There was blood on her hands.
Blood which water could never cleanse, and blood for which her heart felt no remorse. She had been a human slayer, and though not all of them were possessed of sin, she had believed it to be so, believed it with all the conviction her heart was capable of. That hatred simmered in her chest now, suppressed but not extinguished, unable to be totally extinguished, like a poisonous everburning flame which could merely be contained and never truly smothered.
But Hahnah had been twice touched by kindness, and of the second had occurred the opening of her eyes to all of the evil she had willfully done. She was a cleanser of profane things, but she herself had been profane as well all along.
Yet she could be better than the monster she had rightfully been accused of being. She wanted to be better. To live up to the example of they who had shown her that kindness could triumph over cruelty.
Of profane things she was the cleanser. But, maybe, of sacred things she could be the savior.
* * * * *
Hahnah had departed the city of Menura, wandered the roads of the Kingdom of Dalriada in the proximity of Oban, and struggled to survive. Gone were the gifts of the Dying God, her sorcery, which she would have used to hunt game and live off of the land. In her possession she had but a knife and the clothes on her back, so instead she had to resort to scavenging for food from the settlements she passed through. The concept of "stealing" was something she was aware of but did not quite understand, yet she knew enough to know that she needed to not be seen taking the food she needed. One of the rules of civilization she had through hard trial and error learned.
She was bidden to walk among them, these very words spoken to her by the Dying God. But she had not talked to very many people of the settlements she had traversed, she being a peculiar seemingly-elven stranger to them and they metaphorically being on the other side of a fragile wall of ice to her. What was it that kept her separated from them, these humans, that made it so difficult to simply speak with them? Shyness? Awkwardness? An inescapable otherness, of essentially living a life so at odds with their own that her being and her ways were to them insurmountably alien? Or perhaps it was simply easier to listen, to be present but not a part of, a covert observer peering in through sound and sight to the ordinary lives of others.
But then, as it had been with Griffyn von Spurling, there came a chance meeting, a spur of luck.
Hahnah was traveling down a road, hill to one side and gentle downslope to the other, sparse trees casting pockets of shade upon the fields of green. And there ahead of her a wagon, pulled by two mules. Approaching.
They came within speaking distance, the wagon slowing to a stop and Hahnah stopping as well. A man and a woman, each with similar faces of unblemished cheer, sat on the driver's platform of the wagon. The heads of children poked out curiously from the wagon and from their parents' backs--five in total.
The man looked Hahnah over, taking in her measure: the dirt that had collected at the bottom of her cloak, the bags under, and forlorn character of, her eyes, the weakened manner in which she stood. He said to her, "Good morning, elf."
"Good morning," Hahnah replied.
They spoke, back and forth, for a little while. The slight trepidation the man and his wife had of Hahnah faded quickly, and they were not even bothered that she had a knife on her person. They introduced themselves: Nicholas and Rachel Stonemason. Not actual stonemasons, Nicholas added with a chuckle, just their surname. Rachel asked Hahnah where she was going. And Hahnah told her the truth: that she didn't yet know. Rachel and Nicholas shared a look. Nicholas shared with Hahnah where he and his family were going, and why: to Oban, for his younger brother lived there and he was getting married at last, and they were off to participate in the ceremony.
Then Nicholas, putting on a friendly smile, said, "How would you like to come with us? Keep in our company until Oban?"
Hahnah, with an understated tone and expression of joy, nodded, and said, "Yes. I would like that very much."
Hahnah rode in the back of the wagon with the children, whom she had come to know over the course of their journey. Imoen was the eldest at thirteen years, and she watched over her siblings like a hawk, taking effervescent pride in teaching them things and keeping them in line if they got "too rowdy." Joseph and Joel were twins, nine years old, and were often the usual culprits of said too-rowdiness given that they adored their wooden swords and play fought with them frequently, occasionally by accident smacking one of their younger siblings or Imoen herself in their broad, dramatic strokes. Mina was seven, and she was showing signs of magic adeptness already, playing with fizzling bands of light that danced on her fingertips; at least, when she wasn't studiously reading one of the books at her side ("Expensive those are," said Nicholas of them). Then there was Rorik, five years of age and looking precisely like his father with his blonde hair and green eyes, who could be as quiet and engaged as Mina while toying with tools and miscellaneous things and trying to build little constructions out of them, and who could be as energetic as Joseph and Joel when he would inevitably get caught up in a rough-and-tumble with them--before Imoen had to step in and break it up before Rachel cast a disciplinary glance back, anyway.
Hahnah talked and interacted with the human children freely, that wall of ice stopping her previously having its fragility proven. And, in truth, she was as genuinely curious about them as they were of her. Mina asked if she could touch Hahnah's pointed ears, and Hahnah said that she may, and she asked often if Hahnah could speak to her in Elvish, which she obliged. Imoen braided and unbraided Hahnah's hair many times throughout the journey as she talked of their hometown, Juniper's Reach, further south and bordering the Savannah. Joseph and Joel wanted to know if she knew any elven martial arts, and were mildly disappointed when Hahnah didn't even know what "martial arts" were; they subsequently took turns play-swordfighting with her, and, to their excitement, ended up squashing her with their superior skill with a wooden blade. Rorik had been the first among them to share some of his food with her, half a sweetroll, and he remarked with complete childhood innocence that Hahnah was "really pretty"--which she didn't quite know how to respond to, prompting giggles from Imoen.
Five days on the road, steadily riding toward Oban.
And then they were stopped.
"Must be getting close," Nicholas said, his head half turned back to glance into the wagon. "There's some soldiers up ahead. Patrol."
"You hear that?" Rachel said, looking into the wagon. "Almost there."
A chorus of approval from the children, and Hahnah glancing forward out through the wagon's opening. Soldiers. She felt an apprehension at that word, recalling the Anirian soldiers that had marched into Strathford to restore order, the soldiers during the siege of Menura. But she kept her calm.
The wagon slowed. Hahnah briefly saw that one of the soldiers had stepped onto the road with a hand raised and bid them to stop, and so Nicholas had.
"Hail, traveler," said one of the soldiers--Hahnah couldn't see which one.
"Good afternoon," said Nicholas.
"Fine day, it is." The same soldier, in the same genial tone of voice.
"Fine day, indeed."
"Allow me to apologize for taking up some of your time, traveler, but we need only perform a routine inspection of your wagon. 'Tis an order of the King, you see."
"Oh?" Rachel said. "Do you mind if I ask what this order is about?"
"Not at all, ma'am," said the soldier. "His Grace is stamping an iron boot down on smuggling, and we are bidden to do our part. We will need to be thorough, but I promise our inspection will not take overly long."
Hahnah looked among the children in the back of the wagon. All of them, Imoen included, had the look of mild uncertainty common to children first experiencing something to which they were mostly unfamiliar. But none were alarmed.
"Step down from the wagon, please," said a different soldier. Gruff, but not overly so.
"Very well," Nicholas said. Rachel, then, looking back into the wagon, saying "Come children. Hahnah, if you could help them down please."
"I will."
Soon, the family and Hahnah were off the wagon and standing off to one side of the road. Four soldiers in total, three looking through the wagon, one--the genial one--standing close by the family and Hahnah with his arms crossed.
"Where might you be coming from, traveler?" The genial soldier asked of Nicholas. Conversationally. "Well, if you don't mind my asking--it's not part of the inspection, just out of curiosity."
"Juniper's Reach," Nicholas replied with a small nod.
"Oh? Juniper's Reach? A little too south for me. Beyond the Kingdom, too inland." The soldier chuckled. "Ah, I've gotten used the smell of the sea in Oban." Then he looked to Hahnah. "And what about you, elf?"
She could have said any of the names of the towns and villages she had passed through as she wandered Dalriada. But she spoke as if in reflex, "I have come from Menura."
A cocking of the soldier's head, surprised and intrigued. "No shit? Menura. Were you there during the siege not so long ago?"
Hahnah did not see any reason to be dishonest. "Yes, I was in the city while it was under siege."
"That had to be awkward. You being..." The soldier made an up and down gesture with his hand, specifically pointing out Hahnah's elven appearance.
"I did what was right."
A nod of concurrence from the soldier. "There's truth in that, what with Menura being a victory for Oban and you being alive and well. Good on you."
Then there came a whistle. The genial soldier twisted his hips to look back, and one of the searching soldiers hopped out of wagon shaking his head.
"Alright. All done with then," said the genial soldier. Nicholas and Rachel made motions to get back onto the wagon, when the genial soldier spoke again, "Just the matter of the toll now."
Nicholas blinked. "The what?"
"The toll." The genial soldier swept a hand, indicating himself and the other three soldiers by the wagon. "It costs coin to maintain these increased patrols. And, well, this is but one man's opinion, but I'd say it's worth it--the roads of Dalriada have never been safer. All the smart bandits are gone and the dumber ones dead or imprisoned. How's that not a worthy cause championed by our King?"
"Oh," Rachel said, unsure. "How...how much is the toll, then?"
The genial soldier smiled. "Let's see what coin you have."
Tentatively, both Nicholas and Rachel slowly unbound their coin pouches from their belts and handed them over to the soldiers. Hahnah watched as the soldiers pawed through the pouches, equally fascinated and bewildered by the fixation on that which was called "money." It was such an integral part of civilization, that much Hahnah knew, but she wondered if she would ever come to truly understand the concept of money and the fixation upon it.
The soldiers conferred amongst themselves for a moment, and then the genial one looked to Nicholas and Rachel and said with a broad, cheerful smile, "It's not enough."
"Not enough?" Nicholas said, flabbergasted. "That's all we have! How are we supposed to--?"
And it was at this point that the corrupt soldiers dropped all pretense. Unimpressed with the contents of the wagon, the gruff soldier said, "One of the children. I know a man with connections." His fellows didn't argue. Nicholas and Rachel were caught completely off guard when they were pushed and held back, two of the soldiers narrowing their sights on Mina and taking her by the arms as the genial soldier watched on. Fearful cries from the other children, pleas of rising panic from Nicholas and Rachel.
Then Hahnah, knowing what she had to do, knowing that now was the time in which she could grasp at some measure of redemption, pulled out the knife from her pants pocket. Brandished it. Said firmly, "Stop."
The four soldiers, having discounted her, all looked to her now.
"You are all profane, and I will not allow you to do this. Of sacred things I am the sa--"
A sucker punch from a plated fist nearly knocked Hahnah unconscious, and it sent her down to her hands and knees. Three of the four soldiers were upon her, the family now huddling in terror as they watched. A swift kick to the gut sent her toppling over and down onto her back. They stomped on her, viciously, as she tried to get up. A plated boot on her wrist and then another kicking her hand, breaking skin and nearly breaking bone, and the knife was gone from her possession. Hahnah tried again and again to rise, but she was beaten savagely back down each time. Finally, the gruff soldier mounted her and punched down into her face with his metal gauntlet, battering her and drawing blood with each ferocious punch until he was certain she'd stay down.
And Hahnah lay on the ground. Bloodied, bruised, twitching sporadically, unable to stand and fight as she had desired to do.
"Let's hurry this up," said the genial soldier with that ceaseless smile.
The other three soldiers again went for Mina. One started pulling the petrified girl away by the arm, another pushing back Rachel as she tried to intervene and then placing a hard hand on Nicholas's chest to keep him back, and the third slapping Imoen across the face as she tried to pull her sister away from the first soldier's grip, Imoen falling down onto her hindquarters and clutching at her face with angry tears in her eyes.
Hahnah, as she lay beaten, reached a meek and futile hand out toward Mina.
I want to be better...I am more than a monster in the wild...
Of sacred things...I am...
Blood which water could never cleanse, and blood for which her heart felt no remorse. She had been a human slayer, and though not all of them were possessed of sin, she had believed it to be so, believed it with all the conviction her heart was capable of. That hatred simmered in her chest now, suppressed but not extinguished, unable to be totally extinguished, like a poisonous everburning flame which could merely be contained and never truly smothered.
But Hahnah had been twice touched by kindness, and of the second had occurred the opening of her eyes to all of the evil she had willfully done. She was a cleanser of profane things, but she herself had been profane as well all along.
Yet she could be better than the monster she had rightfully been accused of being. She wanted to be better. To live up to the example of they who had shown her that kindness could triumph over cruelty.
Of profane things she was the cleanser. But, maybe, of sacred things she could be the savior.
* * * * *
Hahnah had departed the city of Menura, wandered the roads of the Kingdom of Dalriada in the proximity of Oban, and struggled to survive. Gone were the gifts of the Dying God, her sorcery, which she would have used to hunt game and live off of the land. In her possession she had but a knife and the clothes on her back, so instead she had to resort to scavenging for food from the settlements she passed through. The concept of "stealing" was something she was aware of but did not quite understand, yet she knew enough to know that she needed to not be seen taking the food she needed. One of the rules of civilization she had through hard trial and error learned.
She was bidden to walk among them, these very words spoken to her by the Dying God. But she had not talked to very many people of the settlements she had traversed, she being a peculiar seemingly-elven stranger to them and they metaphorically being on the other side of a fragile wall of ice to her. What was it that kept her separated from them, these humans, that made it so difficult to simply speak with them? Shyness? Awkwardness? An inescapable otherness, of essentially living a life so at odds with their own that her being and her ways were to them insurmountably alien? Or perhaps it was simply easier to listen, to be present but not a part of, a covert observer peering in through sound and sight to the ordinary lives of others.
But then, as it had been with Griffyn von Spurling, there came a chance meeting, a spur of luck.
Hahnah was traveling down a road, hill to one side and gentle downslope to the other, sparse trees casting pockets of shade upon the fields of green. And there ahead of her a wagon, pulled by two mules. Approaching.
They came within speaking distance, the wagon slowing to a stop and Hahnah stopping as well. A man and a woman, each with similar faces of unblemished cheer, sat on the driver's platform of the wagon. The heads of children poked out curiously from the wagon and from their parents' backs--five in total.
The man looked Hahnah over, taking in her measure: the dirt that had collected at the bottom of her cloak, the bags under, and forlorn character of, her eyes, the weakened manner in which she stood. He said to her, "Good morning, elf."
"Good morning," Hahnah replied.
They spoke, back and forth, for a little while. The slight trepidation the man and his wife had of Hahnah faded quickly, and they were not even bothered that she had a knife on her person. They introduced themselves: Nicholas and Rachel Stonemason. Not actual stonemasons, Nicholas added with a chuckle, just their surname. Rachel asked Hahnah where she was going. And Hahnah told her the truth: that she didn't yet know. Rachel and Nicholas shared a look. Nicholas shared with Hahnah where he and his family were going, and why: to Oban, for his younger brother lived there and he was getting married at last, and they were off to participate in the ceremony.
Then Nicholas, putting on a friendly smile, said, "How would you like to come with us? Keep in our company until Oban?"
Hahnah, with an understated tone and expression of joy, nodded, and said, "Yes. I would like that very much."
* * * * *
Hahnah rode in the back of the wagon with the children, whom she had come to know over the course of their journey. Imoen was the eldest at thirteen years, and she watched over her siblings like a hawk, taking effervescent pride in teaching them things and keeping them in line if they got "too rowdy." Joseph and Joel were twins, nine years old, and were often the usual culprits of said too-rowdiness given that they adored their wooden swords and play fought with them frequently, occasionally by accident smacking one of their younger siblings or Imoen herself in their broad, dramatic strokes. Mina was seven, and she was showing signs of magic adeptness already, playing with fizzling bands of light that danced on her fingertips; at least, when she wasn't studiously reading one of the books at her side ("Expensive those are," said Nicholas of them). Then there was Rorik, five years of age and looking precisely like his father with his blonde hair and green eyes, who could be as quiet and engaged as Mina while toying with tools and miscellaneous things and trying to build little constructions out of them, and who could be as energetic as Joseph and Joel when he would inevitably get caught up in a rough-and-tumble with them--before Imoen had to step in and break it up before Rachel cast a disciplinary glance back, anyway.
Hahnah talked and interacted with the human children freely, that wall of ice stopping her previously having its fragility proven. And, in truth, she was as genuinely curious about them as they were of her. Mina asked if she could touch Hahnah's pointed ears, and Hahnah said that she may, and she asked often if Hahnah could speak to her in Elvish, which she obliged. Imoen braided and unbraided Hahnah's hair many times throughout the journey as she talked of their hometown, Juniper's Reach, further south and bordering the Savannah. Joseph and Joel wanted to know if she knew any elven martial arts, and were mildly disappointed when Hahnah didn't even know what "martial arts" were; they subsequently took turns play-swordfighting with her, and, to their excitement, ended up squashing her with their superior skill with a wooden blade. Rorik had been the first among them to share some of his food with her, half a sweetroll, and he remarked with complete childhood innocence that Hahnah was "really pretty"--which she didn't quite know how to respond to, prompting giggles from Imoen.
Five days on the road, steadily riding toward Oban.
And then they were stopped.
* * * * *
"Must be getting close," Nicholas said, his head half turned back to glance into the wagon. "There's some soldiers up ahead. Patrol."
"You hear that?" Rachel said, looking into the wagon. "Almost there."
A chorus of approval from the children, and Hahnah glancing forward out through the wagon's opening. Soldiers. She felt an apprehension at that word, recalling the Anirian soldiers that had marched into Strathford to restore order, the soldiers during the siege of Menura. But she kept her calm.
The wagon slowed. Hahnah briefly saw that one of the soldiers had stepped onto the road with a hand raised and bid them to stop, and so Nicholas had.
"Hail, traveler," said one of the soldiers--Hahnah couldn't see which one.
"Good afternoon," said Nicholas.
"Fine day, it is." The same soldier, in the same genial tone of voice.
"Fine day, indeed."
"Allow me to apologize for taking up some of your time, traveler, but we need only perform a routine inspection of your wagon. 'Tis an order of the King, you see."
"Oh?" Rachel said. "Do you mind if I ask what this order is about?"
"Not at all, ma'am," said the soldier. "His Grace is stamping an iron boot down on smuggling, and we are bidden to do our part. We will need to be thorough, but I promise our inspection will not take overly long."
Hahnah looked among the children in the back of the wagon. All of them, Imoen included, had the look of mild uncertainty common to children first experiencing something to which they were mostly unfamiliar. But none were alarmed.
"Step down from the wagon, please," said a different soldier. Gruff, but not overly so.
"Very well," Nicholas said. Rachel, then, looking back into the wagon, saying "Come children. Hahnah, if you could help them down please."
"I will."
Soon, the family and Hahnah were off the wagon and standing off to one side of the road. Four soldiers in total, three looking through the wagon, one--the genial one--standing close by the family and Hahnah with his arms crossed.
"Where might you be coming from, traveler?" The genial soldier asked of Nicholas. Conversationally. "Well, if you don't mind my asking--it's not part of the inspection, just out of curiosity."
"Juniper's Reach," Nicholas replied with a small nod.
"Oh? Juniper's Reach? A little too south for me. Beyond the Kingdom, too inland." The soldier chuckled. "Ah, I've gotten used the smell of the sea in Oban." Then he looked to Hahnah. "And what about you, elf?"
She could have said any of the names of the towns and villages she had passed through as she wandered Dalriada. But she spoke as if in reflex, "I have come from Menura."
A cocking of the soldier's head, surprised and intrigued. "No shit? Menura. Were you there during the siege not so long ago?"
Hahnah did not see any reason to be dishonest. "Yes, I was in the city while it was under siege."
"That had to be awkward. You being..." The soldier made an up and down gesture with his hand, specifically pointing out Hahnah's elven appearance.
"I did what was right."
A nod of concurrence from the soldier. "There's truth in that, what with Menura being a victory for Oban and you being alive and well. Good on you."
Then there came a whistle. The genial soldier twisted his hips to look back, and one of the searching soldiers hopped out of wagon shaking his head.
"Alright. All done with then," said the genial soldier. Nicholas and Rachel made motions to get back onto the wagon, when the genial soldier spoke again, "Just the matter of the toll now."
Nicholas blinked. "The what?"
"The toll." The genial soldier swept a hand, indicating himself and the other three soldiers by the wagon. "It costs coin to maintain these increased patrols. And, well, this is but one man's opinion, but I'd say it's worth it--the roads of Dalriada have never been safer. All the smart bandits are gone and the dumber ones dead or imprisoned. How's that not a worthy cause championed by our King?"
"Oh," Rachel said, unsure. "How...how much is the toll, then?"
The genial soldier smiled. "Let's see what coin you have."
Tentatively, both Nicholas and Rachel slowly unbound their coin pouches from their belts and handed them over to the soldiers. Hahnah watched as the soldiers pawed through the pouches, equally fascinated and bewildered by the fixation on that which was called "money." It was such an integral part of civilization, that much Hahnah knew, but she wondered if she would ever come to truly understand the concept of money and the fixation upon it.
The soldiers conferred amongst themselves for a moment, and then the genial one looked to Nicholas and Rachel and said with a broad, cheerful smile, "It's not enough."
"Not enough?" Nicholas said, flabbergasted. "That's all we have! How are we supposed to--?"
And it was at this point that the corrupt soldiers dropped all pretense. Unimpressed with the contents of the wagon, the gruff soldier said, "One of the children. I know a man with connections." His fellows didn't argue. Nicholas and Rachel were caught completely off guard when they were pushed and held back, two of the soldiers narrowing their sights on Mina and taking her by the arms as the genial soldier watched on. Fearful cries from the other children, pleas of rising panic from Nicholas and Rachel.
Then Hahnah, knowing what she had to do, knowing that now was the time in which she could grasp at some measure of redemption, pulled out the knife from her pants pocket. Brandished it. Said firmly, "Stop."
The four soldiers, having discounted her, all looked to her now.
"You are all profane, and I will not allow you to do this. Of sacred things I am the sa--"
A sucker punch from a plated fist nearly knocked Hahnah unconscious, and it sent her down to her hands and knees. Three of the four soldiers were upon her, the family now huddling in terror as they watched. A swift kick to the gut sent her toppling over and down onto her back. They stomped on her, viciously, as she tried to get up. A plated boot on her wrist and then another kicking her hand, breaking skin and nearly breaking bone, and the knife was gone from her possession. Hahnah tried again and again to rise, but she was beaten savagely back down each time. Finally, the gruff soldier mounted her and punched down into her face with his metal gauntlet, battering her and drawing blood with each ferocious punch until he was certain she'd stay down.
And Hahnah lay on the ground. Bloodied, bruised, twitching sporadically, unable to stand and fight as she had desired to do.
"Let's hurry this up," said the genial soldier with that ceaseless smile.
The other three soldiers again went for Mina. One started pulling the petrified girl away by the arm, another pushing back Rachel as she tried to intervene and then placing a hard hand on Nicholas's chest to keep him back, and the third slapping Imoen across the face as she tried to pull her sister away from the first soldier's grip, Imoen falling down onto her hindquarters and clutching at her face with angry tears in her eyes.
Hahnah, as she lay beaten, reached a meek and futile hand out toward Mina.
I want to be better...I am more than a monster in the wild...
Of sacred things...I am...