Tainted.
The word burned. Not from pain- not anymore. The wound had long since closed, jagged lines of the old script now nothing more than a cruel brand. But it burned in her mind, seared into her in ways that went far beyond her flesh. She had almost forgotten it was there. Almost.
It was the reason Vespera had never swam with the other fae in one of the many pools of water. It was the reason she still wore her armor, even when it was boiling outside and everyone else abandoned theirs for some relief from the sun. As Ash's hands brushed against her skin, careful, she felt it all over again. The moment it had been carved into her, the blade biting deep, the laughter of those who held her down, the way they spoke of her like she was something disgusting and ruined. Just like Rivain and Asher did.
She forced herself to breathe, waiting for laughter or some witty comment about it. It never came. And she was grateful for that.
Bathwater lapped gently against her, heat seeping into her bones and loosening the tense knots in her muscles. It should have been a relief. She wanted to feel relief. But Asher's hands moved through her hair, fingers moving carefully and slowly as he lathered soap. She could barely keep still. Her entire body felt too tight, stretched thin with shame that now had its hands around her throat.
She glanced up at him, watching him. Waiting for his gaze to flicker to her back, for his breath to catch, for him to give the faintest hint that he had noticed. But he had kept his promise. His eyes never strayed, never wavered. He hadn't seen it. And yet, she still felt like she was unraveling.
Her hands still curled into fists beneath the soapy water, nails pressing into her palms to ground her. She had spent a lifetime trying to keep her body hidden, keep her past locked away behind wall so high that no one, not even Asher, could scale them. Yet, here she was, letting him touch her, letting him help, letting him see her in ways she had fought so long, so hard, to avoid.
The worst part was how gentle he was. It would have been easier if he had been rough, if he had been distant. If he had washed the blood away from her skin and hair like it was nothing, just another chore he had to take care of. But he touched her like she was something fragile, something precious. Like she hadn't been tainted at all.
Her head fell forward, allowing her to stare at the bubbles. She clenched her teeth tight, her eyes stinging. I hate this. She let the words replay over and over in her head, as if repetition would make them true. I hate the way he makes me feel. I hate the warmth in his touch when he runs his fingers through my hair. I hate how he stayed. I hate that I wanted him to.
Silence grew heavier the longer it went on, thick and overwhelming with words neither wanted to speak. Until she exhaled shakily and forced out words no louder than a whisper. "Don't..."
She felt his hands still in her hair. Vespera stared down at the soap bubbles curling around her like a shield she didn't deserve. "Don't be gentle." There. She had said it. Torn the words from her throat and forced them out into the open where she couldn't take them back.
The word burned. Not from pain- not anymore. The wound had long since closed, jagged lines of the old script now nothing more than a cruel brand. But it burned in her mind, seared into her in ways that went far beyond her flesh. She had almost forgotten it was there. Almost.
It was the reason Vespera had never swam with the other fae in one of the many pools of water. It was the reason she still wore her armor, even when it was boiling outside and everyone else abandoned theirs for some relief from the sun. As Ash's hands brushed against her skin, careful, she felt it all over again. The moment it had been carved into her, the blade biting deep, the laughter of those who held her down, the way they spoke of her like she was something disgusting and ruined. Just like Rivain and Asher did.
She forced herself to breathe, waiting for laughter or some witty comment about it. It never came. And she was grateful for that.
Bathwater lapped gently against her, heat seeping into her bones and loosening the tense knots in her muscles. It should have been a relief. She wanted to feel relief. But Asher's hands moved through her hair, fingers moving carefully and slowly as he lathered soap. She could barely keep still. Her entire body felt too tight, stretched thin with shame that now had its hands around her throat.
She glanced up at him, watching him. Waiting for his gaze to flicker to her back, for his breath to catch, for him to give the faintest hint that he had noticed. But he had kept his promise. His eyes never strayed, never wavered. He hadn't seen it. And yet, she still felt like she was unraveling.
Her hands still curled into fists beneath the soapy water, nails pressing into her palms to ground her. She had spent a lifetime trying to keep her body hidden, keep her past locked away behind wall so high that no one, not even Asher, could scale them. Yet, here she was, letting him touch her, letting him help, letting him see her in ways she had fought so long, so hard, to avoid.
The worst part was how gentle he was. It would have been easier if he had been rough, if he had been distant. If he had washed the blood away from her skin and hair like it was nothing, just another chore he had to take care of. But he touched her like she was something fragile, something precious. Like she hadn't been tainted at all.
Her head fell forward, allowing her to stare at the bubbles. She clenched her teeth tight, her eyes stinging. I hate this. She let the words replay over and over in her head, as if repetition would make them true. I hate the way he makes me feel. I hate the warmth in his touch when he runs his fingers through my hair. I hate how he stayed. I hate that I wanted him to.
Silence grew heavier the longer it went on, thick and overwhelming with words neither wanted to speak. Until she exhaled shakily and forced out words no louder than a whisper. "Don't..."
She felt his hands still in her hair. Vespera stared down at the soap bubbles curling around her like a shield she didn't deserve. "Don't be gentle." There. She had said it. Torn the words from her throat and forced them out into the open where she couldn't take them back.