Letters To Urchin

[Visha Sofka]

To Urchin,

Hi.

(There is a picture of a crudely drawn smiling face.)

What's red, orange, and hot all over? GUESS! I'm going to quiz you next time I see you!

Also, where's your mom's house? No reason. No reason. Hahaha. Okay, there's a reason. See that smiley face I drew up there? Yeah, that one. So I drew it and then I remembered what you said and then I got hungry and I was all, "AHHHHHHHHHH" because I've been busy and I forgot to eat like five times in a row, you know how that goes, and I was all, oh yeah, Urchin's mom, she makes the sunny-side-up eggs with the slice of bacon and the smiley face thing and damn it I'm hungry again.

Also also, tell Charity that SHARING IS CARING. JEEZ!

Sinsairily yours,
Visha


PS, if you got a bowl cut I'm going to eat oatmeal out of it and slap you, not necessarily in that order.

Urchin

 

[Urchin]

To Visha,

Charity here.

I would like you to know that Urchin very much appreciated the smiley face that you drew. He looked at it very happily for several minutes after your letter arrived, then he pointed to the words and asked me what all the weird, squiggly lines meant. (He particularly likes the letter R, and says it looks like a fat little bird. I personally don't see it.)

In response to your riddle, Urchin guesses fire, but suggested red peppers as an alternative as they are red on the outside, orange on the inside and while cool to the touch, are a fucking bonfire in your mouth. (I should note that Urchin is a wimp and does not like spicy foods.)

Urchin also regrets to inform you that his mother passed away several years ago and he doubts that the remaining whores at the brothel where he used to live will appreciate one of their sessions being interrupted by a strange red haired girl demanding that the customers roll over and finish themselves off while the lady makes her breakfast. He does however say that he would be more than happy to make you a smiley egg and bacon breakfast should you ever come over to visit, and offers to provide the bacon so long as you keep the chicken coop well stocked. (He giggled a lot at that but still refuses to tell me what it means.)

PS: The fuck are you on about "sharing is caring"? I've never shared anything with anybody before (except with Urchin), and I'm not planning on starting anytime soon. Just because my name is Charity doesn't mean that I'm inclined to share! Go get your own you adorable pyro!

Yours, Charity and Urchin.

PPS, Urchin has asked me to point out that there would be a lot of hair your oatmeal, which would be disgusting, and eggs and bacon make a much better breakfast than oatmeal anyway.