Fable - Ask Two-and-a-half-idiots.

A roleplay which may be open to join but you must ask the creator first
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Character Biography
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Pomrick Bloomsfield
Jack Thacker
Dawn crept over Greyshore like a half-hearted apology—thin light filtering through brume, gilding the tide-flats and setting the river’s sluggish eddies aglow with tarnished brass. A stone’s throw beyond the last rotting jetty, in a pocket of scrub and alder where the forest pressed close, Vaezhasar had made himself a sort of eldritch chaise longue.

The sorcerer reclined upon a beast that matched a shire horse for mass, though no honest farmer would stable such a nightmare. Its hide was a damp, mossy green, ridged and pocked like dragon scale left too long in brine. From the nape of its neck sprouted a crest of matted spines, each crowned by a wizened human visage—tiny gray masks whose mouths gaped in silent complaint. The creature squatted on a mound of half-eaten mammalian carcasses, idly chewing; its great froglike jaws worked with slow deliberation, revealing a battlement of stained teeth.

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Above this living throne sat Vaezhasar, plate and horned staff at easy rest, a slim volume spread across his gauntlets. Behind the visor’s slits his eyes flicked left, right, devouring each line. Presently he clicked his tongue—a small, disapproving sound that made the beast’s manifold heads shudder.

“Footnotes utterly bereft of vigor,” he muttered, half to himself, half to the world at large. He turned a page with surgical care, then leaned back against the creature’s cold, ridged flank as though it were the most genteel of divans. In the hush between river-murmur and distant gull-cry, the sorcerer read on, while beneath him the hulking mount shifted, sending a ripple along its back that made the little faces grimace in unison—like a chorus of critics agreeing that the morning’s scholarship left much to be desired.
 
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Pomrick felt as if he was sweating out the tears that should have come from his eyes. Huffing and puffing, he was lugging along a mountain of equipment, clutching several straps for dear life: Shovels and spades, crowbars, an hourglass dangling around his neck, spare bags filled with stone tablets of cryptic runes, a backpack full of more knick knacks and a heavy tome sticking out with the corner of its cover like a gray tongue.

Coming in view of the sorcerer below the shadowed canopy of trees, he picked up the pace from his slow, sluggish walk of misery to a brisk march, as if he had been at a half-run all the way from the market. There would have been little point in attempting escape - Vaeshazar had made that abundantly clear, and Jack had hovered over his shoulder like a gleeful gaoler, all too eager to derive amusement from his pain.

Despite the lumbering mass of intimidating flesh and boar-like bristle of hair on the mount which the armoured magician straddled like a sultan, he almost wished he could be riding it with him. But when he got closer, he saw the death-masks bulging below its skin, like the screaming faces of its devoured victims, crying for release. That promptly changed his mind.

"I am here," Pomrick said, not knowing what else might be appropriate to announce.
 
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“Aye, and thank goodness fer that,” Jack Thacker replied, walking up from behind Pomrick with a shit-eating grin. The contrast between the two was telling; while Pomrick looked the part of a one-man band steeped from head to toe in luggage, Jack only carried his sword on his belt and a shovel slung lazily across one shoulder.

“A strong back this one has. We should keep ‘im.”

But whatever little joviality Thacker had managed to muster and was trying to share with his companions, instantly dissipated when he caught sight of the monstrosity Vaezhasar was mounted on.

The human faces and their expressions were ghastly. They reminded Jack of the boss he’d murdered.

They reminded him of death.

“Wot manner o’ creature are ye sittin’ on wizard? Me likes it not,” he growled, anxiously itching his stubble.
 
Vaezhasar closed the book with a soft clap the moment Jack and Pomrick drew near, the sound oddly final in the hush of the forest clearing. Beneath him, his monstrous perch gave voice to an unsettling noise—something between a frog’s throaty ribbit and a giddy, humanlike chuckle. Its nostrils flared wetly, drawing in the scent of the approaching pair with a sniff that suggested less curiosity than culinary consideration.

“Steady, Jack,” Vaezhasar intoned, his voice lilting with dry amusement behind the helm. “No need for dramatics. It’s merely a familiar—one I’ve cobbled together myself from base matter and darker notions. I’ve named it Froghound. A touch literal, perhaps, but apt.”

The creature began to uncurl from its crouch, vertebrae cracking audibly as it rose. With ponderous disinterest, it opened its gargantuan maw and let fall a partially digested deer carcass in a wet, meaty thump.

Vaezhasar gave the mess a cursory glance before continuing, tone still conversational. “I’d wager neither of you are keen on flight—too much wind, too little dignity. So, we’ll be taking the Froghound. It should make short work of Greyshore’s less agreeable geography. Just mind where you sit.”
 
Pomrick stared in abject horror at the Froghound. He wanted them to ride that? It looked more fit for terrorising villages than transport. His gaze travelled from its eerie, vacant eyes to the pile of deer-slush below it, imagining himself turning into such half-melted matter. What would that feel like? Nothing pleasant, Pomrick decided.

"Uhm, I mean, uh . . ."

Too late. He had begun to speak, now he would have to finish. He swallowed, attempting to steel his voice. What came out were tinny, umodulated words, as brittle as iron about to snap.

"Surely we can't . . . That is to say, can we all ride it? I mean, I'm carrying all this and, uh, where would it even fit and such . . ."

The rest of his words died in his collarbone, chin sunk, mumbling his feeble protests inaudibly.
 
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