, And Taxes

[Helia Glacies Kyxo]

"You are understood, Your Highness. There must be some in Mardania who knew the name of Gawain Merrick and would mourn his passing; I shall seek their aid and return to train as one of Your Highness' Paladins forthwith. I will also uphold my oath to reclaim the lands of Merrick and provide her Highness with the appropriate tax and troops, and Castle Merrick shall be known far and wide as the bastion of Mardania, while undergoing her Highness' strict regimen for training, that I might be worthy of being one of her most valiant servants. At such time, I hope Her Highness will recognize Llewen Merrick not only as her loyal subject, but as her trusted ally, whose sword she may claim at her lightest whim as her own, to strike down her foes and be her shield against all threats. Her Highness' mercy is legendary; I only hope to repay even a fraction of it with my deeds."

"We shall see, Lord Merrick." She sipped up the last of her soup. Her father quietly and slowly still ate his, apparently absorbed in his own thoughts.

Helia stood, a servant coming to pull her chair out for her.
"I shall take my tea by the fire. Join me if you wish, Lord Merrick. My curiosity has been sated. You have our hospitality, a room has been prepared for you, when you are ready to retire just ask one of the staff and they will take you there. In the morning you may return home. If I do not see you again before then, I bid you good night and farewell."
With that she excused herself from the table with a curtsy to her father and then walked across the room to the fireplace where a servant had a rolling tray from which he was serving tea.

 

[Llewen Merrick]

Llewen at once hoped most fervently that he hadn't offended either the King or Princess Helia, his very validity dependent on their whims. Like most of their interactions, Llewen just had to trust that he was doing something right. So when Helia extended an invitation for another conversation--one which he had already planned on joining--he was eager, despite being so exhausted from the day's events. But such exhaustion might have been common for Princess Helia, so Llewen would need to match her stamina in case there was anything else he could get to work for House Merrick. At least he would have a guaranteed room for the night; so much else was not guaranteed in this world.

He thought it strange that her invitation had been so.. apathetic? Surely if she truly wished to speak with him, she would have just said so. Perhaps that was, once again, where the rumor of her frozen heart came from. Yet, this conversation felt destined; a singular private moment between two souls who had both lost an unimaginable amount, who despite being so far apart in class had too much in common in one of the saddest ways possible.

He solemnly stood up from the table, after a moment, bowing before the seemingly distracted King, saying "Your Majesty," before finding the courage to approach Helia, who now rested on the other side of the room in front of the fireplace. He approached her, more cautiously than he had in the throne room, even, despite the questions he desperately wished to ask her.

"Your Highness," he said, showing her the proper gesture once again, asking with his body language if he could be seated. "Lady Helia... If I might deign to ask, was there something you wished to discuss with me beyond the day's events?"

His question was uncertain, yet kind. He couldn't help but think seeing her there that she must have been the loneliest person in all of Mardania. She sat, now a physical reflection of Llewen's own soul.

 

[Helia Glacies Kyxo]

"Your Highness," he said, showing her the proper gesture once again, asking with his body language if he could be seated.

Helia had taken a seat in a plush chair a few feet from the fireplace. The fire was crackling and gave off an appreciable warmth, not that she was one to notice.
She sipped her tea as Llewen came to join her and nodded to his silent request to sit. The servant poured him a cup of tea.

Lady Helia... If I might deign to ask, was there something you wished to discuss with me beyond the day's events?"

She turned her eyes to him once again. He seemed to be fishing for a conversation of a different sort, but she couldn't imagine what it might be.
"I have asked you all I wish to know; my curiosity is sated." She repeated herself. "If you have further questions, you may ask them, but I am afraid it is not my place to tutor you in political etiquette." In a brief flash if inspiration she decided to show some simple concern for his health, such things are what a normal woman might say in this situation. "I believe today has been a long and productive one for you, perhaps you should rest instead and return to your people in the morning."
Helia took another sip of her tea, not breaking eye contact over the lip of her cup.

 

[Llewen Merrick]

Llewen's confusion was beginning to mount; had her extension to speak more privately truly been only a courtesy? A mere obligation of her station, perhaps? He didn't know, but, frankly, at this point, he didn't know that he cared, either. The questions he had were burning too hotly for him to simply ignore them, or act proper. Though that description may not have been quite right, either; rather, he felt like his spirit was reaching out for hers with a proverbial hand, hoping he could in some way reach her.

"I know only that etiquette my mother could afford to me before she was killed by orcs," Llewen said. He gave a quick bow before seating himself in the chair across from her. The dim light of the fire half-illuminating his face perhaps added gravity to his words. "And... I have a suspicion there was only so much you were taught as well, before that same cruel robber, tragedy, visited you. I know I speak out of turn, your Highness; all the language of the court, and your own remarks have imparted as much to me. And if you know your station, and I know mine, then I feel you must understand mine, and I yours, for I have learned of your family's tragedy, and I cannot help but to see my reflection in what I must see as your own sorrowed soul."

He paused, almost choking up but letting the feeling pass before continuing.

"So many questions burned within me the moment I learned of your loss. I wondered if the Lady Helia must understand my own pain; the nights spent alone, wondering when my father and mother might return. The echoes of my young sister's voice, weak and sickly, haunting my thoughts with their feverish report. I wondered how many nights Her Highness too must have spent in anguish, cursing every moon and star in the Mardanian sky for their fate, and the terrible, inexorable burden of loneliness. I thought I must be the only one who must own so much compared to so many, yet has so little. And I thought the Lady Helia must also bear that weight, wholly alone and without another soul who could possibly reach her in so accursed and unbearable a state. When I think of Her Highness now on her frozen throne, no longer do I see the splendor of Mardus, but instead that wretched isolation which saps the soul like the winter's kiss on bare skin, which threatens to freeze and kill for the slightest mistake."

He lowered his head, sighing, only the top half of his face visible in the gloom.

"I must profess my horrid and selfish nature, and beg Her Highness' forgiveness in being so forthright, again. But I thought if there were any one person in all of Mardania who could look into the soul of Llewen Merrick and understand this most abominable of burdens, it would be the Lady Helia. And I would be willing to suffer Her Highness' cruelty for even a chance at finding some way to escape this endless loneliness. For, if there were but one person who could understand that, then perhaps I could find the strength to carry on. I thought also, that perhaps the Lady Helia might feel that understanding, too."

He was downcast. He knew the royal etiquette more than he let on. But the pain in his heart transcended all pretense.

"Perhaps it is folly to hope that. But if a Princess can give her poorest of knights a second chance, then maybe there is reason to hope after all."

 

[Helia Glacies Kyxo]

"I know only that etiquette my mother could afford to me before she was killed by orcs," Llewen said. He gave a quick bow before seating himself in the chair across from her. The dim light of the fire half-illuminating his face perhaps added gravity to his words. "And... I have a suspicion there was only so much you were taught as well, before that same cruel robber, tragedy, visited you. I know I speak out of turn, your Highness; all the language of the court, and your own remarks have imparted as much to me. And if you know your station, and I know mine, then I feel you must understand mine, and I yours, for I have learned of your family's tragedy, and I cannot help but to see my reflection in what I must see as your own sorrowed soul."

Only so much she was taught? Perhaps by her mother, but teaching a princess her duties and etiquette was hardly the exclusive job of a queen. Many hands took up her education after that fateful night, and those hands were certainly full attempting to make her seem and act human, moreso than any teacher should have been. But she was a good student, nothing excited her so nothing distracted her from her lessons.
He was coming to her, seeking a connection... Their shared loss of family. This put her on guard, why was he opening up to her? Why was he breeching etiquette like this?

She slowly and calmly set her tea down, she would let him speak as much as she could, it was the graceful thing to do for the sake of one so out of practice with proper society... But the little that she could feel, cruelty, wickedness, malice, anger, she could almost feel it spreading through her chest like creeping ice.

"So many questions burned within me the moment I learned of your loss. I wondered if the Lady Helia must understand my own pain; the nights spent alone, wondering when my father and mother might return. The echoes of my young sister's voice, weak and sickly, haunting my thoughts with their feverish report. I wondered how many nights Her Highness too must have spent in anguish, cursing every moon and star in the Mardanian sky for their fate, and the terrible, inexorable burden of loneliness. I thought I must be the only one who must own so much compared to so many, yet has so little. And I thought the Lady Helia must also bear that weight, wholly alone and without another soul who could possibly reach her in so accursed and unbearable a state. When I think of Her Highness now on her frozen throne, no longer do I see the splendor of Mardus, but instead that wretched isolation which saps the soul like the winter's kiss on bare skin, which threatens to freeze and kill for the slightest mistake."

Did she understand? Could she empathize with his pain? His words seemed almost poetic as he went, as if romanticizing their struggle, or rather, his struggle, as if he were composing it for a minstrel to recite.
But his actions and words were misguided, she was no more capable of understanding the pain of another person than she was of feeling her own. She was certain that there was pain in her heart somewhere, but she locked it all away.

The firelight danced over half of her own features, casting her pale skin almost the same color as the fire.
A twitch of her eye, a restrained urge to freeze his tongue to his teeth.
The more he spoke and dug himself deeper, the more dangerous of a look entered her eyes.

"I must profess my horrid and selfish nature, and beg Her Highness' forgiveness in being so forthright, again. But I thought if there were any one person in all of Mardania who could look into the soul of Llewen Merrick and understand this most abominable of burdens, it would be the Lady Helia. And I would be willing to suffer Her Highness' cruelty for even a chance at finding some way to escape this endless loneliness. For, if there were but one person who could understand that, then perhaps I could find the strength to carry on. I thought also that perhaps the Lady Helia might feel that understanding, too."

"Perhaps it is folly to hope that. But if a Princess can give her poorest of knights a second chance, then maybe there is reason to hope after all."

Her jaw was clenching. She didn't know why she was able to feel these negative emotions when she couldn't feel any positive ones, it was fortunate that she was able to find an apathetic middle ground to appropriately function in society. In an effort to regain her composure turned up her nose and straightened in her chair.
"You forget yourself, Lord Merrick. I cannot see into your soul, nor do I have any desire to look."
In spite of herself the air grew colder around her, even the eat from the fire could not drive away the growing chill.
"Did you read the history of my family and suddenly get the romantic notion that you could be 'The one to break the curse'? Did you think our shared past trauma would give you an edge that others had not? Did you think that I would be overwhelmed by pity for your plight and suddenly my heart would melt?"
With each rhetorical question she seemed to get an increasingly more dangerous look in her eyes. The tea froze solid in both of their cups.
"I have been far too lenient with you, Lord Merrick. You will not learn your place if I continue to make exceptions for your inexperience."

 

[Llewen Merrick]

He was quiet for a moment; it wasn't the response he was expecting, and her words cut deeply. He had forgotten himself, to be certain, so desperate was he to try to connect to someone in a similar situation as himself. He settled on a singular question, as he fought back tears:

"Does Her Highness treat all offers of friendship with such hostility?" His words were not cold, but mournful.

He shook his head. He hardly noticed the changing temperature, for it seemed to match the sudden change in mood, and such a cold was not unfamiliar to him.

"I merely hoped there was one person who knew what it was like to lose, well, everything. And that I might be able to call that person friend, so that I might drive away the loneliness that has sunk into my heart like the cold that creeps into the castle in the deepest blizzards, where even the warmth of the hearth is insufficient... Yet I cannot be weak. My people will not abide it. Nor will my sovereign."

More now than ever he was struggling with his words. Hopelessness was taking its course and he was more sorrowful than before.

"I know my place, Your Highness. I am a lord in name only, and your mercy is given merely because I have nothing to offer... Your whim would see me exiled to a foreign land, without titles, and with no honor..." He nodded. "I know little of curses. Nor do I think I could break the spell on your own heart. I only want what is best for my people, and I only understand the bitter cold of loneliness, and thought we might both benefit from our shared experience. I was too forward in offering so, it would seem, or for thinking the soul of a princess might be similar to the knight who serves her."

He wiped a single tear from his eye.

"I hope that when 5 years have passed, you will not look too poorly on me for seeking Her Highness for camaraderie. Until then, and always, you will have my sword and my unwavering fealty. If it pleases Your Highness, I will take my leave to spare what few graces are left to me. If ever Princess Helia needs a favor from her lowest and most humble of servants, or merely a friend, Lord Llewen Merrick is ready and able to serve. Long may you reign, in peace. I beg my leave now."

 

[Helia Glacies Kyxo]

(Sorry for the delay. Work has kept me busy and tired. I should have more time over the next few weeks.)

"Does Her Highness treat all offers of friendship with such hostility?" His words were not cold, but mournful.

"I merely hoped there was one person who knew what it was like to lose, well, everything. And that I might be able to call that person friend, so that I might drive away the loneliness that has sunk into my heart like the cold that creeps into the castle in the deepest blizzards, where even the warmth of the hearth is insufficient... Yet I cannot be weak. My people will not abide it. Nor will my sovereign."

"I know my place, Your Highness. I am a lord in name only, and your mercy is given merely because I have nothing to offer... Your whim would see me exiled to a foreign land, without titles, and with no honor..." He nodded. "I know little of curses. Nor do I think I could break the spell on your own heart. I only want what is best for my people, and I only understand the bitter cold of loneliness, and thought we might both benefit from our shared experience. I was too forward in offering so, it would seem, or for thinking the soul of a princess might be similar to the knight who serves her."

"I hope that when 5 years have passed, you will not look too poorly on me for seeking Her Highness for camaraderie. Until then, and always, you will have my sword and my unwavering fealty. If it pleases Your Highness, I will take my leave to spare what few graces are left to me. If ever Princess Helia needs a favor from her lowest and most humble of servants, or merely a friend, Lord Llewen Merrick is ready and able to serve. Long may you reign, in peace. I beg my leave now."

She listened to his heartfelt speech with a cold regard. Her wrath mounting as he tried to bare his soul to probably the one person in Mardus who couldn't appreciate it even if she wanted to.
He had a long way to go if he was going to be her knight, and his heartfelt display, while seemingly genuine, was not a trait she looked for in her Knights of Mardus.
His outpouring of himself wasn't a bad thing, but she couldn't appreciate it and that made her angry, she couldn't understand his feelings the way she is now and he had the audacity to flaunt it before her, it wasn't his fault but when rage was one of the few things she COULD feel, it clouded her mind and made her unreasonable.

"You are right, I do know loss, yet I cannot remember what that loss felt like. I am the last person in Mardania who could provide solace for your injured heart."
The cold deepened, the tea in their cups crackled and froze to solid blocks of ice.
The fire flickered and snapped, trying desperately to consume fuel to stay alight.
She placed her hands on the arms of the chair and gripped the cushions in an effort to ground herself as her emotions grew colder. Frost formed on the chair around her fingers.

"Perhaps we should simply call it a night."
She quickly stood from the chair.
"Good night, Lord Merrick. And good luck."

 

[Llewen Merrick]

He couldn't help but agree with her, but he'd already taken his leave when she stood up and he could feel the air around him suddenly drop in temperature. It had been folly--he only hoped such folly wouldn't prove to be his undoing. As he made his way back to his bedchambers, he couldn't help but ponder that grandest of ironies. In his mind, she was suffering from that same sickness which claimed his own heart, yet the two of them were only steps away. But most ironic of all, he figured, was that the same grief and tragedy which claimed her heart with icy repose now blocked her from seeing someone else in so similar a situation as the same. He blamed her not for her cruelty, instead only pitying her for the sorrow he could feel manifest in the air in frostbitten vapor.

What he figured Princess Helia also didn't see, was that one of them was moving, and the other was not. And he knew as her Knight that as her shield, he would need to move where she couldn't. Just another burden he would take on, he figured, in order to restore his father's name and make one for himself.

He went to bed that night, warmer than before despite his many tears and emotional outbursts. He was stronger after today, that much he knew, and he was determined, because for the first time in so very long, he had moved forward.