Private Tales Songs of the Heart

A private roleplay only for those invited by the first writer
Joseph Meier

Joseph Meier

High Lord of the Winter Court
Messages
335
Character Biography
Link
The days went by quickly. Every day was one that Joseph was looking forward to....rising at dawn to take care of the horses, coming back to a plentiful breakfast, and lazing the day away with Shuck. He read aloud to her in bed, let her socialize with the women, played with the children. It was heaven to fritter away the days like this, but Trahaearn was getting better...and chasing away Ellis was getting harder. His brother found every excuse to get near Trahaearn, whether it was helping him into the bath, staying with him in the bathroom to make sure he didn't drown, feeding him breakfast and dinner. It was infuriating. Joseph gave consistent veiled threats to Trahaearn not to overstep his bounds. Ellis was deep into healer's blush, the last thing he needed was Trahaearn encouraging it.

He was relieved when Elda pronounced Trahaearn fit to ride. They had to get that heart, and they were running out of time. Though they were spending their days in lazy heaven, he could see that Shuck was fading again. She was getting weaker, sleeping more, and no amount of blood was helping. She needed a heart.

Joseph chose two horses for the journey. Their gelding and mare needed to rest, and he desperately wanted to ride Malta. The silver buckskin mare was a long, leggy creature who would carry him swiftly over the snows. Not only that, but she'd been raised with him; she was very cognizant that she was carrying a permanently injured rider. Her pace was as smooth as silk. For Trahaearn he chose a powerful gelding that hadn't quite been what they'd been looking for in a racehorse. The dark liver bay was fiesty and full of spirit, reaching out to give Joseph a nasty nip when he moved to tighten Malta's cinch. Joseph gave him a tap on the nose.

"Stop being an ass." he snapped at him. He'd prepared well. Thank the gods that this time, they had everything they needed. Both horses were outfitted in long blankets that protected their shoulders and flanks from the weather. Their manes and tails were braided, their shoes well-checked over. The horses were in perfect health with full bellies. They'd have to rough it for a few weeks, but a month out on the trail wasn't going to be an issue. Joseph had packed their saddlebags full of things. They had the one tent (unfortunately, they'd been unable to scare up another), and two bedrolls his mother had made. They were more like large canvas bags with horsehair pads on the bottom, and blankets sewn in. Slipping inside one would be just as comfortable as slipping into a bed. The swag bags were endlessly valuable in weather like this, even if they were bulky on the horses.

"Coffee, dried fruit, dried vegetables, cans of soup mix..." Joseph muttered to himself. His mother had prepared dried packets of herbs, oily cubs of buillon, and dried vegetables. Add a rabbit or quail or two, and they'd have one hell of a soup going. There was jerky, hardtack, and Gerard had gifted them with four large bottles of white lightning wrapped in rabbit fur to keep them from breaking. The liquor was distilled by some of the farmers, and it had a nasty reputation for hitting as hard as it tasted. Thankfully Gerard had a gift for infusing them with blackberries, and it tamed down the nasty taste somewhat. Joseph was happy to have htem. If he was travelling alone with Trahaearn, he'd need a fucking drink. A bottle a week. He could do that.

Joseph finished packing up the horses and gave them a good meal of warm oat mash for the road. Not too much, but enough to keep them warm from the inside out. He began to walk outside, and noticed Ellis watching him.
"What are you on about?" Joseph demanded. His accent had only gotten stronger in the days they'd been there.
"You're leaving? He's still hurt...he can't ride like that.." Ellis played with his fingers.
"Elda says he's just fine to ride. As long as we don't get into a fight on the road, which I don't think we will. He's fit. Stop worrying." Joseph growled.
"What if he falls?"
"He won't fall. That gelding is an asshole but he's never spilled anyone. He's just...mouthy. If he acts up I'll let him ride Malta." Fat chance of that, but it made Ellis calm down a little.

Joseph didn't have time for this. He needed to dress and get ready. They had thick coats waiting for them, and he had proper boots that would fit over his brace. He headed into the house. "Trahaearn. Horses are ready. Get moving."

Ellis snuck into the barn and pulled out his own horse, a white filly named Flowers. She was a sweet, small little thing with a happy personality, who nibbled affectionately at him while he put on her blanket. "Shh." Ellis whispered and patted her, putting on a gray saddle. It would be difficult for them to see him following them with a white horse, a gray saddle, and a white blanket. "Just a little trip, okay?" he patted her and began to kit up. He only had a limited amount of time before they'd get on the road, and he needed to sneak into the kitchen to get a bow, quiver, and some supplies. He could hunt rabbits and squirrels on the road, but he'd need fire starters, dried goods, and another swag bag.

Gerard shoved past Joseph, and grabbed him by the scruff. "He's done it the fuck now." Gerard growled. Joseph fought out of his grasp and glared at him.
"Don't fucking pick me up! Who? What?"
"Thomas. Pitter patter." Gerard jerked his head toward the window outside, and Joseph's gut twisted.

There were their horses. Broken, twisted. Both had been arranged in a sitting position, their legs broken at the hip and crisscrossed like a priest in meditation. Their hooves were crossed over their chests, holding their own hearts out in the freezing weather. Their heads had been skinned, the loose pelts frozen and hanging over their shoulders like grotesque hoods. Their mouths had been pinned open with short lengths of branch. They'd been disemboweled, their organs laid neatly on display before them like roots from a tree.
"Holy gods.." Joseph whispered. Then he saw the knives. Each horse had two blades punched neatly through the eyeballs. He hurried outside and grabbed Gerard's arm.

"Don't fucking touch it!" He snapped.
"Like I'm gonna let the women see two horses sittin out here like the god damn welcome committee from hell." Gerard grunted. "Thomas gone too far this time."

"It isn't fucking Thomas." Joseph grabbed the man's meaty arm and hung from it. Gerard lifted it, looking at the hundred pound weight on his bicep like he was being attacked by squirrels.
"Get on after it."
"Don't touch it. Please. Put a rag around the knives." Joseph begged him.

"Time's up." Gerard leaned in and read.
"What?"
"Time's up." Gerard pointed at the skulls of the horses. Haphazardly carved into their foreheads was the message.
 
If Shuck had thought she was happy at Heinrich's camp or at Yaste's she'd not known true happiness yet. The last two weeks had been chaotic, but she'd not known it was possible to smile so much. The Meiers' warm welcome to the family made it easy to let down her walls. She accompanied the women through all manner of daily tasks, watching and helping and learning something almost constantly. When she wasn't to her elbows in learning household chores and cooking, she was tangled up with Joseph. The understanding that he was leaving soon was never lost on her. Her days and nights were brimming with love, and her face was tired each evening from wearing her joy all day.

But he was leaving, and she did her best to quell the panic that rose in her as the day of their departure drew closer. Trahaearn got up and began walking after a few days, his body healing at a remarkable rate -- a perk of technically becoming half-fae in their pact, he informed her -- and after a week and a half he began chomping at the bit to leave. Though, it would not be a day beyond two weeks before Elda pronounced him fit to ride once more.

Joseph, to his merit, made all haste in arranging for them to leave the next day, and Shuck was finally facing the harsh reality that she would soon be left alone. She had done her best to show a strong front for him, to let him leave her with high spirits and in good health, but she couldn't deceive him much more than she could outright lie to him. She was getting tired again, and neither Yaste's tea or the fresh blood provided for her were combating it. Her belly had grown exponentially and she was nearly half again as big as she'd been when they'd arrived two weeks prior, and she could actively feel the babe's growth wearing on her. But for Joseph, she had shouldered greater pains.

The day had come for them to leave, however, and Shuck was fretting. She had fussed over Joseph that morning, hardly letting him out of her sight before he went out to ready the horses. When she finally did, she turned her attention on Trahaearn. She'd harassed him for details, wanting to know as much as she could glean from him as they departed on this journey without her. If they pushed hard, they could arrive at their destination in just two more weeks, would only need a single night spent recovering it, and then would hasten home in the same timeline.

Four weeks. She tried not to think about how tired she was as she stood watching the warlock pack the last of his things.

"Elda says you probably shouldn't be shifting," she repeated for likely the fifth time. "So you'll have to stay warm. Do you have the salve she gave you? And don't be making a fuss about letting Joseph rewrap your chest. You'll have to be careful not to let the horse jostle you and --"

Shuck was talking as he stood, shouldering his bag on his left side, ambled over to her and pulled her into a hug. She paused in surprise, before automatically putting her arms around him and returning the gesture.

"Just... be careful, okay?" she asked as she stepped back, gently holding him at arm's length. "And both of you come home safe. That's an order."

With a wry smile, she smoothed out the sleeves of his jacket and helped him into his coat, and he was patient enough to let her help even if he didn't need it. Standing on his right to offer him further support he didn't need, the two walked out into the common room together.

"Make sure Joseph minds his brace. It gets cold easily, and he's finally healed from the ordeal with Volker. Even if he's stubborn..."

She was making a line for her coat and boots when she saw something out of the corner of her eye, outside of the window. She turned to look as she spoke, but her voice fell away and she stopped walking. Joseph and Gerard were just reaching it, but her sharp vision plainly saw their horses, mutilated and propped up like some macabre art piece. They were right outside of the house, and an iron knot formed in her stomach. The knives. Gods, it was Volker's knives in their skulls.

Dropping Trahaearn's arm and not bothering with her boots and jacket, she bolted outside, hastily descended the porch steps, and rounded the house with intermittent jogging steps.

"Joseph?" she called as she came around the corner and came to a skidding stop. Her silver eyes were wide with horror as she stared at them. She'd adored those horses, and now--

"Joseph, the knives," she said, her voice agony as she turned toward him. "But we still have time -- our agreement was for sixty days and it's only been..."

Thirty days. Her whole body was shaking. Half of their time was gone, and they were preparing to depart for another thirty. She shook her head, panic setting in as she took a step back.

// Joseph Meier // Trahaearn //
 
Elda had cleared him for riding, and he didn't imagine the woman realized just how hard the two men would be riding. Hopefully everything held together for this trip. If not, well, at least it wasn't a far trip to a grave. Joseph seemed fairly happy to chase away Ellis, to which Trahaearn said nothing. He neither encouraged the older brother, or discouraged the attention, taking the opportunity to learn of the family through the blushing man as much as he could.

When Mal had let loose of Joseph, she turned to him to get her fretting out of the way, and perhaps learn as much as she could about their quick trip. He provided some details about the whole trip, but carefully left out the specific location. Not that the detail likely mattered since the landscape or tree cover had possibly changed since that time. Never mind the stone had likely worn down over time.

She kept speaking in circles, and he allowed it as he finished packing and stood. He drew her into a hug as best his bad shoulder could manage and she offered her help freely.

"We will be fine. And we will be quick." Trahaearn told her, giving her a nod at the order.

She began to go into detail about Joseph's healed wound and the man's brace when something caught her attention. She promptly dropped his arm and bolted outside, barefoot. He gave a heavy sigh as she did so, but his stomach lurched when he spied why.

He joined her in the frantic run outside, giving a sharp whistle to the two men when he came out to the porch. The knives were Volker's, meaning the damn things were likely cursed.

"Leave them there. Come help her Joseph." Trahaearn hollered as he stepped off of the porch and into the snow. His pace was quick as he pulled gloves from jacket pockets and put them on. Joseph had said the man was connected to the knives, so a bit of material between him and the knife would likely be a good thing. Curses didn't affect him, but a warning that someone knew had been given was not something that could be ignored.

"Don't touch the knives, no sense when I can't be cursed." Trahaearn informed Gerard as he stepped forward to pick out the knives. It was still strange, having lost the majority of his pinky on his left hand, just how hard it was to pull the knife out on the first try. With a different grip, he managed to free both tools and quickly cleaned them in the snow.

"Get some leather please if you have any. The man will be back for those, and he will be very angry if those aren't returned to him." Trahaearn asked carefully,
 
Joseph did his best to try and assuage her. He was deliriously happy in the two weeks before Trahaearn was cleared, and her happiness made him even more so. She couldn't keep a smile off of her face, and for the first time in decades neither could he. He took her fussing good-naturedly, kissing her and spending as much time with her as possible. The fact that she didn't want him to leave was both endearing and frustrating...if he had his way, he wouldn't be leaving either.

Her fussing over Trahaearn was warranted, and even the man hugging her couldn't make that evil little spark of jealousy rise in his chest. It was...calming to watch her worry so much. She cared about both of them. He double checked to make sure he had the man's poultice; it could only help at this point.

Ye gods, the horses. It was some horrific piece of twisted art that made him angry as hell. Thirty days! What the hell did 'times up' mean? He glared at the cursed things, a pang of sadness in his chest when he looked at her gelding. She loved that stupid old gluepot. It was the first gift he'd ever given her, and he'd planned to have that horse well into old age. They'd been through enough, now they'd undergone unimaginable torture at the hands of a killer. He heard footsteps and turned around to see Shuck. "Get back inside! It's freezing out here!" he called to her, hurrying over to her.
"Listen, don't look." he kissed her and put his coat around her, herding her back inside and sitting her down in front of the fire. "Warm up, and don't go back outside without your shoes and a coat." he touched her cheek. "If this is our halftime warning, I don't want to know what it will be like a month from now. You have to keep on your guard."

He went back outside just as Trahaearn was asking for leather. "Are you mad?" Joseph snarled. "That fucker killed our horses. I say put them down the god damn outhouse."
Gerard frowned. "Who did this?" he asked, looking between Trahaearn and Joseph. "Still on the property?"
"Likely." Joseph growled. "No footprints. He knew there would be snow last light. Covered his tracks up just neat as you please."
"Got two horses up near the house from the third stable, didn't kill 'em first or there'd be drag marks. Fuckin' degen." Gerard grunted, going over to one of the frozen corpses and toppling it. "Ground's frozen, can't bury 'em, going to have to burn 'em."

"Great. Send up a signal flare why don't you." Joseph growled, "Trahaearn. We have to get moving. Bury the knives in the hay in the barn. Horses will go fucking ballistic if he sneaks in there. Should wake up anyone in the house. Then we have to go."
He stomped off, running his fingers through his hair. Thirty days. In a way he could see how Volker was trying to be kind to them. He'd openly declared himself in their vicinity and reminded them of what they owed. All the same, he still wanted to knee him in the balls.

Joseph went back into the house and went to Shuck, kneeling in front of her. "Don't worry." he touched her cheek. "Me and Trahaearn will be back before you know it. We have to leave, and soon. We're wasting daylight. I love you...my brothers know to keep an eye out now. I'll be back as soon as I can." he held her hands, and kissed her forehead. He didn't want to leave her, but he had to. He went back outside and mounted up on Malta, grabbing the reins of the fussy gelding and leading him over to Trahaearn.

"Let's get moving."
 
She wasn't shaking because she was cold, could hardly even be bothered to notice the temperature as her eyes went once more to her horse. Her gelding, that sweet gray thing. Joseph had given to her after the naiads, and though she couldn't love things, she had certainly formed a bond with it. Tears of frustration and anger were burning in her eyes, but she allowed Joseph to turn her away. She barely heard what he said to her as he led her back inside. She sat down when he instructed her to do so, and stared numbly at the flames in the hearth until he returned and took her face in his hands.

Her lip trembled and her eyes shimmered with tears. No, she didn't want him to go. She didn't want to be left behind, alone and not knowing what was happening for a whole month. Especially not now, when their halfway warning had been given. Sniffling loudly, she nodded her head bravely. He had to go. Their time was precious, and if they were to beat Oor and Volker here, they needed to be gone yesterday.

But he tried to pull away after merely a kiss on the forehead, and she felt a flash of fire through her whole body as the reality of his leaving finally truly hit her. Her hands reached out as he attempted to rise, cupping his jaw and yanking him close. She threw propriety to the wind as she pressed her lips against his and coiled her arms around his shoulders. If he thought he was leaving without a kiss, he was dead wrong. Shuck kissed him for all she was worth, drawing a few hiccuping breaths between kisses as she continued to cry softly. She knew she didn't have long, but she wanted to make what moments they had left count.

When she pulled away, she pressed her forehead against his and laid both of his hands against her belly.

"We'll wait for you," she whispered. Shuck sat back just enough to look into his eyes one last time. In the firelight, they were almost golden, and the way he looked at her made her legs weak.

She didn't know why those words made her mouth tingle, a sensation somewhere between a promise and a burn.

With one last brief kiss, she let go of him. She gave him back his coat and followed him to the door, putting on her own coat to stand on the porch to watch him and Trahaearn mount up. Sniffing back her tears in front of Trahaearn and his brothers, she waved to them as they left, and watched them ride away until they finally passed over the last hill and disappeared from her sight.

Shuck heard someone step up behind her, and Shuck finally turned away to see Elda waiting patiently. She beckoned her inside, Shuck nodded and went in, only looking back one more time to see that they were truly gone.

// Joseph Meier // Trahaearn //
 
"Might as well burn them since I doubt it does anyone good to stare at his artwork for long." Trahaearn stated patiently. He made for the barn after Joseph suggested hiding the weapons in the hay there. Made sense, granted, if he came in the night then he could very well be in and out before anyone could get out of the house in time. Never mind trying to actually deal with the assassin.

Trahaearn left the knives buried in the hay, hoping no one would find the damned things on accident. He shook his head, wondering just what other bull shit was going to come up from Malice's closet. He helped as much as he could with the corpse's before Joseph came back out. He mounted and they were quickly on their way with a wave goodbye.
 
Joseph kissed her deeply. He put his arms around her and pulled her to his chest, closing his eyes and kissing her like he'd never see her again. He loved her so deeply...and that was why he had to leave. They had two weeks there and two weeks back, and they'd have to ride hard to shave hours off of that. Five hours of sleep a night, no more, no less, and their camps would be bare bones. Just a fire, no settling in. Every minute they could gather they needed, because he was sure Volker had his thumb on the time.

He mounted up, and off they went. He followed Trahaearn, worry creasing his face. Gods, they had to hurry. They had bought this much time. There would be no heroic shows from her if Volker showed up in the house and tried to kill her. He'd get away with it this time. He had a lot of faith in his brothers and Elda, but they were used to a man who would face them on the field of battle, not sneak around and pike them in the spine.

Joseph was terrified they wouldn't make it. "Let's see if you can get some miles into that gelding." he told Trahaearn, and spurred Malta. They rode hard, though Joseph was worried about Trahaearn's chest and his own abilities with his leg. He'd given it a long rest, but it had never liked being knocked around by riding. How long would it hold out?

Around sunset, Joseph noticed something off. He could hear...more hoofprints than normal. He had the gelding's rhythm figured out, ahd he knew Malta's. "Trahaearn." he pulled up alongside him. "We're being followed." he said in a low voice. "I say we put spur and lose them."
 
This trip was to be a gauntlet for sure. They were racing time and Volker, both of which were cruelly unforgiving for any wasted time they spent. They rode hard, and while his chest was certainly sore, did not threaten to rip open the old wound. The brace was a little more concerning since the damned thing knocked like a loose rope in a storm. The sound of offbeat hooves in the distance confused him a little, perhaps a person on the road? At this hour though?

Joseph pulled up alongside him, and he twisted his whole upper body to look at the man, since twisting was beginning to hurt. Followed?

"Who would be dumb enough-?" Trahaearn began to quietly argue before thinking. Possibly bandits, since he doubted Volker was going to leave Mal alone. The man had been after her truly rather than Joseph, but Joseph had been good bait. "I doubt it's Volker, a bandit maybe?"
 
Joseph rode up alongside Trahaearn, frowning. "Maybe. It can't be Volker, the man stated himself that horses hate him, and if that one was in distress it would be making a shit ton of noise." he said quietly. "I'm guessing highwaymen. Come on, let's lose the son of a bitch." He clicked to his horse and spurred Malta into a gallop. They had more ground to cover, and this was a damn good excuse for a run. It would warm the horses up besides. They would have to ride long into the night, long after the sun went down. He fully intended to eat as much road as possible. Unfortunately, the sun went down quicker than he would have liked. It became harder and harder to see the road, and eventually Joseph stopped with a sigh.
"Five hours." he told Trahaearn, dismounting and tying Malta's reins to a tree. He pulled her saddle off, resting it over a low-hanging branch. "Come on, help me set up the tent. We've only got one, but you can't shift and it would be stupid of you to sleep outside in this fucking weather."

Joseph set up the tent, and pulled both of their bags in. He felt....strange, about this arrangement. He sat down on his bag, pulling his shirt over his head. "We need to talk about what happened in the barn."he said quietly. He wanted to know what it meant, if anything. He'd been trying so hard over the last few weeks to smooth out his rumpled feelings. It was a stupid crush and he knew it. He wanted to talk to Trahaearn. He wanted to open up to him. He was afraid the man would be violent about it, or mock him. He was guarded against it, prepared to unleash venom and vitriol to defend his raw feelings. He wanted to talk about it, or he'd explode. He looked nervously at Trahaearn, combing his hair back.

Ellis had followed them for the better part of a day. They were riding hard indeed, and at one point he nearly lost them. He set up camp just up in the tree line out of sight, snuggling down in his own bag and looking at their tent. He didn't have one. Well, it couldn't be too bad could it? He'd camped before.
 
"True, let's lose them." Trahaearn sighed in defeat. He didn't want to deal with some idiot that thought they had anything on them. They rode harder, and when the sun went down, they stopped to make camp. Joseph informed him of how much time they would sleep, and he gave a simple nod in reply. He tied the gelding to the tree and assisted with the tent. He wasn't going to argue about shifting, though it would have been nice considering how warm he would have made them both.

When they sat inside the tent, Joseph brought up the barn, and he got an arched brow from Trahaearn about it. No mocking, no violence, just a look of inquiry.

"What part do you want to talk about?" Trahaearn asked earnestly. He sat back and waited for the conversation to take the path it needed to. He was a bit confused as to why they were even having this conversation.
 
He didn't immediately leap to mockery or give him one of those fucking smirks. That had to be good, right? He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. "It happened for a reason...right?" he asked, searching Trahaearn's face for answers. "Look, I haven't been able to get it out of my head for two fucking weeks, at least give me some indication I'm not insane. Regular people who hate each other just punch one another and go to sleep. We fucked. Several times. You've got to have some sort of feelings on it." Trahaearn couldn't be that much of an unfeeling hunk of onyx, could he? To do something like that and not think about it ever again? He didn't have a good track record in that area, fucking the doctor within hours of knowing him. It hurt Joseph's pride to think of himself like another notch on Trahaearn's belt.

"And...it was my first time with a man that I wanted." He admitted, setting his jaw. Still guarded. He'd used toys before, and he'd had disastrous sexual tries when he was younger with other boys. This was the first time it had been good. So good he couldn't stop thinking about it. He fully expected for Trahaearn to hold this over his head but he had to know. He'd had feelings for men before but had never acted on them, at least not in a romantic sense. He'd shoved the feelings down until they went away and most oftentimes, they did.

"Say something." he snapped irritably.
 
Oh gods it's this kind of talk, Trahaearn thought to himself as he listened to Joseph speak. He did not respond immediately, and was neither shocked or appalled at the discovery that the man had been thinking about him. He did not react as he usually would since they were on the trail to get Mal's heart. He didn't want to sit here and debate how he felt when Mal was obviously becoming weaker. I do find it interesting that she is dying, and you still have thoughts of me Trahaearn thought to himself. Even going so far as to indicate that there were some feelings behind the talk they were having.

The phrasing of his next statement bothered him, but it may have been overthinking. Are you suggesting you haven't given consent or just didn't like the others? He silently asked himself. The thought would bother him, but he wasn't about to interrupt for clarification.

"It happened because we were both drunk and wanted to. At least I know I wanted to." Trahaearn admitted, his left hand falling to his chest to emphasize his claim. And it had been a good test, which you failed like those before you he added silently in his mind. "For one, we are not regular people, and two, I do not hate you. I don't like you because I think you are overconfident, but I don't hate you. Is it an issue that you wanted to lay with a man?" Trahaearn finished his statement with a question. He felt as though he were rifling through a hay bale in search of a needle to figure out what this man was going on about.
 
Joseph had his arms folded tightly across his chest. He didn't believe the words about not hating him for a moment. "I'm your competition, of course you hate me." he said dismissively. "I hate you." He desperately wanted to ask the question he dreaded. If he was just another throwaway fuck to Trahaearn. He felt like he knew the answer, and it hurt. It made him angry in the deepest, foulest way. He took a deep breath. "I know this is crazy for you, but not all of us come from a place where that sort of thing is accepted. I want to know that you won't use it against me."

Inside he was a mess. It wasn't that simple. He wanted to cry and punch something all at once. He didn't now how to deal with these feelings properly. He was damned for a cheating fool if he explored them, and it would rot him on the inside out if he didn't. It was hard to try and discuss this with a man he didn't trust further than he could throw him. He wanted to trust him. Trahaearn had more experience than he did in that area. He looked down at his lap, messing with his hands. "I wanted to know if it meant anything. Or if I was just another throwaway to you." he said, his voice tight. He was squeezing his fingernails into the palm of his hand to try and keep tears from welling up. He was so frustrated, and tired, and carrying it for thirty years had been a lot of pain.
 
"No, you are not my competition." In any way, Trahaearn added silently in his mind. "You have every right to hate me. But I do not hate you. Why would I? You make Shuck happy." He replied simply. Can't lie about that without being blind, he admitted to himself after the words came out. Then Joseph brought out the emotions again, and tried to bugle everything up into one big mess.

"I didn't do it with feeling, no, but that doesn't mean it was just a throwaway thing. This doesn't have a yes or no answer Joseph. If you need to talk about something, now is the time. I've got four thousand years of experience to share with you, if you ask." Trahaearn tried to explain as best he could. Joseph wasn't making it easy by trying to get a yes or no out of him, which was terribly frustrating in and of itself. Life isn't so cut and dry my friend, Trahaearn had to remind even himself sometimes of the words he had thought.
 
The dam broke. As much as he didn't want to trust Trahaearn, as much as he hated this, it had lanced a long-festering wound in him. His vision blurred and tears welled up in his eyes. He wanted to curl up and die crying like this in front of Trahaearn, in long choking sobs that wracked his entire body. He had feelings, and of course Trahaearn didn't. It was a stupid thing he'd allowed out after so many years in one drunken mistake. He hated that he'd liked it, that he'd been...confident in it for once. He rubbed the heels of his hands angrily against his eyes. "It was s-stupid." he spat with venom. To contain it for so many years and lose control. It had been such a private thing, fantasizing over men. It hurt.

"I don't know how to fucking deal with it!" he snarled. "I have feelings for you, I hate you, I want you to touch me and I want to hit you all at once. I don't know the first thing about this stupid part of me I've been unable to kill for the last thirty years. Would you stop being so stark raving calm?" he rubbed at his eyes furiously. Why couldn't he stop crying? He looked like a fucking weakling.
 
  • Yay
Reactions: Trahaearn
He watched Joseph burst into tears as something seemed to break inside the man. He spat venom at Trahaearn, and the sense of it all came to Trahaearn a little more. Struggling with something you didn't understand was never easy, especially when it is a part of you that cannot be destroyed or removed.

Even if the man got violent, Trahaearn wrapped his good arm around him as he cried.

"This part of you isn't stupid, and you won't ever be able to be rid of this no matter how hard you try. It is who you are, a literal part of you. Look, I came from a place that didn't accept it either, even four thousand years ago. I felt exactly the same as you, mad and confused. Hurt because I couldn't place what I was feeling. Took a long, and miserable thousand years for me to figure my shit out.

"A recommendation from a friend, find someone to lean on, and talk to. Malice helped me, even if I didn't want her help at first. If you don't want to talk to Mal about this, I am here." Trahaearn offered. He still didn't like the man, but struggling with your own identity sucked, and he was not going to take advantage of that in any way.
 
Joseph fought for a moment with the urge to hurt Trahaearn, but he couldn't hit the man. Not when he'd had his chest ripped open saving their lives. He curled up against Trahaearn and sobbed miserably. "Why can't I kill this? There has to be some magic to get rid of it." he sniffled."I can't tell her. She'd never accept it. What is she supposed to do with it? She can't magically become a man for me to help me through it. I don't know what to do." he cried quietly, curling up against Trahaearn. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't ever act on those feelings, or explore them, not without it being a horrific secret he'd take to his grave. If he couldn't act on them, then what was the point to them?

Even cuddling made him feel uncomfortable. He lifted his head and leaned up, kissing Trahaearn gently. It only confirmed what he was feeling. He wanted the warlock. His kiss was gentle, full of fear and restrained passion he was playing close to his chest. It made his heart constrict painfully with the fear of it, but he had to know what it was like without being drunk. He put his arms around Trahaearn's neck gingerly, closing his eyes.
 
Last edited:
"There is no magic that can change who you are. And if you talked with her, I am sure that she would not shame you. She loves you, and will accept this as part of you. You don't shame her for being a fae, but I am sure she has felt uncomfortable with that fact of being fae in some instances." Trahaearn informed the man with certainty. If Shuck was anything like the woman he had known, he might get some shit for it every now and again, but she would never shame him for being who he was. She didn't do that to me, Trahaearn thought to himself.

"You might have common ground on being uncomfortable with both of those topics. It will eat you from the inside until you talk to her about it, but once you figure things out, you will know how to approach the conversation." He stated, still sure of his words as he listened to the Joseph cry.

The kiss surprised him, but was returned in kind. He continued to cuddle the man, understanding that words sometimes were not needed when someone being there was enough. Trahaearn began to rock them both gently, humming a small tune that would help them both through the moment.
 
Joseph curled up in Trahaearn's arms, his own loosely wrapped around the other man. He knew he could never tell Shuck. It would hurt her. What was the point in telling her? She couldn't fulfill that for him. He didn't want her thinking about it. It would be so liberating to tell her, to have her accept that sometimes he felt more alive in his female form or ogled men. Now wasn't the time or the place. He couldn't risk one of his brothers overhearing. Booker and Ellis would be fairly understanding. Thomas would be the most likely to preach it out of him, and Holden and Gerard might never feel truly comfortable around him again. No, this was something that had to be hidden until he was ready to talk to her about it. They had to be in private, both in good health, and without any circumstances around them.

So, in a decade or two.

He nuzzled against Trahaearn's neck and settled more comfortably into his lap, putting his forehead against the other man's as he hummed. He took comfort in the tune, letting it calm him down from his crying. He kissed Trahaearn's neck affectionately, just under his ear, and sighed. The emotion of it was exhausting. "Can I sleep with you?" he asked quietly.
 
Without much of a reply to what he said, he continued to hum and rock them. Being able to hold someone was comforting in its own right, as was being held by someone. Trahaearn wasn't going to push him away this time, though he did find it a bit odd that he was Joseph's choice in men.

Joseph nuzzled against him and settled in for a moment before giving him another kiss. The tune seemed to have worked enough to calm the crying, thankfully.

"Yes, you can." He nodded, continuing to hum once the words were done.
 
Joseph curled up in bed with Trahaearn, and slept with his head on the man's chest. It was comforting to sleep next to someone. It had been an emotional night, and though he didn't feel entirely settled, telling someone felt good. He woke up without mentioning it, offering Trahaearn a quick bowl of oatmeal made over the fire before he broke down camp. It wasn't going to taste as good as it would have at home where it would have been drenched in cream and sugared almonds, but it was nutrient-dense and would stick to their ribs as they travelled. The pace was hard, and Joseph continued to press them forward until they could no longer see each and every night. He was bordering on dangerous, blindly travelling along the road before declaring a halt in pitch black.

Ellis trailed them. He was worried about Trahaearn. Every little hitch of the man's chest made his heart hurt. Every bump in the road or when his fiesty gelding shied at a stick and yanked him sharply off to the left. Ellis didn't quite know why they were riding so hard or where they were going, but he ached to go change Trahaearn's bandages and feed him some hot soup. It was too soon for him to be riding!

The fifth day, Joseph looked at Trahaearn again. "We're still being followed." he muttered. "If he's trailed us this long we're going to have to deal with him eventually."
 
They didn't talk about the night before when they woke, but the mood wasn't nearly as tense. Talking even just a little bit about what was bothering him had definitely taken the honed temper down a bit. At least that was a small reprieve to Trahaearn, since it made dealing with the man easier. The oatmeal was filling, and would likely be enough for most of the morning. Snacking throughout the ride wasn't the easiest thing since they rode like the wind, making reaching into saddlebags a challenge all their own with the road racing by.

Paired with the bandaging, it made for miserable riding conditions. When Joseph informed him that they were still being followed, he frowned and looked behind them. Just close enough to be heard and noticed, but far enough away to stay out of sight. If they had wanted to attack, they would have already. Unless they were waiting for backup, the thought bothered him. He shook his head and waved to a spot.

"We'll deal with it when we make camp. No sense in turning around to try to run down the problem." Trahaearn informed him. He didn't want to risk having to backtrack if the person following turned and ran. They couldn't lose much time for Mal's sake after all.
 
Joseph nodded, and spurred Malta into a gallop. They had to make up time. There wasn't anything for it. His own problems felt...a little relieved. It was like lancing a boil. It wasn't healed yet, but someone knew and it made it easier to deal with than wrestling with it on his own. Trahaearn holding him, and kissing him, had helped. It didn't help the feelings he had for the man, but they weren't returned and probably never would be. That was the hard part, but he couldn't think about that now. He just appreciated he wasn't being made fun of, and turned their pace from grueling to maddening. He only slowed when Malta showed signs of being winded, and even then only let her rest for a few miles before he kicked her back up into a full gallop. To the Meier family credit, their horses were fast. Damn fast. Malta had been a contender for a few ribbons once, and though Trahaearn's gelding wasn't fast enough to qualify for races he would still give any courier horse a run for its money.

It made their poor mare and gelding feel slow as molasses. He'd always found some joy riding Malta. She was fast, her back was steady as a rock and she knew exactly where to plant her feet. Being a racehorse, she treated their ride like one, coming up quick on the gelding's shoulder. When he looked behind him....the stranger was keeping up. How? They had some of the best horses for a hundred miles, how the fuck was he keeping up on some fleabitten nag he'd probably stolen? Whenever he increased the pace the white horse behind them threw her back into it and refused to be lost.

They made camp in total darkness. Joseph hunted a rabbit for their supper and made a hearty soup with the packet they'd been given and some of the dried vegetables. The vegetables soaked up the broth, and made for a halfway decent dinner along with a heel of bread Joseph found in their supplies. "I reckon my mother didn't want you out here on trail rations." he told Trahaearn as he offered him a generous helping of rabbit soup with most of the bread. "You're still recovering. I need you to eat all that, then you're going to let me take a look at that poultice."

He glared at a small flickering light a hundred yards off in the trees. "Is that little shit trying to intimidate us? It's like he's not even trying to hide." he growled. "Eat up, and let's feed him his own horse. I'm sick of being followed."
 
They rode, and the companionable silence was far better than the angry tension that had been with them since they had first met. Joseph wasn't truly a bad person, just confused, overconfident, and a bit ignorant. But all mortals tended to be that way with how short their lives were. Even Trahaearn had been that way when Malice had first taken him. He shook away the thought, concentrating on riding.

The two horses were fast, but somehow the person behind them was always able to keep up with them. If it were a bandit of some kind, its was without reason that he would be following so close even to avoid losing them. The fact that he could was the astonishing part since Joseph's family raised race horses.

They made camp for the night and it troubled Trahaearn that the person following camped so close. It didn't seem to fit the idea of a bandit. But nothing else made sense. He shook his head, trying desperately to figure out who or what could be keeping such close tabs on them.

"I doubt intimidation is the attempt, and I don't think they are trying to hide at this point. Whoever it is doesn't care that they know they are there. We'll eat and go deal with it." Trahaearn nodded and began to eat. "Trail rations aren't the worst thing I've had to recover on. There was one time I got done with helping Malice and had to eat roots and bugs as a dog before I made it back. Couldn't hunt anything with how I was. I'll have to thank your mother properly when we return.

"No sense in changing it before we deal with them either. Won't lay flat if it comes to a fight and I don't want to waste a fresh wrap before hand." Trahaearn admitted to Joseph. It won't if I can help it though, Trahaearn silently added. He felt the tingle in the land beneath his feet. If it came to a fight at all.
 
Joseph ate quietly. "Suit yourself." he said, tipping the soup bowl to his mouth and drinking down the broth. The slivers of dried carrot, apple, celery, and spices added to the rabbit brilliantly. He forgot how good Elda was at making dried soup mixes. It was honestly the easiest thing to make out on the trail, or in the pastures overnighting with a pregnant mare. Just heat, add water, perhaps a little dried meat or fresh game, and you had a decent meal that would fill your belly. He remembered if she was particularly pleased with their work there would be a little sweet bread in the packs....he wondered. He got up and sifted through the saddlebags, coming up with a crow of victory. He offered Trahaearn his. "Briliant woman! Eat, it won't keep."

They were small buns, the size of a fist, fried dough covered in sugar. Joseph threw his into the rest of his broth and slurped up the greasy, sopping bread eagerly. He grinned at Trahaearn and swigged down the rest of the soup. Gods, he'd forgotten what it felt like to have a full belly on the trail. He looked over his shoulder at the other camp. "Ready?" he asked.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back