Ohhhhh... the fiddlin' type don't make husbands,
The fiddlin' type don't make husbands!
The fiddlin' type don't make husbands,
Cause they come with strings all tight.
They're always stretchin' out catgut,
Drinkin' up all yer dad's best rotgut!
Carousin' out until the sunup,
Cause they don't got'a go hook a team up!
Biographical information
Grassytop, Fairbairn
44
Wandering around Alliria
Physical description
Fairbairn Halfling
Male
3' 9"
100 lbs
Chestnut brown, curly, with well-groomed mutton chops
Brown
Ruddy
Political information
Bard and travelling chef
Out-of-character information
Threecups the Caffeinated
9/26/2025
Concocted in MS Copilot
The fiddlin' type don't make husbands!
The fiddlin' type don't make husbands,
Cause they come with strings all tight.
They're always stretchin' out catgut,
Drinkin' up all yer dad's best rotgut!
Carousin' out until the sunup,
Cause they don't got'a go hook a team up!
Philharmony Kook, Bard and Travelling Chef
Appearance
Philharmony is a characteristically stout Fairbairn of "ripely eligible" age, with dashing curly brown locks, well-brushed muttonchops, and a smart but subtle style, favoring colorful waistcoats with spit-polished brass buttons, bloused-cuff shirts with a half-tied rakish vee neck, and trousers tailored to leave just enough room to caper and stomp through the lively, romping folk-dances all the local halfling skimmies prefer best. When not leading a rug cut cranking his hurdy-gurdy while belting out a merry verse, Phil can most often be found atop his pony-cart, roaming the roads of Alliria from one county fair to the next, representing the formidable Kook tradition at cooking contests, catering town hall weddings and funerals, nose always on the prowl for delicious new aromas and secret family recipes he might seduce from starstruck, loose-lipped daughters.
Skills and Abilities
Phil has soft skills in abundance, cooking skills to make a hog glad it was butchered, and a golden voice, a hard-driving hurdy-gurdy style, and the latest dance moves that seem to always attract the right sort of farmer's daughters. He's a dab shot with a snatched up stone, darts, or a sling, and uncannily handy with any size or shape of knife, dagger, cleaver, or hand axe. He has an encyclopedic knowledge of herbs, vegetables, fruits, meats, shellfish, and mushrooms, and can forage mushrooms and truffles like he was half hog himself. His food is so good it can even inspire the weary, embolden the timid, heal the body, cure the sick, or knit broken bones... well, if given enough time to find and blend the right herbs and seasonings.
Personality
Ebullient, passionate, gregarious, and flirtatious, Philharmony Kook has been the life of the party since his feet grew hair. The chestnut burn tried on him by jealous local lads is "Peter Pan," because he never grew up, but girls who should really know better keep following him off for wild adventures.
Biography & Lore
Philharmony Kook is the younger twin scion of the much-envied Kook family, whose table in their ancestral home, Grassytop, is among the highest-regarded in all of Fairbairn. He grew up helping chop vegetables, forage herbs and mushrooms, stirring soups, stewing meats, plucking chickens, and learning all the tales, tall and short, of his long family history. He has a special touch on the hurdy-gurdy, and boasts a fine heroic tenor. He also has a curiosity bordering on obsession about the world outside Fairbairn, and most especially what it eats. Learning that Philharmony had more interest in seeing Alliria than keeping Grassytop, his great uncle, the Old Kook, publically willed the latter to Phil's twin sister Melodia, gifted him a fine Shire Pony and a cooking-cart, and told him to go gather new recipes for his 133rd birthday, coming up in just two short years.