Completed The Curse of the Noggobbler
- Thread starter Pim
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Grrghhhalll
His belly rumbled like some famished beast in some lone mountain, echoing and bouncing through each corner of the world and warning of ill portent to come for the creatures beneath...
Well. At least that's what he thought.
In the past two years as he was surmising it had been, he had eaten a total of a handful of scraped. That was it. Sure he was suspended from reality for most of that time, almost exclusively that whole time, but that wasn't about to stop him from over-exaggerating his hardship. He'd earned it, after all, he had barely eaten in two years.
Of course, the people of Bland didn't really care. He wasn't sure the people of Bland were capable of caring. Or feeling. In fact, if it wasn't for the slow beats of their blinks he would've been convinced they weren't even capable of existing with any measure of impact. Of course, Farzad himself was maybe the problem coming into the epitome of grey dressed in a heavy soiree of scarfs, fabrics and spilled colour he could be mistaken for a rainbow splashed onto a wall. He gave out a heavy sigh along with that echoing bubbling gurgle as he continued to stagger through Bland and into the marketplace.
No soft sung swill smelling scents sakeing sore study.
No vicious voices violently vivisecting various vendors.
No marketed merchandise making meek men marvel.
No vicious voices violently vivisecting various vendors.
No marketed merchandise making meek men marvel.
If it wasn't for the ring of a single voice he would have kept himself moving. There was always grass to eat. Tasted terrible but it was there.
"Cheap pies!" Cried the only vendor with a penchant for being a merchant. Ahhh perfect. My favourite type of food. Cheap. Farzad thought to himself as he turned on a heel. Both, in fact, a strange movement if one that was obtuse and out of place in the town of slack-jawed dollars with the style of a... well all the style of Bland could muster really. There was little way to describe the people other than such an eponymous name.
Farzad came to the table, scarfs shuffling with his movements, one even catching the breeze slightly. His visage was always covered by the heft of scarfs more like blankets that dropped himself. "How many are cheap? And of those cheap ones, are there any on sale?" His voice was rather hoarse adjusting to speaking since his long sojourn from reality.
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Farzad dragged his ink-stained pinky along the ridge of his jawline scratching and shuffling at the scarf that had caught itself on his frazzled chin hairs. "Hmmm... Do you do custom orders? Or have anything more sweet than savoury?" Farzad quizzed and queried rapidly. "A tangerine pie? A tangelo pie? A other t-related pie." He finalised, looking around at the other stalls.
They were a dreary and drab sight and only caught his eye by the paradoxical mercantile manners and tongues they had. Here was... He paused for a second, "And who might you be? I have a feeling you are not a local around here." He asked in succession, though far less speed up than his previous question as he enjoyed the soft scent of another pie, the one in the oven finally escaping with just enough drizzle of smell to entice him for a minute and give his belly a mighty rumble.
They were a dreary and drab sight and only caught his eye by the paradoxical mercantile manners and tongues they had. Here was... He paused for a second, "And who might you be? I have a feeling you are not a local around here." He asked in succession, though far less speed up than his previous question as he enjoyed the soft scent of another pie, the one in the oven finally escaping with just enough drizzle of smell to entice him for a minute and give his belly a mighty rumble.
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Well, it seemed he had stumbled into the right question at the quick hand that hid a solemn teardrop. Not quite the energy he expected, but a good sign of a passionate person. He was going to clarify if it was an excellent tear at the very least though their pep gave it away or if they were a very good merchant indeed. "Well Pim, it is fantastic to make your acquaintance and your cousins?" He paused looking around and seeing no one with any brightness or cheer to their delight. "No, no just your acquaintance so far." He smiled realising a little too late that his scarf hid that specific facial feature.
"Okay so to clarify though this isn't a bring your own ingredients deal? I mean I have no tangelo or tangerine but good to know for the future." Turning to let Pim scurry and makeshift their way through their wagon he gave the occasional wave to a passerby. They did little more than hurry their pace and avoid eye contact with the disgrace of colour that wandered into their town before he heard the creaking and rattling sound of a cannonball fired with just too little effort. He only managed a few steps in his curiosity before Pim's voice pulled him back.
Turning on a heel he walked back those paces towards Pim. "Perfect! A late t addition to the day." He replied with a cheery tone. "Though I am not familiar. What is a Teegim? Is this one of those updogs jokes I still don't get?" Continuing from his previous statement.
Pim
"Okay so to clarify though this isn't a bring your own ingredients deal? I mean I have no tangelo or tangerine but good to know for the future." Turning to let Pim scurry and makeshift their way through their wagon he gave the occasional wave to a passerby. They did little more than hurry their pace and avoid eye contact with the disgrace of colour that wandered into their town before he heard the creaking and rattling sound of a cannonball fired with just too little effort. He only managed a few steps in his curiosity before Pim's voice pulled him back.
Turning on a heel he walked back those paces towards Pim. "Perfect! A late t addition to the day." He replied with a cheery tone. "Though I am not familiar. What is a Teegim? Is this one of those updogs jokes I still don't get?" Continuing from his previous statement.
Pim
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Farzad had little he could do except observe nor add much. He had never had much luck cooking food, often just happy if whatever he made didn't leave him sick the following day so the prospect of hand-crafted pie created only a soft-spoken gurgle in his gut.
"That is an opportunity, but I'm not looking for work right now." He replied back, his eyes following a drift as they moved around, still lounging in the reverie of scents that the withdrawn pies produced. "Right now I'm in no state to be working," he kneeled down to get a closer look at all the equipment. "have to spend the rest of the week sorting out spells and re-preparing scrolls." He continued, half clarifying and the other half simply musing aloud. Though he did pause at the idea of something interesting.
He was sure he could find a half-dozen ingredients that could work for a pie. A lot more that wouldn't, but that wasn't too worried. "I'd take you up on that, do you have a travelling schedule? Ingredients tend to have a pretty short shelf life or at least the interesting ones do." He paused for a second, coming to his full, unimpressive height at the ringing grumble from the oven and it took him far too long to realise that the oven was not having a stare-down contest with the bumbling coloured mage though he blinked when she said 'on the hovel'. It was a turn of phrase he hadn't heard before and just had to go with it. The world was an exciting and new place since his departure after all. "And atop the heap." He replied with faux confidence, excitingly taking a bite out of the admittedly unknown pie, but nonetheless tasty pie.
While enjoying it he had to note that this piemaker. Was far more well-versed than he expected. He drew a cocked brow and a slight gait to his head when he heard their knowledge on Kivren. "Harvested by the Kivren? I didn't know they involved themselves in Aquaculture. Though I don't know many people that have piecemeal talks about the Kivren. How did you come across that?" His voice was piqued with interest, a slight tang popping his voice at the word Kivren.
Pim
"That is an opportunity, but I'm not looking for work right now." He replied back, his eyes following a drift as they moved around, still lounging in the reverie of scents that the withdrawn pies produced. "Right now I'm in no state to be working," he kneeled down to get a closer look at all the equipment. "have to spend the rest of the week sorting out spells and re-preparing scrolls." He continued, half clarifying and the other half simply musing aloud. Though he did pause at the idea of something interesting.
He was sure he could find a half-dozen ingredients that could work for a pie. A lot more that wouldn't, but that wasn't too worried. "I'd take you up on that, do you have a travelling schedule? Ingredients tend to have a pretty short shelf life or at least the interesting ones do." He paused for a second, coming to his full, unimpressive height at the ringing grumble from the oven and it took him far too long to realise that the oven was not having a stare-down contest with the bumbling coloured mage though he blinked when she said 'on the hovel'. It was a turn of phrase he hadn't heard before and just had to go with it. The world was an exciting and new place since his departure after all. "And atop the heap." He replied with faux confidence, excitingly taking a bite out of the admittedly unknown pie, but nonetheless tasty pie.
While enjoying it he had to note that this piemaker. Was far more well-versed than he expected. He drew a cocked brow and a slight gait to his head when he heard their knowledge on Kivren. "Harvested by the Kivren? I didn't know they involved themselves in Aquaculture. Though I don't know many people that have piecemeal talks about the Kivren. How did you come across that?" His voice was piqued with interest, a slight tang popping his voice at the word Kivren.
Pim
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Farzad let loose a long groan, less so at Pim and more at his predicament. "So many. My entire reservoir of spells and then some. I've got to go out of my way and get inks sorted, then find a Tattoo artist while I get my scrolls prepared. On top of all this I still haven't sourced any good basic paper let alone magically inclined stuff." His words rolled out like a dam with one too many cracks as he vented his frustrations. "And all this without a proper budget. I feel like I'm starting up as an adventurer again and I. Hate. It." It was audible, how he was trying to repair said dam, slowing himself down, keeping his rage from boiling over. "Why curious? You practitioner of spells yourself?" He finally inquired head brought low at his worries.
Farzad listened intently on the Kirven talk. He didn't see much point in interrupting his pie maker, aside from the odd I see, or ahh in genuine fascination. He wasn't quite expecting this from his piemaker but that wasn't to say the delight was lost on him. "Ya know, if I could ever manage a travel schedule, I might have just take up a trip with you if it takes me into such interesting folk." He tried to chime in, especially since he didn't recognize the constable and said it between his excuses. It was, as far as Farzad would say, was not to undermine the man that gave him the same sour look he had seen in fringe cults. And he most assuredly was not tempted to simply feign and go 'boo' at the stern bordering on boring man.
"I want to proclaim. Before we move even one step. That I was innocent, am innocent and will remain innocent. And am also stating this is profession profiling."
Pim
Farzad listened intently on the Kirven talk. He didn't see much point in interrupting his pie maker, aside from the odd I see, or ahh in genuine fascination. He wasn't quite expecting this from his piemaker but that wasn't to say the delight was lost on him. "Ya know, if I could ever manage a travel schedule, I might have just take up a trip with you if it takes me into such interesting folk." He tried to chime in, especially since he didn't recognize the constable and said it between his excuses. It was, as far as Farzad would say, was not to undermine the man that gave him the same sour look he had seen in fringe cults. And he most assuredly was not tempted to simply feign and go 'boo' at the stern bordering on boring man.
Of course, the minute accusations were pointed at Farzad, his tone changed and while he got up, and just before he started to follow, he tiraded with a little too much practiced professionalism."I want to proclaim. Before we move even one step. That I was innocent, am innocent and will remain innocent. And am also stating this is profession profiling."
Pim
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Farzad sat down.
Like a criminal.
Like a criminal.
He turned the seat around with a quick motion so the face of the chair sat flat towards the Constable, and his arms crossed over its height. He lowered his hat just a bit as his legs sprayed out, only marginally uncomfortable. He whispered to Pim a quick thought before he could start his tirade.
"Okay you play good cop I'll play bad cop."
"And I'll have you know. We are both esteemed members of the Social Club of Eldritch Food Artificers." He continued, dishonestly but without a drop to his tone and a finger raised, pointed, and moved back and forth with all the incredulity he could muster. "So I hope you know this is getting reported to your supervisor's boss," Farzad continued with absolute confidence of the situation, before with a wave of his hand passing things to Pim. "Pim, my illustrious colleague what do you think of this absolute profiling that we are being hammered with again; This man clearly hasn't heard the case back in Grimwallow County. And what it did to their..."
He paused. Slowly turning back to look at the constable. His lips almost smacked and salivated at the very word as Farzad sounded it out. Each word was poisoned with all the power he could muster.
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Farzad leaned in closer. He was quite impressed, Pim knew good cop better than he knew bad cop. And admittedly unlike him had something to back up their authority. Legitimacy.
Farzad in turn could do little more than listen, though as the constable looked between the two of them, Farzad matched it in strange kind. Every time the constable looked at Farzad he turned to Pim, when the constable turned to Pim he turned back to the constable. It wasn;t frequent but hopefully just enough to keep the good sir on his toes and a little more unnerved.
Though as the box was produced Farzad had to hold himself back from calling him mad and slapping the box close however caught a case of wanderlust as he looked around the room. Even by an orderly this place was drab. There was some poster or flyer which had something about grass... watching? Eating? He couldn't quite make it out from his seat peaking just enough curiosity to almost pry him towards it.
The air filled with sickly sweet perfume. A little too thick and an odd hang in it he could recognize the smell from three miles away as long as the smell reached that far though it often never did. He took Pim's response and rolled with it. It lasted forever and was often put in his trail mix. In fact, he made a mental note to shimmy his trail mix a little deeper into his pocket.
Farzad looked with concern to Pim, "It's worse than we thought." Farzads jaw dropped behind the scraps of fabric. Of course none of this was even a spark of legitimate emotion he wasn't apart of the Guild of Artisian Food Stuffs and Spices so couldn't even begin to know what was the problem. But he could, fake it. With a careful prod with the finger he pressed against it, peeling just a little bit of bread onto his finger as he smooshed it between the digits. It was stickier than he expected, "I bet there are raisins in this. This is a ticking loaf waiting to happen."
Pim
Farzad in turn could do little more than listen, though as the constable looked between the two of them, Farzad matched it in strange kind. Every time the constable looked at Farzad he turned to Pim, when the constable turned to Pim he turned back to the constable. It wasn;t frequent but hopefully just enough to keep the good sir on his toes and a little more unnerved.
Though as the box was produced Farzad had to hold himself back from calling him mad and slapping the box close however caught a case of wanderlust as he looked around the room. Even by an orderly this place was drab. There was some poster or flyer which had something about grass... watching? Eating? He couldn't quite make it out from his seat peaking just enough curiosity to almost pry him towards it.
Until.
The air filled with sickly sweet perfume. A little too thick and an odd hang in it he could recognize the smell from three miles away as long as the smell reached that far though it often never did. He took Pim's response and rolled with it. It lasted forever and was often put in his trail mix. In fact, he made a mental note to shimmy his trail mix a little deeper into his pocket.
"By. Eleth."
Farzad looked with concern to Pim, "It's worse than we thought." Farzads jaw dropped behind the scraps of fabric. Of course none of this was even a spark of legitimate emotion he wasn't apart of the Guild of Artisian Food Stuffs and Spices so couldn't even begin to know what was the problem. But he could, fake it. With a careful prod with the finger he pressed against it, peeling just a little bit of bread onto his finger as he smooshed it between the digits. It was stickier than he expected, "I bet there are raisins in this. This is a ticking loaf waiting to happen."
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Farzad's fingers cusped for a moment he tried to relax in his chair before realising that he was perched like a villain so instead leaned in further with his fingers still flexing and pressing against each other. His eyes narrowed beneath his wizard hat nodding along in support of his baker ally.
"Pim. It is our moral duty. To do this job just as it is Dwight's legal duty. To pay us an amount. That shall be disclosed at a later time."
Farzad picked himself up from his seat, two digits pressed against his wizard cap as he spun it around so the lank side pointed towards Dwight or in easier terms was faced the wrong way. "As I am one to say Pim. Jinkies. We have a mystery on our hands."
Farzad in turn saying this, was quick to leave if only to prevent Dwight from arguing so at a later date Farzad can strawman, blackmail and overall infuriate the uptight officer.
"Pim. It is our moral duty. To do this job just as it is Dwight's legal duty. To pay us an amount. That shall be disclosed at a later time."
Farzad picked himself up from his seat, two digits pressed against his wizard cap as he spun it around so the lank side pointed towards Dwight or in easier terms was faced the wrong way. "As I am one to say Pim. Jinkies. We have a mystery on our hands."
Farzad in turn saying this, was quick to leave if only to prevent Dwight from arguing so at a later date Farzad can strawman, blackmail and overall infuriate the uptight officer.
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Farzad preened at the hairs that had accumulated in his scruffy scarves, mostly just picking them off but at least imitating initially that dry way any wizard pulls at a too long beard. Just for him it was scarves. It confused a few of the stragglers that looked at the strange makeshift rainbow that decided to wait out the front of the station. It wasn't long until Pim joined him with all their infectious jubilance and Farzad met it in kind, though twisted a little bit back to his original stupor and a lot less badboy.
"I mean it seems this outbreak has affected more than just the constable considering the rather anxious state of this town. We are about to solve all their problems and not a smile amongst them." He replied noting the anguish that leaked into Pim's words assuming they must have seen a case of this before haunted by their own tragic past.
Pim than rattled off the suspects, taking a look at the mention of the duo and Farzad felt relieved not to see any crimes had been linked to him though the note of public menace and indecent exposure of color felt a little extreme by any measures, Lady Vandermoose nonetheless piqued his interest the most out of the selections pushing down his own ego in wanting to investigate himself.
It turned his assumption into correction as Pim confirmed that they had worked on a similar case. Once was nature, twice was strange and a third time coincidence. But a fourth? Well. They hadn't gotten that far but at the very least they were halfway there and Farzad wasn't about to go letting good natural baking goods get ruined by dried out grapes. "Maybe it's a copycat thief trying to make their mark and get recognized? And if I know anyone in this town, of which I don't, Lady Vandermoose matches that description." Farzad stated as he turned on a heel and started working down a nearby alleyway. Moving with a sway that at least seemed confident.
"I've seen her kind before. Old. Weary of the world. But more pressingly. Starved. Ever since her husband Vadermoosie died she's been rather erratic." Farzad paused in the alleyway. It was neat, tidy and annoyingly stale grey. For dramatic affect he knocked some trash in their way for them to walk over. "I've genuinely never known an alleyway to be this tidy this is ridiculous." He monologued, pausing at the knocked over trash for Pim to get over before continuing and turning a corner. "This all lines up too. Vandermoose was originally a baker, nothing special or of note but stopped once Vandermoosie was in the picture. She lived a life of comfort, never had kids though. I think that she's haunted by her past." He brought up. Stopping for a second to look Pim up and down once with shallow introspection about their past case of these Raisan replacements rapidly rampaging rural residences. He turned another alley just as tidy and clean as the last except this one was long and lead to the back of a house with a locked door. "I think she regrets all the baking she didn't do because of comfort and now that it has been taken away she is striking out. Trying to live her glory years with all the fame she could muster."
Farzad came up to the left side of the door, his back pressed agianst it as he indicated for Pim to meet it on the right. "The crazy woman. I knew she was lonely but Pim. I didn't think she'd go this far." Farzad took in a deep breath, turned on his heel and turned his back towards the door before cracking his foot against the lock. Whatever locks were in it shuffled nad jimmied enough to swing the door open into an empty house, as with a stark amount of no furniture for someone of as much renown as Lady Vandermoose. "Of course." Farzad pressed, head looking down before with a sense of dramatic flair he pressed his thumb into the front edge of the hat and lifted it up. "I made all that up. I don't know whose house this is we better keep moving." Farzad exclaimed taking a step to the right for Pim to take the lead.
"I mean it seems this outbreak has affected more than just the constable considering the rather anxious state of this town. We are about to solve all their problems and not a smile amongst them." He replied noting the anguish that leaked into Pim's words assuming they must have seen a case of this before haunted by their own tragic past.
Pim than rattled off the suspects, taking a look at the mention of the duo and Farzad felt relieved not to see any crimes had been linked to him though the note of public menace and indecent exposure of color felt a little extreme by any measures, Lady Vandermoose nonetheless piqued his interest the most out of the selections pushing down his own ego in wanting to investigate himself.
It turned his assumption into correction as Pim confirmed that they had worked on a similar case. Once was nature, twice was strange and a third time coincidence. But a fourth? Well. They hadn't gotten that far but at the very least they were halfway there and Farzad wasn't about to go letting good natural baking goods get ruined by dried out grapes. "Maybe it's a copycat thief trying to make their mark and get recognized? And if I know anyone in this town, of which I don't, Lady Vandermoose matches that description." Farzad stated as he turned on a heel and started working down a nearby alleyway. Moving with a sway that at least seemed confident.
"I've seen her kind before. Old. Weary of the world. But more pressingly. Starved. Ever since her husband Vadermoosie died she's been rather erratic." Farzad paused in the alleyway. It was neat, tidy and annoyingly stale grey. For dramatic affect he knocked some trash in their way for them to walk over. "I've genuinely never known an alleyway to be this tidy this is ridiculous." He monologued, pausing at the knocked over trash for Pim to get over before continuing and turning a corner. "This all lines up too. Vandermoose was originally a baker, nothing special or of note but stopped once Vandermoosie was in the picture. She lived a life of comfort, never had kids though. I think that she's haunted by her past." He brought up. Stopping for a second to look Pim up and down once with shallow introspection about their past case of these Raisan replacements rapidly rampaging rural residences. He turned another alley just as tidy and clean as the last except this one was long and lead to the back of a house with a locked door. "I think she regrets all the baking she didn't do because of comfort and now that it has been taken away she is striking out. Trying to live her glory years with all the fame she could muster."
Farzad came up to the left side of the door, his back pressed agianst it as he indicated for Pim to meet it on the right. "The crazy woman. I knew she was lonely but Pim. I didn't think she'd go this far." Farzad took in a deep breath, turned on his heel and turned his back towards the door before cracking his foot against the lock. Whatever locks were in it shuffled nad jimmied enough to swing the door open into an empty house, as with a stark amount of no furniture for someone of as much renown as Lady Vandermoose. "Of course." Farzad pressed, head looking down before with a sense of dramatic flair he pressed his thumb into the front edge of the hat and lifted it up. "I made all that up. I don't know whose house this is we better keep moving." Farzad exclaimed taking a step to the right for Pim to take the lead.