Private Tales Drown Me Slow

[Lachlan Irwin]

He fucked up a lot in his life, because what else was there for him? For so long his Nana tried to protect him, told him to not become like his father, who whored his way through life and ended up with Lachlan. He disappeared, drunk and frisky, and Dawn Irwin had no more patience for his shit. She had her grandson to raise, and she was happy to see he held the family magic at age nine. She shaped him, taught him, sheltered him, until he was old enough to learn from his older cousins.

No matter how hard they all tried, Lachie like the attention girls gave him. He was good at it, girls, but then came one girl that made him pause and look.

Heidi had been enough and more to make the young boy want to be better.

And so he didn't want to ruin this opportunity.

They started as friends, but many times did he toe the line and said something smooth and charming, hoping she would give in and they could start fooling around, but Heidi was the one that kept him on a straight path and focused to stay on track to becoming better. Nana Irwin liked Heidi too, had invited the girl to dine with them like a family whenever she wished.

But then the Academy came into his life, and Lachlan had to leave Vel Odren to strengthen his magic.

He had to be away from Heidi, yet with the Revolution, they were able to write letters to each other every week until the dark thoughts and bad habits began. Without her there with him, he had no self control, nothing to keep him from straying from his path. He felt guilty for what he did, and slowly stopped writing to her.

He thought about her the most when he was out on the sea with Ivan Skender, dead bodies discovered on a burned ship that had their possessions and news came that the boys were dead. Only, a month later men hired by his Nana retrieved him and fuck did he get a talking to by the Matriarch of the family. There had not been enough time for him to go see Heidi in her home, but what would he tell her? I'm sorry and I fucked up? A lot?

No. He didn't go see her then.

He waited until he was wearing the Dreadlord uniform, Third Rank pins at his breast to identify him, and a nervous young man unable to bring himself to knock at her door. A year. He had not written back to her for a year and already the guilt made him feel nauseous. She would be pissed at him. She should be pissed, hells, he would let her slap him if she wanted to do that. Lachlan would do anything to be worthy of her again.

 

[Heidi]

It was Seb who opened the door, a flicker of fear on the burly man's face at first at the sight of the uniform, until he realised who it was that stood before him. "Lachlan?"

The boy had grown taller than he was, and had filled out almost as much. The surprise on the man's sunbeaten face gave way to a frown as he looked the boy up and down. How often had he had to console his daughter who had given her heart to this boy, who had left her without choice but had consciously stopped writing to her. At least if he'd been dead, that would have been an excuse, but here he stood, and it didn't take a smart mind to work out why he'd given up his interest in his daughter. Out of sight, out of mind.

"Who is it?" Heidi called from the kitchen.

Seb frowned with a quiet sigh. "You best come see, love." he called back to her, giving the boy a look of warning before he turned to leave, allowing the pair their privacy.

Heidi appeared at he door next, a bright smile on her face despite her confusion. The moment she locked eyes on him however, there was no hiding her shock. Her initial impulse was to jump straight into his arms, but there were so many questions, so much sadness and hurt that bubbled to the surface. She stood there frozen, the smile fading from her face as she took in the sight of the man standing before her. Lachlan looked so different—taller, broader, more imposing in his Dreadlord uniform—but it was his eyes, those familiar eyes, that made her heart ache with a mix of longing and pain for the boy who had once been her world.

Her hands trembled as she clutched the doorframe for support, her breath catching in her throat. The tears that had been a constant companion in his absence burned at the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill over.

“Lachie…” she whispered, his name feeling both foreign and familiar on her tongue. She took a hesitant step forward, her gaze flicking over the uniform that marked him as something different, something distant. “I thought…" she frowned, still unable to bring herself to say it aloud. Dead. Her heart still splintered at the thought.

"You're alive…” Her voice broke, the disbelief and hurt evident in every word. She shook her head, trying to make sense of it all, trying to reconcile the boy she had loved with the man standing before her now.

"I don't understand," she said, her voice trembling with the weight of her emotions. She wanted to reach out, to touch him, to reassure herself that he was real, but something held her back—a wall built by months of silence, of unanswered letters, of nights spent crying herself to sleep.

“What happened, Lachie?” she finally asked, the tears spilling over as she searched his face for answers. “You stopped writing, you just… disappeared. I thought you were gone. I mourned you, Lachie. I.. I thought I’d never see you again.” Her voice cracked, the pain and confusion she had bottled up for so long spilling out.

She wanted to be angry, to shout at him for breaking her heart, for leaving her to wonder what had become of him. But all she felt was a deep, aching sadness. The boy she had loved, the boy she had waited for, was here, but so much had changed. The love she felt for him was still there, but it was tangled up with all the hurt he had caused.

Heidi took another step closer, her tears flowing freely now. “Why didn’t you come back? Why didn’t you write to me?” She paused, her voice softening to a whisper as she added, “Why did you leave me to think you were gone?”

She stood there, waiting for him to answer, her heart caught between hope and despair.

 

[Lachlan Irwin]

Kress, she was so beautiful.

Lachlan could not help the smile that only came to life in her presence. It was firstly those eyes that fell upon him, and filled him with a light she shone naturally. Over the years, he had always gravitated to her, and did many other boys, but Heidi had been the lighthouse that guided him through his darkest of days.

And he was still a lone boat in the ocean, needing a way back home. He thought of her every time he thought of home...

Shit.

"I..." And then he realised how useless his reasons were, and to speak them sounded like an excuse, as if he truly did not care. His face, once so bronzed from sun and freckled across his nose, now paler. His hair had once been a bright blond but now dulled to a silver instead of gold. He looked unwell, perhaps for years now he had been as he was kept away from Vel Odren.

"I didn't want to lie to you anymore." Before she could see his face come undone, before she could see the despair and shame cling to his emotions, Lachlan turned away and blinked at the blinding sun descending. "I got to a dark place, Heids. I couldn't do it on my own. I needed you the most and I was weeks away from home, from you..." I wouldn't have made it.

He swallowed. "Heids, I am going to apologise to you every fucking day for what I did. That was all I needed you to know..." His head dropped, hanging low as Lachlan cursed before lifting it back up with a loud sigh. "I am going to be home for the foreseeable future, but on your word, I will not darken your doorstep again if you wish it."

And he braced himself to hear her deny him from knocking on her door again.

 

[Heidi]

Heidi’s heart ached as she listened to Lachlan’s broken words, each one a dagger twisting in the wound he had left behind. The boy she had loved, the boy she had spent so many sleepless nights dreaming of and praying for, stood before her in a state that made her heart ache all the more. His face, once bright with hope, was now etched with guilt and regret. She could see the toll that the years away from home had taken on him, and the sight only deepened the hurt she felt.

When he turned away, trying to hide the anguish that he couldn’t mask, Heidi’s resolve wavered. The pain and anger she had been holding back now surged to the forefront. She swallowed hard, the ache in her throat threatening to choke her, and let out a laugh that was more of a sob than a sound of amusement.

“Gods… I’m an idiot…” she murmured, rubbing a hand across her forehead as if to erase the memory of his betrayal. Her voice was trembling, struggling to contain the flood of emotions that had been bottled up for so long. “I wept for you. My heart was broken and I wept more tears than I realised I could, and you…” Her words faltered as she looked up, her eyes swimming with tears.

“You let me believe that you were dead…” Her gaze turned to him, anger mingling with the sadness in her eyes. “You left me here to grieve while you were off doing god-knows-what…” Her voice grew sharper, the anger she rarely allowed herself to feel emerging as a defense against the pain.

“You know, I prayed every day that there was some mistake, that there was some reason you could no longer write to me, that maybe you were lost somewhere and I asked the Gods again and again to bring you back here…” She paused, her voice cracking as she swallowed the bitterness that threatened to overwhelm her. “And I replayed over and over in my mind how I’d cry with joy and run into your arms and tell you I…”

She stopped, the weight of her unspoken words hanging in the air. The love she had once felt so strongly was now tangled with a deep sense of betrayal and grief. She took a shaky breath, trying to steady herself as she looked at him.

“How could you do that to me, Lachie?” Her voice was barely above a whisper, the question filled with the raw pain of her heartache. “How could you leave me like that and make me believe you were gone forever? You speak of your own dark place.. What of the one you left me in?"

Her eyes searched his, looking for any hint of the boy she had loved so deeply, trying to reconcile the image of him she had cherished with the man who stood before her now. The hurt was palpable, the anger mixed with a desperate longing for answers.

“Maybe… maybe I don’t know how to forgive you,” she admitted softly, her voice trembling.

Heidi took a step back, the distance between them feeling like a chasm that had grown wider with every unspoken word and unanswered letter. “I don’t know what to do with this… with you,” she said, her voice breaking as she fought to keep her composure.

 

[Lachlan Irwin]

A younger Lachlan knew what to do if he stood here now.

He would pull her in, hold her tight and let her hit him or cry into his shirt. His hand would go to her hair and smooth it down her back. His lips would kiss the top of her head, and he would murmur to her it would all be alright.

But he had been gone for four years, had stopped writing to her.

Outside her door, he stood before her and scratched at the back of his neck. His eyes avoiding her own, because he knew he would feel her heartbreak for real.

"Heids, I am sorry..." Lachie's voice was gentle. No one had heard him speak in such a way, except for her. Her, the only one he could be gentle with and vulnerable. She deserved to see him at a loss, to lift his head and look into her eyes that he fell in love with way too quickly.

The hurt, anger, confusion. Everything and more. He felt guilty, ashamed, but still he took that step closer to her, an arm lifting towards her. "Can we... go for a walk? Sit on the docks?" They did that a lot as children. His arm fell back to his side, too afraid to pull her in towards him. Perhaps she was no longer his, and with that thought, Lachlan fought back the choking breath that prelude the sting of tears at his eyes.

 

[Heidi]

Heidi’s heart twisted at the sound of his voice, soft and gentle, the way it had always been when he spoke to her. Hearing it now, after so long, brought a rush of memories, each one tinged with the bittersweet ache of what they had lost. She had imagined this moment so many times, had rehearsed what she might say, how she might react. But none of that prepared her for the reality of standing before him, with all the love and pain tangled up inside her.

When Lachlan stepped closer, Heidi’s breath caught in her throat. She wanted to step into his embrace, to let herself be held like she used to, where everything felt safe and simple. But there was a wall between them now, built of silence and time, and she didn’t know how to tear it down.

His words—so tentative, so unsure—cut through the anger that had flared up moments before. She could see how much it cost him to ask, to hope that maybe they could find a way back to what they had once been. And yet, as much as she wanted to say yes, to let him take her hand and lead her to the docks where they had spent so many carefree afternoons, she hesitated.

Heidi searched his face, taking in the changes time had wrought. He was still Lachie, the boy she had loved, but there was something different now—an edge, a weariness that hadn’t been there before. She could see the guilt in his eyes, the shame, and it tugged at her heart even as she struggled to hold on to her anger.

“Lachie…” she began, her voice softer now, the sharpness of her earlier words gone. “I don’t know if I can just… go back to the way things were.” She shook her head, trying to sort through the whirlwind of emotions inside her. “I want to. Gods, I want to believe that we can just go for a walk, sit on the docks, and everything will be okay again. But I don’t know if it can be.”

Her voice trembled, and she hated that she was still on the verge of tears, still so affected by him after everything. “You hurt me, Lachie. You left me alone to think you were dead, and I—I don’t know how to just… let that go.”

Heidi took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “But… I also don’t know how to let you go,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know how to look at you and not see the boy who meant everything to me.”

She looked down at the ground, the weight of her emotions almost too much to bear. “I don’t know if I can forgive you, but… maybe we can try to talk.”

She took a small step toward him, the distance between them shrinking, though the chasm in her heart remained. “You have one hour.” she said, her voice trembling with the hope and fear that warred within her.

 

[Lachlan Irwin]

He wanted to tell her five minutes with her was a blessing to have, but an hour was more than he deserved. What she did deserve from him was a genuine and appreciative smile and tentatively he beckoned for her to follow him to walk towards the water nearby.

After a distance was cleared, turning the corner to see the water just below and the stairs that led to the pebbled beach below. This was not a beach for tourists to swim at, not when it usually had strong currents of the Cortosi Sea lingering beneath the waves. He would pause halfway down the stairs, finding a spot to comfortably sit on and lean against the wooden railing amongst the stone and bushes. Here, it gave a perfect view of the water, the sea beyond it.

"I thought I could get through the years at the Academy without a problem, you know? That... the Revolution made it easier and all I had to do was use my magic and graduate." He took a long inhale and struggled with the exhale. Lachie had tried not to get choked up so soon, but he had been feeling these emotions without addressing them until now. "But the Proctors, the Initiates that grew up there, they have been so ingrained with the old ways..."

Lachie did not take his eyes off the ocean. How long had he wished to see it, and his first chance had been an adventure of pirating and looting in the Southern Isles with Ivan. It was no wonder he faked his death then, to be free of the responsibilities of he Academy.

"You start to feel as if you don't belong, Heids. You end up mimicking them, being strong and deadly to the point they start respecting you. I actually struggled at the start with the pretending, I knew you'd hate to see me like that... and that's when I had to stop writing to you. I did not want to withhold anything from you no longer..."

Lachlan paused, staring hard at the water. Either the sun reflecting off the beach sparkled in his eyes, or Lachie was tearing up again.

"By the time my friend and I passed off dead bodies of ourselves, I knew I was a disappointment." He managed a bemused smile. Nana did not believe any of it. Had sent out some of their employees and even Lachie's cousin to find and bring him home. They were found within a month, and Ivan said his goodbyes. Then his mate got caught up in the eclipse and it's unnatural storm, returned to the Academy shrivelled up as if Death made him wait too long to be escorted from the living. Thank Kress that Caddel girl knew how to heal slowly and save his friend. "Nana told me she had to tell you... and that you were so..."

He looked to her then, sad, already mourning. As if this was his last chance and he no longer had confidence he would win her back. "Every day, I will write you an apology. Reasons why I should never play with your emotions like that again..."

 

[Heidi]

Heidi followed Lachlan in silence, still unsure if this was truly real. The familiar path to the beach, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, the salty scent of the sea—it all felt so much like home, yet now it was heavy with the weight of everything that had happened between them. She watched him as they walked, his movements slower, more hesitant than she remembered. He had changed, and she wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

When they reached the stairs that led down to the beach, Heidi paused beside him, glancing at the water below. It had always been a place of comfort for them, but today it felt like it was holding too many unspoken words. She listened as he spoke, his confession something of a raw wound that had festered for too long.

As he talked about the Academy, the Proctors, the pressure to become something he wasn’t, Heidi’s heart broke a little more for him. She had always known there was darkness in the world, but to hear how deeply it had affected him, how it had changed him, made her feel a profound sadness. She understood now why he had stopped writing, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

When he finally turned to look at her, his eyes glistening with unshed tears, Heidi felt her chest tighten painfully. The boy she had loved was still there, beneath the pain and guilt, and it took everything in her not to reach out and hold him the way she used to. But there was still a chasm between them, one that couldn’t be bridged with apologies alone.

She let the silence hang between them for a moment before speaking, her voice quiet but steady. “Lachie… I understand, I think, why you pulled away. I can't imagine what you went through—what it did to you. But...” Her voice cracked, and she swallowed hard, forcing herself to continue. “That doesn’t make it easier for me. You left me here, with no explanation, no warning. I thought I lost you forever.. You could have told me you didn't want me in your life any more. It would have hurt, but at least it would have been the truth."

Heidi looked out at the sea, the waves crashing against the rocks below, reflecting the turmoil inside her. “I don’t know what to say to you,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “Hearing your reasons doesn’t take away the pain of all those nights I spent wondering what happened to you. You were my best friend, Lachie. You were everything to me. And when you disappeared… it broke me.”

She turned to face him then, her teary eyes filled with a deep sadness. “You talk about writing me apologies, about explaining why you did what you did, but I don’t need that. What I need is to understand if the boy I loved is still in there, somewhere beneath everything the Academy did to you.” She took a breath, her voice softening. “I need to know if you’re still Lachie… or if the person I fell in love with is gone.”

Her heart ached as she said the words, but they needed to be spoken. She couldn’t move forward, couldn’t even begin to forgive him, unless she knew who he was now. The boy who had left Vel Odren had been her everything, but the man standing in front of her was almost a stranger.

Heidi took a step closer, searching his face for some sign of the boy she had once known. “Because I don’t know if I can survive losing you again, Lachie.”

 

[Lachlan Irwin]

You left me here, with no explanation, no warning. I thought I lost you forever.. You could have told me you didn't want me in your life any more. It would have hurt, but at least it would have been the truth."

"But if I said any of that, it'd be a lie." He couldn't look at her anymore. Eyes back on the sea, it brought him comfort to know he was away from all of that now and he was home, surrounded by water. It kept him afloat, even now as his hands gripped the step he sat on, knuckles turning white. "How could I ever not want you, Heids?"

And then he broke at that very thought.

His cheeks were glistening with silver trails of tears, falling at a pace he found it useless to wipe away with his shoulder. "Fuck." He growled, frustrated with himself. "I... I am here. I came back here to be with you, Heidi. After everything, I cannot lose you too."

He stood, towering and large that he darkened as the sun was blocked by his figure. Heidi had been on the steps higher than him, but now they were eye to eye. Lachlan looked haunted, as if he had been through hell too many times and returned a husk of a thing.

"I am still me... but different. Darker... but you don't know how alive I feel seeing you again after all this time." His deep voice was quite, rumbling, and he gave her a smile that did not last long for this world. "You are the beacon I have been looking for, Heidi. Because I have never stopped loving you."

 

[Heidi]

Heidi felt her heart lurch as Lachlan spoke, each word echoing in her mind. She watched him struggle with his emotions, tears glistening on his cheeks as he faced her. His vulnerability, the way he laid his soul bare before her, made her chest tighten until something cracked. How deep their connection still ran, despite the years and the heartache that had separated them.

As he stood to meet her gaze, the sun casting his shadow across her, she could see the weight of his struggles in his eyes. He looked older, more worn, yet beneath that weariness and in the brief smile he gave her was a flicker of the boy she had known and loved. The boy who had made her laugh and comforted her in her darkest moments.

“You came back for me?” Her voice was barely above a whisper, a fragile hope blooming in her chest.

Heidi tilted her head, her heart racing as she searched his eyes for the truth of his words. “I want to believe you. I want to believe that the love we had can still be there. But you need to understand—your absence shattered me. You broke me, Lachlan.”

She hesitated, biting her lip as the memories flooded back—the nights spent sobbing in the dark, the hollow ache of longing that had settled in her heart.

Heidi reached out, her hand trembling as she placed it over his heart, feeling the warmth radiating from him. “I need to see the real you—the one who can be honest with me, who can trust me with his heart again. You’ve changed, and that scares me, but I want to know if the boy who loved me is still in here.”

Her voice softened, and she pulled her hand back, trying to give him space but not wanting to lose that connection. “If you really mean it, if you really want to be here, then show me. Show me that you can be the Lachlan I fell in love with. The one who didn’t hide from me, who didn’t shut me out. Because if you want me back in your life, then I need to see you fight for it.”

She took a deep breath, the weight of her words hanging in the air between them. “Can you do that? Can you let me in again and let me see who you’ve become?”

 

[Lachlan Irwin]

He thought his heart broke once before, by his own doing, but nothing felt this hard and painful as she spoke to him. She still reached for him, but there was a lot left between them they needed to heal. Lachlan was afraid his darkness would consume her, and by not getting any closer to her kept her shielded... but she had always been his lighthouse.

Fuck it.

He rose, climbing those few steps and crushed her into an embrace against him. Lachie lowered his head, smelled the top of her head and the memories of them before he had left. The happiness, the sunshine, the kisses, the smiles. All of it. And Kress how he missed all of that. Forgot that the warmth of it all had kept him here and present, but the Academy had only brought about a darkness he was not strong enough to lift.

But Heidi was radiant all throughout everything he remembered. She was a ray of sun that blessed him, and she burned as hot when he deserved it.

Lachlan didn't realise he was sobbing until one caught in his throat. He tried to speak, but had no clue as to what he felt in that moment. And so his arms tightened, held her. Let her see him like this. Broken and lost, he had come back to her lighthouse and warmth.

 

[Heidi]

Heidi gasped softly as Lachlan pulled her into his embrace, the sudden closeness both startling and familiar. For a moment, she froze, her mind racing, her heart caught between the pain of the past and the comfort of his presence. But as his arms tightened around her, as she felt the weight of his head against hers, something inside her softened, the cracks in her heart filling with the warmth she had forgotten.

It was like coming home after a long, lonely journey.

She felt him tremble against her, heard the quiet sob that escaped his throat, and her breath hitched. His pain was raw, unfiltered, and it seeped into her like a flood. Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around him in return, holding him as tightly as he held her. She pressed her cheek to his chest, feeling the familiar rhythm of his heartbeat, the same one she had laid her head against so many times before.

She could feel the weight of his guilt, the darkness he had carried with him, and for the first time, she realised how lost he must have felt. He had shut her out, but in his own way, he had been trying to protect her. It didn’t make the hurt disappear, but it gave her something to hold on to—something that made her believe that maybe, just maybe, they could find their way back to each other.

"I missed you" she whispered, her voice barely audible against the fabric of his shirt. The tears she had been holding back finally spilled over, hot and steady down her cheeks. "I missed you so much, Lachie."

Her fingers tightened in his shirt, clinging to him as though he might disappear again if she let go. "My heart broke," she choked out, her voice cracking with the weight of it. "But I never stopped loving you either."

The words hung between them, fragile and heavy, but there was no going back now. She had said it, and it was true. Despite everything—despite the pain and the distance and the grief—her love for him had never died. It had been buried, smothered by the sadness, but now, in his arms, it burned painfully.

She pulled back just enough to look up at him, her hands resting on his chest. Her eyes searched his, and she saw the tears there, the vulnerability she hadn’t seen in years. "Shh.." she hushed him softly, reaching up to swipe his tears away. "I'm here.. We’ll figure this out. One step at a time." she nodded with a trembling smile.

 

[Lachlan Irwin]

She was an anchor to his boat caught in the waves of a storm. No matter where he was throw to, no matter how hard the waves tried to put him off course, he never could stray too far from this young woman in his arms.

He hated that he resorted to crying, something he was taught was a weakness and one trained out of him from the very moment he got to the Academy. And so for all those years he held it in, let it weigh his heart and darken his thoughts until he could let them break through at the first touch of safety he felt.

His knees gave way, and brought Heidi down with him as he staggered to the steps to keep them from falling downwards. "I'm sorry." He begged over and over. He held her, not too tight, but enough to convey how much he needed her. The words were disguised as a mantra, but in reality it was his own atonement for every day he left her in the dark. A sea with no land in sight, and the night never ending.

But she stayed with him. She comforted him. Lachie did not know how much time had passed until his breathing steadied after following Heidi's deep breathing to encourage him to come out from his sadness.

One last time, he looked to her and gasped out, "I am sorry..."

Some time later, they both had finished descending the stairs and kicked off their boots, and Lachie sighed with long awaited relief feeling the sand between his toes. He was home. He can rebuild and be himself again.

He had shed his Dreadlord jacket so that they could share sitting on it, assuring Heidi it was not a national offense to use it in such a way, but the sun had begun to set, and they had the perfect view of watching the sun turn the sky in visions of dusk.

"I... have a box of things for you at Nana's house. I'll fetch it for you, but it's just things I saw in my time away that reminded me of you. Too scared to send it to you... and I guess scared of seeing it leave my possession, so I kept them all in a box and pretended that it was yours already. That you left it to me as company..." He always held a candle in vigil to her, enough that her father never warmed to him truly in fear they would marry young or he would break Heidi's heart once he got bored. But no one ever made Lachlan feel this loved and understood. "I think there even is a drunken sketch of my rendition of a squirrel... my team and I celebrated after a tedious mission, and that was the first time I got drunk and claimed I was an artist." A small smile, a light chuckle, it was enough to change the somber expression he had been wearing.

 

[Heidi]

Heidi felt his body tremble before he even collapsed to his knees, and before she knew it, Lachlan crumpled into the sand. She held onto him, her arms wrapping around him instinctively, pulling him into her as his weight fell against her and she sat down with him. Her hands smoothed over his back, her cheek resting atop his head as she gently hushed, trying to ease him, though she could feel the rawness of his grief.

"Shh... Lachie. I know," she murmured, her voice a quiet lull, the gentle sound a steady presence amidst the storm of his emotions. Her eyes burned with tears. She didn’t let go, not even when his body shuddered, his apologies tumbling from his lips like a broken refrain.

Heidi held him tighter, her own heart breaking at the sound of his pain, but she didn’t pull away. She whispered over and over for him to hush. She guided his head gently into her chest, her arms tightening around him in a silent promise to stay, to hold him through whatever this was, even if he couldn’t see it yet.

His sobs were quiet but heart-wrenching, and she let him release it all, knowing he needed it. She rocked him slowly, her fingers running through his hair, over his back, her touch soft and constant. “I'm here..”

As time passed, the intensity of his cries began to subside, but he didn’t pull away from her. He held on, and Heidi did too—she never wanted him to feel like he was beyond her reach again.

The quiet between them as they sat on the beach was peaceful, filled with the soft sounds of waves against the shore and the gentle, familiar presence of Lachlan by her side. He felt different now, more vulnerable, but also more real. Like a part of him she’d never seen had been unlocked, and she could finally see him fully.

When he mentioned the box, she glanced over at him, a smile tugging at her lips. "A whole box?." She gave a quiet laugh and nudged his shoulder with her own, playful and warm, the last of her tension dissolving.

“A drunken squirrel drawing though…” she chuckled, her laughter lightening the air around them. "I don’t know if I should be flattered or terrified. I’ve seen your handwriting—I can only imagine the chaos that’s a Lachlan original sketch." She teased him gently, and for the first time in a long while, it felt easy. Like maybe they could have moments like this again, despite the jagged pieces of their past.

Looking out to the ocean, she sighed softly. "I’d like to see that box. Even if it’s just for the squirrel alone," she added with a smirk, “and maybe to hold on to the parts of you I missed out on while you were gone.” Her voice softened, and she reached out, letting her fingers brush over his hand, a silent reassurance.

Turning back to him, her expression grew serious, searching his face as if to memorise him all over again. “You know,” she began, her tone gentle, “I never needed grand gestures from you. Just... you, Lachie.” Her lips curved into a small smile as her thumb lightly traced circles on the back of his hand.

As the sun sank lower, casting golden light over the water, she leaned her head on his shoulder, letting the moment stretch and settle between them.

 

[Lachlan Irwin]

He was quiet for a good moment, but the lasting echoes of what she said last were still in the air between them, pushed back by the waves that came to the sand on which they sat on. "I know." He said simply, turning his head to press a kiss to the top of her head. "But you are a brilliance in which I will kneel before and pray for your mercy and blessing. I would always pay tribute to you, Heidi." He had said these words once before, beneath a shaded palm tree and a gentle breeze to cool their warm skin. It had been on the private stretch of beach his family's property had access to, and it had been the first place he wanted to explore the moment his Nana had purchased the sprawling home.

Lachlan had been a child that lived in a shitty house that visited by brutes, had been exposed to a a traumatic death of his cousin, and still, he kept all that darkness within him. He didn't know any better, didn't think that what he had witnessed was not normal for someone and that is was alright to mourn his best friend and cousin, to hate the home in which he lived in.

Heidi had always saved him, and Lachie had been lost without her when he had left for the Academy.

Lachlan peered down at her, brought up the hand she did not rest her own against, and cupped her face to gently guide her to meet his gaze. "You inspire me to worship the most holy thing I know in my life, and I stopped praying to gods when you came into my life." His voice was but a whisper. Eyes reddened from the tears he shed earlier showed the love in which he held for the girl beside him. It was a sea that could overwhelm, but Heidi never lost herself at sea. She was the pillar in which his waves crashed and bowed to upon the shores beneath her.

A servant, willing to serve the beauty and master that Lachlan loved.