Private Tales Touching the Void

Peace. The word resonated in Eleanor's mind. She wanted that more than anything, but she didn't know how that could be possible. Her eyes still closed she felt the void aura envelop them until her aura, Luna's and the void was the only thing she could sense. She felt the ice cold touch as the void started to creep up her arm, her lungs burning as it forced its way into her body. Her eyes felt again like they were bleeding like the day Terance died, but there was no blood. She doubled over, it felt like she was choking as it overwhelmed her. The aura was so pure it burned at her insides. The only thing she could do was latch onto the arua and try to filter it as it filled her. The aura of everything around her trembling with a resonating frequency, Luna, the snow the shrine, the grass sleeping beneath the snow everything Luna had touched in the last 24 hours, even the tracks of the fox that had passed through in the night sung with a high pitched resonance, like hot irons in her skull, and her insides felt like they were being torn apart and put back together over and over again.

Letting out a scream the aura was released as a wave of force resonated out from her body. The void dissipated for a moment and there was a resounding crack as a nearby tree split and fell. Trembling Eleanor sat up and felt her face. There was no blood but she felt there should be. There seemed to be no residual pain either. Eleanor looked at Luna with a mixture of horror and shock, the only visible change being a couple of new white strands in her hair.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that," She trembled.

Eleanor took a deep shaky breath and sat down across from Luna. She hesitantly mirrored Lunas pose but the question felt safe, familiar, inviting. She focused on Lunas energy and smiled softly.

"It's like a still lake reflecting an overcast sky. But every now and again there are these bright sparks that peer through... like..." She paused cocking her head as she tried to place the feeling, smacking her lips as if trying to remember a taste. " Like lemon... no lemon cake. You taste like lemon cake." Her face flushed as she realized what she had said "Sorry. I didn't mean-" She stammered.

With the memory of the pain still fresh in her mind Eleanor was hesitant to try to manipulate the void aura again. She watched Luna brow furrowed as she studied her mentor's aura. As she watched she felt Luna's aura become distant and hard, the aura around her didn't pass through her instead it seemed to reflect off the solid surface of her aura and get absorbed into the book. Her face lit up for a moment as realization hit her, almost forgetting the dark nature of the situation as a sense of satisfaction and pride at her revelation washed over her.

The book was an intermediary. It allowed the user to hold onto pure soul aura without processing it through their body. She remembered how when she had first seen the book Elis had used the void aura to create whips and tendrils. She assumed one could also draw aura from the book and use it without processing it through their body though it would undoubtedly be more crude and less versatile in that form. If she wanted to do something with more precision and control she would probably still have to process the aura through herself, and that meant dealing with the pain.

With this understanding, she took out her book, a level of new confidence in her actions. burying her fear and grief in the shroud of academic curiosity she opened the book in front of her and closed her eyes. The key to this seemed to be the stilling and hardening of one's own aura to prevent it from getting absorbed into her self instead of the book.

So... think of neutral things. Nature was neutral, apples, trees, dear, running water, the ocean, storms. No, not helpful. She shook her head.

"You are making this more complicated than it needs to be," The whisperers hissed.

Eleanor scowled. "If you want-" She began to retort but stopped as the memory of Madam Valkery saying the same thing flashed through her mind. She let out a deep breath and reoriented her thoughts. Serendipity. The simplest solution is usually the correct one.

Taking deep breaths she began to focus on her breathing, Her breath flowing through her like a light even and steady centering herself in the moment. Slowly she began to recognize her own heartbeat. a]A deep calm seemed to fill her; there was no past, no future, just now, and with this understanding, she began to expand her senses out to her surroundings, secure in the knowledge that nothing could hurt her, she was protected and safe. Reaching out she felt the void, the snow, the fallen tree. there was a ripple of fear at the though to the tree which was quickly quelled with acknowledgment and acceptance. Setting that aside she continued to push her horizon till a map of her surroundings seemed to resonate in her senses. She then began, like so many times before, to collected the aura but instead of taking it into herself, it was reflected into the book.

This was peace.

Eleanor didn't open her eyes, sensing Luna's movement through her aura. Shifting her attention to the tree her calm wavered. The destruction of the first tree had been fueled by pain and fear and panic. It had been chaotic and unpredictable. If she wanted to be the master of this energy she needed a different approach. How would one normally cut down a tree? With an ax. But that would take to long. Something faster was needed, like a lightning strike. Those could knock down a tree.

She focused on the resonance of the tree looking for any week points in the wood. Finding a point on the tree that was resonating out of sync she then channeled energy through the book. There was a sudden clap as a bolt of black lightning leaped from the book. Eleanor jumped, opening her eyes as the bolt struck the tree but it missed the mark she had intended. A black scorch mark marred the bark of the tree, a crack forming and small tongues of black fire licking at the scar but the tree did not fall.

Eleanor shuddered as she felt a cold chill in her core and she let out a gasp as she felt the excitement and curiosity of discovery drain from her. Fear, grief, and that ache in her heart melted away. With these emotions gone, anger seemed to well up in their place before also getting sucked dry and bare of power.

When Luna dropped her hands Eleanor looked up with vacant eyes. She looked at the tree and focused on the aura, on the fracture she had already made. There was another clap as a streak of black lurched out and struck the tree with a crack. There was a creek and a groan as the fracture split and the tree began to tip than a crash as it hit the ground.

Eleanor turned to look at Luna her expression unchanged. A flicker of warmth sparked inside her as the fragments of an emotion started to seep back in. A feeling of pride, but it was fleeting. However, it was enough for her to feel the difference and the emptiness. The whole in her aura was almost tangible, leaving her nothing to anchor to. She shuddered again the faint spark of fear rose up and the beginning of anger began to bloom. Even though they were small they were the only things she felt and they quickly overwhelmed her.

She stood up abruptly and took a step back. Her anger seemed to fade as other emotions grew in proportion, frustration, fear, desperation, but it was not enough to fill the hole. Her senses lashed out with almost feral desperation for something to fill that hole. She found her old emotions, stored away in Luna's book but they were tainted with black energy. She didn't hesitate or consider the consequences, as soon as she found it she latched onto her emotions taking them back into herself. She felt a sharp pain in her core but the ache and desperation to fill the hole was gone, Though her emotions felt off, warped and out of proportion.

She looked at Luna her eyes glassed over but her expression twisted with anger. She felt violated. "Don't ever do that to me again," She growled, ignoring the pain in her chest.

"You can't just take whatever you want." She snapped her breathing coming raged and heavy to match the stabbing pain in her chest. "You already took Terance away from me, I'm not going to let you take away my love for him," She let out a gasp as the pain intensified. intense sadness washed over her and tears welled up in her eyes "Even if it hurts, even if it kills me," She felt something on her face and reached up, her nose was bleeding and her fingertips came away red.

"You stupid girl," The whispers hissed. Eleanor felt her knee give way as she fell to her hands and knees coughing and wretching. The black aura began to pour from her mouth along with flecks of her own blood. The black aura snaked its way back into the book and she was left empty again. The pain in her chest dulled slightly but didn't go away and she found herself clutching her stomach. The hole seemed to burn, to gnaw inside her, but she didn't try to fill it this time. The physical pain seemed to distract from the burning need to fill the void.

"I'm sorry," She muttered weakly.

Eleanor felt the pain subside but the cold chill in her core and the emptiness remained. Her expression vacant she nodded at Luna's words but most of them went over her head. Without her emotions she didn't know who she was, she felt like she had nothing to stand on, no way to make her own decisions or choices. She felt Luna close to her as she helped her down the stairs, the only thing that felt sure or real. So she let Luna carry her down the stairs, to help her walk, as her legs began to find that they could stand again.

"I don't know much about hunting," she said softly. There was no real judgment in her words, nor a refusal of the work, only a statement of fact.

Eleanor felt Luna's grip on her hand loosen but not pull away and continued to hold on until they reaching the clearing. She looked from Luna to the target and then around at the lightly snow-dusted ground. Her senses seemed to have dulled, she saw what was around her but with the hole in her own aura she was finding it hard to feel the auras around her. Luna's aura had been hard to read before and the auras of plants and animals were faint to begin with. It wasn't really upsetting to her, she had always struggled to read certain auras, it hadn't been until the events at Elbion and her brother's death that she had really figured out how to read the more faint auras of plant animals or even objects.

At Luna's question, Eleanor took the bow and looked at it, not really sure of the proper grip or form. "No," She said shaking her head. "I grew up in the city, and it really was not considered a woman's pastime."

Eleanor found the bow heavy to draw, but with Luna's help, she was able to do it. though it didn't stay drawn for very long and the arrow went skidding into the ground halfway between them and the target. She looked back at Luna, her expression unchanging "Try again?" She asked.

______

Breath and let fly. The soft thud could be heard across the clearing as the arrow hit the target to settle along with six others that had also found their mark and made it onto the target. They had practiced for little over an hour and Eleanor's shoulders and arms were sore and aching. She had never felt this kind of pain before, but it was a good sort of pain, satisfying almost. She was starting to feel emotions again, though at the moment hungry and exhausted was the main flavor of emotion she was feeling. She handed Luna back the bow and glanced up at the grayscale sky. "It's hard to tell but I suppose if we want to get dinner ready by noon we should start heading back," She said.

Eleanor followed Luna, curiosity rising as she peered down the dark shaft. Her senses were also starting to return to her. Though it was not enough to feel the space around her, only to sense Luna's aura in front of her as she descended the ladder. She wasn't afraid but she did have a feeling of caution as she followed into the darkness. Reaching the bottom the only light was from the trap door. Eleanor squinted at the shapes in the darkness unable to define the space. Holding up her palm she gently shielded the air above it as she fed her aura into flickering candle flame that floated above her palm. The first thing she had ever learned to do was to make a spark, this was easy. Though her own reserve of aura was rather low and she would not be able to keep the flame lit on her own for long. She considered using the aura from the book for a split second but quickly pushed the idea to the back of her mind, she was liable to burn the cottage down if she did that.

Eleanor looked around at the shelves covered in books and let the light in her palm go out as Luna lit the candles. She wandered over to a shelf as Luna left and began to read the spines of the many books. Titles included things like Peace in the Void, The Dual Nature of Death, and The Black Book Pocket Companion. There was a series of books titled, The Journals of Nora Lyara High Priestess of Bastellen. Another section on herbology with titles like Herbs and Herblore, Herbs and their medicinal properties, and Wicked Plants; Poisons Toxins and Psychedelics. She took one of the books on herblore down and began flipping through the pages as she sat down in one of the chairs, grateful for the distraction. She had spent so long with nothing to do except sit with her thoughts and the whispers, maybe this would help quiet it for now.